Holy Shit
a. What the Pope said when he saw 75,000 Austrians heading his way
b. Slang: expletive phrase denoting extreme anger, fear or puzzlement
Papal States 1739
Aristocracy 6
Centralism 4
Innovativeness 2
Mercantilism 6
Offensive 6
Land 7
Quality 10
Serfdom 5
Land Tech 27
Naval Tech 20
Trade 5
Infrastructure 4
$637 in the bank with stability at +2.
I still have an extremely bad reputation. Even after losing three provinces?
Still in a military alliance with my good old buddy France.
I’m at peace but as we all know not for long.
Just to give you an idea why I’m a little leery of Austria, they have reached land tech 36. France is at level 29 so they aren’t much better off than I am. Austria also has a few leaders running around and I’m not eager to pick a fight with them.
I have 31,000 Infantry and 4,000 Calvary. My navy consists of 9 warships and 8 transports.
Sicily and Apulia still have 1% revolt risk and Messina is at 2%.
Okay so what does all this crap mean? It means this.
Goals: I don’t have to worry about picking a fight. Either Genoa or Austria is going to DOW me so I just need to get as ready as I can and see what happens. So conquering at least one and if I’m lucky two provinces would be nice. I don’t have a preference for which ones to grab.
January 1739
Austria declared war upon us! Eire, Luxembourgh and Brandenburg joined the war on the same side as Austria. France joined the war on the same side as Papal States. This happened on the 2nd, which might be a new record. Okay the usual group doing the usual thing.
Ottoman Empire declared war upon Georgia. Pommern joined the war on the same side as Ottoman Empire. Russia and Ukraine joined the war on the same side as Georgia. I’m hoping that Georgia can hold on just a little longer so that I can at least have the illusion of being strong enough for them to do something.
Genoa declared war upon us! Spain joined the war on the same side as Genoa.
France joined the war on the same side as Papal States. Well I think that takes care of everybody. Have we left anyone behind? Everyone aboard the bus? Yep, okay let’s rumble.
March 1739
So in the beginning the war with Austria revolved around Romagna, Mantua, Lombardia and Schwyz. We traded capturing and recapturing these provinces throughout the war. I made a point of not fighting any battles when their army had a leader. In fact I didn’t give them any pitched battles for the first year of the war. This is because they were moving their main armies into France and there were some colossal battles taking place there. So my part in the beginning was a game of the hounds and the hare. Chase me if you can but you won’t catch me!
So the war goes back and forth and to break this stalemate I land troops in Istria and eventually capture it and Pest. My problem was that even though I was getting the better of Austria I was having problems getting a high enough victory score to get more than one province. This was because France was having a rough time of it. I decided not to go for a separate peace because France was throwing tens of thousands of men at Austria and I didn’t want to leave them in the lurch. What can I say I’m loyal to a fault? Well that and I didn’t want Austria to get any of France’s provinces. Austria is getting too damn big! The war lasted until June 1742.
April 1739
Genoa rejected our generous peace offer! They are a pain in the ass and I’m losing my patience with them. I see Charles de Lorraine leading a 39,000 man Austrian army toward France. He runs head long into an 82,000 man French army led by Conti. Austria lost an army and leader. Hurray!
May1739
Aragon declared war upon France. Scotland joined the war on the same side as Aragon. Papal States joined the war on the same side as France. Someone is always late for the bus. Can the Pope handle three wars at one time? Sure why not? After all they don’t call him the Pope for nothing!
July 1739
Russia accepted peace with Ottoman Empire on the following terms. Russia pays $69 in indemnities. Oh look the Turks gave the Russians a bloody nose so they ran away crying. What a worthless ally to have. My little sister would be a stronger ally.
Papal States accepted peace with Genoa on the following terms. Papal States pays $38 in indemnities. I’m going to make them pay big time some day for harassing me.
May 1740
There are around 60,000 Austrians running around Northern Italy right now. It was at this time that the Pope let loose with a “Holy Shit” and decided that it was best to keep his head down. I let the Austrians do their thing and simply waited for an opportunity.
November 1740
I’m watching 72,000 Austrians march off to France and I’m still keeping my head down until they’re gone. No I’m not afraid, I’m cautious.
Aragon rejected our generous peace offer! They aren’t hurting me but I can’t see getting anything from them so I want out of this useless war.
Georgia accepted peace with Ottoman Empire on the following terms. Georgia pays $84 in indemnities. Crimea to Ottoman Empire. Shit in a bucket! If Crimea revolts and declares its independence from the Ottomans I’m going to see how far I can throw a computer!
April 1741
Ottoman Empire declared war upon Mameluks. Pommern joined the war on the same side as Ottoman Empire. Aden and Hedjaz joined the war on the same side as Mameluks. The Ottomans are on a roll. Watch out Mameluks.
