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There'll Always be an Angevin: the first Provence AAR

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Apologies in advance, but sometimes you've just got to go with your inspirations...

Scene: A Caribbean afternoon at the Villa Bourbon, St Martin.
Marie Antoinette is working on her tan by the pool. Various Bourbon children are playing at pirates in the garden. Chancellor Turgot has a desk set up just inside the open french windows, he appears to be doing accounts. Minister Necker is counting coins out of a chest. Louis XVI is sitting on a deckchair in the shade of a palm tree, reading a letter.
Louis <looking up>: So how much did they pay this month, Chancellor?
Turgot: The Spanish, the English, the Dutch, the Provencals or the others?
Louis <rolls eyes>: Just give me a total.
Turgot <quick work on abacus>: One hundred and forty-three Provencal crowns, which is equivalent to <more rattling of beads> three hundred and seventy-eight old livres.
Louis <looks wistful a moment>: And what was the take from the last voyage, Jacques?
Marie Antoinette <interrupting>: Don't you think it's a bit unfair, taking all that money from everyone to protect their ships? Especially as we're the ones doing the pirating in the first place?
Louis, Turgot & Neckar, in chorus: Pirate?
Marie Antoinette: <looks heavenwards>
Louis: <looks pointedly at Neckar>
Neckar: Fifty-eight Provencal crowns, one hundred and eighty-five pieces of eight, forty English guineas, twenty-six guilders, three Swedish krones-
Louis <not concentrating>: Let the poor things go!
Neckar <pained>: three Swedish kronER, five assorted Italian, one funny gold pendant with a skull on it-
Marie Antoinette: I'll have that!
Neckar tosses the pendant to Marie. She misses the catch and the pendant falls in the pool.
Neckar <tipping out chest and peering at contents>: six small gold chains, four trade tallies, about fifty assorted beads, seven buttons, three brass nuts and a broken compass. That's your lot.
Louis <contented>: This definitely beats kinging.

Marie Antoinette <lazily>: Any news from my brother?
Louis: <looks through letter>: He's had a cold ... his wife has made him redecorate again because she liked the old scheme better ... two of your sisters are pregnant ... again ... he liked the rum and raisin cake, please send some more ... he's had a war with me -
Marie, Turgot & Neckar: <turn to stare at Louis>
Louis <flustered>: Not me me, the other me, the Navarrese one whose name I can't pronounce-
Turgot <testily>: Why are you the only one to get multiple existence?
Louis <airily>: Divine Right, mon frere, Divine Right.
Turgot: <rolls eyes>
Marie Antoinette <brightly>: Did we win?
Louis <pained>: Your brother won. I lost.
Marie Antoinette: That's a shame. Is he coming here?
Louis: No, thank heavens. Your brother left him ... err me Navarre.
Marie Antoinette: That was nice. Any more news?
Louis: <looks through letter again> No, I think that was all ... Oh yes, the Parisians were revolting.
Turgot: <looks at calendar> Revoluting, I think, sire.
Marie Antoinette: What did they want?
Louis: <frowns at letter> They didn't like cake, apparently.
Marie Antoinette <lazily>: Silly people.

Later: It is night. The villa is quiet. The camera pans in on the pool.
Pickles is sitting in a toy pirate ship in the middle of the pool. He has an eyepatch and a paper pirate's hat.
The camera pans in closer
The gold skull medallion is hanging round Pickles's neck. The expression in his eyes is faintly disturbing.
 
Can't say as I like the non-smoking colonies, but there are so many, I am sure I can find a nice place to live that will allow my habit. ;) That is a lovely blob you have there. The only question is - where to next? I say more later day crusading! Take back Constantinople!
 
Van Engel - Hmm, how about "The Russet Blob"? "The Chestnut Blob"? "The Bronze Blob"? Suggestions welcome! ;)

Rhodz - Well, the English problem is addressed in the next update, and there's still a few years left to see to the Turks... :)

TheBee - Marie Antoinette was Joseph's sister (François's aunt), but she wasn't exiled, she just fled with her husband. I think they were more afraid of the peasants than of Provence. Plus she liked pirating...

