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Storey

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Nalivayko Thanks for posting the screen shot. Maybe now people will understand the nightmares I’m having involving the Ottomans. :D By the way they continue to grow larger.

Lionheart I plan on taking Emilia back and more.

Amric I have to stay away from Nubia. Sadly all their provinces are Orthodox and I don’t want a fourth religion in my Empire. Also I won’t start an alliance between any of the contestants, so no Georgia-Mameluks alliance. Now if the AI starts the alliance that’s okay but with the countries I’ve chosen I don’t think that’s likely to happen. :D

Backpack Venice is down to one province and I have been eyeing it but a funny thing happened before I could try to annex it…

I’ll try to get the next post up today.
 

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Yikes. The Turks are scary to all three of your nations. I pictured them big and ugly, but not that BIG and that UGLY! I hope you have a good supply of drinks -- you will need it.
 

Storey

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Stroph1 Provisions are in ample supply. :D
 

Storey

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Gamble
a. Not the way I play
b. To bet on an uncertain outcome, as of a contest


Mameluks 1669

I have an honorable reputation and +1 stability with $383 in the treasury along with 43% inflation.
I’m still in a Military alliance with Persia.
I’m at war with Persia against Baluchistan.
I have 10,000 Infantry, 48,000 Calvary and 1 cannon. Gee I have a cannon.
I’m floating along with 6 warships and 1 transport in Alexander and 6 warships and 4 transports in the Red Sea. The AI is persistent in building a fleet in the Red Sea.

Land Tech 10
Naval Tech 3
Trade level 2
Infrastructure 2

Persia is in the middle of an event that is causing a +8 to revolt risk.

Goal: Hit the Ottomans hard but first there are these conditions. Both Persia and I have to reach a peace agreement with Baluchistan. I need to get to +2 stability. Because it’s going to cost me three stability hits to DOW another Sunni country. If my stability goes below –1 I start running the risk of revolts. Persia needs to get through its revolt event problem. The Ottomans have to get into a war with another country or countries. Then and only then will I DOW them. Why walk through this minefield to fight the Turks? Well as my mother’s brother who was named Clyde, funny enough I use to call him uncle Clyde, use to say. “Boy what the hell’s wrong with you? You got a gall dang hair up your ass or what? If you do pull the damn thing out or I’ll pull it out for you and you won’t like it!” About this time he would spit some tobacco out of his mouth and wipe the brown stain off his chin with the back of a hairy arm. He actually wasn’t too bad. When I was around seven I remember him offering me a chew of his tobacco. Anyway back to uncle Clyde’s obsession with hair. I made sure never to put myself in a position (so to speak) to let uncle Clyde follow through on his threat, thank God, but I did learn a valuable lesson. If you have a hair up your ass pull it out and right now the Ottomans are the biggest hair that I’ve ever seen.

September 1671

Our land technology increased to Renaissance (11). We can now build level 3 Fortresses.

January 1672

Our stability increased to +2. Okay one goal reached

March 1672

We went with Deny Petition in Petition for Redress. Okay we’re back to +1. The other choice would have cost me 4 stability points. The peasants in Iraq are revolting and they are crushed like the vermin they are.

October1672

Baluchistan accepted peace with Persia on the following terms. Baluchistan pays $55 in indemnities. Okay Persia and I are at peace. Two goals reached.

Austria declared war upon Ottoman Empire. Cool! Bavaria and Genoa joined the war on the same side as Austria. Algiers and Armenia joined the war on the same side as Ottoman Empire. I forgot to mention that the Ottomans are already at war with Spain. At first I didn’t think this would matter but Spain landed 10,000 men and are attacking the Ottomans. Three Goals reached.

January 1673

Heretics happened to us. The peasants in Delta are revolting! The peasants in Lebanon are revolting! I don’t need this but I have plenty of troops to handle the problem and the Rebels are crushed. But I lose a stability point so I stand down my armies. I still have plenty of time.

October 1673

Our stability increased. Up to +2 again but Persia is still putting down revolts. I’ll wait a little while longer. I’m going to need Persia and their manpower.

January 1674

France declared war upon Brittany. Papal States joined the war on the same side as France. Venice, Aragon and Portugal joined the war on the same side as Brittany. I don’t think this is a problem. Aragon hasn’t been a danger for some time now and Venice is weak.

February 1674

Assassination of Noble happened to us. Our stability dropped. Down to +1 again. I’m pumping all my research into stability.

