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markkur

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Jan 30, 2015
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  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
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AAR title = “U-boats for Uruguay”
HoI3 version = TFH No Mods
Start date = 1936

Greetings fellow AARlanders,

After my UK-Motorway became a closed highway I took a summer-break from storytelling and instead gave these past months to considering what new tale I might pursue? There were several fine ideas shared with me and I did think about each one. After this consideration, I decided to run with El Pip’s suggestion regarding the early HoI idea...”blank for blank” i.e. “Mead for markkur” – though, of course, that would not be preposterous and actually quite tasty. However, a small South-American Country desiring to become an undersea powerhouse? Well, enough said.

Also, in not wishing to give a single reason for offense, folks I am writing absolute fiction and will, as much as possible, evade factual History during WWII. The non-fabrication I use will be what I read in-game. However, with that said, I have not the health to do what I would choose and that would be to replace all pictures of leaders, even though I will create my own names to use in this story. Today, comedy seems a risky business but hopefully I can succeed and simply create some grins, chuckles or possibly some laughter from my readers. That is my only intent, from behind the old adage “Laughter is the best medicine”.

This effort will most likely be a very small one, since I am involved & enjoying so many fine AARs ranging from Medieval times to the second world war. At this time, I do not desire to make another dedicated effort inside another long Motorway or broad Early Rising Sun. Also, I need to say, in both those efforts, I focused far more on accurate reporting of the in-game as well as how to play & navigate TFH while only venturing into creative-writing here and there. This time I want to pen a short comical farce.

I do not write Spanish and have not the health nor time to ensure I am always correct. I will keep my few attempts inside the language very reduced but if a Spanish-speaker does see a needed correction in my use, please respond about the correct-form and I will thankfully make the change.

The following story will be narrated by a <clears throat> neutral-observer, which you will better know by the plain old term...Spy. For my purpose it matters not if he serves another country or he has rubbed shoulders with every character at the table during all of his life. To my readers this man’s name is whispered as “El Gato Negro” but I will use Gato for short. ;)

Chapters

Chapter 1 “El Gato Negro”

"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/#post-23287311"
Chapter 2 - “The Next Observations”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/#post-23292852"
Chapter 3 - “An Unexpected Bump”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/#post-23299743"
Chapter 4 - “Out To Lunch”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-2#post-23310922"
Chapter 5 - “Troubles”

"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-2#post-23314082"
Chapter 6 - “When Push comes to Shove”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-2#post-23317765"
Chapter 7 - “Strange Occurrences”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-3#post-23322178"
Chapter 8 - “Progress?”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-3#post-23327541"
Chapter 9 - “Downs & Ups”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-3#post-23332267"
Chapter 10 - “The New Organization”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-4#post-23337137"
Chapter 11- “Toga Party”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-4#post-23344208"
Chapter 12 - “Two out of Three IS bad”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-4#post-23352856"
Chapter 13 - “Moving Forward”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-5#post-23370319"
Chapter 14 - “C. T.”
"http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-5#post-23377737"
Chapter 15 - “Danger, Danger”
"https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/“u-boats-for-uruguay”-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-6#post-23393131"
Chapter 16 - “A Split Second”
"https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/foru...-a-short-tfh-farce.1044261/page-6#post-23404588"
 
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Chapter 1
Chapter 1
“El Gato Negro”

Because our man Gato is comfortably unseen, he is quite opinionated and during the length of this AAR he will make notes about most anything and everything. Since our elusive shadow is a spy that cannot be detected, he is at complete liberty to think and write down what he chooses to see, which in turn will not make his efforts fair to all persons/events he observes, whether thought to be real or confirmed to be imaginary.

New Year's day 1936

Members of the Uruguayan government met behind closed doors to decide the direction of the nation. Seated around the large oval oak table were the following members:

Gov.jpg

Gato reviews this first very important meeting

Mr. Terra-Firma has announced his intention to his Cabinet to make Uruguay a leading nation in the development of under-water-boats! I looked at the men around this table and a great many problems came to mind. I had so many questions, I needed to make a long list.

1. If our leader is The Leader of Uruguay, how can it be that he cannot make a single change inside his own government? This fact does not appear Social nor Liberal.

