• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Eams

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Oooh. Given how much I hate Jane Austen that's tempting...
:rofl:
My only complaint is that you didn't make it perfectly clear that Mr. Darcy is socially superior to poor Lizzy.

As for MacBeth - that WAS in Scottish dialect. Lowlanders speak in a very similar manner to the English you know. It's only in films that they change. We just do that to fool foreign types ;)
"Properly" = As outrageously stereotypical as possible. An Ingmar Bergman drama with properly Swedish dialogue would involve everyone sounding like the Swedish Chef, which, all things considered, would be an astonishing improvement on the original.
 

AllmyJames

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Now we know what your next AAR has to be, Iain! Pride and Prejudice and Neds!
 

Vesimir

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Guess I could live in Scotland, as I understood that at the first read and all. Or maybe not. From what I get, Trainspotting was a documentary and not a movie based on facts. ;)
 

iain_a_wilson

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Now we know what your next AAR has to be, Iain! Pride and Prejudice and Neds!
Wow - you know the word "neds". I'm impressed :)

Guess I could live in Scotland, as I understood that at the first read and all. Or maybe not. From what I get, Trainspotting was a documentary and not a movie based on facts. ;)
Oi! I'll have you know that Trainspotting is purely reflective of the dark underbelly of our noble society. The rest of us live in castles ontop of mountains, wear kilts all of the time and talk like people in period dramas.
 

Alfredian

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Thankfully we are not plagued by these steroetypes south of the border (I say while adjusting my bowler hat and checking to see if the butler has ironed today's copy of the Times properly)
 

Vesimir

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Thankfully we are not plagued by these steroetypes south of the border (I say while adjusting my bowler hat and checking to see if the butler has ironed today's copy of the Times properly)
You forgot about the pipe.
 

unmerged(81979)

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You forgot about the pipe.
And the tea! How can anyone forget the tea! Hahaha.

But anyway, I've just read through the AAR; great stuff. I'm enjoying it for sure :)
 

Johan11

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Vesimir

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Also the monocle.

And a big golden watch on a heavy golden chain.



Hmmmm.... Now that you think about it, Victorian nobles wore bling-bling!
 

Johan11

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Also the monocle.

And a big golden watch on a heavy golden chain.



Hmmmm.... Now that you think about it, Victorian nobles wore bling-bling!
Like Lord WAZZApington?
 

enf91

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Every time I hear "monocle" I think of the Planters Peanut. Or Colonel Klink.

And if we're talking about Victorian nobles, let's not forget the side action. Or so my English teacher said after we read "The Importance of Being Earnest". He said something else about a bunch of Victorian nobles being in the closet, hence, "Bunbury".
 

Johan11

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Director

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Guys, fun is fun but we've been spamming for a while here. Let's hold the comments until 1) Iain returns or 2) you have something to say about the game and AAR.

Yes, I know I contributed to the joke too. But now we're just going in circles.

Thanks!
 

Johan11

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Damn you WorldCup!

Nah, it's okay.

Update when you feel like it.

I'm just angry that Denmark were knocked out that early.
 

enf91

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The Dutch beat Brazil! And England got knocked out in the Round of 16. See what they get for the Second Boer War? If only Menzies-Campbell hadn't been so obsessed with the Afrikaaners pigs...
:rofl: I can't even pull that joke off. So why did I put in the :rofl:? Must be a slow day.
 

iain_a_wilson

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Part 17


This was not the start to the day that Lucas had hoped for. Although he and Seepo had managed to slope off at first light to look for the errant Teetoo, their search had taken a turn for the worse. As an example of just how bad it had become, Lucas was currently rolling frantically to his left to avoid having his head removed by the business end of a machete. The great lump of metal crashed into the spot where he had previously been lying and sent a geyser of dust high into the air with the force of its impact. The young Boer frantically crawled backwards on his hands, his mind imploring him to get to his feet and run, as the large Mensevanzand who was so intent on hurting him struggled to wrench the machete out of the ground in which it had become lodged. Lucas looked around for options and heard a frantic whistling noise (1) from the long grass to his left. Lucas turned, wiped the dust from his eyes, and saw Teetoo crouched there, his body shaking in terror. In one of those wonderful moments that show just how badly wired human beings really are, Lucas let his anger at the runaway slave overcome his fear of the murderous Mensevanzand.

"There you are!"

Teetoo clicked again and frantically gestured with his arms (2). Lucas ignored him and shook his head.

"Don't go trying to distract me. I'm not letting you go again. Do you know how much trouble I would have been in if I hadn't found you?"

Teetoo's whistling and gesturing had become animated to the point that he could have been accused of over-acting (3) but Lucas shook a finger.

"I can't understand a word you're saying, so you'd best save your excuses until Seepo can translate. Which reminds me - where is he?"

As if in response to this a shadow loomed over Lucas. He smiled and turned around.

"Ah - there you are Seep...oh."

The hulking Mensevanzand grinned toothily at Lucas and the young Afrikaner gulped.

"I don't suppose we could talk about this?"

If he had heard this the large man didn't show it and instead hefted his machete. Teetoo squealed and Lucas closed his eyes, awaiting the blow.

Which never came.

Instead, a deep voice boomed across the valley.

"Mensevanzand? Get your punk ass out of here!"

