Amob_m_s: welcome back! I think the reason why Ludvig is called "Two Sheds" will be revealed in the future.
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Welcome back, Braven!
I'm a bit busy this week, but there should be another update soon
I'm a bit busy this week, but there should be another update soon
Intermezzo: Vikingly zeros
Narrator: Starring our hero, Harold Hammerhoft, walk into some old, rotten, cheap, broken down liquid and DVD store, some cheese old jazz music is playing in the back ground. Harold actually looks very bad, with black lines around his eyes. A Viking only looks this bad when completely sober for more than a day.
Arriving at the vodka shelf, Harold suddenly hears a sound behinds him. As he slowly turns around, the camera turns conveniently with us and we see the co-star; the ex… nemesis.
Louis the I don’t knowth: ‘Allo, ‘Arold
Harold: You…
Louis the I don’t knowth: ‘Ow ‘ave you be, mon amy
Narrator: Ofcourse, instead of politely answering when asked a question, Harold turns around and empties a bottle of vodka down his throat. In fact, he empties the entire shelf. As the vodka gulps down his throat, we see some weird flashes of it travelling down, also we see a bit of his breakfast.. it appears to have finally died.
Suddenly the cheesy jazz music changes to some kind of rock background music and the voice of the narrator becomes all deep, dark and cool.
New, cool narrator voice (with his deep, dark and cool voice): The team of: “There might be Vikings out there! Or: how I accidentally traded my wife for a halibut” presents a silly version of life, as it should be!
Explosion, jumping horses and scarcely clad women feel the screen.
Suddenly we see high boots enter the very same store as where Louis the I don’t knowth is verbally abusing ‘Arold. Barf suddenly appear behind Harold and raises a piece of paper.
Barf: Harold, kicking Burgundian or (raises another paper) British asses?
Narrator (with the same deep, dark and cool voice): We see a girl wearing handcuffs being covered with chocolate sauce and whipped cream… erm no… we see a lot of Vikings wearing handcuffs and being covered with chocolate sauce and whipped cream… errr… no wait, that’s something from the late night version… we see a lot of Vikings killing, looting and pillaging Burgundian cities and British ships. Yes, that’s it! Warfare! Blood everywhere! Those Burgundian bastards are dying! The Vikings are kicking their arses (Narrator now really starts to overheat) I hate them, I hate them! The bloody scum! They are all dying! The rivers run red with their filthy Burgundian blood! Their farts block out the sun! Bullets hail down on them! Horses charge and mighty guns bang! Women giggle and children play football with Burgundian heads and play marbles with British tes…
Wife of the Narrator: Tea, darling
Narrator: Coming, my dear.
Grubnessul: And now for something completely different: battling brutal Burgundians and brave British Bastards in Burgundy, and Denmark.
Next: Battling brutal Burgundians and brave British in Burgundy, and Denmark
Narrator: Starring our hero, Harold Hammerhoft, walk into some old, rotten, cheap, broken down liquid and DVD store, some cheese old jazz music is playing in the back ground. Harold actually looks very bad, with black lines around his eyes. A Viking only looks this bad when completely sober for more than a day.
Arriving at the vodka shelf, Harold suddenly hears a sound behinds him. As he slowly turns around, the camera turns conveniently with us and we see the co-star; the ex… nemesis.
Louis the I don’t knowth: ‘Allo, ‘Arold
Harold: You…
Louis the I don’t knowth: ‘Ow ‘ave you be, mon amy
Narrator: Ofcourse, instead of politely answering when asked a question, Harold turns around and empties a bottle of vodka down his throat. In fact, he empties the entire shelf. As the vodka gulps down his throat, we see some weird flashes of it travelling down, also we see a bit of his breakfast.. it appears to have finally died.
Suddenly the cheesy jazz music changes to some kind of rock background music and the voice of the narrator becomes all deep, dark and cool.
New, cool narrator voice (with his deep, dark and cool voice): The team of: “There might be Vikings out there! Or: how I accidentally traded my wife for a halibut” presents a silly version of life, as it should be!
Explosion, jumping horses and scarcely clad women feel the screen.
Suddenly we see high boots enter the very same store as where Louis the I don’t knowth is verbally abusing ‘Arold. Barf suddenly appear behind Harold and raises a piece of paper.
Barf: Harold, kicking Burgundian or (raises another paper) British asses?