- Mr. Terra-Firma is indeed an isolationist because he is taking this nation down a private and narrow path of his own choosing; I think that isolates everyone else but himself. However, I do wonder about this man being known by many as “a smiling oilman”? Primarily, because every picture I see, this one included, he is never smiling. However, that could be the fault of not having a photogenic-face but secondly and much more important, where did his connection to Oil originate? I know this country well, and well, we have not a single oil-well anywhere! This does seem like external-pressure!
* I must investigate this mystery further. My first suspicion is outside interference and especially now, after just announcing this crazy plan to build a fleet of u-boats! Will not we need Oil for that? This mysterious link may be well beyond my comprehension.

2. <looks about his secret location> Quietly he whispers; “We have a foreign minister”.
[Note to reader: Gato can indeed be afraid because he is human and not a cat. Because, even a cat would have a serious challenge in believing it cannot be seen, especially when cleaning itself.]

3. The slick businessman sitting at the table is no puzzle to me; he is supplying supplies and that is too well known by anyone that bothers to know. I would bet, if I had anyone to wager with, that we will be selling supplies to some other nation soon.
[Note: It is very hard to make a bet with someone if they cannot see you]

4. I myself have heard that certain members of another nation may hold an interest in uncertain members of our nation and I cannot help think that maybe this choice for the minister of our own security, should have went to someone else to prevent any later misunderstandings?

5. I know Juan and like Juan but Juan is “a legend in his own mind”. And I must wonder, if we are to be a Naval power of any sort, should not we have Naval intelligence?

6. Our chief of staff is often thought, a bull in a trinket-cabinet and this old attack-idea that he maintains? I believe, it is at least, a little bit silly - if not a lot a bit alarming.

7. Mr Artigus understands that our Army must know “how to defend without moving” and that single observation makes him by far the best placed man at the table. We currently boast 3 infantry divisions, so indeed, it is best for our men to hold their own ground where they stand.

8. As the chief of a Navy that has not one vessel of any type, I am very concerned about this man’s middle name. I have a deep feeling in my gut, that a Farragut-like Admiral is not what a nation without a Navy needs. However, my guess is that Mr. Terra-Firma must think Mr. Urribe perfect for the future of this post? However, I am afraid it may be very likely we could hear “Damn our torpedoes! Full speed away!” This madness could be the result of external pressure.

9. I can at times enjoy listening to Carlos, but too often, he “airs” his endless rhetoric about Planes and then his eyes become very large when he predicts our future air-superiority. At times he is alone in front of a mirror when selling his belief; I am convinced this may be caused by his own Internal-pressure.

I have not a trained mind in military matters but overall, I can make a reasonable guess, that military minds matter and my mind thinks something is the matter with our military.

Next-up: Gato jots-down the start of this nation’s strange direction.
 
@markkur, I have read the first chapter and this appears to be an interesting read! The puns and the irony truly made me smile and I'm looking forward to more!:)

I don't envy Gato; I get the sensation that his task to make sense of the Uruguayans isn't very sensible, and that's after reading the first chapter.

I'm known in real-life for my puns and word-related jokes, although they are in Swedish since that's the language I know the best, but I'll see if I can sneak a few into my comments. Please don't be too mad. ;)
 
Just go with the flow Mr Gato :)
 
Ah, welcome back my friend! I think the premise is very good for what you intend. I already have images of a Gilbert and Sullivan musical farce coming to mind "Pirates of Penzance" or such like.

Will the intrepid Gato be able to report on what the oily president intends to do with his subs? Given his name - "Terra Firma" - it appears he is bravely trying to break the insidious shackles of nominative determinism! :p
 
Given the introduction I clearly have to follow this.

I believe El Presidente is a genius. Yes Uruguay has no oil on land, but offshore in the Ultra Deep (3,500m+ !) lie the rich reserves of the Pelotas Basin. Beyond the capacity of 1930s oilmen perhaps, but not if one were to use oil-drilling submarines. That is why he smiles, he intends to use the Uruguay's U-boats to drill their own oil, and no-one will suspect as they will be distracted by his land based name.

That is my current theory, I reserve the right to revise it later when additional facts emerge.
 
Glad you're back, this is slightly more outlandish than playing as the UK. I guess it will be a lot of fun though.
All this needs is a secret naval base in a cave to keep the entire submarine programme a secret.

