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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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Eams

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This is already so awesome that the future addition of Han Solo and his hairy sidekick will make it go to eleven.
 

Vesimir

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This is already so awesome that the future addition of Han Solo and his hairy sidekick will make it go to eleven.


And yes. I do have that shirt. :p
 

Eams

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And yes. I do have that shirt. :p

You do know that the RPG nerd that resides in my head is screaming for me to track you down and steal that shirt, right?

Also, while HMS Michael Bay is certainly a terror-inducing, brownstain-causing beast of a ship, it certainly isn't all that destructive? Does it carry with it some extra terrible, extra secret weapon?
Is is amphibious?
 

4th Dimension

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I always thought Death star would be a Armored Train or something. This thing can attack only things close to shore of rivers.
 

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Feedyfeedyfeedfeedback

ROFL the death star and the tarkin doctrine . PREPOSTEROUS haha

And you expected something serious? ;)

Oh, the thermal exhaust port... right. Perfectly safe. No-one could ever, ever hit that. Too small, too hard to get to, nothing to see here. :D

Thanks for dropping by sir! Now I just have to work in "womp rats", a "T-16" and "Beggar's canyon"...

'Alexander Bay' sounds like Michael Bay's father, which would make a ship of that name really terrifyingly awful and horrible, so that name works for me.

Especially after "Transformers" *shudders*

Oi!

How many people are in this story anyways?

And how will they connect?

Patience grasshopper - part of the fun of a tale like this is watching the story unfold. Besides, have you not heard of a supporting cast?

HMS Death Star.

Ah, it's better that way. Now he'll be able to build the second one. And as we all know, the second one was better than the first.

Yeah, but it looked RUBBISH. It was probably built by the same people that did the gravel in my front garden. Oh, hang on - that was me...

So yeah. Always look on the bright side of life. :D

I will not be dragging Monty Python into this...

*Whistles and look at crucified people*

...I've got Danes to do that for me!

What is in where?:eek::eek::wacko::confused: :rofl:

A open easy goal might still be satisfying. :D

Well, as a fan of Scottish football I can heartily agree with that!

this reminds me of, a vaguely related, story I once heard of an English journalist who was visiting an isolated French Gendarme post in Guyana. He was leafing through a book of the local fauna and was impressed that so many things were ticked and annotated, so assumed his hosts were keen on wildlife spotting, only to be told that, no, those were the things they'd had to eat (with recipe suggestions for the next group to be posted there).

Yup - that sounds about right. Mind you, I heard a story about someone who opened a posh resteraunt in London recently serving "classic British food". Or, more precisely things like tripe, liver, trotters, tongue, and giblets. The owner claimed that he was trying to get in touch with "older, traditional food enjoyed by our grandparents" (or something such like). A journalist was quick to point out that the only reason that our grandparents were forced to "enjoy" such food was because there was a war on, the Germans were torpedoing anything that looked like it was remotely capable of carrying food to the UK and thus the folks there had to eat pretty much every bit of the animal that there was!

Lol. A part of me is in my poop but i don't go around naming it.

...and thank you for sharing...

:eek:

This is already so awesome that the future addition of Han Solo and his hairy sidekick will make it go to eleven.

Aww - thank you very much!

And yes. I do have that shirt. :p
You do know that the RPG nerd that resides in my head is screaming for me to track you down and steal that shirt, right?

I'm joining Eams on this...

Also, while HMS Michael Bay is certainly a terror-inducing, brownstain-causing beast of a ship, it certainly isn't all that destructive? Does it carry with it some extra terrible, extra secret weapon?
Is is amphibious?

*taps side of nose mysteriously*

I always thought Death star would be a Armored Train or something. This thing can attack only things close to shore of rivers.

...much like a train could only attack things close to the side of its tracks, eh?

;)
 

Eams

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Yup - that sounds about right. Mind you, I heard a story about someone who opened a posh resteraunt in London recently serving "classic British food". Or, more precisely things like tripe, liver, trotters, tongue, and giblets. The owner claimed that he was trying to get in touch with "older, traditional food enjoyed by our grandparents" (or something such like). A journalist was quick to point out that the only reason that our grandparents were forced to "enjoy" such food was because there was a war on, the Germans were torpedoing anything that looked like it was remotely capable of carrying food to the UK and thus the folks there had to eat pretty much every bit of the animal that there was!
It would have been worse if he had actually started torpedoing every ship bringing food to the British Isles.
And isn't tongue and liver considered delicacies by weird people?


