The Department of Pirate-Land Security
Sulaiman I takes the unprecedented step of starting negotiations with the insurgent nobles that's terrorizing the land.
Moderate concessions are offered on the table - these include 5 days of meaningless oppression for serfs within the nobility's domain (with 2 days of rest) and creation of several fancy titles (Vice-buccaneer, Vizier Blackbeard, Emir One-Eye and the like).
However, the nobles refuse our concessions. Apparently, they were not yet informed of our revised policy of negotiation with rebels. Either that or the prospect of Saturday and Sunday without the sport of kicking serfs around is too intolerable to consider.
Disgusted, Sulaiman I fights on. He swears that after the rebels are put down, he shall institute a new Department of Pirate-land Security to monitor future noble terrorist activity. All camel-messengers will be tapped and screened for suspected insurgent activity. The island of Malta is also a perfect sub-tropical location where alleged rebels can be sand-boarded (water seems to have no effect on the sea vermin).
The rebels all congregate in Lower Austria. The sheer number of rebels suggests a source for outside mercenaries, since self-respecting Tunisian pirates wouldn't join the nobles in such sheer numbers. Sulaiman I postulates an Axis of Evil for the outside funding of rebels in his kingdom:
1) The Ottomans, who have a semantic grudge with Sulaiman's surname.
2) The Bohemian Emperor, who doesn't have the self-respect to launch an imperial crusade.
3) The French, just because they're French.
Finally, after 3 long years of civil war, the rebels are put down. Once again, their possessions are expropriated and screened through the Department of Pirate-land security.
The Tunisians launch a whoop of joy in peace being returned to their land - which is perfectly described by the name of their next king: "Yah yah!"
Not forgetting the shame of his predecessor in the war against Hungary, Yahyah was quick to redeem this blight. War is declared: Tunisia, Morocco, Ottomans, Alsace (vassal from Austrian war), Croatia (vassal), Mantua (vassal) vs. Hungary, Modena, Palatinate
This time, we make no mistakes in maneuvering. We're going to destroy the Hungarian army to the last man, while the Ottomans enter from the backdoor.
Modena is annexed. Only Savoy and Genoa remain as autonomous Italian city states.
Hungary cedes Presburg and Eskujevar to us.
Eskujevar is the only province we're interested in, since it has that shiny stuff that makes the world go round and round.
------------------------
Some not-so random events:
We guarantee the privileges of our Moroccan Union. Namely, that we won't impose our custom of drinking the delicious Bumboo beverage on their Islamic tradition (none henceforth as the "Party Pooper Act"
Hiring fairs bring in more 5 star advisors. Need that extra government tech so we can create new centralized anti-noble terror institutions!
Oppression of vassals: a time-honored Tunisian tradition.
Vassals breaking free: an instance of culture-clash and xenophobia from our underlings who don't respect our tradition.
Piracy is a two-way street, except we do it with more style and more delicious beverages. No mumbo-jumbo celibacy laws like the monastic order either.
Austrian is finally accepted as a culture. No more massive Schwarzeneggar-esque rebellions in Austria.
Riddle: What happens when you combine this:
with this:
------------------------
The current political situation in the Baltic does not bode well for us. The Bohemian quadrant of evil is expanding rapidly into Poland/Lithuania, while rapidly accumulating the manpower and prestige necessary to wage future wars of aggression against us.
And of course, never in lack of major enemies, Russia is going to soon border us by eventual inheritance of territory in the Baltic. We may have to revise our triangle of evil to more complex geometric shapes.
But we're not too worried. We're making a very healthy amount of cash, with acceptable inflation (about 1 point of inflation was gained solely during the Civil War period, which required some minting. Fully modernized as well, so there should be no future need to gain inflation).
First in income in the world - though not nearly by an enough margin. Something must be done about Spain and the Ottomans.
As Genghis Khan once said: "It's not sufficient that I succeed, my enemies must fail." He would've made a good pirate.
So we decide to make our domains prettier by connecting Alexandria with our pirate lair. Tripoli was recently vassalized by the Mameluks, who are our real targets here.
The year is 1560...
