• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Kommunaut

Second Lieutenant
55 Badges
Nov 3, 2008
161
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • 500k Club
There and Never Back Again: Escape From Sweden

There and Never Back Again: Escape From Sweden
A blatant Alfred Packer ripoff

Introduction


Uppland, Sweden December 26, 1066

A man hurriedly enters the room clutching some maps


erikportrait.jpg



"Hello everyone! Sorry I'm late!
As you all know, I am Erik Anundsson Av Munsö, Duke of Uppland, and cousin to Erik Stenkilslätten, King of all of Sweden, including me.
What you might not know is that I absolutely despise being ruled by the imbecile, and am plotting to overthrow him and claim the throne for myself.
Now, me taking on the Kingdom with only my meager holdings seems far-fetched, but I have a plan."


Erik proceeds to unroll one of his maps


targets1.jpg




erikportrait.jpg



"As you can see, we have many small and weak neighbors to the north.
Hälsingland, Meddlepad, and Ångermanland are all ripe for the taking.
From there, we can later move further north. But for now, these plans will do.
Now, does anyone have any questions?"


Erik looks around the room:


emptycourt.jpg




erikportrait.jpg

"Oh, Right! I forgot to appoint a court!"​
 
Last edited:

Kommunaut

Second Lieutenant
55 Badges
Nov 3, 2008
161
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • 500k Club
Aaaaaaaaaaaand I messed up the thread title. This does not bode well.
 

General_BT

Blasted Conniving Roman
96 Badges
Apr 20, 2007
1.711
92
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • King Arthur II
  • Knights of Pen and Paper +1 Edition
  • Lead and Gold
  • Leviathan: Warships
  • The Kings Crusade
  • Magicka
  • Majesty 2
  • Majesty 2 Collection
  • March of the Eagles
  • Naval War: Arctic Circle
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Impire
  • Rome Gold
  • Semper Fi
  • Ship Simulator Extremes
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Sword of the Stars II
  • Supreme Ruler 2020
  • Starvoid
  • Teleglitch: Die More Edition
  • The Showdown Effect
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Stellaris: Necroids
  • Darkest Hour
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Cities in Motion
  • Cities in Motion 2
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • A Game of Dwarves
  • Dungeonland
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • For The Glory
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
Never fear... it'll add to the charm (and it is something a Crovan would do! :p)

And Erik apparently talks to himself. :D
 

Kommunaut

Second Lieutenant
55 Badges
Nov 3, 2008
161
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • 500k Club
Never fear... it'll add to the charm (and it is something a Crovan would do! :p)

And Erik apparently talks to himself. :D

Yeah, Erik is as scatterbrained as I am. :)

-

Since I also forgot a title page, the post I have complaining about messing up the title will be later edited into a title page/table of contents. Or I'll just move the text from the first post to that one and change the first post to a title page. We'll see. Now, it's time for an update.

Edit: Had to make it a double update. Friggan 32 image limit.
 
Last edited:

Kommunaut

Second Lieutenant
55 Badges
Nov 3, 2008
161
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • 500k Club
There and Never Back Again: Escape From Sweden
A blatant Alfred Packer ripoff

In Which Duke Erik Appoints Some Court Members (Part 1)


Uppland, Sweden December 29, 1066


erikportrait.jpg


"So tell me, Tolir, why again did you miss my briefing the other day?"


tolirportrait.jpg


"Well, the nobles of my province recently told me about this thing called prima noctae. Have you heard of it?"


erikportrait.jpg


"As a matter of fact, I have. What of it?"


tolirportrait.jpg


Wait, you knew about it the whole time and haven't told me?
Wait, you knew and haven't been screwing the peasant girls?!"


erikportrait.jpg


"Wait, let me get this straight.
I send you a message telling you to come to Uppland for an important meeting, and you skipped it for Prima Noctae?"


tolirportrait.jpg


"I knew you'd understand"


erikportrait.jpg


"You are the most worthless vassal ever."


tolirportrait.jpg


"You say that now. But you'll be giving me nothing but praise once we overthrow the king.
I bet you'll even make me a duke.
So what are we doing here today, anyway?"


erikportrait.jpg


"I'm interviewing potential members of the court. And you're going to help me.
And a ducal position for you has yet to be determined. I might just give you Norrland."


tolirportrait.jpg


"Norrland? Well, better than nothing, I guess.
Anyway, let's see the first candidate."