June 1674

Brittany accepted peace with France on the following terms. Full Annexation of Brittany by France.

July1674

Papal States accepted peace with Venice on the following terms. Papal States pays $31 in indemnities. Venice is beginning to annoy me. Persia’s revolt event is over so I move the land maintenance slider to 100% and start moving my armies into position. I have one revolt to deal with and then it’s time to cook the turkey.

January 1675

Damn! We went with Try to eradicate the problems in Corruption. Ah hell. I lost 4 stability points. I’m down to -2. The other choice was +10 to inflation and I didn’t want to do that. But now I have a problem. I’m half way through the turn, which means time is running out. Persia’s revolt event is over and I don’t think they are going to stay at peace for very long. So even though DOWing the Ottomans is going to put me at –3 stability I’m going to do it. It’s going to be quite a gamble but I’m going to grab that hair and pull it out roots and all.

Mameluks declared war upon Ottoman Empire. Algiers and Armenia joined the war on the same side as Ottoman Empire. Persia joined the war on the same side as Mameluks in their war against Ottoman Empire.

Persia turned out to be a great help in the war. They marched a large army to Armenia and besieged the province. Why is this so great? Well I watched a 35,000 man Armenian army march toward the Balkans to fight Austria several months earlier. Now around 25,000 came marching back to attack the Persians. The Ottomans even threw a few men their way. In the meantime I didn’t waste time.

February1675

We have initiated a siege in Sivas.

April 1675

We have initiated a siege in Adana. This was just to cover the province. I’ve learned my lesson in trying to capture Adana in the earlier wars. This time so I’m going to concentrate on some of the minimal fortresses in the area.

May 1675

We have initiated a siege in Taurus.

June 1675

We have initiated a siege in Antalya.

August 1675

We have initiated a siege in Konya.

November 1675

We have initiated a siege in Anatolia.

February 1676

We have initiated a siege in Trabzon. If it doesn’t move besiege it. If it moves besiege it anyway because it’s going to eventually stop moving.

March 1676

Our stability increased. Wow I’m at –2 again. We have initiated a siege in Adana. What can I say? I had a few extra men and I’m an optimist.

Unhappiness among the Peasantry happened to us. Just great, two stability hits and once again I’m at –3. Almost all of my provinces have 1% revolt risk just because of this. The peasants in Egypt are revolting! The peasants in Aleppo are revolting! This is serious because I don’t have enough men to deal with rebels right now. Revolts are popping up faster than pimples on a teenager’s face. As usual I won’t go into gory details of the back and forth fighting with rebels. I’ll just point out the low points because it’s more dramatic that way.

April 1676

We captured the province of Taurus from Ottoman Empire.

Ottoman Empire rejected our generous peace offer! I tried for a province but the Ottomans answered “No way Jose” or something close to that.

May1676

Taurus has been besieged by Ottoman Empire. The Ottoman counter attack is starting in earnest. I repel several small Ottoman armies and continue my sieges. This is getting worrisome as the flow of Ottomans from the Balkans continues to slowly increase.

July 1676

We captured the province of Sivas from Ottoman Empire

August 1676

We have initiated a siege in Angora.

August 1676

France declared war upon Cherokee. When will they ever learn? At least they never ask the Pope to join in the fun.

October 1676

Ukraine declared war upon Ottoman Empire. Georgia and Russia
joined the war on the same side as Ukraine. Algiers and Armenia joined the war on the same side as Ottoman Empire. Now this could be very interesting! What stirred up the Ukrainians?

December 1676

Ottoman Empire accepted peace with Austria on the following terms. Ottoman Empire pays $200 in indemnities. I want to end this before all those troops in the Balkans start to find their way to me.

February 1677

We captured the province of Anatolia from Ottoman Empire. Ottoman Empire accepted our generous peace offer. I took Taurus from them. I move 10,000 Infantry 7,000 Calvary and 30 cannon to Taurus. I hope it will be enough to prevent any rebellions from succeeding there. Could I have taken more? Probably but there were some pressing problems urging me to end the war as in what happened next.

April 1677

We have lost control over Egypt to Rebel Scum. Yikes!

May 1677

The peasants in Taurus are revolting! We won a battle against Rebel Scum in Taurus. Passed the first test!

June 1677

We have initiated a siege in Egypt.

