Update 0: "...I think I need to make this an AAR."
So, I started playing the mod as Renly Baratheon, shortly before his shadowy night. I wasn’t planning on making it an AAR, so the only screenshot I took for a while was this one when I bribed Tyrion to assassinate his nephew:
From HBO's new hit sitcom, Everybody Hates Joff
(Which, by the way, was a decision made when I assumed the shadow would be there sooner or later and wanted to remove non-dynastic heirs ASAP. I then forgot about it until someone discovered my plot. And for those who care, the other three people plotting with me are Varys, Littlefinger, and someone named Eustace Brune.)
Things of note that happened early on: Sansa got executed almost immediately, because I guess the Hound took off the day he was supposed to tell her not to piss off the Joff; Tywin caught the Brothers Without Banners, but Beric killed I think Ser Blunt in trial-by-combat and was released; and I beat my big brother at war. Not much happened, just a couple battles and Brienne of Tarth starting to siege Rainwood but being interrupted by the end of the war. Oh, and possibly because of the starting date, the Riverlands didn’t become part of the Kingdom in the North.
Anyways, the point when I decided to make this an AAR was when, early in the seventh moon of the 299th year after Aegon’s Conquest, I saw that Daenerys was attacking the Seven Kingdoms early. I was pretty sure she was somewhere around Qarth at this point, leading to the natural question of “You and whose army?”
Now that I think about it, I'm surprised I haven't seen this ship more in the fandom.
...is that fAegon? That’s him! And Dany’s the one with the crown! Probably because she owns the crown.
I don't remember this crown (which Dany got in Qarth back in book 2) appearing in the show. Which is a shame, because it would look awesome.
And also the dragons. They might be a factor.
At this point, her holdings are one castle in Pentos (Sunrise Gate), meaning she has a bit over 4,000 levies, mostly heavy infantry. However, she also has almost 13,000 event troops of unknown type (probably the Golden Company??), for a total of almost 17,000 troops. That’s far more than Stannis had, or for that matter Aegon the Conqueror...but the first Aegon’s dragons were adults. Also the Seven Kingdoms of his time were divided into several squabbling kingdoms and not united under...oh.
The Seven Kingdoms, plus the Crownlands, plus Stannis, plus the arbitrary bits that broke off from their parent kingdom.
Also either Dorne or the Riverlands. I can never remember which is the odd province out.
Interesting notes about Dany’s court: Aegon tamed Viserion, Rhaegal is free, and two of her courtiers died the day she declared war. (Probably because they were High Valyrian yet not Targaryen, a contradiction that the game can only sustain so long.)
And while I’m on random useless trivia: Dany’s primary title is Princess of the Iron Throne, from her father, but Aegon’s is Khal, because he’s husband to the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea (the titular title Daenerys held at the start of the game). On random but mildly useful trivia, while Dany is quite inclined towards Renly, Aegon is precisely neutral about his existence...so it’s a good thing that he won’t be sitting the throne should the Targaryens be restored.
Ladies in charge: A handsome king's best diplomatic prospect.
Oh, right, and Lord Guncer Sunglass of Sweetport Sound got A. imprisoned by Stannis and B. attacked by Master Moreo of Tyrosh and his aggressively blonde mane. I got an event saying it was my duty to defend him, so I declared war. Specifically, I declared “I’ll get around to you eventually, but first I need a throne.” My attitude strengthened once I realized Guncer wasn’t one of my vassals—hes a Crownlander who didn’t declare for any particular king, but the Tyroshi are raiding for slaves.
On my priority list, this ranks somewhere between "order victory peaches" and "apologize to Stannis".
Anyways. Let’s focus on the state of the Great Houses at the time when Daenerys Stormborn declared War.
I’m not planning to regularly give detailed status updates on everyone, every time, but I’ll try to keep up with major events. If there’s anyone you guys want me to keep an eye on, or to actually keep track of every update, let me know.