Narrator (with the same deep, dark and cool voice): We see a girl wearing handcuffs being covered with chocolate sauce and whipped cream… erm no… we see a lot of Vikings wearing handcuffs and being covered with chocolate sauce and whipped cream… errr… no wait, that’s something from the late night version… we see a lot of Vikings killing, looting and pillaging Burgundian cities and British ships. Yes, that’s it! Warfare! Blood everywhere! Those Burgundian bastards are dying! The Vikings are kicking their arses (Narrator now really starts to overheat) I hate them, I hate them! The bloody scum! They are all dying! The rivers run red with their filthy Burgundian blood! Their farts block out the sun! Bullets hail down on them! Horses charge and mighty guns bang! Women giggle and children play football with Burgundian heads and play marbles with British tes…
Wife of the Narrator: Tea, darling
Narrator: Coming, my dear.
Grubnessul: And now for something completely different: battling brutal Burgundians and brave British Bastards in Burgundy, and Denmark.
Next: Battling brutal Burgundians and brave British in Burgundy, and Denmark
Hmm now that was a short update...
Well, hope you guys like it anyway. I'll try to update a bit sooner this time.
Well, hope you guys like it anyway. I'll try to update a bit sooner this time.
It was very amusing....
Btw, could you post a post where you could tell who is who?
That was so short an update I'll never read this AAR again.
Ever.
Or maybe just a short glance then and now.
Ever.
Or maybe just a short glance then and now.
Canonized: Thanks And yea, those Burgundians are a pain in the rear side... I must admit I wasn't fully prepared for this war either with just conquered the Maya's and starting to convert them... who ever said that the 1.3 AI was bad?
Comagoosie: Thanks! as for the late night version... I'll have to find some 30+ forum for that, which allows 21 year old posters
Enewald: Thank you, sir! Good idea for a bonus
EvilSanta: You were right, is a cut smily
And yea, those Burgundians are a pain in the rear side... I must admit I wasn't fully prepared for this war either with just conquered the Maya's and starting to convert them... who ever said that the 1.3 AI was bad? Comagoosie: Thanks!
as for the late night version... I'll have to find some 30+ forum for that, which allows 21 year old posters Enewald: Thank you, sir! Good idea for a bonus
EvilSanta: You were right,
is a cut smily
So as I promised, a short bonus to refresh your memories about who is who
The team of:
There Might be Vikings out there! Or: How I accidently traded my wife for a halibut
Proudly (That's me) proudly present:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
============The All new, great, fabelous, WHO IS WHO bonus=============
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part one: the Good
Hammerhoft, Harold: prince of norway, convenient born on the starting day of the game, so the writAAR had a chance to set up the game a bit before all the silliness begun. He was chosen personally by Thor to become a Viking, in the beginning, it is unknown why Thor choose Harold but it is suspected that Thor just randomly choose someone. Harold is supposed to have the worst birth certificate amoungst Norwegian nobility ever (-9/-9/-9). Futhermore, Harold is stupid, retared and an imbecile, adicted to alcohol, women, vodka and fighting. Be that as it may, he is a skilled warrior (with unatural axe and fancy dandy vikingbeard, as was revealled in the And now for something competly different episode) and is feared and admired by his random viking troops. Under his leadership Norway expanded vastly to North Germany, entire Scandinavia (entire Scandinavia? No, one small province still offers resistance to the mighty Vikingly conquerers) and the former Maya empire. He also embarked on a mission for Yohan Andersson to retrieve Indiana Jones' Locker (which appeared to be filled with pr0n)
Barf: Formerly know Random Viking #2, his name in And now for something completly different was finally revealled as Barf. Barf is just a tad less stupid than as Harold, but he isn't of noble birth so he doesn't have a birthcertificate to prove this. Barf is the only Viking ever to have passed the course FFF (French for Fikings), and was renowned for his French skills in the letter Q. Barf has been Harold's inseparatible companion during all his adventures since.
just Jack, Captain: Captain just Jack is a widely know tourist guide and lumberjack, dressed remarkebly like Captian Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Carribean films. Harold found just Jack during his quest for Indiana Jones' Locker in the episode: Yoho yoho, a pirate’s life for me! Or: why is the rum always gone?. Captain just Jack has a very strange accent, somewhere between that of Yoda, Golum and Captain Jack Sparrow. When Harold first met him, just Jack pretended to be a ordiary lumberjack, which failed miserably due the fact that just Jack is a moron. It is still unknown why he even bothered with this.