Lucas squeezed open an eye to see his former assailant high tailing it across the veldt. A short distance away stood a large black man who was wearing a long, tattered brown cloak. His head was shaved to the bone, apart from the large mohawk that ran down the middle and his face sported a neatly trimmed beard. As he started to walk towards Lucas he could be heard to jingle and clank, the cause of which was probably the metric ton of gold chains that he wore around his neck. Lucas smiled feebly and waved at him.

"Wow - Obayomi! Am I glad to see you!"

The other man, clearly expecting a different response, scowled.

"Who's asking?"

"Lucas, sir. Lucas Lugstapper! Very pleased to meet you!"

He offered a hand which Obaymoi (4) steadfastly ignored. His dark eyes looked Lucas up and down making the young man feel very uncomfortable indeed (5). Eventually he raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing out here, boy?"

Lucas gestured to where Teetoo was peeking out over the grass.

"Mainly because of him. We bought him off some slavers the other day but he claimed to have another owner and ran off. So I was basically chasing him down so that I didn't get a beating from my aunt and uncle when I got home."

Teetoo placed his head in his hands and sighed. Obayomi eye's blazed with indignation.

"I just save you from being chopped into little pieces by the Mensevanzand and you stand there and tell me that you're here to drag a brother back into slavery? Why I ought to..."

Lucas snapped his fingers (6).

"Ah! That would explain it!"

This, naturally, caught Obayomi off guard.

"Say what?"

"You're related. That would explain his desire to get back to you. You see, I thought he was some kind of hired cave-cleaning help, but the fact that you're his brother… Well - that explains everything."

Obayomi blinked. Lucas started to pace.

"Still, it makes things awkward. I'm not sure my uncle and aunt would be willing to let him go just because you're brothers. Maybe you could come and visit though? Do you have any paper - I could write down our address."

Obayomi grabbed Lucas by the shoulder and turned him to face him.

"Listen here. He's not my brother."

"But you said..."

"I didn't mean he was actually my brother; I meant that we were kin..."

"Ah - family! So are you his uncle or something? Because if you are I should tell you that it's just a little bit odd calling him 'brother'."

"No - not family. I mean we share a common bond."

"Like what?"

Obayomi threw his hands in the air.

"Is it not obvious, boy?"

Lucas cocked his head to one side.

"Well, I THOUGHT it was obvious when you said 'brother' - but clearly it's a bit more complicated than that."

"I mean that we're both black!"

Lucas paused for a moment to take this in. Then he whistled between his teeth.

"Man - that's so racist."

"WHAT?!?!?"

"You're singling him out because of his skin colour!" (7)

Obayomi just stood and stared at him. Before he could reply Lucas raised a finger.

"Actually - and you'll have to forgive me here - I'm being really stupid. I can't believe I forgot this."

The twists and turns of the conversation were clearly proving too much for Obayomi who continued to silently regard Lucas with a look that was largely horrified fascination.

"It wasn't you he was looking for - it was someone like you! And by 'someone like you' I mean 'someone with a similar name', just in case you think I'm being a great big screaming racist too!"

He nudged Obayomi in the ribs.

"He was looking for an 'Obi Van Obayomi'. I guess what with all the tussling with the Mensevanzand, you saving us and what have you, I just got confused. Especially when you started saying you were related! What are the chances, eh? Well - now that that's cleared up I think we'd best be on our way. Come on Teetoo!"

Obayomi reached out and put a hand on Lucas' arm - more gently this time.

"Hang on. Who did you say he was looking for?"

"Obi Van Obayomi."

Obayomi nodded.

"Obi Van... Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time. A long time."

"Is he your brother too?"

"What? No, he's not."

"But you know him?"

"Well of course, of course I know him. He's me! I haven't gone by the name of Obi van since... Oh, before you were born."

Lucas cheered.

"I was right then! Wait till Uncle Owen hears this! Clearly living in a cave doesn't preclude you from owning slaves!"

A loud yell came up from somewhere in the distance. A look of concern crossed Obayomi's face.

"I think we'd better get indoors. The Mensevanzand are easily startled but they will soon be back, and in greater numbers."

Lucas nodded, but Teetoo grabbed him arm and tugged it frantically. The young Boer was about to say "What is it?" but in an uncharacteristic flash of insight suddenly remembered something.

"Seepo!"

~~~​

1. A whistle that could be translated as "Dude! What are you doing still lying there? Get up and run, man!"

2. "Yeah - I know I ran away. My bad. But I'd be more worried about the guy with the machete at the moment if I were you!"

3. "If I were you I'd stop worrying about your aunt and uncle and...oh shit! He's managed to get his machete free! He’ right behind you! RUN!"

4. ...for 'twas he...

5. For an example of this sort of sensation go to an aquarium and stare at the sharks. Then imagine that there's no glass between you and them. Or, better still, go to a safari park and, when in the lion enclosure, get out of your car and stare a lioness straight in the eye. In the few seconds before she falls on you and turns you into meaty chunks for her cubs to enjoy you'll feel just like Lucas is feeling now.

6. Cartoons often use a light bulb appearing above characters' heads to indicate that they've just understood something. This finger snap was Lucas’ equivalent. Although more often than not, rather than an indication of him suddenly having grasped a concept, it usually indicated that he had just jumped to the wrong conclusion.

7. It should be pointed out that Lucas thought that 'irony' was an adjective applied to something made of iron.