Erik gives Tolir an annoyed glance for his straightforwardness, but then motions to the guards, who show a man in.


albriktportrait.jpg


"Hello, esteemed Lordships. I am Albrikt Vinstorpaätten, wealthiest of the local nobility."


erikportrait.jpg


"Alright, you can be my Steward, I guess."


tolirportrait.jpg


"Are you sure, my liege? Look at him! He's puny and weak. He seems more of a sniveling rat than a man.
Also, Albrikt Vinstorpaätten? Look, I know we're Swedish and all, but that name is ridiculous!"


erikportrait.jpg


"None of that matters. At all.
In fact, I can tell just by his clothing, and that of everyone else here, that he's be the best candidate.
Okay Albrikt, you get the job.
Guards, let in the next one."


rannveigportrait.jpg


"Good evening to the both of you. I am Rannveig Thorardottir of Aurland, and..."


tolirportrait.jpg


"Excuse me, but did you say Aurland? As in Aurland, Norway?"


rannveigportrait.jpg


"Yes, I did. That is where my family hails from. Now as I was saying..."


tolirportrait.jpg


"Can you believe this? A Norwegian wants to join up? Ha, that's rich!
Seriously, go home."


erikportrait.jpg


"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to agree with count Tolir on this one."


rannveigportrait.jpg


"But... Your Grace, please...


erikportrait.jpg


"Take her away. Next!"




End of Part 1
 

Kommunaut

Second Lieutenant
55 Badges
Nov 3, 2008
161
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • 500k Club
There and Never Back Again: Escape From Sweden
A blatant Alfred Packer ripoff

In Which Duke Erik Appoints Some Court Members (Part 2)


Uppland, Sweden December 29, 1066


A man struts in confidently.


albrikt2portrait.jpg


"Good evening, sirs. I am Albrikt Virske, and I am here to be your marshall, and lead your armies to victory!"


erikportrait.jpg


"Well, since you want to be my marshal, I hope you won't mind me quizzing your battlefield knowlendge a bit?"


albrikt2portrait.jpg


"Why, but of course! Give me your best shot! You will find me to be as skilled an adversary in academics as I am in battle!"


erikportrait.jpg


"Er...Okay. Say you're fighting in an open field, and your enemy deploys their pikemen to the front. What is the best course of action to take?"


albrikt2portrait.jpg


"Ha! A meager challenge! I would charge them with everything we had to preak their morale and scatter them into the wind!"


erikportrait.jpg


...
"You wouldn't try any subtle maneuvers? No special formations? Nothing?"


albrikt2portrait.jpg


"Of course not! Maneuvering? Formation? Such womanly concepts.
Real men charge their horses directly into the enemy line, be they peasant or pikemen, and fight to the bitter end."


tolirportrait.jpg


"I like him.
Welcome aboard, good sir."


erikportrait.jpg


"What? No!
No way is someone that incompetent going to be my marshal. I'd rather promote a peasant than this idiot.
Hell, I'd rather appoint an Ugric Baltic MUSLIM to the office of Martial than him.
Guards! Get this idiot out of here!"


tolirportrait.jpg


"Sheesh, you didn't have to be so rude about it, your Excellency."


erikportrait.jpg


"Your Grace."


tolirportrait.jpg


"Thank you, your Eminence."


erikportrait.jpg


(sighing)
"Just bring in the next applicant"


hjordisportrait.jpg


"Hello! I am Hjordis, here to be new spymaster!"