Andersson, Yohan Lead designer of EU3 (not medival 2: Total war), after finishing the game, he retreated to his cosy little office/temple of doom in Stockholm to work on post shipment support. He was the one ordering Harold to go to South America to retrieve Indiana Jones' Locker (filled with pr0n). In return for the Locker, Harold got a fortune cookie, which appeared to be a scripted event to mod Yohan in the game. Yohan proved to be an excellent general (duh! he modded himself into the game) and he and his Swedish midgets proved to be a decisive factor in the war against the Burgundian Brutes.
Grubby/Grubnessul: Student International and European law and Philosophy (which may explain some of his hints of insanity). And AARwAARd winning writAAR of the fabulous "There might be Vikings out there! Or: How I accidentally traded my wife for a Halibut" AAR. He was originally talked into writting by Thor who wanted to see an AAR about daring, cunning, wild, brave Vikings instead of all the silly colonisation games he saw being played with Norway in EU3. Grubby also appeared at critical moments in the AAR to aid Harold in his adventures.
Next: Part two: the Naugthy
The team of:
There Might be Vikings out there! Or: How I accidently traded my wife for a halibut
Proudly (That's me) proudly present:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
============The All new, great, fabelous, WHO IS WHO bonus=============
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part one: the Good
Hammerhoft, Harold: prince of norway, convenient born on the starting day of the game, so the writAAR had a chance to set up the game a bit before all the silliness begun. He was chosen personally by Thor to become a Viking, in the beginning, it is unknown why Thor choose Harold but it is suspected that Thor just randomly choose someone. Harold is supposed to have the worst birth certificate amoungst Norwegian nobility ever (-9/-9/-9). Futhermore, Harold is stupid, retared and an imbecile, adicted to alcohol, women, vodka and fighting. Be that as it may, he is a skilled warrior (with unatural axe and fancy dandy vikingbeard, as was revealled in the And now for something competly different episode) and is feared and admired by his random viking troops. Under his leadership Norway expanded vastly to North Germany, entire Scandinavia (entire Scandinavia? No, one small province still offers resistance to the mighty Vikingly conquerers) and the former Maya empire. He also embarked on a mission for Yohan Andersson to retrieve Indiana Jones' Locker (which appeared to be filled with pr0n)
Barf: Formerly know Random Viking #2, his name in And now for something completly different was finally revealled as Barf. Barf is just a tad less stupid than as Harold, but he isn't of noble birth so he doesn't have a birthcertificate to prove this. Barf is the only Viking ever to have passed the course FFF (French for Fikings), and was renowned for his French skills in the letter Q. Barf has been Harold's inseparatible companion during all his adventures since.
just Jack, Captain: Captain just Jack is a widely know tourist guide and lumberjack, dressed remarkebly like Captian Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Carribean films. Harold found just Jack during his quest for Indiana Jones' Locker in the episode: Yoho yoho, a pirate’s life for me! Or: why is the rum always gone?. Captain just Jack has a very strange accent, somewhere between that of Yoda, Golum and Captain Jack Sparrow. When Harold first met him, just Jack pretended to be a ordiary lumberjack, which failed miserably due the fact that just Jack is a moron. It is still unknown why he even bothered with this.
Andersson, Yohan Lead designer of EU3 (not medival 2: Total war), after finishing the game, he retreated to his cosy little office/temple of doom in Stockholm to work on post shipment support. He was the one ordering Harold to go to South America to retrieve Indiana Jones' Locker (filled with pr0n). In return for the Locker, Harold got a fortune cookie, which appeared to be a scripted event to mod Yohan in the game. Yohan proved to be an excellent general (duh! he modded himself into the game) and he and his Swedish midgets proved to be a decisive factor in the war against the Burgundian Brutes.
Grubby/Grubnessul: Student International and European law and Philosophy (which may explain some of his hints of insanity). And AARwAARd winning writAAR of the fabulous "There might be Vikings out there! Or: How I accidentally traded my wife for a Halibut" AAR. He was originally talked into writting by Thor who wanted to see an AAR about daring, cunning, wild, brave Vikings instead of all the silly colonisation games he saw being played with Norway in EU3. Grubby also appeared at critical moments in the AAR to aid Harold in his adventures.
Next: Part two: the Naugthy
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All hail Thor
Attack Lübeck soon?
They are stealing stuff from your wikings, the wikings just don't know about it yet... they haven't realized they have to pay high tolls to sell the stuff they have stolen elsewhere in Lübeck....
