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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

SgtSmuckers

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The Smasher of Beetles
A Game of Thrones AAR

onZ42Ruu_400x400.jpeg

This will contain probable spoilers. I advise that you not follow this if you are just now getting into Game of Thrones. If you have read the books, don't worry. If you are a t.v. watcher only, be wary as this takes place 10 years after Robert's rebellion (may include spoilers if you are not up to date on the show).

This will be my first AAR. I will be trying to bring to you all a fictional comedy that follows along the character Orson Lannister, a simple cousin of Tyrion Lannister renown for his vehemence towards all beetle kind. As he only appears in the show in a passing soliloquy, I shall be taking liberties with this character.

(I will be following Orson only due to possible head wrenching CTDs that are always a possibility in a Game of Thrones. May change if enough people call for a continuation)







Prologue


IqhBQSt.jpg


I am Orson Lannister, The Smasher of Beetles! Well, that is what I call myself at least. I come from a long lineage of Lannisters and have inherited some of the more desirable traits from the said lineage.

I am an autodidact. That means self-educated, yeah, I'm that smart. I trained myself in the art of beetle smashing! The mighty KHUU technique is my specialty. Though some say that I am incompetent, but what would they know, I'm the genius here. Imbecile they call me, yet my genius so exceeds everyone else that they cannot comprehend me. Those simpletons!

Speaking of the said simpletons, they know not the threat we face. Forget dragons, silly snow demons, and evil shadow babies! The real threat is...

New_Picture_31_fct736x453x20.bmp


BEETLES!

It is foretold that a beetle army will arise and cover Westeros in their blackened, jade, and multi-colored husks! Yet, it is also foretold that only one can stop them, but he must be dropped as a babe and gain vast intellect from the said dropping.

I am the foretold and this is my mission. I must destroy every last beetle on the face of Westeros! If I have to dabble in the petty games of Westeros to do it, so be it!


Smash the Beetles, Smash em! khuu khuu khuu!

 
Last edited:

SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 1: Who is my enemy, who is my friend



I know all and well that not many people enjoy my company, It is hard to be in the presence of the one destined to be rid the world of beetle kind, thus saving it. Some even outright despise me, the gall!
Even those I have elected to serve me, detest me. I must put aside their petty feelings of disdain towards me though. The world is not going to rid itself of beetles by itself!

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There is only one in all my court that does not share the same feelings of hatred...

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Cerenna Lannister. She among all others in my court actually quite likes my company, for that I shall give her the gift of my hand in marriage, or she will give me hers. I have not the time to discern the differences.

TGjRaN2.jpg


Keeping it in the family tree, there's no other way to go. I turned out great, and those white haired people seem to be doing well too, minus the fact that they were ousted from Westeros.


It will be nice to have a wife, it'll give me someone who will smash beetles with me. We can smash in the in the great hall, smash in the dungeons, smash in the bed, and even do a public smashing. That'll show everyone my prowess.

Of course I need someone who can help further my cause in ridding beetles from this world, and who other than the mutton chop man who likes to sing in the rain. He sounds like a nice man to be my friend.

ygY7RVK.jpg


He likes to title himself as "paramount", but he knows I'm the real power. Just to go along with him to gain his friendship I'll "support" him as a "loyalist"

CzP1Oyf.jpg

u0a32is.jpg


That will get him on my side, if it won't, I'll just have to show him who the true paramount is.


Having a friend is great, but having a enemy is even greater! It will focus and hone my abilities, I know just the man too.

RETlYbe.jpg


Willem Beetleborn! Oh how we despise each other! His mother was a beetle and his father was, er, a beetle too!

Those beady red eyes, fluorescent green wings, and hideous sigil must be destroyed!

xE1ZTQS.jpg


I have set my spyman to undermine his dung ran economy, and niceman to get me a claim on his land. I won't use the dung infested place, but I will go in there and smash the dung eaters to bits!
 
Last edited:

SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 2: The Beetle Brigade



XY2vAB1.jpg


Not long after sending my niceman to the land of ever-piling dung he died of poor health. It is not a surprise as fecal matter does not exactly convey that it is wholesome. Alas, some good came out of this, for he had no heir and I inherited his city. Dreadful thing, Lannisport is. Every time I visit the place I come across more and more beetles. There were times where I simply went on a smashing spree to obliterate those husky devils. Now that I am in charge I can create a beetle brigade! I shall arm them with cudgels and tell them to go forth, bludgeoning and expelling all beetles from the province.