erikportrait.jpg


"And why do you think you'll be good for the job?"


hjordisportrait.jpg


Hjordis hears voices in her head! They tell her secrets! Great secrets!"


erikportrait.jpg


"Um... Thank you, we'll be in touch."


tolirportrait.jpg


"Well, hold on a minute, your Highness. This sounds promising,"


erikportrait.jpg


(Ignoring the incorrect title)
"The lady is obviously insane. I don't want her anywhere near me!
Guards! Get rid of her!
Okay, only one left, then we're done for the day."


akeportrait.jpg


"Hello, your Grace.
I am Ake Av Rumby. I have served as a knight in your army for years now."


erikportrait.jpg


"So far, so good. Did you happen to overhear our little chat with Sir Virske the Stupid?"


akeportrait.jpg


"The man had obviously no grasp on tactics, nor any real fighting experience.
I've actually led armies. I have an understanding of basic unit formations."


erikportrait.jpg


"At this point, that's all I need to hear. You're hired.
Well, that's everyone, I guess. I was hoping for more, but this will have to..."

Turning around

"Woah! And just who are you?"


gustavportrait.jpg


"I am Gustav. Gustav Bjering. I am here to be your spymaster."


erikportrait.jpg


"And just why would I appoint you?"


gustavportrait.jpg


"I managed to get in unannounced, didn't I? Also, I found some of your mail. The king of Denmark wanted you to know that he accepts your proposal to his daughter, Ingrid."


erikportrait.jpg


"I should have your head!
But in light of the good news you have brought me, and your obvious competence, I guess I have nothing better to do than to give you the position.
You start immediately. Make sure that crazy lady leaves and stays out."


gustavportrait.jpg


"As you wish, your Grace. You have made a choice that I assure you you won't regret."


Gustav leaves with two of the guards.


tolirportrait.jpg


"So now all you need is a chancellor and and a bishop, your honour."


erikportrait.jpg


"Hm? Well, my wife-to-be, Ingrid, has been schooled in diplomacy, so I'll just use her.
And as for a Bishop? I think I'll just wait for the pope to send me someone.
Well, We're done for the day. You can go back to doing whatever."


tolirportrait.jpg


"Heh. Time to return to gästrikland to mete out some more Prima Noctae.
High five!"


erikportrait.jpg

Erik just sighs in response.

 

kadvael56

Major
80 Badges
Apr 18, 2008
528
0
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Hearts of Iron III Collection
  • Heir to the Throne
  • King Arthur II
  • Magicka
  • Cities in Motion
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Majesty 2 Collection
  • Knights of Honor
  • Warlock 2: The Exiled
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Colonel
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • For the Motherland
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • For The Glory
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Field Marshal
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • Sword of the Stars II
Kommunaut said:
"Of course not! Maneuvering? Formation? Such womanly concepts. Real men charge their horses directly into the enemy line, be they peasant or pikemen, and fight to the bitter end."

"Hell, I'd rather appoint an Ugric Baltic MUSLIM to the office of Martial than him. Guards! Get this idiot out of here!"

"Sheesh, you didn't have to be so rude about it, your Excellency."
"Your Grace."
"Thank you, your Eminence."
Great lines :), you should have taken Albrikt Virske and Hjordis, that would have made a great court :D.
 

Teep

Warden of the Cinque Ports
101 Badges
Oct 19, 2008
1.186
39
  • Hearts of Iron Anthology
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Divine Wind
  • Victoria 2
  • Shadowrun Returns
  • Shadowrun: Dragonfall
  • Shadowrun: Hong Kong
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • BATTLETECH - Digital Deluxe Edition
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Stellaris: Necroids
  • War of the Roses
  • 500k Club
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Tyranny: Archon Edition
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • BATTLETECH: Flashpoint
  • Crusader Kings II: Jade Dragon
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • BATTLETECH
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Cities: Skylines - Mass Transit
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Tyranny: Archon Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
Nice work so far, I started an Uppland game yesterday and got Erik to be king of Sweden thanks to the elective law and early expansion.
 