Attack Lübeck soon?
They are stealing stuff from your wikings, the wikings just don't know about it yet... they haven't realized they have to pay high tolls to sell the stuff they have stolen elsewhere in Lübeck....
part two: The Naugthy:
French, the: People widly known for their cool moustaches. They are know for their overpowerdness, strong military, expansionism and unwillingness to fight the Burgundian Bastards. They fought Vikingly Norway only once when Louis the I don't knowth thought this would be fun in the palace of the Random Monarch of Finland. Their grand army is also said to smell terribly, which might explain their succes in combat.
Burgundian Bastards, the: Silly people from Southern France/ the Netherlands, with far less cool moustaches than their French counterparts. They value pr0n, warefare and teasing innoncent Vikings above all else. Their expansions in Germany brought them multiple times in conflict with Vikingly Norway
IV, Charles the: The singing and dancing monarch of Burgundy, were he not the king of Burgundy, Lord of the Lowlands, Master of Northern France and Emperor of the world, his wish was to become a French maid. Currently he is fighting a war against Vikingly Norway (yes, again).
I don't Knowth, Louis the: King of France during the And now for something completly different episode and after. He has a very cool moustache (as can be expected from a French monarch) and is as clean as a fish (again, duh! he's a French monarch). His declaration of war to 'silly, petit Norway' was the start of the cumulation of events that led to the quest for Indiana Jones' Locker, which became his undoing in the ruins under the Mayan capital where he openend the Locker, essentially making the same mistake as the Nazis in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Arc, which turned him into some strange, brown liquid that could have been used in nearly any industrial process. Recently, Louis reappeared in Vikingly Zero's due his massive popularity by the readAARs of "There Might be Vikings out there! Or: How I accidentally traded my wife for a Hailbut", leading to massive speculations regarding a possible return of the former arch-nemisis of Harold.
Austrians, the: People from... ehm Austria... also known as the Big Red Blob. They fought innumerous wars with Norway, and they are all evil, just plain evil. Nothing more is to be said about them. They're evil and will fight our Vikingly friends again... and again and again...
Bolt, Olaf: One of the first generals of Norway, he was the hero of one of the many wars with Austria, but left Norway when Harold made fun of his name during the peace negotiations with the Austrians. Olaf reapperared in this AAR again during the episodes in South America where he apparently had been living with the Mayas. He rebelled, but Harold finished his pathetic army off with new Bolt jokes. He wasn't heard of ever since.
Next : Part three: The silly
French, the: People widly known for their cool moustaches. They are know for their overpowerdness, strong military, expansionism and unwillingness to fight the Burgundian Bastards. They fought Vikingly Norway only once when Louis the I don't knowth thought this would be fun in the palace of the Random Monarch of Finland. Their grand army is also said to smell terribly, which might explain their succes in combat.
Burgundian Bastards, the: Silly people from Southern France/ the Netherlands, with far less cool moustaches than their French counterparts. They value pr0n, warefare and teasing innoncent Vikings above all else. Their expansions in Germany brought them multiple times in conflict with Vikingly Norway
IV, Charles the: The singing and dancing monarch of Burgundy, were he not the king of Burgundy, Lord of the Lowlands, Master of Northern France and Emperor of the world, his wish was to become a French maid. Currently he is fighting a war against Vikingly Norway (yes, again).
I don't Knowth, Louis the: King of France during the And now for something completly different episode and after. He has a very cool moustache (as can be expected from a French monarch) and is as clean as a fish (again, duh! he's a French monarch). His declaration of war to 'silly, petit Norway' was the start of the cumulation of events that led to the quest for Indiana Jones' Locker, which became his undoing in the ruins under the Mayan capital where he openend the Locker, essentially making the same mistake as the Nazis in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Arc, which turned him into some strange, brown liquid that could have been used in nearly any industrial process. Recently, Louis reappeared in Vikingly Zero's due his massive popularity by the readAARs of "There Might be Vikings out there! Or: How I accidentally traded my wife for a Hailbut", leading to massive speculations regarding a possible return of the former arch-nemisis of Harold.
Austrians, the: People from... ehm Austria... also known as the Big Red Blob. They fought innumerous wars with Norway, and they are all evil, just plain evil. Nothing more is to be said about them. They're evil and will fight our Vikingly friends again... and again and again...
