The Suprise

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In a totally secret bunker right next to the tourist center in Berlin. On its door hangs a sign that says, "Don't enter unless you know about the invasion of the world which will start with Austria, then Czechoslovakia, then Poland, followed by a secret attack through Belgium into France. Then a cross channel invasion of Britain. To top it off Russia without anyone's knowledge will be invaded."

Hitler is sitting at his desk.

Suddenly some scientist comes running in.

tech guy: We have picked up deep space radio transmissions!

Hitler: What???

tech guy: We can't decrypt them though!

Hitler on he "all" channel: Hey guys, little problem here. Got some encrypted messages. Deep space and stuff.

Lebrun waking up: Huh, it's already 1936! Aww man, I never bought that new tech team package.

Stalin: What's this about? I got more Ukrainians to "borrow" food from and more generals to give property to in The Great Eastern Plain.

George: You mean Siberia?

Stalin: NO! THAT NAME IS TOO TSARIST OR CZARIST!

Hitler: AHEM! This could be important. The message says "|_|91412
4553/\/\813 0|_|12 l|\|\/45l0|\| |=1337 !!! \/\/3 \/\/l11 l|\|\/4|)3
l|\| 7\/\/31\/3 '/34125 !!! " We have managed to triple space every word
but we can't decrypt it.

Stalin: Like I got someone who can

Lebrun: At least you got someone

George: Scientists are on a tea break... more like a vacation... permanently.

---------------

Stalin: HEY! Where's Roosevelt?

George: Hospital, suffering from a Great Depression.

Hitler: Hey! That's what happened to Germany's government before!

Lebrun: I can't take this *starts cutting his wrists*! BUILD ALOT OF PANIC ROOMS IN STRASBOURG, METZ, AND Mulhouse!

George: WHY!!!!!! WHY!!!!!! WHY!!!!!! RHINELAND REOCCUPIED! MY TEACUP EMPTY! I'M ACTING FRENCH!! *Starts ramming a gigantic but dull steak knife into his wrists over and over again.*

Eddie: Looks like I'm in charge. HEIL HITLER! *BANG*

George VI: NOW I'M IN CHARGE!

Hitler team-talking to Mussolini: With these guys in charge I could totally take over the world!

Stalin talking to...himself: With these guys in power I could totally take over the world!

*Outside his office*

Guard 1: Stalin talking to himself again?

Guard 2: Yup. Not even the chess team liked him.

Guard 1: Sad.

Hitler: I'ma go get to work improving the freedom of my country and not conquering the world.

Lebrun: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

George: Just get me some more tea.

Stalin to himself: Hitler will have like 2 divisions when I invade on June 22nd, 1941.


Hitler with the Command & Conquer style big screen off: Well old Gerd, what have you got for us?

Gerd: Nothing. You're only building factories remember?

Hitler: Oh yeah. 20x2. Maybe 3.

 

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noone post the english version of the code. you can tell what the code is in but you cant translate it and post the translation. it gradually will be.

 

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Surprise

 

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In his secret bunker next to the tourist center in Berlin, Hitler is discussing strategy.

Hitler: So you're saying an uber tank army would be good?

Guderian: That is correct. We should make a ton of tanks. Then make motorized infantry, something that we don't know can exist...yet. We will know of it's existance in a year. But until then let's make tanks.

Schacht: NO! Let's make factories! To help the economy!

Guderian: Tanks!

Schacht: FACTORIES!

GORING: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! Oh, and planes! Planes may help

von Brauchitsch: How about infantry!

Hitler: SHUT ALREADY! WE WILL FINISH THE FACTORIES BY THE END OF 1937! THEN WE BUILD PANZERS! AFTER WE ANNEX AUSTRIA WE'LL MAKE INFANTRY AND PLANES! MORE WILL FOLLOW AFTER WE ANNEX CZECHOSLOVAKIA! IS THAT CLEAR? WE WILL BUILD NO MORE!

Just then Grand Admiral Raeder walked in.

Raeder: Ok, so I was just totally planning an awesome fleet. We need 12 battleships, 30 heavy cruisers, 80 light cruisers, and 100 destroyers. A sub fleet of 500 will back them up. 12 aircraft carriers will form the core of the fleet.

Hitler was pissed already and that only infuriated him.

Hitler: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnnpk52fb1c (Raeder is the guy who gives hitler the bad news. I really don't want to know what he is yelling at Raeder.)

Hitler: YOU WILL GET 2 AIRCRAFT CARRIERS FOR NOW! LEVEL III!!!! NOW GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just then Rippentropp walked in

Rippentropp: Um, mein Fuhrer...

Hitler: THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD AND NOT FRENCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rippentropp: Um, peace loving facsists have started a civil war in spain.

Hitler: Hmm. Send them some extra food so they won't starve.

Goring: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hitler (to himself): We may sit on me. Gotta be careful. (to Rippentropp) Then send them an entire legion of condors.

Rippentropp: YESSIR!

