So now that I have your attention what was this earth shaking event that changed the world or at least caused a hiccup that wobbled the earth on its axis? Well I managed to get a white peace from Burgundy. Now does that kick start the adrenalin and pour white lightening in your veins? Hey don’t look at me like that, I warned you earlier in the AAR that I lie. So you think a cliffhanger is above lying about? Boy are you guys easy. Look what can I say, it’s a family survival characteristic. I learned at a precocious age to lie to my grandmother. Let me tell you she was one tough old bird but don’t get me wrong she was a dear lady who had a ready smile, a giddy laugh and a heavy iron hand that was ready to apply discipline to whichever grandchild needed it.
She was a farm girl born and raised in Missouri. She had eleven kids, the first ten were girls and the last a boy. We made jokes about granddad not willing to stop plowing the farm until he got a son but we didn’t tell that joke with grandmother around. We valued our lives. She was also the worlds worst cook. I mean for her meat was cooked properly when you could either chew on it for a day or two or tie it to the soles of your feet and walk 20 miles without getting a blister. That’s why I had to learn how to tell a lie and say how good it tasted and be convincing about it. Sad thing is my mother took after her. But that’s another story and where was I?
Oh right, within days of getting that magnificent white peace the second shoe dropped and the earth shook. Sibir declared war on the TO. All right now calm down and stop yelling. What you’re still not impressed? That didn’t start the heart a-pounding and cause your vison to waver from the sweat dripping off your forehead as you realized the full implications of what just happened? Man you guys are a hard crowd to please. Well to be fair how could you appreciate the situation since I didn’t give you all of the facts. Kind of like an Agatha Christie Mystery isn’t it?
The (drum roll) Timurid are allies with Sibir and they joined the war. Yea finally I get a possible crack at the Bastards that control the goal province. Of course there is the little problem that I can’t see all the provinces in that part of the world.
.
In EU2 if at war you could attack into Terra Incognita if it was part of the country you were at war with but I’ve heard that you can’t in EU3 so this might be a little stumbling block to my plans. Now wouldn’t you think that with the game mechanics of EU3 where every two-bit hole in the wall country, land locked and hopelessly pigeon toed who at the drop of a hat selects QFTNW would mean that the odds were with me in that at least one of my three countries would select it for a National Idea? Not a chance and with the AI constantly regulating my stability to the lowest level of the thirteen circles of hell I won’t be able to change a national idea before the next ice age. So I have my work cut out for me but hey it could be worst.
Well it is worst as I have to march my entire army clear across half the world to get to the battle ground.
.
And march a bit farther.
I took these pictures earlier in this turn and my regiments weren’t even that far East when the war starts but it gives you a good idea just how far they had to march to get to the new battle front.. It took a few months to move enough men East to be able to defend my Eastern most provinces. But hey it could be worst. Well I did have to stagger my armies to be sure to reduce my attrition as much as I could and I had to watch as Sibir grabbed one colony and besieged a province before I’d even began to make headway in my epic march to war but it could be worst. Oh did I mention that Timurid sent help and that when I finally managed to get an eight thousand man army into position and felt confident that my tech advantage would save the day I got my butt kicked and fled with my tail between my legs? But it could be worst like when I noticed that I was being attacked by the Timurid in South Africa and South America and St. Helens and Dominica? But it could be worst like when I moved my main fleet to port to recover from the war with Burgundy and then noticed this,
Who are these guys anyway?
It was about that time that I realized that there were two problems that would shake my world with the force of a 8.2 earthquake and that this would be the perfect cliffhanger to end this post with but I’m getting soft in my old age and I’ll continue.
The first is that I hope and pray on bended knees that Paradox will look at the problem that the AI has with moving regiments by sea. I was attacked by single regiments and only single regiments throughout my over seas empire. If the AI could manage to attack by sea with 4 of 5 regiments it would force me to react and make my game experience a living hell, which is good. As it is I was able to repel the attacks because I had 1 to 2 regiments in my colonies/cities.
The second problem is never to underestimate the power of the AI attrition at sea. These guys are studs when it comes to sailing. Who would think that they would manage to sail to the Baltic and blockade my entire coast?
Okay so I went head hunting that sank anything and everything that was afloat.
Meanwhile back at the ranch. (Old cowboy saying)
In 1674 Burgundy asks for military access and I figure why not and give it to them.
In 1675 Fez declares war on Sicily. Then later Burgundy joins an alliance with Sicily.
In 1676 Tunisia declares war against Sicily.
STOP!
Okay everyone who told me that I should clean out North Africa was right. If, when it’s Sicily’s turn, I’m still at war with anyone in North Africa I will wipe the floor with their bloody noses. But hey there is still seven years before I take over Sicily right? This war can’t last that long can it?