*taps side of nose mysteriously*

Stop picking your nose and tell us the secret! You've already divulged that it sadly won't be used to blowing up parts of Scotland, so we all know that it won't be as good as it should have been :p
 

Johan11

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...I've got Danes to do that for me!

At your service!

*puts on military voice*

Stop! This thread is getting rather silly. Everybody out! I'm cutting this thread!
 

4th Dimension

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...much like a train could only attack things close to the side of its tracks, eh?

;)

Yeah but it's town destroying mission would have sense now (if we equate towns with planets). Or something.
 

iain_a_wilson

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Yeah but it's town destroying mission would have sense now (if we equate towns with planets). Or something.

The main armament's range of most period battleships was pretty hefty. And this is a super-special-suspend-your-disbelief style battleship so you needn't worry about towns getting trashed.
 

morningSIDEr

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I've been holding off reading this AAR until I had time enough to fully enjoy it - and enjoy it I certainly have! Excellent as always, I am of course subscribed and eagerly waiting to see how this pans out.
 

iain_a_wilson

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Part 12


"Give it here!" Lucas yelled, tussling with Teetoo for one of the envelopes. The slave had managed to scoop up the main bundle of letters from the floor before Lucas had got to them, but the young Boer had got to this last one and was refusing to let go.

"Give it here!"

Teetoo grimaced, clicked angrily and declined to relinquish his grip. Seepo sighed.

"Just give him the message Teetoo!"

Teetoo narrowed his eyes and pulled.

Lucas dug his heels in and pulled.

Seepo put his head in his hands.

RIIIIIIIP

The letter tore in two, and both Lucas and Teetoo went barreling head over heels towards opposite sides of the barn. The young slave was first to his feet and he instantly scooped up the bundle of letters that he clutched to his chest along with the torn envelope that he still held. His eyes rested frantically on Lucas who, rather than leaping up and righteously thrashing Teetoo to within an inch of his life (1), had picked himself up from the floor and was staring at the contents of the torn envelope that he held. From within he produced a tiny scrap of a letter and a sepia photograph of a serious looking young woman. Thunderstruck (2), he reread the neat, copperplate words on the tiny scrap of paper out loud.

"Help me Obi Van Obayomi, you're my only hope."

He turned to the two frightened slaves, his eyes sparkling.

"What's this?"

Teetoo turned to Seepo and shrugged, emitting a long, low whistle as he did so. Seepo placed his hands on his hips angrily.

"What is what?!?! He asked you a question...what is that he's holding?"

Teetoo furrowed his browed and then widened his eyes before pointing excitedly at the scrap of paper held by Lucas (3) before clicking something else. Seepo looked suspicious.

"Oh, he says it's nothing, sir. Just some rubbish that he picked up from our last camp. Pay it no mind."

Lucas, if he had heard Seepo's explanation, said nothing. Instead, he stared at the picture for several seconds before turning it toward the slaves.

"Who is she? She's beautiful."

Seepo stared at it carefully before shrugging.

"I'm afraid I'm not sure, sir. I think she was a passenger on our last trip. A person of some importance, I believe."

"Can I see the rest of the letter?"

Teetoo shrunk back into the corner of the barn.

"Behave yourself, Teetooo! You're going to get us into trouble! It's all right, you can trust him. He's our new master."

Teetoo, now happily hiding in the darkness clicked and whistled angrily. A look of surprise and anger flitted across Seepo's face who turned to face Lucas, looking rather embarrassed.

"He claims to be the property of an Obi Van Obayomi, a resident of these parts. He says that the letters are private correspondence intended for him. Quite frankly sir, I'm afraid I don't know what he's talking about. Our last master was Captain Van Tilles."

Lucas looked thoughtful (4).

"Obi Van Obayomi? I wonder if he means old Obi Obayomi?" (5)

"I beg your pardon, sir, but do you know what he's talking about?"

"Well, I don't know anyone named Obi Van Obayomi, but old Obi Obayomi lives out by the Orange River. He's a kind of strange old hermit."

He paused and stared at the photo.

"I wonder who she is? It sounds like she's in trouble. You'd better let me see that letter."

Teetoo clicked loudly at Seepo.

"Sir, he says that if he is to trust you with his precious burden then you should show him some trust in return. If you remove his manacles then you may have the letters."

Lucas brightened and picked up a hammer (6).

"Really? Wow - ok. Come over here little guy. I guess I can trust you not to run away on me if I take this off?"