Crimson King - If I'd been feeling short of cash I might have been interested in Andalusia, but frankly with four other CoTs and more monopolies than I can keep track of, what's the big deal? :D

Semi-Lobster - Picardie and Calais remain under English rule, the bone of contention during the Hundred and Eighty Years War, I suppose.

Maku - The "French Revolution" was of course just a standard revolt, in Paris, and it really was crushed in just three days - pretty amazing considering the population of Ile de France!

jwolf - I do feel bad about laying into the English, really I do, but... :D

CatKnight - Funny, I thought you mentioned France for a minute there. France? What's France? :eek:

Greg45 - Thanks - I hope you enjoy the read! By the way, I hope this AAR has encouraged other people to try playing Provence. It's certainly been one of the most interesting games I've played, especially the first half.

merrick - :rofl: Where have you been for the last 400 years? Brilliant stuff!

coz1 - Well, I only have ten years left and Constantinople being the Ottoman capital I'm not sure I can "take it back", but I admit there does seem to be a concensus for a spot of Turk-bashing. ;)

jwolf - I agree. What's next from you merrick?

So here we are - the penultimate chapter (I would think):
 
Chapter 39: 1797 - 1810
Mighty Provence​

The years following the French Revolution were relatively quiet, marked chiefly by the massive build-up of troops on Provence’s northern border. These troops were of course placed there merely to deal with occasional uprisings in Paris, and the merchants who began to flock to Antwerp in 1799 were merely wanting to carry on legitimate trade in the Netherlands. The Dutch of course realized this and even allowed them to become so numerous as to establish a Provençal monopoly there. But the Danes - ah! no sooner had a couple of Provençal merchants showed their noses in Sjælland than the foolhardy Danes issued a trade embargo. Shocked and saddened, King François reluctantly decided to act.

Unfortunately Denmark needed to be taught a lesson, and the obvious way to do this was by means of a short war in which it could be demonstrated clearly to the slow-witted Danes that Provence was not a power to be messed around with. Oh - but look! The Danes just happened to be allied with the Dutch, the Scots and - my goodness, the English! Well, if these nations were dull enough to try to come to the aid of their bungling ally, that was their look out.

In March 1800, King François declared war on Denmark, all of whose allies stood staunchly by their side. English and Danish colonies in America and South Africa were quickly overrun by Provençal armies who seemed mysteriously to have been massing nearby, while two large armies stormed into Picardie and Calais. An even larger army took up position in Artois and awaited the onslaught of the Dutch. In May the Dutch arrived in large numbers, fought a long and fearsome battle, then returned over the border their numbers strangely depleted. The large Provençal Army followed them.

Invincible.jpg

The Invincible Provençal Army in Action​

In June the Scots joined in the fun when they landed a small force in Dakar, which was driven out again in August. Meanwhile, the English-occupied cities of Amiens and Calais had fallen and the Provençal armies which had besieged them rampaged on into the Netherlands, which was now defenceless and being quickly overrun. After the capture of Brabant in September the Dutch offered to pay 116 ducats for peace. King François, who had no particular quarrel with the amenable Dutch, accepted.

It was at this point that the spanking new Provençal Channel Fleet sailed out of Brest harbour to do battle with their enemies. It was soon found that, whatever else Britannia still ruled, it certainly did not include the waves. The once terrifying Norsemen also found themselves being humbled by the Provençal Navy in battle after battle. The English were by now offering selections of small colonies in return for peace, but King François would have none of it. By June 1801 all of England’s American colonies had been captured and a sizeable Provençal Army had crossed the Channel and was besieging Canterbury. The English had had enough, and agreed to hand over Picardie, Calais and four North American colonies.

It was Scotland’s turn next, but François well knew the Scots’ weak point. In November an envoy was sent to the Scottish capital Inverness to discuss peace terms:

King Henry IX Stuart of Scotland: Whit’s this? A bonny wee French laddie come tae see us?

Envoy from the court of King François IV of Provence, etc: Provençal, monsieur, please.

King Henry: Oh aye, they Provençal chappies - aren’t we at war wi’ yeez the noo?

Envoy: That’s correct, Your Majesty, I’m afraid you were foolish enough to come to the aid of your witless Danish allies when we declared war on them.

King Henry: Oh aye, but we never expected tae actually have tae fight, ye understand?