With El Pip's oil-drilling subs, the submarine programme will be entirely off the radar, and self-sufficient.
I pity Gato, at least 'Odin' can interact with people...

anyway, consider me subscribed
 
@markkur, I have read the first chapter and this appears to be an interesting read! The puns and the irony truly made me smile and I'm looking forward to more!:)

I don't envy Gato; I get the sensation that his task to make sense of the Uruguayans isn't very sensible, and that's after reading the first chapter.

I'm known in real-life for my puns and word-related jokes, although they are in Swedish since that's the language I know the best, but I'll see if I can sneak a few into my comments. Please don't be too mad. ;)
Mad as in angry? - "no way Jose" Mad as in nutz? I reserve the right to be reserved.:)

Just go with the flow Mr Gato :)
Flow doesn't work, Gato has to dart from room to room and without an obvious reason.<L>

Just subbed again. I like everything based on naval research in this game, you know.
Then I will expect your expertise to cause at least one headache for Gato:)

Ah, welcome back my friend! I think the premise is very good for what you intend. I already have images of a Gilbert and Sullivan musical farce coming to mind "Pirates of Penzance" or such like.

Will the intrepid Gato be able to report on what the oily president intends to do with his subs? Given his name - "Terra Firma" - it appears he is bravely trying to break the insidious shackles of nominative determinism! :p
Ah my friend, I'm afraid your mastery of incorporations are far above mine. Good catch on T-F. He is meant to be an enigma in more than one way and that is but one more contradiction...eh?;)

Given the introduction I clearly have to follow this.

I believe El Presidente is a genius. Yes Uruguay has no oil on land, but offshore in the Ultra Deep (3,500m+ !) lie the rich reserves of the Pelotas Basin. Beyond the capacity of 1930s oilmen perhaps, but not if one were to use oil-drilling submarines. That is why he smiles, he intends to use the Uruguay's U-boats to drill their own oil, and no-one will suspect as they will be distracted by his land based name.

That is my current theory, I reserve the right to revise it later when additional facts emerge.
Oh my, my brain just created dozens of new thought-trails. I may be in trouble at this point, Much more Brain than Back.:D

Glad you're back, this is slightly more outlandish than playing as the UK. I guess it will be a lot of fun though.
All this needs is a secret naval base in a cave to keep the entire submarine programme a secret.

With El Pip's oil-drilling subs, the submarine programme will be entirely off the radar, and self-sufficient.
I pity Gato, at least 'Odin' can interact with people...

anyway, consider me subscribed
Oh no! More thought-trails added! Gato, Gato you poor underhanded rouge, that doesn't care to interact with other people.
--------------------------------------------------------------
@ All

What a pack-of-subs to start my underwater/cover adventure. I will try to incorporate ideas as best I am able and some excellent food is already on the table!
-----------------------------------------------
A brief comment dear readers

I hesitated for a while to post this AAR. The long and short of it is Mr Arthur-Ritis has been with me for a long time now and has quite the mastery over this old wizard. I finally decided why not?

I enjoy drama in story-form but do not enjoy it when it takes center stage in life. I added this last bit should I not navigate, finish, etc. Just know I am fighting a nasty dragon, and wearing very rusty armour, carrying a decent sword but my charger is long gone.:cool:

<end of drama>

But now...Gato's the man!...er cat.:)
 
You know, this reminds me a bit of an old HoI1 AAR El Submarines for El Salvador, written by a chap called Steele (who alas never merged his account after the forum move). It was his third AAR after Battleships for Bhutan and Nukes for Nepal.
With good reason I did read Battleships for Bhutan and enjoyed the yarn.

Those were some of the AARs I was thinking of when I suggested this format to markkur. Steele wasn't the only one doing them, but I remember him for being the most ambitious.
When I found B for B (iirc, maybe in that AAR flashback thread?) your earlier suggestion inspired this small effort.

My thanks to you both.
 
