The Hour of Power
1492-1519
…Shadow-fighting was taken to a new level earlier this evening, as the Prince-of-Darkness-Look-Alike-Really-Secret-Entity went fisticuffs against the Shades of Memory Lost over the rights to True Darkness(tm). While the eventual outcome is in doubt, the PoDLARSE has recently been joined by the dynamic duo of Peter Mandelsohn and Dick Cheney of Earth #2, and it is speculated that this might be an initiation rite. In other news, despite progress, the average rate of births STILL exceeds the rate of deaths. Spokesbeing B’rian B’rian of the Unusual Eviscerators denies responsibility.
[deep evil voice] Bwhahahahaa. Welcome to.... the Hour of Power!
MEPHISTOPHELES: I am the bite behind the bark, I am the knife behind the back, I am the joker without humour, I am the cry of finality, I am the rage in the heart of the bold, and the terror in the heart of the craven, I am the light beyond the dark, and the dark beyond the light, I was the cause of the primal scream, and this is my show, the
Hour of Power!
ASMODEUS: And I am Asmodeus, and, while I cannot beat Mephistopheles in terms sheer of megalomania, I can assess a soul at a glance down to a centi-sin. I also do card tricks.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Tonight it is our pleasure to bring to your attention a lighter fare than usual.
ASMODEUS: And believe me that was not easy to find.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Follow us as we view the natural splendours of Asia on Earth #29. See the birds shot out of the air by hunting enthusiasts, rejoice in the serfdom of the downtrodden serfs. Laugh with us as the nobility exercises their powers to the fullest – and to their damnation. See virtue ever embattled, ever on the lookout for some dummy with more brawn than brain and a True Soul.
ASMODEUS: In other words, it is business as usual.
MEPHISTOPHELES: And that soul has been found! – or, to be more precise, ELEVEN souls have been found. Where one soul might have been sufficient to be the One True Guardian of Heaven on Earth, eleven souls is ten too many. Thus, these eleven mighty souls, each of them a potential Crusader for good, do what humans do best.
ASMODEUS: They fight for the right to call themselves good. Currently, Alesso of China, whose arse sits the Throne of Heaven itself, is clearly the one who is good. He says so himself. On the other hand, considering that his first actions upon claiming the throne was to banish his brothers rather than sharing the ample power of the throne, his claim must be considered… Imperfect.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Eleven mortal souls tied to eleven undying bodies. No matter how badly hurt, no matter how dismembered (as you shall shortly see), the will lives on. Eleven souls that now, because of the selfishness of the youngest brother Alesso, strive against each other to achieve superiority, lay waste to the lands of Asia.
ASMODEUS: Alesso, we salute you! No man out to do evil could have done better than you!
[canned laughter]
MEPHISTOPHELES: Predictably, the scorned older brothers have taken control of the destiny of nations, and wage war upon each other to gain the strength to challenge Alesso. In the west, decades’ long fighting between the puny Alvaro of the Chagatai and Amzad of the Mughals over the rights to conquer the sheep-loving Uzbeks, sees the mighty Qutb-ud-din Aibak of Delhi drawn in on the side of Amzad. When the dust settles, Alvaro, long known as a master of animal husbandry, owns their arses.
ASMODEUS: And sheep.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Indeed, and sheep, and both Amzad and Alvaro lie stricken with mortal wounds on the field of battle. Wishing to die, but entirely unable to, they are brought to their capitals for R&R from which they will in the fullness of time rise again.
ASMODEUS: On an interesting side note, that war was rather more vicious and longer-lasting than expected by disinterested onlookers because it was (or so it is said) lavishly funded by the Good Alesso. That significantly increased civilian casualties, and the region is expected to be decades in recovering.
MEPHISTOPHELES: That’s nice. I might end up liking Alesso. To end the tale of the western fighting, it would appear that both the Mughals and the Chagatai are now striking for unexplored Siberia. If everything goes according to plan, they will be able to divide it equally in peace and prosperity.
ASMODEUS: Thankfully, things seldom go according to plan. If nothing else, the question of who gets the gold mines should be good for at least one large-scale war.
MEPHISTOPHELES: The second field of battle was India, where Quth-ud-din Aibak of Delhi, Sui-cuf-noc of Bengal, and Bistami of Vijayanagar fought for supremacy in an interesting three-way fight with occasional alliances. When the smoke settled, it was clear that Bistami was the victor. While Quth-ud-din-Aibak did get a small share, he was far behind in the race… And as for Sui-cuf-noc? Well, somebody has got to lose, and he did it big.
ASMODEUS: Possibly because his armies were engaged in Africa most of the time, fighting fierce Mameluke hordes as he conquered Delta, Alexandria, and other parts thereabouts.