November 1677

The peasants in Delta are revolting! This continuing phase of revolt after revolt is not good. I’m running out of time and the revolt risk in most provinces is still around 1%.

I NEED STABILITY!

January 1678

We captured the province of Egypt from Rebel Scum.

May 1678

The peasants in Aleppo are revolting!

June 1678

We have lost control over Cyrenaica to Rebel Scum.

October 1678

We have initiated a siege in Cyrenaica.


January 1679

We have lost control over Aleppo to Rebel Scum. What a way to end a turn.

I gambled but I don’t know if I won or not. I’ve left the Mameluks in a precarious position. It will be another year before their stability goes up again so until then there will be revolts. The real reason I went for this war was because I was bored with the Mameluks. Every time I get close to maybe thinking I can do something with them something comes up and I have to start all over again. I finally came to the conclusion that they are never going to be ideally ready to attack the Ottomans. So I rolled the dice but I won’t know if I won until I return.

Victory count 11
 

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So I rolled the dice but I won’t know if I won until I return.

Even if this turns out to be a defeat, you will know that you did pull those hairs, which is something, in the end!

Nicely written.

By the way, if anybody ever says Joe doesn't have a pair, show them this story where your -3 Mamelukes took on that monster. Impressive!!!

:D
 

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Revolts are popping up faster than pimples on a teenager’s face
Where do you keep pulling those out of...uhh on second thought (flashbacks to tales of Uncle Clyde) don't answer that.;) Great update.

I got a smile out of all the conditions (almost as thick as a gov't construction contract) set for going to war and then doing it anyway even though the conditions weren't met. Glad to know I'm not the only one who says "what the hell" and does it anyway.
 

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Revolts are popping up faster than pimples on a teenager’s face.
I know, I know, Backpack already used that quote. But it's a very good one. Forever will the phrase 'The peasants in X are revolting' bring the image of exploding pimples to my mind. :)

A pleasure to read, as always, and it's good to see you kicked some Ottoman ass.
 

Storey

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Stroph1 Yes my balls clang when I walk. Lets hope I can keep them.

Backpack I approached this turn different than normal. I very carefully looked the situation over knowing that this might be a pivotal time for the Mameluks. So I painstakingly listed what was necessary for me to DOW the Ottomans. I had all the ducks lined up in a row when the destabilizing event hit me and I just said as you pointed out, the hell with it, and started the war anyway hoping for the best.

Commandante Thanks now lets pray it works out for the best in the long run.


Joe
 

Storey

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Pissant
a. Slang: An ant with a urinary problem, countries France is brave enough to DOW
b. One that is insignificant


Papal States 1679

I’m at peace and still in an alliance with France +200. Hmm our relations are a tad too high for comfort.
There is $179 in treasury with 47% inflation.
I have 7,000 Infantry, 18,000 Calvary. Also 11 warships and 8 transports await my command.

Land Tech 22
Naval Tech 16
Trade Level 4
Infrastructure 4

Goals: Well Duh! Attack Austria what else? Come on people this is the Pope we’re talking about here. You people need to pay a little closer attention! I notice they are already in a war against Hannover, England, Courland and Holstein. England has landed 15,000 men in Northern Italy and is battling the Austrians. One man’s pain is another man’s gain. You know I’ve become so jaded because of this game. Really. I use to like puppies and kittens before I started playing this game. Now I look at them and all I see is piss bladders just waiting to spray.

January 1679

Austria will now guarantee our independence. What? Maybe this is a gesture of friendship that I shouldn’t ignore? Maybe it’s the beginning of a new age of enlightened understanding between our two countries? Maybe it’s the dawn of an age of peace and prosperity? Maybe if we hold hands as we walk into the future we can stay friends forever? Nah, I still plan to kill the bastards.

February 1679

Ottoman Empire accepted peace with Russia on the following terms. Ottoman Empire pays $70 in indemnities. I’m starting to get worried about Georgia.

July 1679

Gentlemen it is time to rumble. Start your engines. Papal States declared war upon Austria. Bavaria and Genoa joined the war on the same side as Austria. France joined the war on the same side as Papal States.

We have initiated a siege in Emilia.

September 1679

We have initiated a siege in Liguria. I’ll try to take Genoa out of the war quickly.

January 1680

Piemonte has been besieged by Austria. Once again they go for Piemonte and it’s medium size fort. Close to 75,000 Austrians camp outside the walls. Of course they try an assault but it fails. That seems to have taken the fight out of them and they just sit there for the rest of the war.