3czL9mR.jpg


Some deem that the burden of running this brigade would tire and exhaust me. Bah! If there is one thing that doesn't tire me, its smashing beetles!

h5Nl8BF.jpg

W7BxmQ9.jpg

6A0NB8P.jpg


My brother, thankful of my efforts, decided to gift a small pup. I graciously accepted his gift. Upon asking what I shall call him, I went on length that his name shall be Orsono the great divine beetle dog, herald of the end to beetle kind, destroyer of beetles, Beetle Smasher, the first of his name. My brother simply looked at me stupefied, as if I were talking gibberish. He did seem to understand that I said beetle smasher. So as not to hurt his feelings, I went along with him. It is hard to get people that are on par with one's level of intellect.

A bit after this it came to my attention that my sister desired to be married and who other than the scary giant man who lived next door. It seems he killed his last wife, but I'm sure that Shiera will do her best to please him. If not though... KHUU, just like his last wife. Perhaps I can get him to join me in my efforts in smashing the beetleborn, hmmmmm.

74AQjmH.jpg

Aa8gAvj.jpg


All these wonderful things I had been accomplishing were really testaments to my ability, yet no else had decided to join me in my faction. I figured I would cut my losses and leave it. I bet everyone was jealous of me and couldn't stand that I was better than them.

qq0xpva.jpg
 
Last edited:

SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 3: The Rains of Dungamere



QasejYy.jpg

cUQaYgD.jpg


The time has come for me and my betrothed to get married. Preparations are to be made! We'll have pigeon pie, a comedy play about someone smashing beetles, beetle racing (with the winner getting the honor of being smashed by me of course). So many things to plan, but my inept steward and castellan say that "It's much to expensive sire, perhaps shepherds pie instead of pigeon hmmm" or "whats a race beetle smash my lord?" It seems I shall forgo the pigeon pie and other quality items, but I will have that race and play!

E10dmEW.jpg


Ooo I almost forgot! I wrote my own rendition of the Mutton chop man's rain song. Its goes like this:

And who are you, the Beetleborn said,
That I must dung no more?
Only the one with the mighty KHUU,
That's all you need to know.


In a husk of jade or a husk of gold,
A beetle still has dung,
And mine are round and tall, my lord,
As round and tall as yours.


And so he buzzed, and so he buzzed,
That Lord of Dungamere,
But now the KHUU smash o'er his hall,
With no one there to hear.
Yes now the KHUU smash o'er his hall,
And not a soul to hear.
fhWJv83.jpg


The song was a big hit with the crowd, I might even go public with this. I hope the mutton man doesn't feel that I am stealing his thunder.

To finish things off we had the ceremony.


kYMBICT.jpg


The bells were ringing, the beetles squishing, and all was lovely... except that damned pie! Not enough salt if you ask me, I almost chocked on the thing. The performance of the play was superb, they choose me to be the lead and everyone laughed. Not at me of course, and the race was excellent too. It was a close race but the beetle I choose was the most fit to be smashed. Things eventually died down and the time for consummation came.

FfjvPUH.jpg


I was quite unsure what to do from here, lets just say I pretended that all I was doing was "sheathing a sword". I digress from this matter.

 
Last edited:

Rifal

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If this guy has a normal son and heir it might become a bit akward when it comes to explaining his father....
 

SgtSmuckers

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If this guy has a normal son and heir it might become a bit akward when it comes to explaining his father....

Orson's heir shall be well acknowledged in the smashing ways. He shall be the spitting image of his father, minus the spitting, nasty habit that.
 

SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 4: The Great White Bug


It seems things became a time of merriment, for right after the dastardly deed was done a message came from the Mutton Man inviting me to a tourney!

0kmuRNH.jpg


To be honest, it was rather boring. Tin cans on those equestrian beast ridding at each other with their sticks, bah! Now if they had been beetles instead of tin men who when hit would explode into beetlejuice, spraying the crowd who would shout in euphoria. That would have been interesting.

