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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Tahuti

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What's the biggest empire you have managed to create yet?

The Polish Empire, created by me covered nearly all of Central Europe and parts of Western and Eastern europe as well. I used alot of vassalisations and diploannexings in order to achieve this all. After the annexation of Austria I deceided to expand futher westwards conquering virtually all of Germany (a large portion was occupied by Bohemia which I vassilized as part of the peace terms). Around the beginning of the 1700s, I diploannexed Burgundy, and It started to bore! :rolleyes:
 

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"The Biggest Empire?"

She replied with only a stare that seemed to pierce his soul, which made him panic all the more.

"Yes, Andrew. What was the biggest empire in the history of the world?"

"The Biggest Empire." Andrew's eyes quickly darted around the classroom as he tried to stall for time. But all he could see were his classmates staring at him intensely. He began to sweat.

"Uh... Was it the... Tibetian Empire?"

To this the classroom responded only with laughter. Even Ms. Harper, the teacher that he adored. He sat down and began to cry, but the laughter continued.




The memory of that day still lingered in his mind, twenty years and a doctorate in theoretical physics from Princeton University later. But at last, it was done. A machine that could travel through time, all the way back to 1453 if he chose to.

He'd show them. He'd go back in time and make his answer right. Then everything in his life would become perfect. He was sure of it.
 
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"Dr. Warden, please listen to reason! There are about a million reasons why you shouldn't do this! This is madness!"

"Madness, Ms. Mulroy?" He turned to stare at her. "No. This is what I have been waiting for for twenty years! This is the culmination of my life's work! All those years of hard study, sleepless nights performing the calculations, my wife leaving me, the three men that I had to kill, the goat I drunkenly sodomized that spring break in Greece, all of it was worth it just for this chance! This chance to fix that one mistake!"

"But Dr. Warden!" she pleaded. "That one mistake you blew ridiculously out of proportion, to a degree that is not even sane, was what drove you to become of the most well-respected physicists in the world! Look what you've brought to us!" She indicated the large, complex machine that dominated the room. "You proved that not only time travel is possible, but that it is feasible! You're even up for the Nobel Prize next year and you're a shoo-in! Are you going to throw all that away for what your twelve-year-old self thought was important?"

"Yes. Yes I would." He solemnly reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture that he had kept for years. Oft-examined and held, it was quite worn around the edges. "For Ms. Harper, I would do anything. I don't care what the 'medical and psychiatrical experts' said. Her suicide was not caused by her long history of abandonment and alcoholism and the emotional trauma from the rape incident three days prior to it. No, it was her disappointment in me as a student on that fateful day that drove her to take her own life." A single tear rolled down Andrew's cheek. "And wow! Look at that rack! Here, do you see it? Look at the picture. Wow! It's like they defy-"

He was stopped by the extremely, and rightfully so, cold stare that was the reply to him.

"Well. My previous graduate assistant would have been only happy to agree, and quite enthusiastically! I bet he wouldn't have all these nagging problems with this venture that you do. He's a researcher at Chicago now."

Natasha sighed with exasperation. "Dr. Warden, is there absolutely anything that can change your mind on this?"

"No, no there isn't. Now push the button! I'm ready to go!"

She did so. And with the biggest smile ever grinned, Professor Andrew Warden, PhD, was hurled more than five hundred years into the past.
 
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The first thing he felt was the cold. Not any kind of cold that could be experienced by mortal man. The ultimate cold. Zero degrees Kelvin. Absolute zero. It could literally not get any colder, for that was the temperature when all molecular activity ceased. It was actually just a theoretical concept, but in the corridor through time it was a very real thing.

The second thing he felt was the cold. This time it was the cold of the snow-covered Tibetian mountainside he found himself on. It made him miss absolute zero.

But he remembered: He had a mission! And that mission was not to die of exposure while sobbing from misery on a desolate Tibetan mountainside in 1453! No! It was to conquer that mountainside, and after that mountainside, the world, to make Tibet into the biggest empire in the history of the world! Which meant that he could sob with misery a little, as long as he got up eventually. Which was fortunate, because he already was.

And eventually, he got up, too. And after hours of aimlessly wandering around in the freezing cold with absolutely no idea what he was doing, he stumbled upon some yaks, and nearby, some Tibetan yak herders. He raised his stiffening arm, and shouted a greeting through bluing lips.

When they only replied with looks of confusion he finally realized that sometime during his twenty-year preparation for this quest he really should have learned how to speak Tibetan.

eu31uh9.jpg

You can feel the cold just looking at it! Wow!
 
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The_Carbonater

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Good luck!:p
 

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It was a typical day for Archbishop Trakpa Chunge in that there really was not much for him to do. He was completely unaware of the world-changing event that had just occurred only a few miles from him, as he wandered the Archbishopric Palace in Lhasa alone. Eventually, as he always did, he made his way to the only other resident of the Palace, one Ngawang Namgyal Tashi, who as usual was carving a figurine from a block of wood.