Chapter 2
Chapter Two
“The Next Observations

Politics inside our Country

1 Flag.jpg

Though this government represents the largest political party, this new information about internal-pressure and the resulting impacts are a complete enigma to me. I do not understand what this may mean in the future but I cannot think it means anything good for these men, that I observe but do not serve.​



Gato’s overview

2 Overview.jpg

3 Capitol.jpg

Nearly all of our Resources are here. I wonder if this is a well known fact?
Since Artigas has his men here, this confirms that he does understand Defense.​


Other notes

* Our nation is guaranteed by the United States. I admit I am not trained in Diplomacy but it appears to me in my ignorance, that if we strive for this goal? We will no longer be guaranteed of anything. I cannot think about possible outcomes because my thoughts are too disturbing to write down and then see with my own eyes.

* I freely spy on spies and I gather there IS something in the air. (no, not Carlos) But there does seem to be a lot of assignments regarding our National-Unity and our agents are not pursuing anything else. As I am able to understand the current efforts, more Spies and Trade-Representatives are being trained. At this point I should become much more cautious but I am beginning to believe I am...invisible.

* I learned that we started this national-plan by selling supplies to the Americans. I’m sure that made Mr. Eldorado very happy. Too bad for me I could not make that bet but I could not risk it. Who knows what would have happened if word got around that a phantom was in the midst of these men and making cocky-bets! It might have been the end of this Government. Worse, if buckets of paint were thrown in my direction, that may have ending my invisibility! I must remember to always be very careful.

* I listened to a Researcher (for some strange reason I am compelled to call him Geeko) having a private discussion as he talked about new orders to begin work on Fleet Auxiliary Submarine Doctrine and Submarine Technology. I think we needed to research Education first and there spend a few years at basic learning and only then take an introductory course on...Logic.

As I expected - we started Production by building simple Convoy-vessels. As I did not expect - this basic boat caused us to soon be in-the-red in Energy. This deficit revealed to me, that someone has to do a lot more work inside this nation to be able to build a Submarine-fleet. I am very glad I am unseen; this means I cannot be “pressurized” in any way, whether external, internal or nocturnal.

Next up: Gato's safety
 
I cannot think about possible outcomes because my thoughts are too disturbing to write down and then see with my own eyes.
So Gato cannot think about this because it would be too disturbing to write it down and look at the words. Marvellous logic.

Has he considered just thinking about outcomes and then not writing anything down? Or thinking about it and then expressing the results through the medium of abstract experimental watercolour? Would these be acceptable to whoever asked him to spy on the Uruguayan government? Did anyone ask him to do that or is he just an idle spy of leisure?

I believe that answering these questions and understanding Gato's approach to his job/calling/mission from god/hobby is more important than anything Uruguay does. I look forward to some, less or fewer of these questions being answered as this progresses.
 
Just so long as Gato does not suffer an unplanned catastrophic depressurisation event all will be well :)
 
So Gato cannot think about this because it would be too disturbing to write it down and look at the words. Marvellous logic.
I wouldn't always expect sound logic from an invisible Gato.:)

Has he considered just thinking about outcomes and then not writing anything down?
If he "continues" to consider the all about something this serious, he will have to write it all down.

Gato has a mind like mine (for some odd reason) that maps many possibilities instantly in a visual cause/effect file-structure of a sort. (decades as a process-engineer or trouble-shooter) In both our cases to record every one. would far more cement them in his thinking. And then of course, if later, because had he written all the possible catastrophes down? Seeing the list - all those movies would play in his head again and possibly more added. However, he wants to forget all that; at least for now. All that would be to rattle his smug-fun and "could set him in motion to do something much too ambitious...like save his country." What happens in his future? Will he act and not simply record? No one knows...certainly not I.:D

I believe that answering these questions and understanding Gato's approach to his job/calling/mission from god/hobby is more important than anything Uruguay does. I look forward to some, less or fewer of these questions being answered as this progresses.
I have zero plans for this tale. (I hope all understand why) I am finding out what happens at the same time the readers do. Coming next is something totally unexpected and it is NOT typical TFH or any game, at least for Gato & markkur. This is NOT an easy event to tell...for me in my state. So I plead mercy in advance should I dare to share this twist.