Envoy: But you saw fit to try to seize Provençal lands in West Africa?

King Henry: Aye, weel - a wee mistake there. There wisnae anyone aboot, ken, and we thought it wiz jist one o’ they uninhabited territories - still up furr grabs an’ aw that.

Envoy: So you’ll no doubt be anxious to sign a peace treaty with Provence?

King Henry: Oh aye, if yeez want tae, ken.

Envoy: Well then, what if we settle for a White Peace - we don’t particularly feel the need to demand anything from you.

King Henry: Ooh, now... A White Peace is it? The thing is, ken, it’s cost us a wee bit tae fight this war.

Envoy: You can’t seriously be expecting us to pay indemnities, Your Majesty?

King Henry: Och, but yeez must be fair rollin’ in cash these days. Yeez widnae miss a few ducats here or there, surely?

Envoy, sighs: How much, then?

King Henry: Oh, let’s see now... Fifty ducats should aboot cover our army expenses.

Envoy: Right then, fifty ducats it is.

King Henry: An’ twenty-five furr naval expenses.

Envoy: What? Oh, very well - seventy-five ducats total. And not a ducat more!

King Henry: Jings, but yeez are right generous when it comes doon tae it, ken.

Envoy: Too generous, I fear.

And so the Scots were persuaded to leave the war, leaving François to concentrate on the Danes. All that he wanted from them were the three Danish-held colonies on the African Cape - Namaqua, Damara and Natal - but Frederik VI of Denmark stubbornly refused to let go of them, instead making repeated offers of money. For more than a year the Provençal Fleet chased the Danes around the North Sea, beating them whenever they caught them, until finally in March 1803 King Frederik relented and handed over his Cape colonies. The war was finally over.

DanishFleet.jpg

The Danish Fleet takes a licking​

It was now time for some more diplomacy. Back in 1801 Provence had joined the Austro-Bohemian Alliance, which seemed only fitting since François was ruler of all three countries. He now set about improving Provence’s relations with Austria and Bohemia, as well as with La Plata, one of the other Alliance members. The other member was Manchu, but unfortunately François didn’t actually know where Manchu was, so not much could be done about relations with them.

In 1804 a minor crisis swept the realm when a maverick army corporal from Corsica by the name of Napoleon Bonaparte apparently went mad and claimed to be Emperor of the French. Despite the fact that he was clearly off his rocker, he inexplicably gained a wide following among the French peasantry, who practically worshipped him. For a while the stability of the Kingdom of Provence suffered badly. In the end those who had taken up arms in Bonaparte’s name were ruthlessly dealt with, but the “Petit Caporal” as he styled himself, along with some of his so-called “Marshals”, somehow escaped to America, where, in May 1805, they were given sanctuary by the fervently pro-French state of Quebec.

This sent further shockwaves through the realm, and François decided that the best way of distracting the people from the internal unrest, for which he might possibly be blamed, was to have a war. Accordingly he assembled a sizeable army in Laurentia, and declared war on Quebec in July 1805. The two Québécois provinces, Ottawa and Oshawa, were separated by the unexplored region of Nipissing, which slightly slowed down the Provençal war machine, but nevertheless the war was over in a year and the rogue nation was annexed into Provence.

Bonaparte was captured but it was soon found that he still had a huge popular following, and so he was pardoned and was later allowed to marry one of François’s numerous daughters, the Archduchess Marie Louise, which seemed to keep everyone happy, and most importantly, kept the madman Bonaparte off the streets.

MarieLouise.jpg

Marie Louise does her bit for Provence​

As if being King of Provence, Jerusalem and Bohemia and Archduke of Austria was not enough, in 1808 François received the honour of being elected Holy Roman Emperor. Since he also had total power over the choice of each new Pope, he decided that he had better go for the Grand Slam and claim the title of Sole Defender of the Catholic Faith in 1810. He also offered both Bohemia and Austria the chance to be Provençal vassals, but neither were tempted, and even La Plata refused his advances. The fact was that by now the King of Provence had a Rather Bad Reputation, though quite why he could not really understand.

Europe1810.jpg

Europe in 1810​
 
Thats amazing. Nice job.
 
That was pretty darn impressive...! France and Italy are finally combined and united.