Murmurandus

Crusader for Fun and Profit
84 Badges
Apr 12, 2002
5.876
1
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Naval War: Arctic Circle
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Rome Gold
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • 500k Club
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • March of the Eagles
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Stellaris
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Age of Wonders: Planetfall - Revelations
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Cities in Motion
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Heir to the Throne
Mmm, interesting... Looking forward to some Crovanian style mess...:D
 

orimazd

Secretly not clueless
20 Badges
May 19, 2006
1.169
2
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword
  • 500k Club
  • Rome: Vae Victis
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2
  • Semper Fi
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Hearts of Iron Anthology
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • For the Motherland
  • For The Glory
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II
Like what I'm seeing. But your count is almost too intelligent to be a true Alfred Packer ripoff.
 

hyme

Straussian-Progressivism
83 Badges
Jan 23, 2007
1.110
1.247
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Sengoku
  • Sword of the Stars II
  • Supreme Ruler 2020
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Rome: Vae Victis
  • Warlock: Master of the Arcane
  • 500k Club
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Semper Fi
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Stellaris
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Battle for Bosporus
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Darkest Hour
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Hearts of Iron II: Armageddon
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Lost Empire - Immortals
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria: Revolutions
i am in
 

Kommunaut

Second Lieutenant
55 Badges
Nov 3, 2008
161
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • 500k Club
Hi everybody. Sorry for not updating, I blame Easter. And School. And as many other Scapegoats as I can. So I guess I'll respond to feedback now and then start the next update.

Great lines :), you should have taken Albrikt Virske and Hjordis, that would have made a great court :D.

Yes, that would make for interesting storytelling, but I opted for netter gameplay instead... probably a mistake. I'll go for more entertaining courtiers in the future.

Nice work so far, I started an Uppland game yesterday and got Erik to be king of Sweden thanks to the elective law and early expansion.

Thanks! And yeah, I changed Sweden to Semisalic Primogeniture just to avoid that. I think it would be lame for me to just inherit Sweden.

Mmm, interesting... Looking forward to some Crovanian style mess...:D

Thanks as well. I haven't gotten big enough to have to worry about vassal problems yet, but we'll see...

Great awesome aar!

Thanks!

Great start Kommunaut! I'll be following this one. I hope you can keep up the hilariousness factor. ;)

Welcome aboard! And I also hope I can keep up with the humour!

Any AP ripoff AAR I must read... Nice work so far! :D

Welcome to the adventure.

Like what I'm seeing. But your count is almost too intelligent to be a true Alfred Packer ripoff.

True, but he'll probably go crazy or senile or something.


Welcome aboard!
 

Kommunaut

Second Lieutenant
55 Badges
Nov 3, 2008
161
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • 500k Club
There and Never Back Again: Escape From Sweden

A blatant Alfred Packer ripoff

Off To War


Uppland, Sweden January 15, 1067


erikportrait.jpg


"Hello everyone, and welcome to the meeting.
First off, I'd like everyone to meet my wife and chancellor, Ingrid Svensdottir Knýtling"


ingrifportrait.jpg


"Hello Everyone"


tolirportrait.jpg


"Wait, you got married? Why wasn't I invited to the wedding?"


erikportrait.jpg


"Umm...
I figured you were far too busy for such a trivial thing.
Anyways, moving on..."


tolirportrait.jpg


"But your Holiness, I thought..."


erikportrait.jpg


"MOVING ON...
Now you've all been informed on my plans. It's time to put them to action.

Tolir. You and Ake will lead my armies against Count Björn of Hälsingland.
I will stay here in the comfort of the castle and manage the duchy.
Any questions?"


tolirportrait.jpg


"Yeah, aren't you coming with us, Monsignor?"


erikportrait.jpg


"No no no no no. God No.
I need to stay here, with my wife. I'm sure you all understand."


akeportrait.jpg


"Your Grace, I'm sorry to interject, but the men will be demoralized without your presence. Your place is at the head of the army."


erikportrait.jpg


"Ake, while I value your input, I have to disagree with you on this point.
My place is here, with my wife, fathering an heir or 3."