Just so long as Gato does not suffer an unplanned catastrophic depressurisation event all will be well :)
Seer thou art! Although "this pressure" thankfully will not be his end. Hmm, maybe it will be? I can't see that far.:D
 
May I cheekily suggest a soundtrack or YouTube clip for the next entry? Well, I will anyway. I've fallen into the 'Gato Trap' of writing it down and now not being able to let it go! ;):p "Under Pressure", by the two and only Mercury and Bowie! :cool: I can just hear the the footsteps of an approaching Zeitgeist and was hoping to catch it. :D
 
May I cheekily suggest a soundtrack or YouTube clip for the next entry? Well, I will anyway. I've fallen into the 'Gato Trap' of writing it down and now not being able to let it go! ;):p "Under Pressure", by the two and only Mercury and Bowie! :cool: I can just hear the the footsteps of an approaching Zeitgeist and was hoping to catch it. :D
:) You guys are free to add an inspirational link, alt/add-exchange, etc. - anything you find amusing. This AAR is meant to be a laugh and not a jot more.
 
Chapter 3
Chapter 3
“An Unexpected Bump”

Sneaking about unseen, going from room to room and trying to not make my subjects aware of me, is fun but such a pastime includes a large dose of stress. In light of that tension, a super-agent like myself must get away from the office, or should I say...their offices. I needed to take a trip to the outskirts of town where I could relax in peace and quiet and let my nerves settle down. However, I didn’t make it out of the city.

I was taking a free-ride on a half-empty city bus and sitting alone when it happened. The worn-out shocks on this old bus met an area of damaged road surface that sent all the passengers rocking back and forth. During one wide swing in my seat, I felt my elbow hit something next to me and immediately I was certain I had heard an intake of breath. I am a gentleman, without a care, I said “excuse me”! The few near passengers instantly began looking to those around them for the source of the apology. I remained very still.

Very quickly followed whispers; “Do not be afraid”. & “Say nothing”.

I froze and indeed I said nothing more. In fact, my apology was the first moment I had said a word all morning. (Yes. When I am alone, and am certain I am alone, I do talk to myself)

Our bus traveled several miles and during this time, this man and I bumped into each other a few more times. Thankfully no new passenger boarded and compromised our joint occupation of the seat.

We were still in the city when I heard the voice whisper; “Get off here”.

The odd and familiar voice chose well because the next bus-stop had no person waiting; at least any person that I could see.

Once on the street I heard; “Put your hand on the pole, right below the sign.” I did so and then I felt a hand grab mine and the voice said sternly; “Hold my hand and we will walk over to that park.

On the way, a park-bench came into view. Next the voice said “We will sit on the bench.”

Once we were seated, I looked around and there was no other person inside the park. Now we had time to “cautiously” talk normal; though our situation was completely abnormal.

“Who are you sir?” I asked in my most feminine voice

“To begin with I am not a man” The voice was no longer deep.

“But your whispers sounded like my Uncle Fernando.”

“I think I am better at impersonations than you are because you sounded like a man impersonating a woman and a silly one at that.”

I swallowed my pride; “My name is Gato what is yours?”

Then I heard her chuckle; “I am tempted to say Coyote but you will call me Pluma.”

“Why Pluma?”

“Why Gato?”

I see your point.

Next, I thought it wise to try and ask a reasonable question but behind my desiring a conversation, my mind was still confused and I asked. “Are you working?”

Pluma ignored my directness; “Not the typical nine to five.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am writing things down that I observe, a sort of diary”

“Oh my God, me too!”

“Keep your voice down. You startled the birds and caused that pedestrian to look our way.”

“Sorry. I was just happy to find someone doing what I do.”

“I can guess what it is that you do. You are, let us say, an independent spy?”

“What made you guess that?”

“What else would you be good for?”

Still dazed about this encounter, I was not offended and said nothing.

Before I could gather my thoughts, she then asked me; “So where are you spending your time?”

I answered with a projected general air of importance; “I observe the machinations of our Government.” I felt a mild squeeze on my hand and then heard what I thought was a gasp.”

“Mr. Gato, our meeting makes our situation more bizarre.”

“How? What is it that you are watching?”

“I have only just recently started taking notes. I am Mr. Terra-Firma’s impersonal secretary.”

It was very hard to control my emotions but I managed. “So we are both inside the Government and doing our own thing. Well then, let us combine our notes and work for ourselves until we can think of something better.”

Pluma agreed; “Lets shake on it.”

This time, I skillfully said; “Put your hand on the center-top rail of this bench.”

[Dear readers, where we go from here is unknown to me but learning the reason for Gato’s & Pluma’s shared invisibility is very near]
 
Well that is rather amusing.