unmerged(87183)

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Hehe.
 

4th Dimension

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For more added fun for those that don't know Serbian:
Hans Beznogowski, Dieter Bezmozowski, Arthur Krivonogowski and Markus Jarnogowski.
Means: Hans Legless, Dieter Brainless, Bent Leg Arthur and Markus ????

Nice
 

Stefke

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Chapter 7: Rallying the troops

Peter Wrangel and his henchmen, general Andrei Vlassov were trying to get inside the presidential palace where they has a meeting schedualed with Denikin. The entry was blocked by a mob of bolshevik workers led by Nikolai Bukharin

-What is this, a disorganized angry mob?
-We are the workers of Russia, said the leader of the group Denikin, we work in the factories and in the fields for minimal wages and in bad conditions. We work and work and work and what thanks do we get? NOTHING! Thats what
-Dont be silly, the wages have just risen for 10%
-Our wages are so low we dont even notice it
-Oh cmon, you gotta be joking, i mean you Bukharin, you just bought a mansion in the outskirts of Tsaryn

Angry glances of the workers as they stare at Bukharin. Bukharin starts to sweat

-THOSE ARE LIES! Denikins capitalist propaganda. I live in a small shack in the outskirts of Moscow amongst my poor brothers
-Than how come i saw you just a couple of days ago in the elite city centre hanging out with the highest cats of Moscow?

Again, angry glances

-AGAIN LIES! I am a worker, an honest worker. I work 10 hours a day in a factory
-Well that would explain how your hands are so clean and nice, apart from your followers whose hands are dirty and full of scratches

The crowd starts to look at Bukharin with much hatred

-THESE ARE ALL LIES. YOU ARE JUST A DOG OF DENIKIN
-Ew...gross...in any case why did you take to the streets now
-The shamefull defeat of the Russian national squad was the last drop
-Oh come on now, you got to be joking
-No seriously, we are passionate football supporters. We have our own team called "Spartak Moscow" you should come and watch us sometimes
-You guys are worse than Brazillians. Well in any case maybe we could organize a match betwen you guys, the army supports "CSKA Moscow" i am the substitue defender, and Vlassov here is the waterboy
-HAH! Agreed. We will take great delight in beating you. And when we take over power and when we ofform the Soviet Russia we shall have a decent national team...WITH RED JERSEYS! White is sooo outdated
-Whatever...now get out of here Bukharin and go back to begging for money as you usually do amongst the richest of Moscow before i get some soldiers here with working rifles

As the crowd disperses, Wrangel and Vlassov enter the building and meet with Denikin

-Sorry we are late sir, but there had been a small group of football hooligans and peasents rioting in the streets
-Blah, said Denikin, what else is new? So in any case, did you bring the report
-Yes sir. After inspecting several armies of our armed forces my thought is that, i have to say, that the level of combat readiness of our armed forces is somewhere betwen "mildly catastrophic" and "chaotic" and that i can describe our armed forces in 3 words-drunk angry mob. The troops are very poorly armed and trained and lead, and the words "working rifle" are a superstition to them. If we were attacked by a military superpower such as Tibet or Luxembourgh, i would think we would manage to beat them after a heavy struggle and a war of attrition lasting up to 5 years, while armies such as Romanian, Ukraine and the Baltic Union would overrun us. The only plan our generals have as a plan on what to do if we were to be invaded, would be to get out of Russia into the exotic lands of Siberia and the Mongolian deserts. There are however some good news. I have managed to use terms such as "combat readiness", "working rifles" and "military supowerpower" in my report of our armed forces, which is the first time anyone uses these terms...well for over 20 years. My recommendation:make a new enlistment of soldiers, dismiss or reorganize the ones who are already serving, make a clean sweep of the ranks of officiers and adopt a new chain of command. Are there any question so far, sir. Sir? SIR???
-Ah..what...who...oh, are you finished? Sorry but you were so boring that i fell aslep. What were we talking about

Wrangel bangs his head on the wall. I think we can skip his repetition of his report

