Ch.15 – The Pragmatic King
Both the realm and my permanent guest Countess Almodis paid for my wedding. Almodis was perfectly willing to get herself separated from her bastard, and I've had no reason to disagree.
My wedding was overshadowed by an incident involving my little brother... but I preferred to keep it a secret. Philippe is my friend and ally, and that doesn't just save him from my knights, but also from humiliation.
She also tried ransoming herself, but she's more useful to me as my “guest”. Also, I trust you can keep your disgust to yourself, Liudolf.
In the end, I wasn't even married a day and already my treasury had made a nice profit, paying for my war against the Queen Mother of Sardegna e Corsica, the Duchess of Genoa, for Piémont's county of Monferrato. The Genoese managed to fend me off in Monaco, but in Coni, I am certain to take the victory.
We outnumber them quite handily, and I thus advance aggressively, leading the men by example. Crashing into the Genoese flank, I take on a multitude of opponents, bringing deadly steel down on their heads until I feel a sharp pain in my flank. That – doesn't look good.
The day is won, but the wound is more than just a flesh wound. At least that's what I am thinking before my physician Hodierne arrives. A few tinctures, a bandage, and I feel good as new. All the gold I needed to hire her was well spent.
Not even a scar left! She's really good.
As we lay siege to Genoa, I hear of old king Fócarta's death. To nobody's surprise, Brittany and Alba are separated again, and Fócarta's eldest living son Custentin inherits. That leaves my sister as future Countess of Penthièvre... but she could be more...
And while I have the Emperor under control, it can't hurt to extend my influence outside of Francia's borders. I may not wield the Imperial authority directly, but if I am recognized as the foremost Catholic monarch – I may be able to convince the border lords to swear their fealty to me without needing to use the same method with which I am threatening Genoa now. All in the name of efficiency, strengthening my kingdom – and the Empire – without bloodshed.
By the very nature of marriage, Aude will be far closer to her betrothed, Cus...
Wait. She's betrothed to Custentin, Count of Penthièvre. Who is four years younger than his brother... King Custentin of Brittany.
I denied one moron a marriage only to propose it to another.
That's a mistake I have to repair.
Is the nobility so permeated by idiots? Or am only I unlucky enough to be surrounded by them?
My message would have been clear enough, but no, the man responsible for Custentin's fall was apprehended and revealed that he acted on my order.
“King Arnoul of Burgundy can't abide the utter stupidity of giving two brothers of around the same age the same name, and couldn't be bothered to tell them apart to know who's his future brother-in-law, so he had me remove one of them.”
It's not that far from the truth – that could have caused a costly misunderstanding. I would have preferred it to stay a secret though. Then again, it may keep the dumb away from my gates – and my name spoken in fear.
Which may not be the worst reputation to have.
The Bretons aren't happy about it though, and the nobility clamours for the now sole Custentin to annul his betrothal to the regicidal king's sister. I can only imagine him cowering in fear for his life while his mother and her allies at court declare that it won't happen.
Only for the opposing faction to try to enforce that demand by force.
I just hope that it will be worth it to send my men, after adding Montferrat to my lands, to Brittany. I can at least pass it off as being a caring older brother ensuring the safety of the other of my dearest twin siblings.
As soon as I arrive in Brittany, Duke Angelbert informs me – in person – that he'll march against the Muslims in Cantabria, and he'd welcome my assistance. I answer that I will defend Anjou, and he's at least happy with that.
I didn't imagine having to make good on my promise, but as soon as the Breton rebels are put down, I have to face Sultan Yusuf's army.
The Muslims are slaughtered, and I can return home.
To put down peasants resisting my Frenchification campaign. Having risen up in Piémont, they've had the audacity to lay siege to Strasbourg.
“Strike at the seat of the tyrant”, that was their message, enabling them to assemble a mob of 2.731 pitchfork and torch wielders.
How come I know that precise number? I think you know the answer.
Nobody revolts against me and lives.
While my problem is with the peasantry who doesn't know who they are trying to deal with, Charles manages to have some nobles slip away from his control. And no, I don't mean myself. I, at least, stay loyal to the Empire.
The naked cult in Apulia is something else. I would never leave something like that fester long enough to even reach the mind of the local lord.
Not that they stand a chance, but knowing Charles, it will make a great dent into the treasury. Fool.
Myself, I continue bringing rightful Burgundian land into my fold. Duke Childebrand was foolish enough not to give in to my demands before, and he does so again. Thinks he can count on my brother's support, too.
Philippe stands with me, though. I'm not calling him to arms, but he doesn't betray family. Likely he knows what would have awaited him if he did. I am twice victorious in Besançon, and Childebrand surrenders.
It is a pity that the Duchy of Burgundy can continue to exist outside the Kingdom of Burgundy, but I will have to live with that as long as there are more pressing matters to attend to. And as I said before, Italy takes priority with the advance of the Pope's lackeys.
Besides, both Burgundies are already Francian territory.
Not involving myself with Custentin further cleaning up Brittany nor Charles taking back Vaucouleurs, I invite a peculiar woman into my chambers.
No, it is not the frivolous thing you may be thinking of right now! I don't need anyone but my wife for that. What use is it to take a risk... without any possible gain? As I said before our wedding, we make a good pair.
If we had a reigning Empress, there may be a gain to be had. But I digress.
I always make sure to personally greet any guests coming to my court. Displaced nobles, non-inheriting sons... it always keeps me up to date on the latest gossip in the Christian courts, and enables me to have a well-working network of spies feeding information back to Strasbourg.