Alright, let’s get a list of all the kings who have been in this mess:
All right, we’re up to the standard five (Stannis met defeat before Dany declared war, but canon!Renly died before canon!Balon named himself king, so that tracks). I wonder if any others will rise in this clash of crowns?
Alright, that should be enough backgroundy stuff. Let’s get to the vaguely in-character narrative—one that plays with time and distance almost as strictly as the later seasons of Game of Thrones, but with even less idea where it’s going!
King Renly Baratheon sat in his council chamber, his mind elsewhere. Margaery’s pregnancy had caused her so much difficulty; how much longer would it last?
Do you recognize any of these names? That’s fine, I don’t think any of them are significant characters.
“Shall we begin?” Lord Edric Kellington asked.
“We may as well,” Renly sighed. “Well, Edric? Any new news on the seas?”
Lord Edric was a skilled battlefield commander of few other talents, but Storm’s End owed him some boon, so he was named Master of Ships when Renly claimed his crown. As the Stormlands had no fleet to speak of, Edric’s duties were largely limited to reporting on enemy fleet movements.
“Aside from Tywin’s fleet by Crackclaw, there’s a Lannister fleet and an Ironborn one by Estermont. The Lannister craft number forty-five, but the Ironborn fleet numbers two hundred fifty. Luckily they’re headed south, but the Lannister ships are headed north. If the Lannisters are sailing troops from—”
Maester Jurne cleared his throat.
Renly nodded. “Thank you, Lord Admiral. Ser Bonifer, how long until our main force is ready?”
The pious knight served as the king’s primary general. “The force at Griffon’s Roost will march within two weeks—some thirteen thousand of our own, one in eight ahorse, plus about five thousand remaining from Lord Tyrell’s host. The levies around Storm’s End will take near a month to organize, but number another six thousand men. All combined, they will equal the Crownland armies. The Tyrells have another thirty thousand, but gods know when they’ll be ready to attack King’s Landing.”
“Be thankful the Lannisters need to send men to the Starks,” Lord Alaric Rogers grumbled, “else this war would be much crueler.”
“Thank both of you.” Renly considered what topic to bring up next, but nothing seemed terribly concerning, particularly when his heir—
Maester Jurne and Lord Barth Cafferen, King Renly’s Master of Whispers, spoke at the same time.
“A raven—”
“Littlefin—”
A lord, even a minor lord like Barth, obviously had precedence over a lowborn maester. “Proceed, Lord Barth.”
“Littlefinger has sent word from King’s Landing. The Imp has found a large number of potential conspirators, who presumably wish Joffery harm or are firmly on his side. Ser Osmund Kettleblack and his younger brother, Ser Denys of Dalston, Lady Taena of—”
“How many total?” Renly asked.
“Eight, including Lady Payne, a septon, and two servants,” Lord Barth said quickly. “With the Spider and Littlefinger on our side, the false king is not long for this world.”
“It shames me that we must do this to one I thought of my blood,” Renly said, “but the child is in truth a cruel abomination.” Renly was only truly confident on the boy’s cruelty, but Renly did not think Stannis likely to lie like this unless he was truly desperate—and even were he, Renly saw little gain for him, unless he was merely being vindictive towards the Lannisters. “I hope the bloodshed may end there.”
“As do we all,” the maester said. “However, I h—”
“There is more news,” Barth interrupted. “Lady Tanda of Stokeworth has been doing some skullduggery. Aside from somehow convincing Joffery to let her take Varys’s place on the high council—”
“No doubt why he was so willing to off the boy,” Bonifer said.
“—she has started a faction seeking to put young Edric Storm on the Iron Throne.”
Renly smiled. “Well. Another thorn in Joffery’s side, and if he doesn’t have her head mounted on a pike when one of her fellow vipers reveals this to him, she should be easy to drive off when I take the throne. Are there any further concerns?”
“None, your grace.”
“Excellent. Now, Maester Jurne, I believe you were speaking of a raven?”