*Letter to Hitler from Franco*

Dear Frau err Herr Hitler,

Those Condors are more effective than we thought. They keep getting sucked, somehow, into the engines of propellor planes and have shot down 10million of their 1,000 fighters. Math is wierd eh? Anyways, like totally thanks. I'll send you some Chocolate in return.

Franco


Hitler: Ah yes, good ole Franco. Let's see if he can win though. Say, where are those chocolates.

Goring: I...I don't know. Why are you all looking at me.

Guderian: You got brown crap on your lip...

Goring thinking: OH CRAP! IT WASN'T ME WITH FRITSCH! IT WASN'T ME! HE FORCED ME! HE FORCED ME! WHAT SHOULD I SAY? I CAN'T LET THEM KNOW!

Goring: Ok fine it was me.

Hitler: Oh here's the chocolates.

Goring: OK GOTTA RUN!

 

[Mico94]

:rofl: great start

 

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August 29th, 1939

Some soldier: That should do.

Hitler: Hmm. Yes.

They just hung up a billboard saying "We won't invade Poland tomarrow at dawn with a massive Luftwaffe strike and panzers that will pocket their men at Lodz and speed for Warsaw."

Time to go to my bunker.

The totally inconspiceus 30 vehicle column with a big sign on the lead tank saying "Hitler's convoy, please don't hit the 4th vehicle 10 feet behind the engine" slowly drove through the barren streets.

At his above ground bunker next to the tourist center for Berlin, Hitler was briefed by his generals.

Guderian: We have 18 mots and 18 armored divisions in 6 corps of 3/3.

von Brauchitsch: I have 126 inf, 6 mtns, 2 HQs, and 3 paras w/ art.

Goring: I have a chocolate cake, 50 bratwursts, and Dick...Cheyney. Oh, and 12 ints along with 12 tacs, 4 have escorts.

Raeder: The massive High Seas Fleet that will wipe out the Royal Navy has...2carriers, 3 CAs, 5 CLs, 6 TPs and 2 DDs...

Hitler: Okay. Let's make some magical promotions and get cracking...kinda stuffy in here.

*opens a window*

Hitler with his head out the window: Nice breeze. Anyways, TIME TO INVADE POLAND!!!!!!!

Guderian: Probably shoulda closed the window.

Hitler: IN MY SIMULATION AND NOT REAL LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guderian: Fail.

Rommel tapped him on the shoulder.

Rommel: What about that transmission?

Hitler: Um, I sorta forgot after the Nationalists won the SCW. Um, I'll have Zuse get some decryption. If it is threatening we have little time to conquer the world!

Rommel: Let's use Blitzkrieg!

Guderian to von Brauchitsch: n00b

von Brauchitsch: Rommel, what good will that do? Infantry charges are far better!

Rommel: We could capture their supplies. Including food *looks at Goring*

Goring: I will bomb any infantry assault! BLITZKRIEG!

Hitler to himself: He could sit on me. *to all* BLITZKRIEG!!!!!!!!

 

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:rofl: great start

i find that highly offensive.

quit being forumist and say stAARt

 

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November 25th, 1939
the banks of the seine near auxerre

Soldier 1: HERR GENERAL! WE CAN'T HOLD OUT MUCH LONGER!

Rommel: Hmm.

Soldier 2: What the...WHAT THE F*** IS THAT!!!!

Soldier 3: That would be a super tank. Duh. Notice the 500mm gun.

Soldier 1: RUN!!!!!!!!!!

Soldier 3: Where to? We're encircled.

Soldier 2: WHAT DO WE DO?

Rommel: Just wait.

The super tank approached their position, at a whopping speed of 2 mph. The sound of grinding metal could be heard when it was 30 feet from their position.

Rommel: Ran outta gas.

Soldier 1: Aren't we outta gas too?

Soldier 2: Logistics Wizard...


3 months later
Paris

Hitler: Nice city.

Himmler: French should be here soon.

Hitler: Get that train car from versailles!

Himmler: The French are still at war with us...

Hitler: Then send some tanks.

Goring came staggering down the street.

Goring: Zomgrofl! Ahh. hehe.

Hitler: Are you drunk.

Goring: really really full

Hitler: chocolates donuts i see?

Goring: yeah, lets go with that!

He threw up and it smelled like shit.

Goring: What's that Udet? You need me at HQ? GOTTA GO!!!!!!!!!!

Hitler: Wierd.

Himmler: Indeed.

 

[Mico94]

i find that highly offensive.

quit being forumist and say stAARt

ok, STaarT

anyway, do I see a 29th of august 1936 before the invasion of poland?

 

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ok, STaarT

anyway, do I see a 29th of august 1936 before the invasion of poland?

Hitler: WELL OOPS!!!!!!!!! Now where is von Brauchitsch?

von Brauchitsch: Here. Heil Hitler!

Hitler: Now, will we be able to invade Russia in 1940? It's only like march right now.

von Brauchitsch: I don't know. We will need a specialist. HAAAAAAAAANS! GET von Banana in here.

A monkey comes walking in the door. He then takes a crap and throws it at a fan. It sprays all over the room. von Brauchitsch studies the patterns.

von Brauchitsch: Yup, we go after rainy season.