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Seelensturm

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1.jpg


...

It's now Merchant Adventures/Humanist Tolerance/Bill of Rights/Bureaucracy.
Quick question: How do you managed to change 2 ideas at the same time?
 

axzhang

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Stinkin' Son of A Biscuit Eater Nobles!

-------------
A Short Treatise on Grog
Before we begin our adventures today, I thought we could pay homage to the venerable beverage, before it falls out of fashion due to the influx of fine Italian wine.

Grog (from Wikipedia) - A half pint, one cup, of rum mixed with one quart of water.... mixed with citrus juice to cut down the water's foulness... and issued in two servings, before noon and after the end of the working day become regulation for the British Royal Navy in 1756.
Rum with water, sugar and nutmeg was known as bumboo and was more popular with pirates and merchantmen.

-------------
Shiver me timbers! It seems we've been drinking the wrong stuff all along. It's "bumboo" that hardy pirate folk should be drinking, not grog.

Since I won't be conquering India (and thus nutmeg) or discovering the new world (for rum) anytime soon, we shall insure a healthy supply of Tunisian Bumboo© with the new goal of controlling all sugar + wine provinces in the "old world". This means Sicily/Madeira/the Canaries/Nile/Crete for the sugarcane, and a bunch of Spanish/French/HRE/Turkish provinces for the wine.

grog_pgirl_lg.jpg

Tunisian Bumboo© made with wine and sugar. Nubile young woman not included.

Now to our update!
-------------

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After several months of peace, we reach the final round of modernization after reaching gov tech 18 and choosing Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity, which raises tolerance of heathens to +2 (one of the requirements for removing "traditional values" is having +2 tolerance of heathens).

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The 1500s are a tumultuous time among the Christians. Apparently some monk nailed a piece of paper to a Church door and caused a ruckus. Now it's a big deal. Go figure.

e3.jpg

We DoW Venice once again. The Serene Republic shall become the Serene Pirate Lair (where pirates go to chill and be... serene)!

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The Ottomans land huge infantry stacks in Venezia by sea, which we use to assault the province. Meanwhile, our cavalry gets routed by the Hungarians who have both Military Drill and Battlefield Commissions. The screenshot isn't shown, but we also got a stack of 11k infantry completely wiped out by the Hungarians due to a failed assault. We had to quickly spend all of our reserve cash to raise another 11k infantry to avoid the crippling "increased cavalry pay" modifier from triggering.

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The (Serene) Pirate Lair is hereby instituted. Disney stole our idea for a theme park later on.

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A good pirate knows when to manually retreat.

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We'll get you later. Especially since you have a gold province that we absolutely need.

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Apparently they haven't found out about our top-secret plan to plunder the vineyards of Gascogne in order to supply our pirates with Bumboo!

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We're all out of cash. How about a nice picnic with crackers and cheese on the (nude) beaches of Naples for our vassals instead?

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It's all about the economy, stupid!

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Naturally, we abuse our vassals for as much as we can get. The inflation reduction is much needed so we can mint a few doubloons.

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Apparently, getting abused after a simple meal of crackers and cheese does not make our vassals very happy. I can foresee a few breaking off to greener pastures...

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There's a +28 base RR in Venezia. Makes you wonder why we went through all that trouble to annex the province. 34% chance to revolt isn't very serene at all. Just chill out... dude.

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Oh yeah, that's totally worth it. We break a 100 monthly doubloon income with the trade tariffs from the super-rich CoT in Venezia. The "Temporary Cultural Center" is from the meeting with the vassals earlier on - which is nice considering we need to invest in stability.

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Our king dies and we get a 4 ADM regency council.
Apparently we need to create more cabinet positions for our government in order to administer it more efficiently. In addition to the ministries for grog, pirate maps, and booty-collection, which we already have. How about a gastronomic ministry for creating Tunisian Bumboo?

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Hmm.. The landlubber king of Morocco died without a heir and passed its throne to us. The Golden Horde contested that claim. We naturally go to war since their name contains the prefix "Gold" in it. There must be something worth plundering there!

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Shame on you, Ottomans. You're like, right beside them. You can land 12k infantry stacks across the Mediterranean to Venice but you can't walk 20 feet across the border? Lazy bums. Fortunately, the baguette eaters in France joins our war.

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Easy...

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Peazy.

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Some of the pirate "nobility" opposed the coronation of our recent king. This is going to be a painful reign for the next decade.

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Turns out our premonition was right. They do have Gold in Alania! We settle for the province, since all your gold belongs to us. Oh, and we now lead a PU with Morocco.