Teetoo popped his head out of the corner and beamed at Lucas before nodding, and ambling over to where the young Boer stood. Seepo sighed and scowled at Teetooo. With an upwards blow of the hammer Lucas knocked the bolt that locked the manacles together out of it housing and the Teetooo's chains fell to the floor. Lucas smiled.

"There you go."

Teetoo smiled.

Lucas smiled back, less enthusiastically this time.

Teetoo continued to grin.

Lucas frowned and held out a hand.

"The letters?"

Teetoo shrugged and clicked innocently. Seepo threw his hands into the air furiously.

"What letters? In the name of... The ones you were holding a minute ago!"

Teetoo raised his hands and waved them in a "nothing to see here" kind of way. Seepo scowled and was about to speak when a gargantuan bellow caused all three men to jump.

"Loooooooookasssssssss? Loooooooooookasssssssss! Come to dinner now!"

Lucas jumped to his feet and shook his head angrily.

"Alright, I'll be right there, Aunt Beru!"

Seepo looked sheepish.

"I'm so sorry, sir."

Lucas tossed the hammer into a tool basket in the corner of the room and pointed at Seepo.

"Well, see if you can convince him to produce those letters. I'll be back shortly."

As the young Boer closed the door of the barn after him, Seepo slapped Teetoo on the back of the head.

"Just you consider producing those letters from whereever you've hidden them.

Teetoo looked questioningly at Seepo and clicked. Seepo shook his head.

"No, I don't think he likes you at all."

Teetoo pointed at Seepo and whistled pathetically. Seepo shook his head for a second time, folded his arms, and thrust his nose in the air.

"No, I don't like you either."

As Seepo went back to his bath Teetoo glanced slyly at the corner in where he had stashed the letters and then at the unlocked door.



1. Lucas couldn't have done this if he had wanted to. When he and his friends went out into the veldt to bullseye womp rats with their T16 rifles he was wracked with guilt for hours afterwards.

2. Lucas was at that age where most beautiful women caused this response in him. It was for this reason alone that he hadn't yet drowned Rina in Groot Slaperig's fountain. That, and the fact that the fountain was usually without water.

3. A common mime used by liars everywhere to mean "Oh... THAT!"

4. If you listened carefully, you could hear neurons sparking.

5. Lucas wasn't exactly famed for being quick on the uptake.

6. See what I mean?
 

Enewald

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Why couldn't he open the manacles with something more civilized, like with a key? :rolleyes:

Where are the Imperial troops?
 

Vesimir

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Don't have anything smart to say....

Well... Maybe... Nope. I'll just stay quiet then.

And I know who Han Solo will be! He shall be a direct descendant of Francis Drake!
 

morningSIDEr

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Curious and curiouser.

Excellent update!
 

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What a lousy fountain!
 

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Feedyfeedyfeedback

Why couldn't he open the manacles with something more civilized, like with a key? :rolleyes:

Where are the Imperial troops?

If you had the choice to smash something open with a hammer or use a boring key, don't tell me you'd go for the key ;)

As for the Imperial troops, see the first update...

Don't have anything smart to say....

Well... Maybe... Nope. I'll just stay quiet then.

And I know who Han Solo will be! He shall be a direct descendant of Francis Drake!

I love the speculation that this AAR is generating! And don't worry about having nothing smart to say - I'm doing this for your entertainment. I don't expect you to reward me with witty banter :)

Curious and curiouser.

Excellent update!

Thank you - I'm glad you're enjoying it.

What a lousy fountain!

It's the climate, not the fountain, to blame!

of course, the lack of water in the fountain may also explain the lack of crocodiles?

Sssh! The Brigadier might be listening!
 

aldriq

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I'm very glad I caught up with this excellent story. What is going on with so many Scots writing good AARs? A new Scottish enlightenment in AARland? :eek:

By the way, I found this little jewel in episode 6... Freudian slip or subliminal campaigning? ;)

...and even more uncomfortable in the dress suit that the Free State's government had insisted he wear in his dealings with Brigadier Menzies-Campbell.
 

iain_a_wilson

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Ohh! I missed there was an update. Will read soon. :)

Be sure to do or I'll send Colonel Van Moordenaar after you ;)

I'm very glad I caught up with this excellent story. What is going on with so many Scots writing good AARs? A new Scottish enlightenment in AARland? :eek:

We're a gifted people, what can I say?

By the way, I found this little jewel in episode 6... Freudian slip or subliminal campaigning? ;)

Ha! I can assure you that's purely accidental! I'm sure the Brigadier isn't quite as old as the real Menzies-Campbel!