Bolt, Olaf: One of the first generals of Norway, he was the hero of one of the many wars with Austria, but left Norway when Harold made fun of his name during the peace negotiations with the Austrians. Olaf reapperared in this AAR again during the episodes in South America where he apparently had been living with the Mayas. He rebelled, but Harold finished his pathetic army off with new Bolt jokes. He wasn't heard of ever since.
Next : Part three: The silly
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Thanks, this really refreshed my memory. I knew that barf was mentioned before in this AAR (refering to one of my first posts)
(refering to one of my first posts)
Part Three: The Silly:
British, the: Silly people from Great Britain (duh!). They smell funny when they're wet, so actually they always smell funny because it always rains in Great Britain. The first time our Vikingly friends met these silly, smelly people was when Great Britain wanted the Orkney Islands, as our friends were busy with other fun stuff, and wanted to avoid these annoying wars in the future they decided to just give the Orkeys and get over with it. The Birtains seemed to agree and everything was fine and merry again. Later the Vikings would fight a few naval wars against the British, which they won most of the time. In the last war against Burgundy, however, the British appeared to have the double naval tech of the Vikings, which would be annoying as they could just cut Scandinavia off from Germany. Just as nearly in every game of EU3, the British colonized nearly entire North America. They also snatched the Aztecs away from the WritAAR so he had to use the Maya's instead for his evil writing purposes. A lot of Maya's died due to this action of the British. Concluding, the British are silly, smelly bastards, with a lot of boats.
Savage Swashbucklers, the Swedish: Savage, silly people from Sweden, they were conquered by the Norwegian Vikings pretty early in this AAR. They were savage and swashbucklers, there is little more to say about them.
Germans, the: People from... ehm... Germany. They are still divided over a great number of states, including Norway, Austria and a number of silly little independent states. They have big noses.
Thor: Ancient mythological god. He was the original mind behind this silly AAR, though he still thinks it's about rugged, cool, macho Vikings. Thor is stupid, annoying and a real moron. He appears to be on more or less friendly foot with the writAAR.
Narrator, the: the voice over of the AAR.
FFFF, the: The Finnish secret service, the abbreviation stand for Finish Friends of French Fries, they only shortly apperared in Fiasco in Finland and failure by fierce Finnish fiends because Finland was annexed shortly after. It is unknown why the hell Finland named its secret service that way.
Turks, the proud: Originating from the stepps of central asia these daring horsemen managed to conquer the eastern Roman empire and even lay wast to Constantinople itself if only this AAR was about them... it would be far less silly. Now they have conquered almost half Europe, and look to the North to tease some proud Vikings.
British, the: Silly people from Great Britain (duh!). They smell funny when they're wet, so actually they always smell funny because it always rains in Great Britain. The first time our Vikingly friends met these silly, smelly people was when Great Britain wanted the Orkney Islands, as our friends were busy with other fun stuff, and wanted to avoid these annoying wars in the future they decided to just give the Orkeys and get over with it. The Birtains seemed to agree and everything was fine and merry again. Later the Vikings would fight a few naval wars against the British, which they won most of the time. In the last war against Burgundy, however, the British appeared to have the double naval tech of the Vikings, which would be annoying as they could just cut Scandinavia off from Germany. Just as nearly in every game of EU3, the British colonized nearly entire North America. They also snatched the Aztecs away from the WritAAR so he had to use the Maya's instead for his evil writing purposes. A lot of Maya's died due to this action of the British. Concluding, the British are silly, smelly bastards, with a lot of boats.
Savage Swashbucklers, the Swedish: Savage, silly people from Sweden, they were conquered by the Norwegian Vikings pretty early in this AAR. They were savage and swashbucklers, there is little more to say about them.
Germans, the: People from... ehm... Germany. They are still divided over a great number of states, including Norway, Austria and a number of silly little independent states. They have big noses.
Thor: Ancient mythological god. He was the original mind behind this silly AAR, though he still thinks it's about rugged, cool, macho Vikings. Thor is stupid, annoying and a real moron. He appears to be on more or less friendly foot with the writAAR.
Narrator, the: the voice over of the AAR.
FFFF, the: The Finnish secret service, the abbreviation stand for Finish Friends of French Fries, they only shortly apperared in Fiasco in Finland and failure by fierce Finnish fiends because Finland was annexed shortly after. It is unknown why the hell Finland named its secret service that way.