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We renew our alliance with the Ottomans, solely for the purpose of rebel-patrolling Alania.

Meanwhile.... total chaos at home:

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Map of the current rebel situation.

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Silence! The other option is -1 stab and +1 aristocracy. Which is a big no-no. We don't need more stinkin' nobles.

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Our national policy is that we don't negotiate with nobles or terrorists.

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And now, our manpower is completely depleted. A few ragtag pirate cavalry units chase around infinitely-reinforcing noble rebels. This is stressful!

---------------

Reached picture limit.
 
Last edited:

axzhang

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20090829223137.jpg

Thank Allah as pirates we don't have a sense of dignity or shame. We ask for help from our allies.

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12,000 fresh-faced young recruits arrive from our allies. This probably saved our country from another 5 years of chasing around rebels.

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The nobles love guerilla warfare, and are keen to ambush our reinforcement parties left, right, and center.

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Like we said, we don't negotiate with nobles. The other option is another stab hit.

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And here's the icing on the cake: we predicted that a vassal would break free from us, and so Crete does during our period of social chaos. This must be what being Nostradamus is like.

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And finally, the rebel nobles surrender after 4 years of endlessly chasing them around the Italian countryside.

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We exile & expropriate them. From the pitiful amount of doubloons we gain from each confiscation, it makes you wonder, what makes them so noble anyways? It certainly isn't their wealth.

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The royal pirate regent has reasserted his power. We move towards plutocracy to minimize the threat of another noble insurgency.

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Shortly after, with feverish mumblings of creating a new ministry for bumboo-control and cursing the nobles in his death bed, our regent dies and a new king ascends the throne. Not much more competent in the administrative reform department than the previous regent.

However, Sulaiman I's ascension was hotly contested by Ottoman noble sympathizers, who claim copyright infringement on their founder and first true Sultan: Suleiman I. Which is why....

20090829223944.jpg

Oh for the love of ****... we may have to revise our policy of "no negotiation with nobles or terrorists."

The year is 1543...
To be continued.
 
Last edited:

Nodscouterr

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Indeed, you should negotiate with terrorists but not with nobles!
 

Vladislav

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Haha, I love to read MMP AARs because other people's misery amuses me. :D
 

axzhang

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Quick question: How do you managed to change 2 ideas at the same time?

Basically what Vesimir said: wait for +3 stab, then pause the game and switch out two ideas before resuming. I have heard of people being able to switch out 3 ideas by expelling jews when they're -3 stab and having another +stab event happen, which allows them to get to 0 stab and switch out the third idea before resuming.

This is definitely the most gamey thing I did in this AAR so far, I'm not proud of it!

Also, I have no idea where the Pope went. I should go through old event logs - because now the Papacy has simply disappeared, with noone offering them refuge. Probably has something to do with the fact that there are practically no catholic countries left apart from Spain + Portugal after Italy and Austria are annexed.

I'm glad that I got several noble oppositions. For a few decades there it was almost too easy.
 

TGHoplite

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I've been following this AAR from the beginning, and don't think I've commented yet :wacko:
I just wanted to say this is an awesome AAR, and a very original idea. You've pulled it off magnificently and with lots of humor. Excellent game
 

axzhang

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I've been following this AAR from the beginning, and don't think I've commented yet :wacko:
I just wanted to say this is an awesome AAR, and a very original idea. You've pulled it off magnificently and with lots of humor. Excellent game

Thanks for following. Good luck on your own Knights campaign!


im impressed that you have none imperal crusades..

Yeah, I'm sad that I don't get imperial crusades against me. If someone can tell me how to edit saves, I guess I could edit in a higher prestige for the current emperor (Bohemia) so he's strong enough to launch a crusade against me.


Nice AAR, but when the noble pirates are fighting you, doesn't that mean that you are the baddie?

I like to think of the "nobility" as influential pirate captains who've grown soft and are pressuring our regent to grant them land privileges - so they can give up the pirate life. They want the easy life of "landed aristocracy" - simply oppressing the serfs for as much gain as possible. Clearly, we're in the right here, we're fighting for the rights of serfs and farmers everywhere! Harassed merchants and monasteries may not exactly see things in our light though...
 

L Lawliet

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True, the two are hardly mutually exclusive. Nobles did tend to terrorize quite bit in their time and terrorists often think of themselves as noble warriors (not the same as nobles?).
Both are a hazard to the stability of the state and hard to get rid of too.