For the first time since the Great Crusade, the ruler of the Constantly-changing-name Empire made a trip outside of Europe. Emperor Sancho surveyed the Holy Land, Persia, and the newly conquered Indian territory.
Sancho: Its all a bit crappy, really. Why'd we wast so much effort taking all this sand?
Viceroy of the Middle East: Uh, well, I'm not entirely sure. Your predecessors insisted on it.
Sancho: Oh, well thats an excellent reason! All of my predecessors have been brilliant leaders and have done nothing that was not in the best interests of all of mankind, so all this land must have been part of their great plan for the world!
Viceroy: Oh yes, most assuredly, Your Majesty!
Sancho: So... Is any of this making us any money?
Viceroy: Unfortunately not Sire, but I have a plan...
Sancho: Excellent! Now we can steal all of the wealth of this land and bring it back to Spain, where it belongs! Good thing the Dutch or the British didn't think of this.
A minor war with the Golden Horde erupts. The last vestige of the old Mongolian Empire is trying to reassert the dominance it once had over Russia.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Sancho sails to Russia to deal the Horde a crushing defeat.
The Horde is easily defeated their southern lands are broken up.
Sancho: There's still one problem left in Persia.
Adviser: Whats that?
Sancho: Its full of Persians, of course! HA HA HA!
Hold up a sec... Sweden? How many times must I crush you?
At least once more, as always.
Persia's demise and, therefore, its subsequent resurrection is quickly approaching.
Sancho: Soon all of India will be mine!
Adviser: What are you planing to do with India?
Sancho: Oh, I don't know. Perhaps I'll unite it into a single country, grant that country independence, then make you King of India!
Adviser: Really?!?
Sancho: HA! No! You should have seen the look on your face though! Ha ha! Oh, I wish cameras were invented. I would have put that picture up on my wall and thrown darts at it all day! Ha ha! Go on down to the courtyard for your execution now, ok?
My last 2 Russian cores!
Sancho: You know what? We've already beaten all the Russians and the Golden Horde and we've taken over most of Russia. Why don't we just call ourselves Russia?
Adviser: Wouldn't the Ryazanians be upset by that?
Sancho: Beheaded.
Sancho: So who's our next contestant on: "So, You Think You Really Want to Adviser the Emperor?" Hi, welcome to the show. Whats your name?
Death: Death.
Sancho: Blast! But my son's so pathetic!
Noble 1: So I heard old Sancho finally kicked the bucket. I suppose his son will be announced as the new king today... What was his name again?
Noble 2: Francisco I de Paula.
Noble 1: Paula? Where or who is that?
Noble 2: I have absolutely no idea.
Noble 1: So... is he changing the dynasty's name to de Paula? Or is that some sort of title or middle name or what?
Noble 2: I don't know, but Francisco I de Paula Bourbono would just sound ridiculous!
Noble 1: Ha ha! Yea it would!
Announcer: The old king is dead! All hail Francisco I de Paula Bourbono!!!
Noble 1: ...
Noble 2: Sigh.
Adviser: My Liege, thousands of your people are wondering who or what is Paula? I know it wasn't the name of either of your parents, and it isn't where you were born...
Francisco: How do you presume to know who my parents are or where I was born?
Adviser: Uh, you were the heir to the most powerful man in the world. It was kind of a big deal where you were born and to whom. I think pretty much everybody heard about it.
Francisco: No good bunch of busy bodies! Tell them to mind their own business!
Adviser: Everyone in the world are busy bodies and you want me to tell all of them to mind their own business?
Francisco: Yes! What, are you hard of hearing? Cause thats going to get really annoying!
Adviser: No, I was just making sure I got your orders right. I'll write up a few billion memos and distribute them out the afternoon.
Francisco: Good. Oh and while you're at it, draw up a declaration of war as well.
Adviser: Against who, My Lord?
Francisco: I don't know? Make something up! Use your imagination. Do I have to do everything around here? Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm out hunting. *Steps into his bedroom* Hello ladies!
It turns out "Malwa" (the name that the adviser randomly made up) is an actual country. So the declaration of war took effect as soon as it was announced to the commander of the Spanish forces in India. Who knew?
Nearly everyone in India bands together against the Spanish invaders. Ryazan and the Mamalukes also join in an attempt to retake some of their lost lands.
The Mamalukes surrender almost immediately:
Francisco: Why bother joining a war if you're that pathetic? Ha ha!
Look who showed up! Its Christopher Columbus! Sort of. Cristobal Colon, Spain's great... army reformer?!?
I'm embarrassed to say that I don't have a screenshot of the peace deal, but I only took a few more provinces in India as you can see here:
Francisco: With the recent crushing defeat of Ryazan and their allies, I now proclaim myself Emperor of Russia and hereby institute the Russian Empire! Everybody has to call me Czar from now on, because its awesome!
Francisco: Artist! Draw up some new maps for me!
As you can see, Russia rules the world. Well, except for Russia and Eastern Europe...
France √ - Ireland √ - England √ - Great Britain √ - Italy √ - Netherlands √ - Prussia √ - Germany √ - Spain √ - Russia √ - France - Scandinavia - Persia - Papal State - Mughal Empire - Byzantine Empire