Jurne repressed a sigh and nodded, removing a piece of parchment from his sleeve. “One from your brother. A message sent to ‘whomever now rules at Dragonstone,’ informing them of the imminent return of the so-called true queen of Westeros.”
The table fell silent.
Renly sat straight. “Who is this ‘true queen’?” For once, there was not an ounce of levity in the king’s voice.
“Daenerys Targaryen, known as Stormborn, the Mad King’s youngest child. She calls herself the Mother of Dragons, and claims to have three. One is her own, one was tamed by her husband Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name.”
“Of course,” Lord Hugh Grandison, the Master of Coin, opined. “If she can bring dragons to life, why not a cousin?”
“Nephew,” Septon Kyle corrected.
“Cousin or nephew, the child was slain by the Mountain. This tale is an obvious fiction. Stannis surely means to make our king look a fool.”
“Perhaps,” Renly admitted. “Yet perhaps not. Lord Barth, contact our three friends in King’s Landing and ask if they have heard of a similar tale. If Tyrion’s servants, Littlefinger’s merchants, and even the Spider’s ‘little birds’ have somehow missed three dragons and a reborn prince, then the tale is doubtless false.” Renly leaned forward. “Yet if not...does Stannis say anything of this queen’s intent?”
Maester Jurne looked down at the parchment once more. “Stannis mentioned something about her desire for revenge on those who killed her father and took his throne.”
Renly smiled. “Why, that would be the Lannisters. Eddard and Robert as well, to be sure, but it was Tywin who took King’s Landing, his son who slew the king, and his dog who slew Princess Elia and her children. Or child, mayhaps? Regardless, her grievances are with the Lannisters.” He leaned forward. “But I? I was but a boy during my brother’s rebellion, and took no part in it. Our only disagreement is on who should rule the Kingdoms. And one dragon for herself, a second for her Aegon...you said she has a third dragon, yes?”
Jurne nodded.
“I am curious what it thinks of me. As it happens, my great-grandfather was an Aegon as well.”
I imagine your brother is having similar thoughts,” Lord Edric said.
There are a ton of random characters with this ambition...but only one dragon.
Lord Hugh sighed. “Only if these rumors are true.”
“Of course,” Renly said. “But if they are, I would like to speak with this Mother of Dragons. We ought to prepare a letter for her, inviting her to Storm’s End to discuss such matters.”
Wow, that was a lot of prose just from unpacking a few days’ events and having Renly’s council ruminate on this AAR’s main divergence. I feel weird investing all of this narrative effort on something that I know will just be waved off with something like “She said she refused to sell her dragons” in the next update, but so be it.
From HBO's new hit sitcom, Everybody Hates Joff
Things of note that happened early on: Sansa got executed almost immediately, because I guess the Hound took off the day he was supposed to tell her not to piss off the Joff; Tywin caught the Brothers Without Banners, but Beric killed I think Ser Blunt in trial-by-combat and was released; and I beat my big brother at war. Not much happened, just a couple battles and Brienne of Tarth starting to siege Rainwood but being interrupted by the end of the war. Oh, and possibly because of the starting date, the Riverlands didn’t become part of the Kingdom in the North.
Anyways, the point when I decided to make this an AAR was when, early in the seventh moon of the 299th year after Aegon’s Conquest, I saw that Daenerys was attacking the Seven Kingdoms early. I was pretty sure she was somewhere around Qarth at this point, leading to the natural question of “You and whose army?”
Now that I think about it, I'm surprised I haven't seen this ship more in the fandom.
I don't remember this crown (which Dany got in Qarth back in book 2) appearing in the show. Which is a shame, because it would look awesome.
At this point, her holdings are one castle in Pentos (Sunrise Gate), meaning she has a bit over 4,000 levies, mostly heavy infantry. However, she also has almost 13,000 event troops of unknown type (probably the Golden Company??), for a total of almost 17,000 troops. That’s far more than Stannis had, or for that matter Aegon the Conqueror...but the first Aegon’s dragons were adults. Also the Seven Kingdoms of his time were divided into several squabbling kingdoms and not united under...oh.
