Note: Everything below is all in good fun.
A Short Interlude
Messanger: Your royal highness, I bring grave news!
Chuck Norris (aka King Sion II): What now?
Messanger: The AARish are revolting!
Chuck Norris: The Irish? I agree, they maybe gaelic but they smell godawful.
Messanger: Err, no. You just made 2 mistakes in that sentence.
*2 seconds later*
Courtier: I think I'm going be sick.
Courtier 2: I don't think I've ever seen a man lose his head in quite that fashion.
Chuck Norris: No one corrects me! It was that fools own fault for not being more precise in the first place. Now then, does anyone know what he was talking about and would care to elaborate!
Duke of York: I do your highness.
Chuck Norris: Speak.
Duke of York: The 'ARRish' are a group of peusdo-intelluctuals living in Dublin, hence the supposed pun in their name. They refuse to read the accounts of Welsh history and indeed burn our public schools trying to teach it. They are weak and are unable to deal with the truth. Instead they spend their time reading fictional accounts of history which don't relate to each other in any way. For example there is an old favorite where the Order of St. John conquers the world.
Chuck Norris: What, those buggers in Malta?
Duke of York: Exactly. Yet at the same time they also read stories of World conquests, Africans defeating Europeans, the Kongolese holding thier own (and without any Thompson Gunners I might add), there is also a new one where the Portuguese go crazy and decide to conquer every province in the world that begins with the letter 'P'.
Chuck Norris: How odd. Obviously it's heretical and they must die, and yet I feel that this is a favor to them instead of a punishment. They must be put out of their misery. Ahh well, sign them up for a date with my left leg.
Duke of York: Yes sire. They shall be duly roundhouse kicked.
Duke of Kent: Umm your majesty do you really want to do this?
Chuck Norris: Of course. If anyone else tries they just bruise a person up. Old lefty here is needed for a true kill.
Duke of Kent: Well, it's just that I think there is another result that should happen.
Chuck Norris: I have known of no result other then death when I kick a man...except that messy accident when I kicked a man into last week and had to go back in time myself to finish the job and not disrupt the fabric of space-time.
Duke of Kent: Urr..yeah. It's just that I feel there is another punishment they could suffer.
Chuck Norris: Speak.
Duke of Kent: As your majesty know we have discovered many lands in the New World. Lands that we must claim before the Spanish or, heavens forbid, the French manage to claim. This will be expense and we can't afford to send colonies everywhere, however what we can do is set up trading posts to start our claims. The problem is that this a long, hard, lonely job that not many want to do. So, why don't we send the AARish to set up our trading posts. Besides the fact that they will be claiming many new lands for Mother Wales there is the simple fact that there isn't much time for them to read about "Portugal's Preposterous Proverbal 'P' Posessions" while they're freezing their arses off trying to sell silly blue pots to a people who already have a thriving commerative whicker basket industry. They should take care of their heresy and the whole situation should resolve itself.
Chuck Norris: Excellent idea. Send a letter at once to the Governor of Dublin, he is to round up the AARish and send them on the first available boat to the New World.
Duke of Kent: It shall be done. And if I might make another suggestion?
Chuck Norris: Yes?
Duke of Kent: The thing we have to ask ourselves is: why did they do this? And the answer, I would suggest, is that they find the histories a little boring. All facts and dates with now embellishments, no stories, ancedots, etc. What we need to do is find a way to spread the appeal of our history.
Chuck Norris: WHO HAS BEEN RESPONISBLE FOR WRITING OUR HISTORY!
Scribe: uh-uh-uh m-m-me your high-
*.1 seconds later*
Courtier: I think I'm gonna be sick again.
Chuck Norris: Let word be spread through the land. We shall hold a month of competions to find a new scribe to tell our tale and in such a way that it shall last through the ages and always be fresh in the minds of the people! And we shall find a man who knows of such things to help us choose.
*2 weeks later*
Simon: NEXT!
Hopeful:
There once was a noble from Nantucket,
who one day kicked the bucket,
instead of being smart,
and giving money to his son bart,
he decided to put on airs,
and not give anything to his heirs,
but instead the king,
because he was afraid him,
due to the fear,
of roundhouse's in the air.
Simon: That is some of the worst poetry I've ever heard. Your a disgrace to your family name. NEXT!
Next Hopeful
OOOOOOHHHHH, A wandering minstr-
Simon: Horrible. You've got no pitch you b!t&h, NEXT!
Another Hopeful:
This is the story of a man named chucky
who was very, very-
*2 seconds later*
Chuck Norris: Don't call me 'Chucky'!
Simon: I couldn't have put it better myself. Now I know you must be feeling down, but we will find someone.
Man: Me!
Simon: What did you say?
Man: I'll tell your tales!
Simon: And who might you be?
Man: Well most folks around here just call me 'boss'. And let me tale you, I can tell a mean tale. For example:
In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin’ out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
It’s a death trap, it’s a suicide rap
We gotta get out while we’re young
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run
Simon: American?
The Boss: Alright we change to Welsh.
Chuck Norris: Your hired. But lets get one thing straight. I'm the real 'boss' and there is no middle management around here.
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Next update in the new style should be up sometime this weekend
Snake IV- You have my response now I'd say.
Grundius- Luck? Chuck Norris does not need 'luck'. Luck is for our enemies, and luck doesn't help when Fate is against it.
coz1- 'Let slip the dogs of war.' That's our motto, and now that the revolts have passed I don't plan on letting the Dutch last long enough to get any colonizing down. Also I plan on soon taking the last ports of the French, so they can't colonize anymore. Leaving just me and the Spanish, who start getting some bad events around now as I recall.