May1741
Papal States accepted peace with Luxembourgh on the following terms. Papal States pays $12 in indemnities. I never saw any men from Luxembourgh. I just got tired of turning down their constant peace offers. I had a girl friend who wouldn’t take no for an answer. I married her and now when she won’t take no for an answer I just say, “Yes dear whatever you say dear.” Of course I don’t listen to what she’s saying and it drives her nuts. Ah, the joys of marriage. Believe me gentlemen the phrase “Yes dear whatever you say dear” will save your marriage from unneeded strife. It also helps to mutter under your breath so that she isn’t sure what you’re saying. But that’s part of lesson two of “How I survived my marriage in ten easy lessons”. Remind me to purge this from my computer. I wouldn’t want my better half to read this!
Aragon accepted peace with France on the following terms. France pays $26 in indemnities. At least that war is over.
April 1742
The last main battle of the war has 62,000 French and Papal States soldiers besieging Lombardia who are attacked by 33,000 Austrians. We kicked their rosy red asses back to Austria. We kicked them so hard they glowed red in the dark.
June 1742
Papal States accepted peace with Austria on the following terms. Romagna to Papal States. It’s the best that I was going to get from them this war. I hate to say it but France is still a valuable ally for suckering the Austrians into attacking deep into France. The Austrians kept trying to capture a mighty fort and never did succeed. Austria must have had close to 200,000 men at one time during this war. The Pope can generate quite a few himself but not enough to handle Austria himself.
May 1743
Mameluks accepted peace with Ottoman Empire on the following terms. Sivas and Konya to Ottoman Empire. Damn! Didn’t I just upgrade both provinces’ forts? Wasn’t that to make it more difficult for the Ottomans to capture them? Am I an idiot? Don’t answer that. At least neither one is a victory province.
July 1743
I order an upgrade (small) to the fort in Romagna. You see I’m going to make it more difficult for the Austrians to capture the province. Wait a minute, something doesn’t sound right.
August 1745
Genoa declared war upon us! Spain joined the war on the same side as Genoa.
France joined the war on the same side as Papal States. Enough is enough I mean to get something from Genoa this time. “I’ve stood all I can stand I can’t stands no more!” Anyone know who said that?
October1745
We have initiated a siege in Liguria. No more mister nice guy. The Pope is taking his robes off for this fight.
April1746
Bavaria entered a Military Alliance with France and Papal States. The problem with this is that rebels control the capital of Bavaria and are besieging its other province. So they have no soldiers to help out in any war. And on top of that they hate the Pope. So I don’t plan on counting on them for any help.
Bavaria joined the war on the same side as France in their war against Dakota. Whoopee for them. Watch out Dakota here comes nobody.
Bavaria joined the war on the same side as Papal States and France in their war against Genoa and Spain. Big deal.
July 1746
Aragon declared war upon France. Scotland joined the war on the same side as Aragon. Bavaria and Papal States joined the war on the same side as France.
I’m getting a bit pissed at Aragon. If I can I’m going to try to grab an island or two from them or if not them then someone else. I have a good size fleet so why not?
October 1746
Genoa accepted peace with France on the following terms. France pays $72 in indemnities. France is pretty worn out right now. They need a rest badly but they keep DOWing tribes in the Americas.
December 1746
We have engaged hostile armies in Sardinia. How did this happen? I poked around with my fleet looking for an easy island to take and what I found was depressing. Crete has 32,000 Spanish soldiers camped out on it. Genoa has an army of 42,000 on Corsica and Aragon has an army of 12,000 on Sardinia. Now I did the number crunching, without a slider ruler, and believe it or not I decided to invade Sardinia. I won the battle and started the siege.
February 1747
We captured the province of Liguria from Genoa. I took everything they had in their treasury, which was only $150. If they would just get those men off of Sardinia I would have a chance of really hurting them.
July 1747
Austria declared war upon us! Eire, Luxembourgh and Brandenburg joined the war on the same side as Austria. France joined the war on the same side as Papal States. Bavaria dishonored your Military Alliance. What did I tell you? I want out of this war as soon as I can because I have less than two years remaining before moving on to Georgia.
September 1747
We have initiated a siege in Lombardia. We have initiated a siege in Mantua.
September 1747
Russia declared war upon Nogai. Mameluks, Aden and Hedjaz joined the war on the same side as Nogai. Hmm no Georgia or Ukraine joining in on the fun?
December 1747
France accepted peace with Scotland on the following terms. France pays $72 in indemnities. France is putting down a lot of revolts and is running out of men. Luckily Austria is moving toward them and not me.
January 1748
We captured the province of Lombardia from Austria. Papal States accepted peace with Austria on the following terms. Austria pays $275 in indemnities. I use the money to upgrade the fort in Romagna to medium. Let Austria try and take it now!
May 1748
So there I am besieging away in Sardinia where I’m making progress when France shows up with a leader and steals the siege. I threw in the towel and left the island and started looking for a way out of this stupid war.
July 1748
Papal States accepted peace with Aragon on the following terms. Papal States pays $75 in indemnities. Fine let France handle them alone.
Yes I could have done better if I had abandoned France in the first war but I have a soft spot for them in my heart. At least as long as they can draw the Austrians to them like a moth to a flame. Now please let the Pope hang on to everything!
Victory Count 10