The Seven Kingdoms, plus the Crownlands, plus Stannis, plus the arbitrary bits that broke off from their parent kingdom.
Also either Dorne or the Riverlands. I can never remember which is the odd province out.
Interesting notes about Dany’s court: Aegon tamed Viserion, Rhaegal is free, and two of her courtiers died the day she declared war. (Probably because they were High Valyrian yet not Targaryen, a contradiction that the game can only sustain so long.)
And while I’m on random useless trivia: Dany’s primary title is Princess of the Iron Throne, from her father, but Aegon’s is Khal, because he’s husband to the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea (the titular title Daenerys held at the start of the game). On random but mildly useful trivia, while Dany is quite inclined towards Renly, Aegon is precisely neutral about his existence...so it’s a good thing that he won’t be sitting the throne should the Targaryens be restored.
Ladies in charge: A handsome king's best diplomatic prospect.
Oh, right, and Lord Guncer Sunglass of Sweetport Sound got A. imprisoned by Stannis and B. attacked by Master Moreo of Tyrosh and his aggressively blonde mane. I got an event saying it was my duty to defend him, so I declared war. Specifically, I declared “I’ll get around to you eventually, but first I need a throne.” My attitude strengthened once I realized Guncer wasn’t one of my vassals—hes a Crownlander who didn’t declare for any particular king, but the Tyroshi are raiding for slaves.
On my priority list, this ranks somewhere between "order victory peaches" and "apologize to Stannis".
Anyways. Let’s focus on the state of the Great Houses at the time when Daenerys Stormborn declared War.
- King Renly Baratheon, the obvious true king now that Stannis was forced to give up his claim, is gathering armies in Griffon’s Roost, with plans to march on King’s Landing. He wants to have a son, as does his lovely wife Margaery, and she’s been waiting out her pregnancy at Storm’s End basically since the Storm’s End siege was lifted; we’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting the heir business sorted out soon. His brother Stannis is hiding on Dragonstone with his family.
- King Joffery Lannister-Baratheon is a right bastard as usual, having accumulated traits like Torturer, Cruel, Craven, and...Rebel Leader? Cersei is acting as his regent, which might be why Tyrion is willing to assassinate his double-nephew; Jaime is training troops in King’s Landing, but wants to be regent. Lord Tywin is sailing an army around Claw Cape; he wants to become exalted among men. The Mountain is leading troops at the Twins. Another Lannister army is on the west coast, just north of the Reach.
- King Robb Stark is leading troops through Hornwood for some reason. I guess he didn’t have his armies gathered properly. His brothers are safe in Winterfell, his half-brother is leading the Night’s Watch while the Old Bear is in hiding, and his sisters are gone one way or another. On an unrelated note, there’s a girl named Arya in Harrenhal.
- Lord Paramount Mace Tyrell is re-raising his levies; he didn’t realize we were going to attack King’s Landing right after we dealt with Stannis. He wants to see the Tyrells rule the Iron Throne; if something happens to Renly before his heir comes of age, they technically will! He somehow got over 5,000 troops on Dragonstone, but doesn’t remember how, so they’re stuck there. Maybe that’s why Stannis is in hiding.
- Lord Paramount Hoster Tully is helping his grandson secede from the Seven Kingdoms; no clue what he’ll do after that. He wants to see the Tullies on the Iron Throne; good luck, pal. The Late Lord Frey is sitting everything out, as usual.
- Lord Paramount Robert Arryn is nominally helping his king (Joffery, by the way) defend against the Starks, but not me or Dany. His mother is teaching him etiquette.
- Prince Doran waits for the right time to strike. He wants to become a Paragon of Virtue. Princess Arianne has married...Prince Oberyn?!? And Quentyn married one of the Sand Snakes?* I knew the Martels were close to the Targaryens, but I didn’t expect them to imitatethem!
