Chapter Twenty One: Geopolitics, present and past.
Russia's actions had caused a great distress in Berlin, as the angered colonel knew while racing at top speed to the Stadtschloss, in the centre of Berlin. He had been called at home and his wife had shown him, in quite direct words, that she was beginning to get tired of that habit of robbing him of her arms. As if he was happy with that kind of interruptions, the colonel thought.
The Stadtschloss, seen from the Unter den Linden.
When he finally arrived, he found the Kaiser pacing up and down and venting his anger at the Czar's actions in front of a pack of pale advicers, generals and politicians. Before he could react, the Kaiser turned at him and waved to get close.
-Have you heard it, Kurt? Of course you haven't! -he moved his hands to signal the end of the meeting and moved to his desk. As he noticed that the colonel was still there, he looked at him in amused surprise- Do sit down, please, herr Oberst...
The Russian army was moving faster than expected, but not without troubles...
-I'm afraid to say, your... -the colonel began. Even if the two fo them were close friends, he was a bit surprised with the rising anger of the Emperor. Not knowing the origin of that fury make him to feel worrier than ever.
-Oh stop it!
-Ok, Fritz. I have no idea what's going on. And Alix isn't quite happy. This habit of yours of taking me out of her bed every single time...
-Shut up -the kaiser replied, half smiling-. The Empress isn't quite happy, either. Once we solve this crisis, you'll have time to beggett a whole fussball team, nicht war?
-Well... if Alix still talks to me by then, I guess... So I gather I'm not here because the Bayern München has reduced the Hertha Berlin to ashes again... I know! I'm here because you're angry because the last film directed by Tim Burton sucks. No pun intended, sire.
The kaiser looked at his aid-de-camp in sheer bewilderment and Steiner stopped, grinning. Then, moving his head with sadness, he replied.
-Why, for Gott's sake, I had too chose the craziest aid de camp in the word? Why!?!?! Steiner, remember that. Tim Burton sucks. Always.
-Erm...
-No pun intended, you silly sod. Herrgott! Why I'm complaining if I know that all this fuss is
-...futile, sire?
-Have I ever tell you how much I hate...
-... that I finish your sentences? Yes, I guess so. Alix does that to me all the time. Well, what's the matter, Fritz? -Kurt replied, nonchalantly, while crossing his legs and looking to his kaiser and friend with a happy smile.
-You have heard about the Asian mess...
-Indeed -Kurt answered, with no trace of good humour in his face.
With a thunder, the Russian offensive in the Caucasus began in earnest.
-I sent herr Schuldorf to meet the Czar, to say that we understand and support (somehow) his attempt to recover the former territories. You know that -Steiner nodded-. After all, that is that silly and useless agreement we signed in St. Petersburg a month ago. Well. He did not met the Czar, but that buffoon of secretary that he has, Suchomlinov, who, very politely, refused to give any guarantees that the Czar is not going to look west -then, rising from his chair, the Kaiser thuindered-. Do you know that it means?!?!
-That the St. Petersburg agreement stinks?
The Kaiser raised an eyebrow.
-Ok. No more jokes -Steiner said-. I guess that you refer to what we've been fearing since the Russian Empire recovered its stability: that they, someday, would want the Baltic, White Russia and Ukraine back to them.
-Which have belong to my dinasty since a century ago!
-Well, they could argue some more centuries of belonging on their part.
-Right of conquest?
-Well, we took those areas from them, but I guess it could be a bit unpolite to say "Hey, Peter, you see, we gave a good beating to your grandpa, Nicky..."
-I know, I know, but you know why I mean when I said that.
-What?
-We conquered those lands.
-I see, you mean that "that".
-Yes. Oh gosh, don't look at me as if you were the bloody Hugh Laurie and I one of your patients!
Kurt refrained to answer that his sister found him closer to Harry Potter than to Doctor House, knowing that even if the Kaiser was a joker of the first order, THAT was not the best moment for jokes. And that this comment could and would be later used against him...
-Any kind of suggestions, oberst Steiner?
"
Here we are" the colonel thought. "
It's now or never".
-Well, herr oberst?
-Fritz, let's be frankly clear: if the Czar wants that land back, and it goes without saying that there is no point in asking for that...
-Natürlich!
-...that... where, what, whom, whatever... erm... I was... oh yes... if the Czar wants that, and we cannot grant them that wish, I guess that Russia is going to look at us in a quite distrusting and angered way...
-Really? Does the Foreign Ministry knows that? -the Kaiser said, feigning suprise.
-Come on, Fritz, I'm just... well, let's go to the point...
Frederick moved to the window and looked at the darkness that surrounded the palace. Then, sighing, he said:
-I know what comes next, but, anyway, shoot.
-We cannot allow ourselves to have an angered Russia in one side, the Sindies in the other, we in the middle, it looks like 1914 all over again, isn't it?
-Yes, with a slight change.
-Uh? -Kurt Steiner was using the most common and ambivalent expression of the Human race to hid that he was lost.
-Austria is kapputt, over, finished.
-Unless we give them a good reason to close ranks...
-Attacking the Commune of France, the Union of Britain and the Republic of the Two Sicilies and send them into oblivion for good does look like a good reason to you, Kurt?
-That's a good reason, indeed, but I think I have a cunning plan, sir.
-For Baldrick's sake...
-If I say: "Fall Gelb" to you, what do you answer, Fritz?
-Too much HOI2 again, Kurt?
-This is going to be hard... Well, here you have the first stage of Fall Gelb...
-Where is the French army?
-Dunno...