Stinkin' Son of A Biscuit Eater Nobles!
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A Short Treatise on Grog
Before we begin our adventures today, I thought we could pay homage to the venerable beverage, before it falls out of fashion due to the influx of fine Italian wine.
Grog (from Wikipedia) - A half pint, one cup, of rum mixed with one quart of water.... mixed with citrus juice to cut down the water's foulness... and issued in two servings, before noon and after the end of the working day become regulation for the British Royal Navy in 1756.
Rum with water, sugar and nutmeg was known as bumboo and was more popular with pirates and merchantmen.
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Shiver me timbers! It seems we've been drinking the wrong stuff all along. It's "bumboo" that hardy pirate folk should be drinking, not grog.
Since I won't be conquering India (and thus nutmeg) or discovering the new world (for rum) anytime soon, we shall insure a healthy supply of Tunisian Bumboo© with the
new goal of controlling all sugar + wine provinces in the "old world". This means Sicily/Madeira/the Canaries/Nile/Crete for the sugarcane, and a bunch of Spanish/French/HRE/Turkish provinces for the wine.
Tunisian Bumboo© made with wine and sugar. Nubile young woman not included.
Now to our update!
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After several months of peace, we reach the final round of modernization after reaching gov tech 18 and choosing Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity, which raises tolerance of heathens to +2 (one of the requirements for removing "traditional values" is having +2 tolerance of heathens).
The 1500s are a tumultuous time among the Christians. Apparently some monk nailed a piece of paper to a Church door and caused a ruckus. Now it's a big deal. Go figure.
We DoW Venice once again. The Serene Republic shall become the Serene Pirate Lair (where pirates go to chill and be... serene)!
The Ottomans land huge infantry stacks in Venezia by sea, which we use to assault the province. Meanwhile, our cavalry gets routed by the Hungarians who have both Military Drill and Battlefield Commissions. The screenshot isn't shown, but we also got a stack of 11k infantry completely wiped out by the Hungarians due to a failed assault. We had to quickly spend all of our reserve cash to raise another 11k infantry to avoid the crippling "increased cavalry pay" modifier from triggering.
The (Serene) Pirate Lair is hereby instituted. Disney stole our idea for a theme park later on.
A good pirate knows when to manually retreat.
We'll get you later. Especially since you have a gold province that we absolutely need.
Apparently they haven't found out about our top-secret plan to plunder the vineyards of Gascogne in order to supply our pirates with Bumboo!
We're all out of cash. How about a nice picnic with crackers and cheese on the (nude) beaches of Naples for our vassals instead?
It's all about the economy, stupid!
Naturally, we abuse our vassals for as much as we can get. The inflation reduction is much needed so we can mint a few doubloons.
Apparently, getting abused after a simple meal of crackers and cheese does not make our vassals very happy. I can foresee a few breaking off to greener pastures...
There's a +28 base RR in Venezia. Makes you wonder why we went through all that trouble to annex the province. 34% chance to revolt isn't very serene at all. Just chill out... dude.
Oh yeah, that's totally worth it. We break a 100 monthly doubloon income with the trade tariffs from the super-rich CoT in Venezia. The "Temporary Cultural Center" is from the meeting with the vassals earlier on - which is nice considering we need to invest in stability.
Our king dies and we get a 4 ADM regency council.
Apparently we need to create more cabinet positions for our government in order to administer it more efficiently. In addition to the ministries for grog, pirate maps, and booty-collection, which we already have. How about a gastronomic ministry for creating Tunisian Bumboo?
Hmm.. The landlubber king of Morocco died without a heir and passed its throne to us. The Golden Horde contested that claim. We naturally go to war since their name contains the prefix "Gold" in it. There must be something worth plundering there!
Shame on you, Ottomans. You're like, right beside them. You can land 12k infantry stacks across the Mediterranean to Venice but you can't walk 20 feet across the border? Lazy bums. Fortunately, the baguette eaters in France joins our war.
Easy...
Peazy.
Some of the pirate "nobility" opposed the coronation of our recent king. This is going to be a painful reign for the next decade.
Turns out our premonition was right. They do have Gold in Alania! We settle for the province, since all your gold belongs to us. Oh, and we now lead a PU with Morocco.
We renew our alliance with the Ottomans, solely for the purpose of rebel-patrolling Alania.
Meanwhile.... total chaos at home:
Map of the current rebel situation.
Silence! The other option is -1 stab and +1 aristocracy. Which is a big no-no. We don't need more stinkin' nobles.
Our national policy is that we don't negotiate with nobles or terrorists.
And now, our manpower is completely depleted. A few ragtag pirate cavalry units chase around infinitely-reinforcing noble rebels. This is stressful!
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Reached picture limit.