(Ingrid giggles)

"Besides, I have full confidence in your abilities as marshal to lead our troops into victory against Hälsingland, Meddlepad, and Ångermanland.
That's another thing. When you're done, I want you to attack Meddlepad and Ångermanland.
Now move out!"


akeportrait.jpg


(Sigh)
"Of Course, your Grace."


tolirportrait.jpg


"You won't be disappointed, my Jarl"


(Both Leave)


erikportrait.jpg


(Sigh)
"I wonder if that imbecile will ever get my damn title right, or will he wait for me to become king before calling me 'Your Grace?'"


ingrifportrait.jpg


"I'm sure he just does it to irk you.
Anyway, I thought you'd like to know that the king is mobilizing his own armies to assist in the coming conflicts."


erikportrait.jpg


"I guess he doesn't know what I'm planning. That's good..."


(The meeting is interrupted by a foreign warrior entering the room)


soldiersw.jpg



"Hello Your Grace!
We are the Dead Oak Rogue Company, all the way from England, and..."


erikportrait.jpg


"How in God's name did you know I was going to war?"


soldiersw.jpg


"We have one thousand able-bodied men, and..."


erikportrait.jpg


"I'm serious! We have a major security breach!
Gustav! Find and kill whomever is responsible!"


gustavportrait.jpg


"As you command"


soldiersw.jpg


"Your Grace, are you going to hire us or what?"


erikportrait.jpg


"Huh, what?
No, of course not. Now leave.
Now if you'll all excuse me, Ingrid and I have some 'Business' to attend to."

 
Last edited:

unmerged(90994)

Second Lieutenant
Jan 14, 2008
194
0
Heh, I like Tolir. And not just because he's managed to invent the high-five 900 years before Glenn Burke. (Not that Glenn would be interested in that particular use of Prima Noctae… ;) )

Keep up the good work!
 

Teep

Warden of the Cinque Ports
101 Badges
Oct 19, 2008
1.186
39
  • Hearts of Iron Anthology
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Divine Wind
  • Victoria 2
  • Shadowrun Returns
  • Shadowrun: Dragonfall
  • Shadowrun: Hong Kong
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • BATTLETECH - Digital Deluxe Edition
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Stellaris: Necroids
  • War of the Roses
  • 500k Club
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Tyranny: Archon Edition
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • BATTLETECH: Flashpoint
  • Crusader Kings II: Jade Dragon
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • BATTLETECH
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Cities: Skylines - Mass Transit
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Tyranny: Archon Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
I'd be amazed that the news could get to england fast enough, not that there is such a huge security breach.
 

Murmurandus

Crusader for Fun and Profit
84 Badges
Apr 12, 2002
5.876
1
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Naval War: Arctic Circle
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Rome Gold
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • 500k Club
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • March of the Eagles
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Stellaris
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Age of Wonders: Planetfall - Revelations
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Cities in Motion
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Heir to the Throne
That D.O.R.C. really looks competent and impressive... I propose you have it killed...
 

Enewald

Enewald Enewald Enewald
58 Badges
Oct 17, 2007
23.941
1.814
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Hearts of Iron III Collection
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Impire
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Iron Cross
  • Leviathan: Warships
  • The Kings Crusade
  • Magicka
  • Majesty 2 Collection
  • March of the Eagles
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Rome Gold
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Rome: Vae Victis
  • Warlock: Master of the Arcane
  • 500k Club
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Hearts of Iron II: Armageddon
  • Cities in Motion
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Darkest Hour
  • Deus Vult
  • Dungeonland
  • East India Company Collection
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • For The Glory
  • For the Motherland
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
Business comes always first. :)
Then war. But pagans are surely fun conquests.