Turks, the proud: Originating from the stepps of central asia these daring horsemen managed to conquer the eastern Roman empire and even lay wast to Constantinople itself if only this AAR was about them... it would be far less silly. Now they have conquered almost half Europe, and look to the North to tease some proud Vikings.
ROFL Grubby you never disappoint when you said you'd be going around dissing everyone with equality !!! ROFL Well done XD
Battling brutal Burgundians and brave British bastards in Burgundy, and Denmark
So the last time we heard from our Vikingly friends, they were embroiled in a fierce to-the-death total war vs. Burgundy. Well, they still are. So let us see what has happened so far during this war.
After Yohan modded himself and his Swedish Midgets into the game, he kicked the crap out of the Burgundians… for a short time. After that short time, the Burgundians started to come back. As was said before there are a fringing load of Burgundians. This wouldn’t be much of a problem, but there were very few Vikings (after 5 years of war, all those lazy bums were just dead or they had moved to Switzerland).
It was at this point that Harold started to consider something weird. Something very weird. Something very very very very very very very very very very very very weird. Yea, it was really weird.
Captain Piet (which is a remarkably Dutch name for a Viking, yet this is probably explained because the Burgundians were oppressing those silly Dutchies. So a few idealistic Dutch suckers thought that the Vikings could liberate them from their oppressors. Which is ofcourse silly, considering the fact that Vikings don’t liberate anyone, they just conquer, oppress and have fun. But there were a few who Dutchmen who were too stupid to realise that and aided the Vikings, Piet was one of them) and his two lieutenants watching a group of the biggest scummy scum of all scum in the world: … mercenaries. (dum dum dum dum)
Piet: Mercenaries, we don’t need that scum.
Idealistic Dutch moron #1: Yes sir!
Piet: The Burgundians won’t escape.
Harold (talking to the mercenaries, totally ignoring Piet and his lieutenants, who btw won’t play any part whatsoever anymore in the AAR): ... there will be a substantial reward for the one who kills all the Burgundians. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them dead. No survivors.
Big Fred (who is a mercenary): As you wish.
Piet: Lord Harold, my Lord! We have won a battle! Our largest army just managed to molest a half manned regiment in Oldenburg!
Harold: About bloody time. Big Fred, take your smelly men out there and kill some Burgundian bastards.
Big Fred: As you wish, herr Harold.
Harold: …
So, Harold had hired some 100k mercenaries to kick some Burgundian @$$.
Voice over: One by one the little, cosy Viking provinces felt to the power of the Burgundians.
But there were some who resist! A large army of Vikings and mercenaries marched against the armies of Burgundy.
And near the walls of Oldenburg they fought for their Vikingdom (the Vikings that is, not the mercenaries, who after all, are just smelly, greedy bastards who fought for the Maya gold).
With the help of the mercenaries under the leadership of Big Fred the Vikings manage to beat most of the Burgundian armies.
Victory was near! But the power of the Burgundians could not be undone…
We see the giant silhouette of Charles IV (who was a kickass general btw, 6 shock and 4 fire… which is completely unfair as Norwegian monarch always suck) who molests the ranks of mercenaries, Vikings and Swedish midgets, while he is blindfolded and only armed with a potato peeler. We see bullets, swords, arrows, maces, axes and cannonballs just bounce off Charles which produces a very silly yet somehow very funny sound as he marched deeper and deeper in our funny friends’ lines.
Note by the author: Later historians would debate whenever Charles’ armour produced the very silly yet somehow very funny sound or that Charles was just giggling. In fact, the “Second hysteric Historians war” started over this at the bloodbath of the 1984 historians-on-the-death-of-Charles-IV-of-Burgundy congress. Esteemed 10.000.000.000.042 and a half historian died that night a gruesome death by statistics, boredom, chalk fights and other tasteless ways to deprive other human beings of their lives. It would take over a decade before the first universities were prepared again to teach history.
Narrator: Anyway, it was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Yohan Andersson, lead designer of Europa Universalis 3, decided this had took long enough as he wanted to be home for te… erhm vodka time. So he stepped forward and smashed his knee in Charles IV’s naughty parts with a crushing blow.
Charles IV, the enemy of the Free, Vikingly Vikings of Norway and their not so free and not so Vikingly subjects was defeated.
Cinematic director: We see the parts of Charles’ armour fall on the ground, his body vaporises with some really smashing light effects and he exploded with a might BANG, blowing all pussies (mercenaries) of their feet. Thor said that Vkings are to macho to be blown of their feet, so they just stand there, watching the show.