February 1680

We won a battle against Genoa in Ligurian Sea. I notice that Genoa still has close to 48,000 men of Sardinia. Aren’t they getting cabin fever by now? I mean there have been at least 30,000 men on that damn island for the last 100 years.
However this might indicate a level of cunning never before seen by the AI. As long as Genoa keeps that many men on the island I can’t capture it. So Genoa is never in danger of being annexed. What a subtle mind the AI has.

March 1680

Papal States accepted peace with Bavaria on the following terms. Bavaria pays $55 in indemnities. France was getting the better of them but I’m not interested in Bavaria. It’s Austria I want. This peace agreement seems to irritate France as our relations go down.

We captured the province of Emilia from Austria

April 1680

Papal States accepted peace with Genoa on the following terms. Papal States pays $25 in indemnities. The pissant is out of the way and Austria stands alone.

May 1680

We have initiated a siege in Mantua.

May 1680

We have initiated a siege in Tyrol.

May 1680

Portugal annexed Venice. I’m really sorry this happened because if I could get Mantua from Austria I was going to attempt to annex Venice myself. That COT is very enticing. Let’s all hope for a good old fashion revolt.

June 1680

I start one of my Calvary attacks deep into Austria. Several battles are won.

August 1680

We captured the province of Mantua from Austria. We won a battle against Austria in Presburg. 50,000 French attack Austria in Piemonte but are thrown back. Still nice try don’t you think?

February 1681

Papal States accepted peace with Austria on the following terms. So Austria gives Emilia & Mantua to Papal States. It was almost too easy. I’m at the stage with the Papal States that I think I can duke it out with anyone and come out on top. Excuse me while I do the Ali shuffle. “Float like a butterfly sting like a bee.”

February 1681

France declared war upon Dakota. France has got to do something about this obsession with wars in the New World.

May 1681

Ukraine accepted peace with Ottoman Empire on the following terms. Ukraine pays $100 in indemnities. Hopefully Georgia is at peace.

June 1681

I have the money so I start promoting Legal Councils to Chief Judges. Every little bit helps.

December 1682

Hungary accepted peace with Ottoman Empire on the following terms. Full Annexation of Hungary by Ottoman Empire. The Turks continue to grow and grow and grow.

March 1684

Savoy declared war upon us! France joined the war on the same side as Papal States. There’s nothing I want from Savoy so I’m not going to be too aggressive in the war. Perhaps if France captures something I’ll give it to them in a peace agreement.

January 1685

Papal States accepted peace with Savoy on the following terms. Papal States pays $25 in indemnities. France seemed a little pissed off at me for ending both wars without them getting anything. My relations with them had fallen from +200 to around +120. I felt bad about it so we had a royal marriage and we’re back to around +145.

February 1685

France declared war upon Kongo. Well at least it’s a war on a different continent.

June 1685

Bavaria declared war upon us! Austria and Genoa joined the war on the same side as Bavaria. France joined the war on the same side as Papal States. Ho-Hum another war. I’m getting too blasé about this. Pride proceeds the fall or some such crap.

October 1685

The government of Cyprus has fallen. Now the funny thing about this is that for the last two times that I’ve played the Mameluks, rebels were besieging Cyprus. It took all of this time for them to succeed. I’m impressed with their determination.

December 1685

Piemonte has been besieged by Austria but only 60,000 show up this time. They must be wearing down a bit.

March 1686

Papal States accepted peace with Bavaria on the following terms. Return to Status Quo. I really didn’t want to pursue this any farther. I’ve got enough for the Papal States AI to try to hang of to. Next turn I may not be so kind.

July 1687

Mameluks declared war upon Ethiopia. Why do I think the AI is going to build more ships to add to the Red Sea fleet? I think Ethiopia is Orthodox so I really don’t want them.

May 1688

Oman entered a Military Alliance with Mameluks. Oman joined the war on the same side as Mameluks in their war against Ethiopia.

May1688

France accepted peace with Kongo on the following terms. France pays $75 in indemnities. France pays for peace? They get their butt kicked by the knogo?

May 1688

Aden entered a Military Alliance with Mameluks and Oman. Aden joined the war on the same side as Mameluks and Oman in their war against Ethiopia. What happened to Persia?

May1688

France declared war upon Cherokee. Oh for the love of God put a sock on it France.