"What are you carving there, Tashi?" he asked.

"It is a yak," he grunted in reply. "It's always a yak."

Indeed, it was always a yak. Behind Ngawang Namgyal Tashi was a pile of carved yaks stacked as high as a man was tall. And not just an ordinary man, but a man that was exactly five feet and three inches tall.

"Tashi, why do you carve all these yaks?"

"Because, Trakpa, I have a dream." For a moment he put down his carving tools and stared off into the distance wistfully. "I have a dream that if I carve enough yaks, one day we can build yak-carving workshops all over Tibet, and bring prosperity to this land."

"That is a very silly dream, Tashi."

"I know, Trakpa." He went back to carving. "But to be honest it is the only thing that keeps me sane in this life of miserable boredom with no end in sight."

eu32fe0.jpg


"By the way, I think we should give more power to the aristocracy over the rich."

"Great idea, Tashi! As the Buddha said, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven."

That threw Ngawang Namgyal Tashi off for a moment, but only a moment.

"No, nothing like that. I just wanted to see the production rate of these yaks rise a little, which it somehow will if we give more power to the nobility."

eu34ww0.jpg


"Oh." Archbishop Trakpa Chunge was disappointed.
 

germanpeon

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This is both cool and confusing! Good luck conquering the world.
 

EvilSanta

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I am starting to believe Kaiserguard is anonymous' sockpuppet, that masterfully he stole this thread for his own shady purposes.
 

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With a goodbye, in proper if heavily accented Tibetan this time, Andrew Warden waved farewell to the Tibetan yak herders that had taken care of him for the past three years. They had not only taught him the intricacies of yak husbandry but also- Wait, that's pretty much all they had taught him. It was a wonder he had managed to absorb their language at all, between grueling 12-hour shifts of taking care of yaks so that he could be fed.

But now he was back on track with his mission. He had been planning it for decades. He would reach the leaders that ruled Tibet in their capital of Lhasa, and introduce himself with an introduction so fine and mighty they would have no choice but to give the reins of power over their country to this strange traveller from the future, even as the country's rulers and forms of government changed throughout the ages. He would then use this untrammeled power over every aspect of every Tibetan citizen's life to make Tibet into the biggest empire the world has ever seen! He was sure of it!

He strode into the Archbishopric Palace with his head held up high and his heart full of confidence. He spotted the Archbishop, pointed at him pointedly, and announced-

"Oh, are you that Japanese painter we hired? Tensho Shubun?"

eu317hw8.jpg

This happened June 1454.

"Uh... Yes! Yes I am that Tensho Shubun. Yes I am him."

"But if you are Tensho Shubun, then who is that behind you?"

He looked behind with dread and saw a bearded Japanese man carrying an easel and some paints.

"Why, that's Japanese painter Tensho Shubun, of course!"

"Oh," said Trakpa. "Then who are you? And why are you here?"

"I, um, am a Japanese diplomat, named... Mochitoyo Tokugawa! Yes, that's Japanese, isn't it? And I've come... to bring news that Japan has offered you a military alliance! Congratulations!"

eu312og5.jpg

This happened Oct 1453

"Oh, that's very nice. We will accept. You can go back to Japan and tell your superiors that."

"Uh... wait!" Andrew was panicking again. This was certainly not how he planned for things to go. "But I don't want to go to Japan! I want to stay here and help you Tibetans!"

"Oh really? And how can you help us?"

"Uh... I'm a diplomat, right? I can advise you in diplomat-stuff, I guess?"

"Well, I'm sorry Mochi. But we already spent most of the gold in our treasury hiring the very talented Tensho Shubun there." He indicated the painter behind Andrew, who had set up his easel and was now painting a picture of a nearby yak. "We simply do not have the funds to hire an advisor with any talent."

"But I... uh... Don't have any talent! Yeah that's it! I'm terrible at this job! I formed an alliance between Tibet and Japan, for crying out loud!"

"I suppose that's true." Trakpa thought for a minute. "Very well. We will hire you. But remember that as the least-skilled advisor you will be the lowest-ranking member in our government."

eu328oi5.jpg

This happened Jan 1457

As Trakpa Chunge walked away, Andrew realized that his position was not the best one. He certainly did not have the complete influence over every decision Tibet would make that he had originally wanted. He would have to use his little influence in small ways to carefully maneuever the leaders of Tibet into making decisions that would help turn it into the biggest empire. But it would not be easy. No, it would be long and difficult, and he would have to be very subtle.

The next day, he gained military access from Pegu.

eu325yi8.jpg

This happened Oct 1455. Yes these dates don't fit the story shut up.

And the day after that, he turned Tibet's national consciousness to that of a crusader state, raised a mercenary army, and declared war on the nation of Bengal.