All this day dream of beetles really had me going. I need to get out there and smash some beetles and not just any beetle, nay, I had a special one in mind...

ACy8RBp.jpg

I had heard some rather invigorating rumors. Supposedly there was a Great White Beetle! It's Husk is said to be the purist white, its wings a myriad of colors, and it is said that it can shat enormous chunks of white gold! Now that's some dung I wouldn't mind piling up! Move over Mutton Man, you've got some competition in the excreting gold department.

I quickly sent my men to capitalize on this news. They were confused at first. My exuberance in telling them to go find it had them utterly confused. "Me lord, whats er, a beetle white smash no yet?" They eventually understood my desires after some repeating. I will one day find some one understands me like I do.

After sometime had passed, they came back with news that the beetle had been spotted in the county of Lannisport. I readily prepared for the hunt.

bnWd7xG.jpg

lfhXL29.jpg

*Note, I am missing a photo of the encounter with another hunter do to it being corrupted*

The Hunt was exhilarating, we followed its dung trails (making sure to collect the dung as we went) through eerie dark forest, rolling plains, and narrow valleys. I even spotted it once. The rumors didn't do it justice, why if I wasn't the smasher of beetles I might just let it live, yet I am the smasher of beetles. So if I did catch it I would let it pile up my vaults to the brim and then KHUU with a stone capable of shattering the walls of Lannisport. Hehe

The darned thing eluded me though. My hunt was not completely fruitless, for I met a fellow hunter. He and I were following the same trail when we meet. We hit it off quite well! I did at least, he seemed nervous yet agreeable with my armed guard surrounding him. I eventually convinced him to join me in my court so that we may hunt down this beetle together.

2X83QHp.jpg

OvwG1TI.jpg


It seems the Mutton man has asked for me to lead his armies for him against a rebellion. A bit aggravating since this will postpone my hunt, yet I will do this to build our relation, after all he is from the same family. That White Beetle won't elude me for long, mark my words beetle.

"I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you come to me willingly, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will SMASH you!"
 
Last edited:

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The critical question: Hodor?
 

SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 5: Like Father like Son



By the beetles! I was so caught up in the thrill of the hunt and then the opportunity of leading an army that I had forgotten to have my man servant read me that message from my wife Cerenna. "It seems there's a bun in the oven me lord". A bun in the oven? Is this man daft? there are no ovens in the woods with bread in them, why would my wife tell me there are ovens in the woods? After threatening my man servant to make sense or I would smash his head in like I do to beetles he promptly squealed, "it means your wife's pregnant me lord!" Pregnant? You mean "sheathing the sword" can cause little swords and sheaths to be made? BY THE BLOODY BEETLES! Why didn't anyone ever tell me that?

To think I shall be a father who can pass down his knowledge of smashing beetle kind. Oh I hope its a son! He will be a mirror image of me, and I know just what to name him. Khuu the Beetle Smasher. Oh how wondrous it will be, perhaps he will be the one who can match my level of intellect. If its a girl, I will call her Khuuina! None shall rival her prowess in sword and sheath making when she comes of age!

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Before heading off to war I wanted to tell Cerenna my ideas. The names did not go well with Cerenna.

After much argument Cerenna snapped saying, "You want to name our child after a bloody sound you like to make when you swat a bug?! It's bad enough you make that damned noise when we are copulating you imbecile!" Oh how those words wrenched my heart, it appears she too sees me as a blubbering fool. No words have ever hurt so much as these. Blood-red did mine eyes go before I blacked out. When I awoke, it was in the ichor and guts of my emergency beetle storage.

You see I have a bit of a temper and no one can calm me down when I become enraged. The only way to release the tension is to smash, and if there are no beetles around... those around me will make do. To here the story from the servants who saw my rage I shouted, "YOU NO LIKE ME! YOU TINK FOOL! SMASSSSSSH! MUST SMASH!" Of course that is what they interpreted from my eloquent dialect. After shouting they say I launched myself through the halls smashing anything in the way until I entered the room where I keep my EBS (Emergency Beetle Storage). I apparently not only used my fist to squash, but used my entire body. Throwing myself against the walls, floors, khuuing them into oblivion.