Who will be grinded through the muck next? ;)
 
Sounds like another round of Pizza Peace is needed. Nice getting the HRE job, even if it's a tad late in the game. It's always one of my personal goals, but I either end up Protestant or too evil to be elected.
 
Nothing more satisfying than a job well done! Now you can sit back and relax with a big slice of pizza and an even bigger glass of pastis! Great AAR, can't wait for you next adventure.....
 
Any update of yours featuring another Scottish dialogue is a good one! :p
This should end pretty well, but I can't wait to hear what's up your sleeve next, country-wise.... My vote would be for a Knight Empire, but then again you would be further away from the Scots and I fear there wouldn't be any dialogue with them, ken. :eek:
 
Its too bad that Austria wouldn't accept vassalisation. Diplo-annexing A full-grown Austria would be an impressive effort. :) Good work on seizing control of France though.
 
Lt.Col.Kilgore - Thanks! This is of course the stage in the game when some players have routinely conquered the world - not me, however... ;)

Troggle - Quebec declared independence from Huron back in 1775, so they were in fact Pagan and therefore annexable in one go. :)

TheBee - Well, uniting all French and Italian provinces was certainly one of my goals, so hardly a moment too soon!

VPeric - Um... How can I break this to you... I'm afraid Serbia didn't exactly survive till 1819, and it might have been my fault... :eek:

coz1 - Actually it was Franz II of Austria, not François IV of Provence who was elected HRE, but hey, we're all the same guy, really!

Maku - That sounds nice. I think I just might do that... ;)

JRoch - Well, I'm glad there's at least one reader who hasn't tired of Scottish dialogues yet! :D

TimN - It was kind of a longshot to offer Austria vassalization, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained! And btw, I found Australia!

Rhodz - Ahem, I believe I mentioned a concensus, that was all... :p

Greg45 - Wow, that was quick! And thanks for the comment! In fact, you're just in time for the fortieth and final episode...
 
Chapter 40: 1810 - 1819
Crusader King​

The year is 1810. King François IV of Provence and Jerusalem has summoned his most trusted advisors to discuss the future of the Kingdom:

King François: Well gentlemen, the glorious Kingdom of Provence now has the resources to accomplish pretty much anything that we choose. The only question is - what should we choose to accomplish?

Guy de Roquefort: If you ask me, Your Majesty, there is no question where our duty lies. We must humble the Turk!

King François: The Turk? Which Turk?

de Roquefort: Er... well, all of them, I suppose. But especially the Sultan Mahmud II.

Henri de Camembert: I agree, Sire. It is not enough to have liberated only the province of Judea from the infidels. All of the Levant waits for us to rescue them.

Jacques de Gruyère: Not to mention the Balkans, Your Majesty!

King François: Whoa! Hey, what have all you guys got against the Turks? I mean, some of my best friends are Turks...

Francesco de Gorgonzola: Really, Sire?

King François: Well, er... let me think... Actually, now I come to think about, no, none of my best friends are Turks.

de Gruyère: See, Your Majesty! So what are you waiting for?

King François: Er - a justified cause for war?

Robert de Dairylea: But... but... they’re Turks for goodness’ sake! What better reason could there be?

King François: Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but being Turkish is not actually internationally recognized as a reason for declaring war on someone.

de Camembert: Well, aren’t you the Defender of the Catholic Faith, Sire? Surely the Turks are currently at war with some of our Catholic brethren?

King François: Who, exactly? In fact, the Sultan seems to be a rather peaceable chap. He isn’t at war with anyone right now.

de Gruyère: So send a few of our merchants to Constantinople, Your Majesty. The Sultan is bound to issue an embargo pretty quick.

King François: Very well, but I will not declare war on the Sultan just because he is “a Turk”.

So King François began sending merchants en masse to Constantinople. Pretty soon Provence had a trading monopoly in the city, merchants kept arriving, driving out all opposition, yet still the Sultan turned a blind eye. Perhaps he really was a peaceable chap, or perhaps he was just scared witless at the thought of inviting a war with the Austro-Provençal Alliance.

