These I want to get married notifications from extended family members and even brothers are a pain. DO I have to marry them and if not do I get penalized? And is there a way to turn that off or is it an important part of the game?
These extended family marriage notifications are a pain. Do I have to marry them?
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It's worth trying to marry them to characters who might inherit or who have claims, having same dynasty members in power elsewhere can be helpful because they will be your allies. Marrying your brothers is helpful too, because they may create alliances. I always try to expand my dynasty as much as I can.
Also, although maybe a little gamey, you could try inviting unmarried claimants to your court and matri-marrying them to your female relatives so their heir is of your dynasty.
Also, although maybe a little gamey, you could try inviting unmarried claimants to your court and matri-marrying them to your female relatives so their heir is of your dynasty.
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My question is why would you not marry them? I usually get my characters hitched when they come of age, I'd much rather have dynastic alliances and such then no alliance. It can suck sometimes because you may find yourself attacked on a claims war, but I think the rewards are far greater than the drawbacks. I even marry off the widowed mom's in my court 
But I guess I just have more fun seeing where the fambam ends up on there own then I do painting the map with my colors.
But I guess I just have more fun seeing where the fambam ends up on there own then I do painting the map with my colors.
Its useful to marry them. If you want to 'turn that off' Just give them some land and they'll sort themselves out.
From memory the girls can be packed off to a monastery. They can also elope, or you can foist a vassal on them (of course, it always chooses a mayor). None of these choices are 'good' ones.
You do want to marry everybody off (especially men), whether its for alliances, claims, or just to continue the dynasty. You also want to control the process if at all possible for close relatives - because alliances are off marriage ties, you can find yourself with an alliance with someone you want to attack if you leave it to the AI.