-So, Wrangel, you say we need bad reforms in the military
-Yes sir, exactly
-Well you are right Wrangel. We need somebody like you who knows what he will do with the military, who has the will and the knowledge to get the military back on its feet
-So you will apoint yourself as the head of the armed forces
-Yes. How did you know?
-Trust me I do. In any case our military also needs a new fighting doctorine. I have prepared here a blueprint for a strong, modern military lead by the high command. The military will be modern in all forms, it will use combined arms technique, with infantry as the backbone and armord forces in support, it will not be too large and consisted out of professionals and recruits who will be well trained
-Pardon me to interrupt, said Vlassov, but i also have an idea for the reorganization of the army

Wrangel suddenly explodes from laughter
-YOU? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, THATS THE FUNNIEST THING I EVER HEARD. WELL...go on, tell it just for laughs
-Well i was thinking of a doctorine with armoured forces spearheading a army corps. The tactic would rely on speed, combined arms and striking hard, striking deep
-HHAHAHAHAHAHA, are you kidding me? Tanks spearheading an army. Thats propostorous, there is no way that would work
-Actually, said Denikin, i like the idea
-You do, said Wrangel and Vlassov
-Yes, i like it but...we dont have the industry to turn our army from a disorganized bunch to a motorized corps. Besides, we dont have enough oil production to support it. I think i will adopt your idea Wrangel. There were a few crazy suggestions like Officiers following their own initiative or a Mass charge. Can you belive that?
-Indeed. I mean we are a cradle of manpower but seriously we are not gonna fight like barbarians. Only those Soviet peasents would do that
-Well Wrangel since we need someone who understand this tactics, and for someone to coordinate the rearnament of our army, i making you the chief of staff
-But you cant be the head of the army and...waitwaitwait repear that i wasnt listening
-I am making you the chief of staff
-Well...i dont know what to say
-Say you are gonna go to work immidietly. We have a Russia to unite
-Indeed sir, with great pleasure.
-And also your office is going to be just next to mine so we will be toghether during the whole day
-Actually, come to think about it, i think Vlassov would be a better chief of staff
-No no Wrangel, that wont work. Now go see your new office and get to work

As Wrangel and Vlassov left Denikin's office Wrangel could see Vlassov was sad

-Whats the matter henchmen?
-Well...i spent a week thinking about that doctorine
-Tell you what. I am going to enlist some Tank division and Motorized corps and make a few fighting groups in my 5 year plan and i am going to put you in command. We will see how it works, OK?
-OH THANK YOU SIR, you are the best
-I know Vlassov, i know
 

4th Dimension

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-We are the workers of Russia, said the leader of the group Denikin, we work in the factories an
Denkin is also it seems master of disguise because he is posing as leader of socialists, or this is just an error.

Also excellent chapter.
 

Davisx3m

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Poor Bukharin.
 

Davisx3m

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Poor Bukharin. :p
 

Crush3r

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So when do we get to see the match?
 

Deus Eversor

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"If we were attacked by a military superpower such as Tibet or Luxembourgh, i would think we would manage to beat them"
poor bukharin
well what can i say... MARCH MY ARMY!!! ROLL THIS DOWN!!!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

good fable
well i think wrangel will soon poses the means to overthrow denikin and that mess of his :D
 

4th Dimension

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Deus Eversor said:
"If we were attacked by a military superpower such as Tibet or Luxembourgh, i would think we would manage to beat them"
poor bukharin
well what can i say... MARCH MY ARMY!!! ROLL THIS DOWN!!!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

good fable
well i think wrangel will soon poses the means to overthrow denikin and that mess of his :D
Nah. He mostly resembles Iznogood (if you ever watched that cartoon), meaning he's plotting ALL the time how to become Sultan instead of Sultan (Premier in place of premier), but all his plans usually fail SPECTACULARLY. He also gives the appearance to his superior of being his most loyal subject, and is the most valuable asset to the Empire.

Nah, Wrangel will allways be the real power, while Dedenkin gets the laurels.
 