Having been told my actions, and still remembering Cerenna's spiteful words, I marched back into the bedroom still covered in the blood of my enemy's. Cerenna blanched at the site of me, it is well she did. "Me decide names", she tried to interrupt me, "ME DECIDE! ROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR", I screeched. My roar shook the foundations of Lannisport (my head at the least). Cerenna shrunk back and after a quiet pause agreed to the names I chose.

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The war being substantially done with, I returned home to find that Cerenna had given birth to a boy! I rushed into the room in which they had him, but was stopped by the wet nurse. There were complications and it appears my son, Khuu the Beetle Smasher Lannister, was born sickly. Bah, I was also a sickly babe and I turned out great! I bulled my way past her to inspect the little sword I had created. I picked him up and held him close, scouring him with my eyes. He was the most beautiful babe I had ever seen. He had an air of intelligence in his baby eyes, and my was he well endowed! He brought tears of joy to my eyes, and then he started urinating. So close was I to him that it went all over my face. This caused me to drop him.

Down did he fall onto the rugged floor with a thump, where he landed on his head. The wet nurse screamed and I quickly reached down for my son. Other than a bump that had formed on his head and his and the wet nurses crying, he in pain and she wailing that I had "impaired my son", he looked fine. Perhaps even better than before! Why he suddenly stopped crying and smiled at me, drool coming out his mouth. In that drool filled smile I saw myself and knew that this was someone who would at last share an equal level of intelligence.

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Saxon125

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AND SO THE BEETLE SMASHING WILL CONTINUE NEXT GENERATION. KUTGW
 

SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 6: The Adventures of O & M



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Finally! My niceman brother has come up with a claim on the dung heap the Beetleborn calls home. I don't see why it was so hard to obtain, Its where most provinces of the Westerlands despose of their waste and garbage. That Beetleborn doesn't even charge them either. Think of the crowns he could be making if he charges them, I know I will when I take it! The time has come from me smash the puny Beetleborn into dust! I shall, er, whats that? You mean the Beetleborn died? When?!

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It appears I was so busy with the hunt of the Great White Beetle and subsequent events that I hadn't noticed my sworn enemy, Willem the Beetleborn, Herald of the end, Eater of Dung, the first of his name, died? "A dung eater always eats their s**t" Those were the famous words of Willem the Beetleborn and house, and it seems only appropriate that he died following them. He was literally so full of s**t that the build up of fumes caused him to spontaneously explode. What a... crappy way to go.

Alas! Who shall I direct my ire towards now that my sworn enemy is dead? Wait! He has a son!

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Ewwwwwww! He is even more disgusting than his father. That almost uniform uni-brow, crooked mouth pincers, and beadier red eyes. He even has some sort of goo coming out of his nose. E gad do I hate him more than his father! I must prepare myself and my forces to smash this, this Beetleborn II!

Thankfully my brother-in-law is astute in the ways of warfare and has advised me to build up our forces.

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Unfortunately this will mean even more waiting! I want to smash now, not later, now! "Dear brother-in-law", said Daven, "there is no need to get worked up. Mayhaps you could train for the coming war? Why don't you hire a bodyguard and have him help you?" A brilliant idea by my in-law. I think I know who might be a nice fit for that job, after all, we did meet each other on the trail of the Great White Beetle and if you are hunting that beast alone one must be very confident in their ability to handle it by themselves.

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And so I went forth to find Ser Maynard. I just so happened across him when he was returning from a hunting trip. He was set upon by some poachers... he brought back all three of their heads along with the magnificent stag he had caught, marveling at his find and ability I proposed my offer. "Whats in it fer me if I says I'll be yer bodyguard eh?", he said. With my diplomatic skills that have yet to be surpassed I said, "SHEATHS AND STAGS", he gladly accepted. I found him a very nice "sheath" that had to be imported from the Stormlands.