A British ambassador runs in, completely out of breath.
British ambassador (while gasping for breath): Hey wait! We Bri…
*screen turns black*
Next: Me, Lackey?
So the last time we heard from our Vikingly friends, they were embroiled in a fierce to-the-death total war vs. Burgundy. Well, they still are. So let us see what has happened so far during this war.
After Yohan modded himself and his Swedish Midgets into the game, he kicked the crap out of the Burgundians… for a short time. After that short time, the Burgundians started to come back. As was said before there are a fringing load of Burgundians. This wouldn’t be much of a problem, but there were very few Vikings (after 5 years of war, all those lazy bums were just dead or they had moved to Switzerland).
It was at this point that Harold started to consider something weird. Something very weird. Something very very very very very very very very very very very very weird. Yea, it was really weird.
Captain Piet (which is a remarkably Dutch name for a Viking, yet this is probably explained because the Burgundians were oppressing those silly Dutchies. So a few idealistic Dutch suckers thought that the Vikings could liberate them from their oppressors. Which is ofcourse silly, considering the fact that Vikings don’t liberate anyone, they just conquer, oppress and have fun. But there were a few who Dutchmen who were too stupid to realise that and aided the Vikings, Piet was one of them) and his two lieutenants watching a group of the biggest scummy scum of all scum in the world: … mercenaries. (dum dum dum dum)
Piet: Mercenaries, we don’t need that scum.
Idealistic Dutch moron #1: Yes sir!
Piet: The Burgundians won’t escape.
Harold (talking to the mercenaries, totally ignoring Piet and his lieutenants, who btw won’t play any part whatsoever anymore in the AAR): ... there will be a substantial reward for the one who kills all the Burgundians. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them dead. No survivors.
Big Fred (who is a mercenary): As you wish.
Piet: Lord Harold, my Lord! We have won a battle! Our largest army just managed to molest a half manned regiment in Oldenburg!
Harold: About bloody time. Big Fred, take your smelly men out there and kill some Burgundian bastards.
Big Fred: As you wish, herr Harold.
Harold: …
So, Harold had hired some 100k mercenaries to kick some Burgundian @$$.
Voice over: One by one the little, cosy Viking provinces felt to the power of the Burgundians.
But there were some who resist! A large army of Vikings and mercenaries marched against the armies of Burgundy.
And near the walls of Oldenburg they fought for their Vikingdom (the Vikings that is, not the mercenaries, who after all, are just smelly, greedy bastards who fought for the Maya gold).
With the help of the mercenaries under the leadership of Big Fred the Vikings manage to beat most of the Burgundian armies.
Victory was near! But the power of the Burgundians could not be undone…
We see the giant silhouette of Charles IV (who was a kickass general btw, 6 shock and 4 fire… which is completely unfair as Norwegian monarch always suck) who molests the ranks of mercenaries, Vikings and Swedish midgets, while he is blindfolded and only armed with a potato peeler. We see bullets, swords, arrows, maces, axes and cannonballs just bounce off Charles which produces a very silly yet somehow very funny sound as he marched deeper and deeper in our funny friends’ lines.
Note by the author: Later historians would debate whenever Charles’ armour produced the very silly yet somehow very funny sound or that Charles was just giggling. In fact, the “Second hysteric Historians war” started over this at the bloodbath of the 1984 historians-on-the-death-of-Charles-IV-of-Burgundy congress. Esteemed 10.000.000.000.042 and a half historian died that night a gruesome death by statistics, boredom, chalk fights and other tasteless ways to deprive other human beings of their lives. It would take over a decade before the first universities were prepared again to teach history.
Narrator: Anyway, it was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Yohan Andersson, lead designer of Europa Universalis 3, decided this had took long enough as he wanted to be home for te… erhm vodka time. So he stepped forward and smashed his knee in Charles IV’s naughty parts with a crushing blow.
Charles IV, the enemy of the Free, Vikingly Vikings of Norway and their not so free and not so Vikingly subjects was defeated.
Cinematic director: We see the parts of Charles’ armour fall on the ground, his body vaporises with some really smashing light effects and he exploded with a might BANG, blowing all pussies (mercenaries) of their feet. Thor said that Vkings are to macho to be blown of their feet, so they just stand there, watching the show.
A British ambassador runs in, completely out of breath.
British ambassador (while gasping for breath): Hey wait! We Bri…
*screen turns black*
Next: Me, Lackey?