Stefke

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Chapter 8: Dont talk to strangers(or do deals with them)

I do wonder what do Peter Wrangel and Andrei Vlassov are doing on this cold winter night on the street of Moscow. There is not a living soul in the street. Or so they think...

-So tell me Vlassov, when exactly did they say they will be coming?
-They should be any minute now sir...
-They better be. Our military is so well armed i can poor on it. The new Mauser rifles will be better. No one has seen a working rifle in Russia for 20 years. We need those blueprints

As they were standing, shadows were lurking and getting closer...

-Do you hear something Vlassov
-No sir

Suddenly, Wrangel could feel a gun pointed at his head behind

-Who...who...who are you
-Password, said the stranger
-Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water
-And i kicked him out coz they tresspassed
-God you scared me to death for christs sake
-Hah. You are weak, general. I could have killed you in 9 different ways
-Ok, so are we gonna do buissness
-Yes. What would you like, lillyhips or lollypops
-Wait...what? Are you kidding me?

The stranger pulled out his gun again. This whole time he was behind Wrangel's back. Vlassov pulled out his gun but another stranger was behind his back too, triger happy

-Dont try anything smart, said the stranger, i have 4 men aiming at you now
-Dont kill me, please. I have so much to give, said Wrangel
-Hah. Weak. What about you, pointdexter?
-Blah. I hate my life anyways, said Vlassov
-Listen to me Wrangel. You should have known those codes. I sent a man to tell you that
-Oh, you mean that fat guy?
-Yes, him
-Well he forgot to tell me
-Markus! Did you forget
-Erm...incidentaly, said the second stranger
-WELL WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME
-I forget
-God...he is so stupid
-I know how you fell, said Wrangel
-Indeed. Well in any case, lollypops are the rifles, and lillyhips are a bullet in the head. You get it?
-Ok. So yes, i would have some lollypops
-What flavour?
-What do you mean what flavour???
-Just say cherry
-Cherry flavoured
-HAHA I KNEW IT. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY BLUEBERRY
-ARE YOU SICK IN THE HEAD??? I DONT KNOW THE CODES
-Oh yea right. Sorry, i forget. Ok so you want blueberry?
-Yes
-Ok here you go

The stranger opened the briefcase he was holding in his hand. In it, was a german Mauser rifle, and a blueprint

-That will be 50 cents
-If only it was 50 cents

Wrangel hands a briefcase, also full of money

-Well, nice doing buissness with you. If you want any other services, i would be glad. I have this sweet deal on Panzer tank blueprints
-Some other time perhaps
-Well, till our paths cross again

The stranger dissapear into the night

-Well that was an expirience i dont want to repeat, said Wrangel, but take a look at this Vlassov. This rifle will be the backbone of our Russian army!!!

END OF BOOK 1
 
Last edited:

4th Dimension

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This rifle will be the backbone of our Russian army!!!
Well considering the condition of Russian military, you might say One rifle to rule them all :D
 

unmerged(103362)

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Stefke said:
-Well...OK...whatever...so did anyone bring a map of Moscow

Silence

-YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU DID NOT BRING A MAP OF MOSCOW
-I thought you would bring it, oh bringer of despair
-That is why i have you henchmen and for this you shall be punished. 30 slaps with a wet noodle when we seize power
-Yes, oh great one
-Let us ask a peasent where the presidential palace is. Hey you!

Wrangel calls a peasent who was working in a nearby field

-Hey you, peasent, tell me where is the presidential palace here!
-Presidential palace?
-Yes, the presidential palace. We are on official duty to seize power AND UNITE RUSSIANS UNDER A GREAT RUSSIAN BANNER
-Well, good for you. There is no presidential palace here, the capital is in Petrovgrad
-WHAT???
-Well yes
-But i could have sworn that...
-Aaaaah see this country's goverment was so weak people didnt even notice we had one so everybody forgot where the capital is. People were even forming their own countries. How do you think how the goverment stayed in power so long? Because nobody knew where it was
-Hmmm...makes sence. I was asked for my passport 3 times on the way here. Oh well ONTO ST. PETERSBURG!!!!