*Stags (Silver Stag) are GOT currency*

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And so the Adventures of Orson and Maynard began! He took me and showed me many new things and places. We went to a house in Lannisport where there were women who would only sheath for gold. They were not even married when they would do it! Maynard said that many do it, and that the most severe problem that could arise is that "yer sword'll get rusty if ya don't pay high fer the good sheaths ma lord". We took a tour of the many taverns in Lannisport too. I got so drunk, that at the last tavern we were in I mistook the tavern's rat catcher cats as beetles! The bar keep was so mortified by my actions that he forgot to have me pay for the drinks! What a buffoon! Oh, and it was a our way back to the keep from this tavern spree that I got into a brawl with the local rabble!

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Drunken peasant fist fighting! Maynard advised against it due to my current condition, but I said "IMAGINE *belches* DEM BEETLES" as I joined the fray. Seeing me enter the fight, the peasants all teamed to face me. One of them said, "were gonna plow yer face with our fists lordling!" Please, I've faced beetles bigger and stronger than the lot of you, although it was probably best that I had gotten inebriated before the fight for their punches felt like goose feathered pillows while mine were bludgeoning them.

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Those peasants did not stand a chance. I had khuued them all to unconsciousness. "Hahaha, great job ma lord", said Maynard. To which I eloquently replied, "UUURRRRP!"

The morning after our night of fun, I had properly shaken off my grogginess by now, I decided that a change is needed. I did well against those peasants, but the Beetleborn is not a peasant and he will have soldiers who have been properly trained, so to must I be trained if I wish to defeat him.

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The gods have seemed to approve of my actions, for great news welcomed me soon after.

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Another child shall bear the name of my house and carry on the beetle smashing legacy. This time I believe its a girl and Cerenna already knows what I shall call her, for I proposed the name last time we discussed names.

Apparently I grew famous overnight, for I was contacted by another "paramount". This one was from the Airy, Eerie, or whatever its called. Well it seems so in awe of me is he that he has proposed an offer to wed my niece. Regrettably, it seems its not just prestige he wishes but money. I offer the customary dowry nonetheless.

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With my rise come costs, yet they are dully worth it in the end.

Months pass as I train along with my building armies, until the morning of my daughters birth. I was happily dreaming of golden beetles who when crushed would burst into thousands of diamonds, when a excruciating pain awoke me. "You bastard! Ahhhhhhh! You did this to me!", screamed Cerenna. The source of my anguish came from Cerenna's hand tightly gripping my nether region, screaming at them as if they could abase her pain. After finally getting Cerenna to let go and cease her threats she was making on my personal parts I went and fetched the midwife and other maids who could offer Cerenna comfort through her ordeal.

I had never been through a birthing, I missed my son's and I do not remember my own. I nervously paced the hall outside of our bedroom calling for my man servant to fetch me some beetles to smash to calm my nerves. Finally the screaming ceased and the door was opened. Wrapped in the colors of our house was my new daughter Khuuina Lannister.

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My did she have her mothers looks, no air of intelligence like Khuu, but a magnificent babe nonetheless.

In honor of these changes in my life I have decided to change. I shall take on a warriors style, I need to shape up to fight the beetleborn and his minions, and so this is my symbol to which I shall.

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SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 7: It's Smashing Time




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I shall not be sated! While I am great as is, I want to be even greater! Beetles everywhere shall scatter at the mere mention of me, Orson Lannister, the Smasher of Beetles. My khuuing will become the anthem to which the people of Westeros will rally behind when the Beetleborn and other vermin strive to flush our world away. Forget bloody fire, those sowing people, and furious stags. Dung and husks are the threat, and I shall lead us against this foe for they will Here Me Roar as I smash and squish every last beetle!

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Gah! I'm so angry right now! I went into a frenzy over my luncheon not having any duck sausages with my leek soup. That damned chef I payed for who supposedly was trained at the Lannisport Culinary School for Feeding Lions is definitely not worth the dragons! I didn't have any beetles around to calm my nerves so my man servant received the brunt of my wrath. I took him out into the courtyard and proceeded to beat on him with a wooden stick that is usually reserved for sword training. No one appears to have any diligence, especially Maester Melwyn! All those years of studying and working to become a maester, and he does nothing but make lewd suggestions to the scullery maids. I will not have it! Starting with Melwyn, if he does not shape up, I'll beat and smash him into the shape I want!