Meanwhile King François occupied his time doing more exploring of the Indian Ocean. His ambition was that the sun should never set on the Provençal Empire, and for this he needed at least one more colony somewhere in the Far East. In 1811 a ship on a voyage from Karroo discovered an island which had been given the suspicious name of Bourbon. The island was searched but no exiled French royalty were discovered there. In any case, King François had a trading post set up there to keep an eye on things just the same.

The same ship also discovered some lands further east, including an unclaimed region called Palembang. King François decided to claim it for Provence - it would make just the place for the sun never to set on. A small contingent of Provençal troops landed there and soon found themselves fighting with the somewhat aggressive natives, who for some inexplicable reason did not want to be part of the glorious Provençal Empire on which, if only they were, the sun would never set.

A number of intrepid Provençal traders made the long voyage to Palembang, and set up trading posts to try to interest the local populace in various mouth-watering pizza toppings, but they were resolutely disinterested. By May 1814 the last of the natives had been wiped out, by disease, famine but especially by being attacked by over-zealous Provençal troops. King François however still hoped to set up a trading post to attract the inhabitants of nearby provinces.

Palembang.jpg

Fearsome Palembang natives before they were wiped out​

Meanwhile the Sultan Mahmud II was still stubbornly allowing Provençal merchants to trade in Constantinople, which was really beginning to rile King François. Then one of his more observant advisors pointed out that the Turks were in fact oppressing innocent Catholics in certain provinces such as Dalmatia, Bosnia and Morea. It did not exactly constitute grounds for war, but as Defender of the Faith, King François nevertheless felt obliged to act.

A large army had been assembled gradually in Judea, and another army was ready in Sicily and and now took ship for the Holy Land. In 1814 King François declared war on the Sultan, whose Serbian and Uzbek allies came to his aid. Austria, Bohemia and La Plata answered King François’s call to arms, however Ukraine dishonoured the alliance, as did Manchu, possibly since they didn’t actually know where Provence was.

In order to lend credence to King François’s declaration of war the Sicilian Army were ordered to land in Morea which they did without opposition and then laid siege to the city of Nafplion. Meanwhile the Army of Jerusalem swung into action and began pillaging the surrounding Ottoman provinces, wiping out any opposition, and then settling down to a siege of Acre. Morea was captured in March 1815 and the Sicilian Army then sailed east once more to help their compatriots finish the siege of Acre, which fell in July.

Acre.jpg

King François’s armies go Turk-bashing​

In September the Turks launched their counter-attack when a small raiding party landed on Corsica, pillaged the island, then left again. King François’s armies meanwhile had marched on to Damascus, which fell to them in December. The army then split in two, one half marching south to besiege Amman, while the other half invaded Lebanon. Amman was captured in April 1816 and Beirut fell a month later. The Sultan had by now had enough and proposed an end to hostilities, offering to hand over Morea, Samaria, Jordan and Lebanon along with his entire treasury of twenty-one ducats. The kind-hearted King François judged that the Sultan had been punished enough for his oppression of innocent Catholics, and accepted. In May 1817 Austria, who had already annexed Serbia in 1815, ended their war with the Turks by taking Bulgaria, Wallachia and Bosnia as well.

We should now return to the Provençal colonial programme. Early in the war traders had at last managed to set up shop in Palembang and the Provençal flag now fluttered above the Asian jungle. Then shortly after the end of the war four new settlements were established in North America, in Nipissing, Detroit, Michilimakinak and Yazoo.

In 1818 the trading post in Palembang rose to the status of a colony, enabling Provençal fleets to dock there. This coincided with an advance in naval technology which enabled ships to sail into uncharted waters without having intrepid adventurers aboard. Soon Provençal ships were exploring the islands of Indonesia, penetrating as far as the coast of Australia in 1819. At the same time, King François’s troops in North America were pushing forward the boundaries of the known world, discovering many territories hitherto unexplored by Europeans. All looked set for a bright and prosperous future in the glorious Provençal Empire.

Europe1819.jpg

The Kingdom of Provence and Jerusalem in 1819​

America1819.jpg

Africa1819.jpg

Palembang1819.jpg

The glorious Provençal Empire on which the sun never sets
_______________________________________

​
Aide: He’s coming round. Look!

Louis III: Aawww! My head! Where am I?

Aide: Sire! What a joy to hear you speak - for a while we feared we had lost you!