To be continued.
Sulaiman I takes the unprecedented step of starting negotiations with the insurgent nobles that's terrorizing the land.
Moderate concessions are offered on the table - these include 5 days of meaningless oppression for serfs within the nobility's domain (with 2 days of rest) and creation of several fancy titles (Vice-buccaneer, Vizier Blackbeard, Emir One-Eye and the like).
However, the nobles refuse our concessions. Apparently, they were not yet informed of our revised policy of negotiation with rebels. Either that or the prospect of Saturday and Sunday without the sport of kicking serfs around is too intolerable to consider.
Disgusted, Sulaiman I fights on. He swears that after the rebels are put down, he shall institute a new Department of Pirate-land Security to monitor future noble terrorist activity. All camel-messengers will be tapped and screened for suspected insurgent activity. The island of Malta is also a perfect sub-tropical location where alleged rebels can be sand-boarded (water seems to have no effect on the sea vermin).
The rebels all congregate in Lower Austria. The sheer number of rebels suggests a source for outside mercenaries, since self-respecting Tunisian pirates wouldn't join the nobles in such sheer numbers. Sulaiman I postulates an Axis of Evil for the outside funding of rebels in his kingdom:
1) The Ottomans, who have a semantic grudge with Sulaiman's surname.
2) The Bohemian Emperor, who doesn't have the self-respect to launch an imperial crusade.
3) The French, just because they're French.
Finally, after 3 long years of civil war, the rebels are put down. Once again, their possessions are expropriated and screened through the Department of Pirate-land security.
The Tunisians launch a whoop of joy in peace being returned to their land - which is perfectly described by the name of their next king: "Yah yah!"
Not forgetting the shame of his predecessor in the war against Hungary, Yahyah was quick to redeem this blight. War is declared: Tunisia, Morocco, Ottomans, Alsace (vassal from Austrian war), Croatia (vassal), Mantua (vassal) vs. Hungary, Modena, Palatinate
This time, we make no mistakes in maneuvering. We're going to destroy the Hungarian army to the last man, while the Ottomans enter from the backdoor.
Modena is annexed. Only Savoy and Genoa remain as autonomous Italian city states.
Hungary cedes Presburg and Eskujevar to us.
Eskujevar is the only province we're interested in, since it has that shiny stuff that makes the world go round and round.
------------------------
Some not-so random events:
We guarantee the privileges of our Moroccan Union. Namely, that we won't impose our custom of drinking the delicious Bumboo beverage on their Islamic tradition (none henceforth as the "Party Pooper Act"
Hiring fairs bring in more 5 star advisors. Need that extra government tech so we can create new centralized anti-noble terror institutions!
Oppression of vassals: a time-honored Tunisian tradition.
Vassals breaking free: an instance of culture-clash and xenophobia from our underlings who don't respect our tradition.
Piracy is a two-way street, except we do it with more style and more delicious beverages. No mumbo-jumbo celibacy laws like the monastic order either.
Austrian is finally accepted as a culture. No more massive Schwarzeneggar-esque rebellions in Austria.
Riddle: What happens when you combine this:
with this:
------------------------
The current political situation in the Baltic does not bode well for us. The Bohemian quadrant of evil is expanding rapidly into Poland/Lithuania, while rapidly accumulating the manpower and prestige necessary to wage future wars of aggression against us.
And of course, never in lack of major enemies, Russia is going to soon border us by eventual inheritance of territory in the Baltic. We may have to revise our triangle of evil to more complex geometric shapes.
But we're not too worried. We're making a very healthy amount of cash, with acceptable inflation (about 1 point of inflation was gained solely during the Civil War period, which required some minting. Fully modernized as well, so there should be no future need to gain inflation).
First in income in the world - though not nearly by an enough margin. Something must be done about Spain and the Ottomans.
As Genghis Khan once said: "It's not sufficient that I succeed, my enemies must fail." He would've made a good pirate.
So we decide to make our domains prettier by connecting Alexandria with our pirate lair. Tripoli was recently vassalized by the Mameluks, who are our real targets here.
The year is 1560...
To be continued.
)