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I need to get all this anger and frustration out, I need to focus and hone my skills. After another one of my bouts of anger, my bodyguard Maynard suggested that I "train with me and yer personal guard ma lord. That'll help relieve some o' that anger yer poor man servant always receives." It's true my man servant, er, ole whats his name is always on the end of my stick and that he and I might enjoy a respite from always meeting under poor circumstances. Maynard finished by saying, "It'll make you into a better warrior, eh?" I do need the practice and to get a better understanding of military tactics so I said, "We smash toe gadher".

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Antsy at first about taking a wack at the man who pays their salaries, my guard eventually warmed up to me and a bound was formed. Why their was one time after we had bonded that I played a hilarious joke on one of my guards. As I was sparring against him I had a bladder filled with pigs blood on my persons. When I dropped my defense and let him score a hit on my persons, I turned and crushed the bladder and fell to the ground. There was so much blood he thought he had killed me. Everyone rushed to see what had happened, and my other guards fell onto my supposed murder beating him! I let it go on for a minute before I stood up. One of the maids who thought me dead fainted at the site of me rising, it was a bad thing she did though, for she was up on the battlements and fell and broke her neck! We all had a good laugh at that!

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Hearing about my awe-inspiring story in my quest to defeat the Beetleborn, a young artist began working on a brilliant statue of me crushing the Beetleborn's skull with my epic KHUU. So great and expensive was this work of art, nay, perfection, that he approached me asking for me to sponsor his work. I gleefully did, and only the finest of utensils were used. When it was finally finished I had it placed in the sept of Lannisport so that all may marvel at my magnificence.

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It would seem that word spread of my greatness, and an ally that I hadn't even known existed requested my aid. Supposedly from my fathers siblings or some such, we were honor bound as allies! Had I known this earlier, that Beetleborn would have been long gone by now. Anyways, I joined his war as soon as I received his request, and I kid you not, the next day the war ended. Am I that fearsome that this firebearded man was so shaken he called off his war the very next day after my entrance? I knew I was fearsome, but not that fearsome!

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Discovering this new/old ally revitalized my visions of destroying the Beetleborn. I went to my in-law/cousin Daven to see how recruitment and training was going. "It appears", said Daven, "that we have reached our limit of troops we can support in the keep". "How manys city has", I replied. Marshal Daven spoke saying, "Not enough m'lord. Many people have joined the beetle brigade instead of the guard and military, so we are roughly half way for the amount of troops to which the city can support". After two years time we still did not have enough! I'd take the beetle brigade, but they are needed for ridding all beetles from Lannisport. With my alliance with the giant mountain man and my new found ally of Assmark... oh Ashemark, I can surely win this war with the number of troops I have.

The time has finally come for bloody war.

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Dispatching the call of arms of my allies and notifying the Beetleborn of my intentions to crush his army and burn the dung heap he calls home.
I raised my forces and arrayed my army in rank and line outside of Lannisport. To give one last boost of morale to the soldiers I gave a speech. I went into it with exuberance. I gave great imagery of how we were destined to save the world by ridding it of the Bettleborn, and spoke of how every man here would live on in the annuals of history. After I had finished, perhaps the greatest speech ever made, I was meet with silence and the most peculiar of dumbfounded looks. Looking towards Sir Maynard for ideas on what to do, he took a gloved fist and smashed it down into his palm. Oh. Using the full force of my lungs, which is quite a lot, I shouted "WEEE SMASH DEEM!" My words spread throughout the army and city, cheers erupted from the army and even the city was shouting their support. Am I good or what!
 
