comagoosie said:
That is amazing what work you have done!
Gosh, I never knew there were two "less or More" posts, I don't want this to become redundant!
Great work I say! I shall now spend my afternoon grazing the index and taking in all that information.
Thanks. A pot of coffee helped.
I thought I'd repost a little something that appears in the rather long opeing post of this thread, but I think writers (potential or not) will find useful.
I call it
The Four Deadly Sins. Why Sins? Why not?
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Four Deadly Sins
1. Words, words, and yet more words. Er, did I say words?
Word repetition is an ugly trap that writers can easily find themselves trapped in. Readers are usually quick to pick up on ugly word repetition. It's a good idea to avoid word repetition, and the best way to avoid word repetition is to use a -
Thesaurus.
Now that we have the Thesaurus, let's try that again...
Word repetition is an ugly trap that writers can easily, and unwittingly, fall into. Readers are quick to pick up on the recurrence of similar remarks, so it's always good to substitute these wherever possible. The best way to avoid identical statements is to utilise a -
Thesaurus.
Note that Microsoft Word has a built in Thesaurus.
2. Punctuation - or how to make sense of the spoken word
Poor punctuation generally results from the absence or misplacement of commas periods colons semi-colons and apostrophes. Sometimes the mere relocation of a comma can change the intent of a passage. The following example has been gleaned from my Portugal AAR
"Smithee here. Oh Mr. Jackson how are you? That's good. That's very good. Look I have to tell you that I just adored the film. Wonderful stuff Peter absolutely wonderful wonderful stuff. What's that? Sir Ian? Well from what I've heard he's been a real... er ah sweetheart to work with. Anyway I imagine you already know why I'm calling... heh - heh... you don't? Come now Mr. Jackson surely you must know... what's that? You really don't? Well Mr. Jackson we have a real smash-up mini-series under way that involves the history of Portugal during the Renai... What's that? Portugal! You know the place beside Spain... home to a er ah kick-ass soccer team... Huh? What? No it's not in Middle earth and it's certainly nowhere near Mordor... yes yes look it up on an Atlas. Anyway I'd like you to consider directing Episode Four if it meets with your approval. What's that? Oh great... yeah... OK that sound's promising. I'll make sure my man Steele gets in touch with your people. Very good uh-huh yes uh-huh OK... Look before I let you go there's something I just
have to know... how long have John Rhys-Davies and Elijah Wood been midgets?"
I don't know about you, but that sucks. Let's try again, this time with proper punctuation:
Poor punctuation generally results from the absence, or misplacement, of commas, periods, colons, semi-colons, and apostrophes. Sometimes the mere relocation of a comma can change the intent of a passage. The following example has been gleaned from my Portugal AAR:
"Smithee here. Oh, Mr. Jackson, how are you? That's good. That's very good. Look, I have to tell you that I just adored the film. Wonderful stuff, Peter, absolutely wonderful, wonderful stuff. What's that? Sir Ian? Well, from what I've heard he's been a real, er, ah, sweetheart to work with. Anyway, I imagine you already know why I'm calling--heh - heh--you don't? Come now, Mr. Jackson, surely you must know--what's that? You really don't? Well, Mr. Jackson, we have a real smash-up mini-series under way that involves the history of Portugal during the Renai--What's that? Portugal! You know, the place beside Spain--home to a, er, ah, kick-ass soccer team... Huh? What? No, it's not in Middle earth, and it's certainly nowhere near Mordor. Yes, yes, look it up on an Atlas. Anyway, I'd like you to consider directing Episode Four, if it meets with your approval. What's that? Oh, great. Yeah, OK, that sound's promising. I'll make sure my man Steele gets in touch with your people. Very good, uh-huh, yes, uh-huh, OK. Look, before I let you go, there's something I just
have to know--how long have John Rhys-Davies and Elijah Wood been midgets?"
That feels better...
3. Show and Tell
This one is a bit tougher and takes some practice. The key thing to remember is this: Show =
Good, Tell =
Bad
Now, what do I mean by that? Read the following passage. I'll try to keep it mercifully brief.
Captain was a mercenary, a man of medium build and wide shoulders who carried himself with an easy calm. Cool blue eyes peered from under a mop of brown hair, and a half smile played on thin lips. Barely past thirty, he had witnessed a decade of conflict, and it showed in the tired lines etched against his wide forehead. Seated opposite him sat Sergeant de Bloomfielde, a heavy set man with a round, warm face and an easy manner. A floppy hat sat perched on a shock of greying hair, and a dagger lay calmly in one hand. He reached for a beer.
Try this...
Captain eyed the dagger in Sergeant de Bloomfielde's large hand, his gaze locked on the needle sharp instrument with a hypnotic stare.
"Lost in thought, Captain?" the sergeant asked, his deep voice rumbling good naturedly from a heavy set frame.
The mercenary leader moved with a start and shifted his gaze to his long time friend. He took in the floppy hat that betrayed a lock of greying hair, and his thin lips broke into a half-smile. "Why don't you burn the hat?"
de Bloomfielde's warm face betrayed mock anger, "Burn it, Captain? I can't do that! The men would be most upset." He paused for a moment, using the silence to reach for an ale. "There's something going on under that mass of brown hair, isn't there? Something you want to tell your sergeant, sir?" de Bloomfielde leaned closer, his easy bulk betraying a hint of concern.
Captain leaned back, revealing a wide shouldered, medium sized frame clad in a plain brown tunic. He locked strong fingers behind a thick neck and sighed, "You know, Edmond, I've seen thirty years of life, and the last ten have been nothing but war. I think of my youth, my family, maybe a wife, children, a farm..." Captain's piercing gaze softened, "I'm tired, Edmond. Tired."
Surprisingly, de Bloomfielde was at a loss for words.
So, what's different? With the first passage I told you what to see. It was straight forward description, very dry, effective, but bland.
In contrast, the second passage was full of life, description and characterization. I bet you know more about the personalities of Captain and de Bloomfielde after I showed them to you through exposition in the follow up passage.
4. Research - research - research!
If you are serious about writing, and especially serious about writing historical fiction, you'll have to read. You'll have to do research. And I'm not talking about the biography of King John and a general history of Portugal. You'll have to know what events shaped that period. What did the peasants eat, how were ships built, how did the army fight, what clothing was common, what exactly did a Renaissance Banker do with your money, how did they treat disease, how many motions were required to load a musket... etcetera, etcetera...
And now for the part that truly hurts.
You'll only use perhaps 10% of that hard earned knowledge. Why? Because the idea is to fit the information into your story, not fit your story into the information. You are writing prose, not a how-to book. Research and knowledge are paramount, but work best when used sparingly to advance your story, and should never be used to teach.
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