MEPHISTOPHELES: There is that. Losing most of your men, and, I believe, your own body, to a fight far from the main scene of the action can put a crimp in your style. Now, Alexandria is a rich target, but even for such a target, the expense seems excessive. Can you elaborate, Asmodeus?
ASMODEUS: Of course, Mephistopheles. According to a reliable rumour caught by an INN seductress 1st class, Sui-cuf-noc was trying for an end run. To put it bluntly, he wanted to relocate the centre of his power to Africa, to leave his brothers behind while he built an African power base for world domination.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Nice plan. So, what went wrong?
ASMODEUS: He failed to consider the source of his power. Eleven brothers, each more powerful than any of the mortal rulers, and they all end up in control of nations – in Asia. Coincidence? I think not. The source of his powers lies somewhere in Asia, probably near the place he ended up ruling, and the further away the weaker he gets. He could no more relocate to Africa than he could give up his curse of immortality. Thus, despite financial aid from Alesso (that financier of wars), he ended up, overall, rather the worse for wear. He also lost against BrotherX of Vientiane.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Well, in that case, bad cess to him. The third field of battle was in Indochina and places south. BrotherX of Vientiane, Muhammed of Brunei, Drake of Mataram, and Ilyar of Malacca did a careful dance of alliances, betrayals, wars, and… Asmodeus, just what sort of stupid name is BrotherX?
ASMODEUS: Apparently, he is the Brother who used to be called Brother Dummy by his brothers, due to his occasional acts of incredible stupidity, and over the decades it sort of stuck. When he secured power in Vientiane, he decided that the most important thing he lacked was a middle name, as all important people have a middle name, but as he could not come up with one, he just chose an initial from the arse end of the alphabet, representing nothing. He was thus briefly known as Brother X Dummy, but after his assumption of power it was shortened to BrotherX by a vizier somewhat smarter than his master.
MEPHISTOPHELES: That was just SO much more information than I wanted, Asmodeus.
ASMODEUS: I aim to please.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Right. Be that as it may, in the four-way fight in the east, Muhammed and Brunei ended up the clear victors. Muhammed, though managing to get his body dismembered by rebels, did end up colonising most of the neighbouring islands, became a major trading power, and, moreover, he managed not to lose any provinces at all when he and Ilyar fought Drake for the right to…
ASMODEUS: … colonise two provinces.
MEPHISTOPHELES: You’ve got to be kidding, Asmodeus.
ASMODEUS: Nope. That would appear to be what they were fighting for. In addition to personal gratification, of course..
MEPHISTOPHELES: Right. Goes without saying. Anyhow, while Drake ended up losing the rights to those two colonies, Ilyar ended up the real loser, when Drake brought BrotherX into the war. BrotherX took three Buddhist provinces off Ilyar and forced Ilyar to flee the mainland, his last tattered survivors fiercely pursued by BrotherX himself.
ASMODEUS: Indeed. Ilyar was the clear loser. However, notice how Ilayr, Muhammed, and Drake settled their differences after the war and joined in alliance?
MEPHISTOPHELES: Certainly, Asmodeus. And I also noticed how certain parties of that alliance were financed by Alesso. Does he have nothing to do save financing warmongers? Not that that is a bad thing, of course, but one does wonder. Now, as to the alliance, this is quite obviously a grand naval alliance intended to rule the waves, live in prosperity, and possibly punish BrotherX.
ASMODEUS: Far be it from me to disagree with you, Mephistophelse, but
MEPHISTOPHELES: But you’ll do it anyhow. You always do.
ASMODEUS: Indeed. An alternative scenario – far out, of course – is that it is not a long-lasting alliance but a temporary convenience. Now that Ilyar and Muhammed has fought Drake before, and it is entirely likely that they will turn on him again in order to get the nice Zanzibar Centre of Trade amongst other things.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Sure, it could happen – but is it likely?
ASMODEUS: If they cut a deal with BrotherX, who could prevent it?
MEPHISTOPHELES: Alesso?
ASMODEUS: Well, yes, his Chinese are very good at swimming, but I was thinking of somebody closer to home. Bistami, lord of Vijayanagar. He is mighty, rich, and his people are Hindus. Just like Drake’s. One has armies, the other a fleet. That is not too bad a basis for an alliance. Bistami is sure to be looking for a naval partner at some time, and what better time than the present?
MEPHISTOPHELES: The past?
ASMODEUS: Yes,
obviously things were better in the past.
MEPHISTOPHELES: Surely. Even nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. I’m afraid it is time for one of those loving commercials from the talented people who pay our wages. Join us in the second third of the HoP after this 17 minute ad break.
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