June 1688

Persia entered a Military Alliance with Mameluks, Oman and Aden. Persia joined the war on the same side as Mameluks, Oman and Aden. Well speak of the devil.

I have a very bad reputation and I don’t give a damn about it. Bring them on I say. One at a time or all at once it doesn’t matter. I’ll hit them so hard in the mouth they’ll have to take their shoes off to brush their teeth. Sorry I just thought this AAR needed a little bravado. Kind of like adding salt and pepper to your meal to spice it up.

Victory count 8
 
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unmerged(15337)

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Good job again as usual. My favorite part was your reaction to Austria's guarantee of the Papal States.:)

France's colonial wars are unfortunately typical of what I've seen in my games: DOW some pagan country, fight an inconclusive war, then DOW a different pagan country, etc etc. And the wars are so poorly conducted that France (or Portugal, or ...) is just as likely to pay for peace as to receive an indemnity.

My heart is still with Georgia because it's the only one of your three countries I have played, and it was a fun game.:)
 

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My heart's with the Pope, because I've played the Papal States before. Although, not being blessed with inox testicles, I played more of the 'let's-hold-hands-and-relate' approach that Storey so thoroughly derided. Oh well, we can't all be bloodthirsty conquerors. :)

Well done on taking those two Italian provinces. Combined with your newfound confidence:
It was almost too easy. I’m at the stage with the Papal States that I think I can duke it out with anyone and come out on top.
I'm looking forward to the next turn of the peace-loving, friends-with-everybody Pope! :D
 

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That was impressive. Austria and France always make me shiver as the little guy. Sidenote: current game as Albania and Austria has a land connection from Netherlands all the way to my border and up into Poland. They also have a CB on my 7 province dirt poor undermaned Albania...*shiver*.

Good update Joe. So when does the Pope start talking Turkey.:D
 

Valdemar

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As always an excellent story storey :)

I've tried my hands with the mamelukes once, and it never ceased to amaze me how they can get in trouble with themselves, with out ever joining a war, I finally quit in disgust, I'm glad you haven't :)


V
 

Storey

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Strroph1 I do feel feistier when playing the Papal States. :D If they hold on to what they have I think Aragon might be next to feel the Pope’s wraith.

Lionheart That must be it. There has to be some explanation for France’s defeat. :D

jwolf Yea the European nations seem to have a hard time actually winning a war overseas. I have to admit I’m pulling for the Georgians because they are definitely the underdogs. Now if they put Crimea out of its misery maybe they can recover and get back in the race.

Stuyvesant I noted earlier that I tried to get three countries that would be quite different from one another but I’m surprised how different they have become. The Papal States is on the brink of becoming very powerful if the AI does it part and hangs on to Emilia and Mantua. But the same could be said about the Mameluks. They are starting to make enough money to allow me to take on the Ottomans, which is very nice. Poor Georgia is exactly that, poor. I’ve played the next turn with them and it’s a mixed bag to put it mildly.

Backpack You’re trying Albania? I thought I was crazy. :D Nothing like being between the Ottomans and the Austrians. I hope you’ve allied yourself with one of them.

Valdermar Well is took me until the late 1600’s to finally progress enough to feel like I could try something with them. Of course the AI did all of the expanding, which I find very amusing. If it can hold on to Taurus it will be the first province I’ve added in probably a hundred years. :D
 

nalivayko

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Kicked both Turkey and Austria? I am impressed. Good luck with Georgia.
 

Director

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Gee I have a cannon.
And the balls for it, too... Although when I first read that I was reminded of Professor Bernardo La Paz (?) in 'The Moon is a Harsh Mistress' and his story of the town cannon polisher.

I can just see the ornate ritual where hundreds of functionaries primp, polish and paint the cannon every day until it won't fire anymore! :D



The Pope is the only Italian who can unify Italy without uniting the Catholic world against him. :)


Nice updates: spicy, slightly tart with a warm finish.
 

Commandante

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Originally posted by Storey
I use to like puppies and kittens before I started playing this game. Now I look at them and all I see is piss bladders just waiting to spray.

This passage has officially made it into my collection of classic quotes... :D

You have a wonderful bitter irony in your writing, Storey! Marvellous!

Originally posted by Lionheart
Isn't the knogo a central african relative of the elusive wlak?

Furthermore, let us rejoice at the discovery of the wlak's oh-so-elusive relative, the Central African knogo! :D