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SgtSmuckers

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Chapter 8: Sweet & Sour



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"Grave news sire, our ally Sir Gregor Clegane cannot come to our aid in this war". What! The news brought to me by Marshal Daven was indeed grave news. I gave that mangy dog my own sister Shirea as a way to form an alliance between our houses and he is taking a piss on it like its nothing! To think what my poor sister has suffered for that good for nothing oaf. OOOOOO! I was counting on him to come to my aid against the Beetleborn, yet it appears the Beetleborn has gotten to him. He is conspiring against me! He planned this all along. He murders his wife, gets me to give away a claim om my land through my sister, and confides in that dung eater! Gaaaaah!

~~~~~

"I believe he's going ta kill that man servant this time", remarked Sir Maynard as he and the other nobles and officers watched Lord Orson proceed to wail and beat on his man servant, all the while frothing and shouting incoherent words. *sigh* "It is a possibility, but rather the servant than any of us", replied Marshal Daven. "Aye, but I don't blame'em fer being angry neither. That Clegane feller was an ally bound through marriage and he dishonored that", said Maynard.

"Woe to him then. He may be 'The Mountain that rides', but I would rather face a mountain than the wrath of a fool", Daven said as he continued coordinating battle plans. "Ain't that the truth", laughed Sir Maynard as he watched the man servant try and run from the wrathful man they all called liege.

"You will be leading the right flank, Lord Orson will no doubt want to lead the center, and I would lead the left but our lord has deemed to put me in charge of the county's defenses, so Master Terrence of Goldbarrow shall lead our left flank", Daven announced as he continued to issue battle plans. "I pray that we will be ready in time, for it seems the lord of Tendring was ready for this. He has already mobilized forces that number a few less than our own".

"Then it'll be his death fer attacking a force larger than his on their own territry", quipped Maynard. "That would be the case", muttered Daven, "except he has hired a force of hedge knights who are led by a man who is a far better strategist than I". "Oh, so its going ta be that kind of fight eh?", spoke Sir Maynard as he raised his right brow.

"I'm afraid so. The gods willing, all will go according to plan", Marshal Daven replied as he handed an encased tube to Sir Maynard, "This contains plans for retreating to Brightwall in Casterly Rock. From there reinforcements from Lord Daemon of Ashemark should arrive". Flipping the tube up in the air and catching it in his hand again, Sir Maynard responded, "Then the fact o' the matter is we've got ta tuck tail and wait till help arrives".

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"KHUU KHUU KHUU", Orson shouted as he swung his sword, slicing the hand off the man he was facing. Screaming and clutching his hand-less arm, the man fell to the ground where Sir Maynard finished him off. "Where Terrence!", yelled Orson as he started to stomp the still twitching man's body. Wiping the blood off his cheeks that Orson's stomping was causing to go every which way, Maynard answered, "He's done routed ma lord. He didn't have nough troops ta hold his side fer long".

"Bahhhh!", Orson declaimed, "Troops dying! Need mo!" The enemy side was finally getting the better of them. They have less men than we do, but their damned tactics were starting to make enough of a difference that our numbers would soon be the lesser, thought Maynard to himself. Scratching his beard Maynard figured it was time to enact Marshal Daven's plan to retreat to Brightwall and wait for reinforcements. "We need ta retreat ma lord!", Maynard yelled over the sounds of battle. "Battle here, no move!", Orson shouted back.

Damn, he's going to get every last one of us killed if we fight it out here. Maynard quickly thought of something. "That Beetleborn feller yer always on about is at Brightwall ma lord!" Ceasing his stomping of the man turned pulp Orson looked towards Maynard and mouthed, "Beetlebern?" Maynard vigorously started to nod his head. "TOOO BRIGHTRALL!", roared Orson as he took off at a full sprint in the direction of Brightwall. "You eard'em! Fall back ta Brightwall!", Maynard bellowed over the clamor of war until the horns started to sound the order for the retreat.

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"WHERE YOU AT BEETLEBERN! ME WANT KHUU YOU!", Orson hollered as he was cutting his way through the enemy swarm. Maynard had to give it to to him, he was unsure at first how his liege would fare when the fighting started, but all doubts were washed way when it indeed did start. While Orson was not an expert, his enthusiasm well made up for any lack of skill. Maynard was beginning to have trouble keeping up with him as Orson was rushing through the ranks trying to find the lord of Tendring, who Maynard had deduced to be this 'Beetleborn'.

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Lord Orson had gone so far ahead that he had reached an area where there was an essential no mans land. Fearing that the enemy would capitalize on him being so far from his own forces, Sir Maynard quickly began to work his way towards the man he was charged to protect. Upon reaching him, a noble from the opposing side broke through the ranks, charging towards lord Orson on the back of a steed.

Rather than letting Maynard handle the problem, Orson started to charge the noble back, roaring all the way. Dismayed, Maynard ran towards Orson. His help was not needed though, for the noble upon seeing the stocky man running at him while screaming must have curdled his blood and slackened his spine. He moved, posthaste, to get away from Orson.

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"Those forces Daven mentioned should have been ere by now", muttered Maynard to himself as he downed a swallow of what was supposedly water in his leather flask. Having taken a respite from the battle, Orson and Maynard were quenching their thirst and hunger with 'water' and hard bread in a ditch. "humph", huffed Orson as he smashed a beetle that had crawled out beneath a dead body beside him.

"If only it were that simple eh?", remarked Maynard to Orson. "Me wish" Orson replied back. "I'm fraid were going ta have ta retreat again ma lord", stated Maynard to Orson. Orson scrunched up his face making a look of disgust saying, "You say mo troops come". Shaking his head Maynard spoke saying, "Aye, they were ta, but its seeming like they aren't moving quickly nough. I'm bettin if we fall back ta lord tendri, er, the Beetleborn's land we can extract some revenge and be closer ta those reinforcements we was promised. Orson grinned at that idea and heartily started trumpeting for everyone to fall back to the, "Beetlebern's Dung heap".

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They still aren't here, Maynard frantically thought as he cut down another foe. They had raided the outskirts of lord Tendrings lands, but were soon caught again by the pursing forces who had charged down a hill to meet the forces of Lord Orson. From a force of 2,400 some men they now had barely 300 after the fighting at Southgate and then Brightwall. This charge by the enemy was going to demolish what was left.

"ME WILL SMASH TO END!", Orson roared as he headbutted an enemy stupid enough to come within range of the enraged lord. His helmeted headbutt resulted in the man's nose to explode in a gush of blood. The enemy was rapidly overcoming their defenses and just as it seemed about to be the end, there were sounds of horns being blown from behind what was left of the meager force of Lord Orson. Rushing up from the woods were the men in the colors of the lord of Ashemark. Numbering many times more than the Beetleborn's forces, they were swifty routed.