Louis III: Was it... the Turks?

Aide: The Turks? Nay, Sire - we were ambushed by the filthy English on our retreat from Gascogne. You took a nasty blow to the head. You have lain unconscious for nearly a week!

Louis III: We are at war with the English?

Surgeon: Tis as I feared - there is some loss of memory.

Louis III: Could you tell me exactly where I am?

Aide: Monsieur le Comte, this is the French city of Poitiers. It is the 27th of April.

Louis III: April... er... of what year? And what do you mean, “monsieur le Comte”?

Surgeon: Hmm - it may be even more serious than I thought. Sire, it is the year of our Lord fourteen hundred and nineteen, and you are the Comte de Provence.

Louis III: Ah, wait - it is coming back to me... Yes - the letter! The letter from Amédée le Paisible!

Aide: There has been no letter from the duc de Savoy, monsieur le Comte.

Louis III: But... what about the Kingdom of Provence? Pizzo-annexing? The New World? Karroo? Palembang?

Surgeon: He is delirious now.

Aide: Sire, it is best that you get some rest.

A messenger arrives at this point and is ushered in. Seeing Louis awake he approaches.

Messenger: God be praised, Sire - you have awoken! I bring a message. It is from the duc de Savoy.

Aide, exchanging a glance with the surgeon: How did he know?

Louis III: Give me that letter!

He snatches the letter, which is decorated with a dove, some flowers and lots of little love-hearts. Ripping it open he reads:

“Dear Lou, I was so sorry to hear about your little defeat at the hands of those unpleasant English, and especially about your nasty knock on the head. Hopefully you and Henry V will soon be able to settle your differences before anyone else gets hurt. Please be assured that I remain your close friend, and hope you recover soon. Let me know if I can be of any help. Your ever-peaceful neighbour, Amédée, kiss, kiss, kiss.”

Louis III: I... I think I’d like to rest now...

Surgeon: That would be for the best, Sire.
 
Last edited:
End of Game Stats and Comments​

Provence ended up far ahead in the VP table, with 4094 points:

Victorious.jpg

The Provençal Empire in 1819 consisted of the following cities, colonies and trading posts:

Europe: 53 cities
Middle East: 4 cities
North America: 42 cities, 8 colonies, 7 trading posts
West and South Africa: 2 cities, 4 colonies, 3 trading posts
Far East: 1 colony

Total: 101 cities, 13 colonies, 10 trading posts

Within Europe my only non-Catholic provinces were Calais and Baden (both Protestant). Outside Europe, of course, I had plenty of Sunni, Protestant and Pagan provinces.

Monthly Income: 344d, with an annual bonus of about 840d
Manpower: 250
Inflation: 4.4%
Bad boy: 39
Bankruptcies: none

Tech levels: Land 55, Naval 27, Trade 7, Infra 5

DP settings:
Aristocracy 10
Centralization 4
Innovativeness 5
Mercantilism 8
Offensive 6
Land 7
Quality 10
Serfdom 5

So there we are - not a bad performance for the humble nation of Provence! As I’ve mentioned a couple of times, I found playing Provence with the EEP made for an interesting and action-packed game, especially for the first 200 years. This was one reason why the AAR became so much longer than I had originally intended - I don’t think of myself as a writer of mega-length AARs, honest! The trouble is that, believe it or not, I never play more than one game at a time, which means that since I joined the forum last October I’ve only played the five games that I’ve AARed! I like “playing live” - that is, playing, posting, getting replies, then playing some more - allowing for maximum reader interaction, so a huge thankyou to all who posted so copiously - you kept me going!

And the inevitable question, “What next?” Well, I have a project in preparation, playing another country that, as far as I know, has never before been AARed, and hopefully experimenting with a somewhat different style - I feel like a change! But until I’m ready to launch it, I’m keeping it under wraps... ;)
 
Bravo, bravo! I loved it from beginning to end. It wasn't to long, wasn't to short, it was juuust right :)

If you have Victoria, have you considered doing a Victoria AAR? Doesn't matter, I'm just glad you're planning to write something more. I need my Farquharson AAR fix or I get the shakes.

btw, this is my 600th post. Good timing. I think I spend waaay too much time on the forums. Oh well.

See you soon.
 
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