Wrangel leaves with his men

-Damn city folk, said the peasent

In St. Petersburg, near the seat of goverment

-OK boys are you ready to storm the building. Henchmen!
-Yes oh great one
-You and your men go inside first, ill go in once it safe. It will be fast and swift and it will take them by suprise. Ill go in when its safe
-I dont know about that. There is a huge crowd watching us

Wrangel turns his head and sees a large crowd observing his band of soldier. Wrangel, irritated, fires in the air 2 times and the crowd disperses

-Stupid people. OK GO GO GO

Wrangel's men storm the building but find no one but a fat guard(who obviously hasnt moved from that position for a long time) sleeping

-WHERE IS HE, WHERE IS DENIKIN???

The fat guard wakes up

-Who, Denikin? Is he the janitor?
-No he is the president and the head of goverment of Russia. He took power after Kerensky was assasinated by a lone gunman with a Tokarev rifle with a scope on a direct hit in the head...erm...so they say!
-KERENSKY WAS ASSASINATED? HOW TERRIBLE!!!
-Wait you didnt know?
-Not quite. I really dont care
-So why is this building empty?
-I dont know. I guard this building and as long as it is standing here intact then my job is done
-Blah. Ok i will leave you on your...work...let us go

Wrangel exists the building and takes a pedestrian and pulls out his gun and aim in the head

-YOU! TELL ME WHERE HAS THE GOVERMENT WENT
-They just moved to Moscow, havent you heard
-BUT WE'VE JUST BEEN THERE
-Oh you must have missed them
-CURSEEEEEES. WHY, WHY IS MY DESTINY TO UNITE RUSSIA AVOIDING ME, WHY???
-You know, you should really calm down a little bit. My ears hurt from your yelling
-Ah sorry. Nasty habit. Here you are free
-So what are we going to do now, oh powerfull one, said Vlassov
-Well it is too late now, Denikin certainly knows what we are plannning but we will head back to Moscow since i need to have a chat with Denikin. Now, where did i put my passport?

Great post. Genuinely laughed at it. Looking forward to more.
 

Stefke

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Interlude 1

The year of 1936 was a time of great change for the Russian state. It was in chaos, the army was badly equipt and organized, and the goverment had little power. But since Denikin came to power, drastic reforms have been taken and thanks to the ingenuity of our Fieldmarshal, chief of staff and the commander of the STAVKA, Peter Wrangel, the Russian combat force looked more and more like an army. But in 1937 Denikin is losing power slowly. The army is loyal to Wrangel, and Denikin has no influence in it. The new commander of the army, Georgy Zhukov is Wrangel's man and the entire army is organized like Wrangel wants to. Further more, calls for Denikin to step down are becoming louder and louder as it is becoming more and more clear that he is becoming an authocrat. The Duma is useless and controled by Denikin, and Wrangel, who has been monitoring the position closely, is slowly becoming more and more hostile to Denikin. Now even Denikin realises the situation and makes a bold move to save his influence in the Russian state...

On a warm April's day, the military leadership and the goverment recive and urgent call from the presidential palace. Denikin has organized a meeting inside to tel some urgent news

-My dear friends and leaders of the army, i have gathered you here to tell you some urgent news. I today, along with the high representatives of the Duma and the political parties have decided to invite Kyril Romanov back to be the Tsar

There was silence

-It is, we think, the best way to resolve the leadership crisis. Therefore i am stepping down as the head of state and until the election, i will stay as the head of goverment. The Duma will still have influence, though the Tsar will have control over the country. We think this is the best for the country and our people. Now, if you will excuse we have alot of work to you. You will be given details later

As Wrangel and Vlassov were leaving the building, there was dissapointment on Wrangel's face

-This is not what i wanted, said Wrangel. We were so goddamn close and he is stepping down
-So what now, my lord
-We have to change our tactics. The Tsar will have power now and Denikin will try to be his right hand. We must get rid of him for good and try to get close to the new Tsar. He is an old man, and resolute. This will be tough my dear henchmen