~~~~~

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Ahah! With the reinforcements from that old man of Assmark I was finally able to defeat that damned Beetleborn and his forces. Look at this filthy land he calls home, the entire outside of the castle is piled with excrement and refuse. Their is no way I am besieging out the Beetleborn covered in this muck!

~~~~~

"We smash now! No later!" Orson shouted to the nobles and officers who had assembled in the tent. "If we were given a few more days we could construct a siege tower m'lord", said one of the engineering officers. "NO!", Orson quickly and loudly replied back. And so it was after that meeting that Orson arrayed his forces to storm Tendring castle by ladders.

"Perhaps it'd be best if we weren't the first ones to climb up the ladders ma lord", said Maynard as he stared up at those tall walls. "Pffffff! Wall easy, Beetles not", spoke Orson as he waved his hand, the signal for the attack to begin.

For a stocky man, lord Orson sure moves as fast as a damn shadow cat, thought Maynard as he raced after Orson on the ladder. The defenders were not ready for someone to reach the wall so fast. Upon reaching the top, Orson flung his entire body horizontally taking down three men, clearing the way for Maynard and the others to gain the the first foothold atop the wall.

The defenders, unsuccessful from ridding themselves of Orson and the soldiers pouring in from the foothold that was gained, were quickly becoming demoralized. Some threw down weapons while others kept fighting. Eventually those on the outer wall surrendered or died, that left just the castle itself to be handled.

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"WHERE IS BEETLEBERN!", bellowed Orson as he stormed into the great hall of Tendring with anger in his eyes. Lord Tendring's family cowered before Orson's wrathful gaze. "He... he escaped through a secret tunnel", uttered Lady Tendring who was shivering in fear. Shaking his head in confusion Orson spoke first in a whisper then crescendoing as he spoke on, "He leave family tO ENEMY?! COWARD! GAHH!" Orson went into a rage smashing all he could find in Tendring's great hall.

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And so it was that Lord Orson, The Smasher of Beetles, first of his name, defeated the Beetleborn II. Unfortunately, this victory left a sweet, but sour taste in Orson's mouth. While he had gained new lands and titles, he did not get what he wanted most, the Beetleborn. He and some of his siblings escaped to the far north, where the Nightswatch call home, to plan and plot their revenge on the the Smasher of Beetles.





 
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