- Lord Paramount Balon Greyjoy isn’t at war with anyone, surprisingly...probably because his brother is trying to usurp his title. (Despite being just off the Pentoshi coast.) That might delay his kingly declaration. Surprisingly, Asha is at home; Theon is in the North, gathering armies in Silvereed (just northeast of the Neck). Balon wants to tame a dragon. I wonder if he’ll drop Dany a letter, and how hard she’ll laugh at it.
- The Old Bear asked the Realm for help defending against some wildlings, but nobody came. I don’t know what they’re worried about, they’ve got a big wall in the way. They’ll be fine. Walls make everything great, right?
I’m not planning to regularly give detailed status updates on everyone, every time, but I’ll try to keep up with major events. If there’s anyone you guys want me to keep an eye on, or to actually keep track of every update, let me know.
Alright, let’s get a list of all the kings who have been in this mess:
- King Joffery Lannister-Baratheon, the Crowned Lion, the Bastard Bastard.
- King Renly Baratheon, the Clever Nickname Pending.
- Ex-King Stannis Baratheon, the Ignored King, the Twice-Denied
- King-in-the-North Robb Stark, the Young Wolf
- King-Consort Aegon Targaryen, Stepfather of Dragons
All right, we’re up to the standard five (Stannis met defeat before Dany declared war, but canon!Renly died before canon!Balon named himself king, so that tracks). I wonder if any others will rise in this clash of crowns?
Alright, that should be enough backgroundy stuff. Let’s get to the vaguely in-character narrative—one that plays with time and distance almost as strictly as the later seasons of Game of Thrones, but with even less idea where it’s going!
«—¤—ʘ—¤—»
King Renly Baratheon sat in his council chamber, his mind elsewhere. Margaery’s pregnancy had caused her so much difficulty; how much longer would it last?
Do you recognize any of these names? That’s fine, I don’t think any of them are significant characters.
“Shall we begin?” Lord Edric Kellington asked.
“We may as well,” Renly sighed. “Well, Edric? Any new news on the seas?”
Lord Edric was a skilled battlefield commander of few other talents, but Storm’s End owed him some boon, so he was named Master of Ships when Renly claimed his crown. As the Stormlands had no fleet to speak of, Edric’s duties were largely limited to reporting on enemy fleet movements.
“Aside from Tywin’s fleet by Crackclaw, there’s a Lannister fleet and an Ironborn one by Estermont. The Lannister craft number forty-five, but the Ironborn fleet numbers two hundred fifty. Luckily they’re headed south, but the Lannister ships are headed north. If the Lannisters are sailing troops from—”
Maester Jurne cleared his throat.
Renly nodded. “Thank you, Lord Admiral. Ser Bonifer, how long until our main force is ready?”
The pious knight served as the king’s primary general. “The force at Griffon’s Roost will march within two weeks—some thirteen thousand of our own, one in eight ahorse, plus about five thousand remaining from Lord Tyrell’s host. The levies around Storm’s End will take near a month to organize, but number another six thousand men. All combined, they will equal the Crownland armies. The Tyrells have another thirty thousand, but gods know when they’ll be ready to attack King’s Landing.”
“Be thankful the Lannisters need to send men to the Starks,” Lord Alaric Rogers grumbled, “else this war would be much crueler.”
“Thank both of you.” Renly considered what topic to bring up next, but nothing seemed terribly concerning, particularly when his heir—
Maester Jurne and Lord Barth Cafferen, King Renly’s Master of Whispers, spoke at the same time.
“A raven—”
“Littlefin—”
A lord, even a minor lord like Barth, obviously had precedence over a lowborn maester. “Proceed, Lord Barth.”
“Littlefinger has sent word from King’s Landing. The Imp has found a large number of potential conspirators, who presumably wish Joffery harm or are firmly on his side. Ser Osmund Kettleblack and his younger brother, Ser Denys of Dalston, Lady Taena of—”
“How many total?” Renly asked.
“Eight, including Lady Payne, a septon, and two servants,” Lord Barth said quickly. “With the Spider and Littlefinger on our side, the false king is not long for this world.”
“It shames me that we must do this to one I thought of my blood,” Renly said, “but the child is in truth a cruel abomination.” Renly was only truly confident on the boy’s cruelty, but Renly did not think Stannis likely to lie like this unless he was truly desperate—and even were he, Renly saw little gain for him, unless he was merely being vindictive towards the Lannisters. “I hope the bloodshed may end there.”
“As do we all,” the maester said. “However, I h—”
“There is more news,” Barth interrupted. “Lady Tanda of Stokeworth has been doing some skullduggery. Aside from somehow convincing Joffery to let her take Varys’s place on the high council—”
“No doubt why he was so willing to off the boy,” Bonifer said.
“—she has started a faction seeking to put young Edric Storm on the Iron Throne.”
Renly smiled. “Well. Another thorn in Joffery’s side, and if he doesn’t have her head mounted on a pike when one of her fellow vipers reveals this to him, she should be easy to drive off when I take the throne. Are there any further concerns?”
“None, your grace.”
“Excellent. Now, Maester Jurne, I believe you were speaking of a raven?”
Jurne repressed a sigh and nodded, removing a piece of parchment from his sleeve. “One from your brother. A message sent to ‘whomever now rules at Dragonstone,’ informing them of the imminent return of the so-called true queen of Westeros.”
The table fell silent.
Renly sat straight. “Who is this ‘true queen’?” For once, there was not an ounce of levity in the king’s voice.
“Daenerys Targaryen, known as Stormborn, the Mad King’s youngest child. She calls herself the Mother of Dragons, and claims to have three. One is her own, one was tamed by her husband Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name.”
“Of course,” Lord Hugh Grandison, the Master of Coin, opined. “If she can bring dragons to life, why not a cousin?”
“Nephew,” Septon Kyle corrected.
“Cousin or nephew, the child was slain by the Mountain. This tale is an obvious fiction. Stannis surely means to make our king look a fool.”
“Perhaps,” Renly admitted. “Yet perhaps not. Lord Barth, contact our three friends in King’s Landing and ask if they have heard of a similar tale. If Tyrion’s servants, Littlefinger’s merchants, and even the Spider’s ‘little birds’ have somehow missed three dragons and a reborn prince, then the tale is doubtless false.” Renly leaned forward. “Yet if not...does Stannis say anything of this queen’s intent?”
Maester Jurne looked down at the parchment once more. “Stannis mentioned something about her desire for revenge on those who killed her father and took his throne.”
Renly smiled. “Why, that would be the Lannisters. Eddard and Robert as well, to be sure, but it was Tywin who took King’s Landing, his son who slew the king, and his dog who slew Princess Elia and her children. Or child, mayhaps? Regardless, her grievances are with the Lannisters.” He leaned forward. “But I? I was but a boy during my brother’s rebellion, and took no part in it. Our only disagreement is on who should rule the Kingdoms. And one dragon for herself, a second for her Aegon...you said she has a third dragon, yes?”
Jurne nodded.
“I am curious what it thinks of me. As it happens, my great-grandfather was an Aegon as well.”
I imagine your brother is having similar thoughts,” Lord Edric said.
There are a ton of random characters with this ambition...but only one dragon.
“Of course,” Renly said. “But if they are, I would like to speak with this Mother of Dragons. We ought to prepare a letter for her, inviting her to Storm’s End to discuss such matters.”
«—¤—ʘ—¤—»
Wow, that was a lot of prose just from unpacking a few days’ events and having Renly’s council ruminate on this AAR’s main divergence. I feel weird investing all of this narrative effort on something that I know will just be waved off with something like “She said she refused to sell her dragons” in the next update, but so be it.
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