How do you think I was able to deal with the product of stupidity in Brittany so quickly if I didn't have that network to count on? I am the King, and that also includes the shadows.
One of these guests is Eugenia di Segni. An older woman, whose apparently only interest is gorging herself during yet another feast. A good facade, which I nevertheless manage to look behind. The wine flowing during feasts has a tendency to loosen tongues, and Eugenia knows this very well. I may be able to learn a thing or two from her.
I couldn't care less if people
like me. They only need to
respect me and act as I want them to. That's why I do what I do. If I profit from something, I do it, other consequences be damned.
Eugenia is impressed by my philosophy, and promises to support me – the Pragmatic King, as she'll come to call me.
Others have less flattering nicknames for me.
Her advice is to terrify people. “Control can be achieved by being feared or loved. If you are feared, people won't act against you because of the retaliation that awaits them. If you are loved, people don't want to act against you.
Your Majesty, you have already taken steps towards the easier, first option. It is the option with the higher risk, but also the higher reward. Continue on that path, and even the Emperor will follow your every order.”
If she knew that Charles is already dancing to my tune... Either way, she is right. My respect comes through fear.
Still, I can't neglect Italy, and so send my men to collect Como. Countess Micaela puts up some token resistance, but her men hastily retreat when faced with my army, and so we simply take the county without much bloodshed.
More blood has been shed in East Francia. Ludwig VI now fully lost any right to pretend to that crown, as Jarl Gandalfr of Angria ravaged his northern lands. In the aftermath, the lords in the south of the defunct kingdom declared their vassalage null and void.
More opportunities for me. But first, I have to come to Duke Thomas' defence in Anjou. Ruling with fear is good, but I shouldn't neglect such an important and traditional alliance.
Having saved Thomas from his greedy vassals, I turn my attention towards the rich city of Genoa. Sadly, Duchess Maria died quickly after my declaration of war, leaving her lands to be inherited by her granddaughter, Queen Cassia of Sardegna e Corsica.
I wonder if the Italians will already dislike me merely for being a man. They seem to be accustomed to female rulers. Bah, who cares.
My problem is twofold: One, a defeat in Genoa. The Queen had a number of mercenaries at her side, and while my men held the ground well enough, I had to concede defeat after being wounded as the young Duke of Transjurania fell.
Retreating to Milan, I was sadly quite close to Papal lands, and Silvester III's emissaries kept pestering me. “Join the crusade, join the crusade! For the glory of God!”
“Where to?”
“The Holy Land, of course!”
“Isn't Jerusalem a Christian kingdom?”
“Well, yes. Coptic, to be precise.”
“Do you want to attack fellow Christians?”
“Heavens, no!
Even if the prospect is appealing to some cardinals.”
“Then who are you fighting?”
“The heathen Abbasid scourge!”
“Perhaps I lack spiritual wisdom, but I don't understand. What for?”
“Most of Oultrejourdain!”
“So, let me get it right. His Holiness wishes to send thousands of men to their deaths for a little piece of insignificant desert.”
“Not insignificant desert! A precious part of the Holiest Kingdom in Christendom!”
“Which is in Coptic hands...”
“For a new crown, of course!”
“... good luck finding a would-be king of nowhere.”
“His Holiness expects contribution, even if it is not in warriors of Christ...”
The emissary smiled, looking towards the chest two servants carried behind him. I may have threatened to stuff him into the chest with a gag and send him back to Rome.
While I didn't do it, Silvester's response comes swiftly. I am apparently a disgrace to Christendom – twice.
I find it telling that His Holiness doesn't pick the sharpest weapon in his arsenal and excommunicates me. My reputation must precede me if he stops at a strongly worded message.
My heir Raynaud looks like he won't become a friend of the church any time soon after that episode.
Silvester truly hates Arnoul – the event (with its repercussions!) fired twice.
Speaking of whom, Raynaud's betrothal brings in Gascognian troops, and we end up slaughtering the Sardinians. Interestingly, the mercenaries they have employed are Alsatians, professing to follow in Duke Raynaud the Exile's footsteps.
They won't carve out a realm for themselves against me, in any case. Genoa's riches will flow into my treasury forthwith, which leaves me with too much land in my direct control. According to everyone around, at least.
Thus I name my newborn son Raymond Duke of Savoy. If anyone believes that he's the actual ruling Duke, they need to get their mind checked. But it makes people happy, and keeps me in control.
Maurice d'Angoulême is the poor sod who'll have to lord over the forlorn desert, but I'm sure the Muslims won't let him “enjoy” his new position of “power” for long.
A step up from the crusade for Lotharingia – now fought for THREE counties!
But that success gives some of my vassals ideas. Count Ernst of Zurich decided that he should be treated to an extravagant feast by Baron Guilhem upon his return from the crusade.
Guilhem on the other hand didn't remember having promised to pay for it, and demands that Ernst should pay for the banquet. He should have brought back enough riches from crusading for that.
Ernst replies that he at least fought for the glory of Christendom instead of sitting in his castle twiddling his thumbs.
Guilhem draws breath to respond, but is interrupted by me, loudly clearing my throat.
“I can think of plenty of things I'd rather do. But no, two of my sworn men decide to come to me for some inconsequential matter and keep droning on when it is clear from the very first word how I will judge that matter!”
“See, I am...”, Count Ernst starts.
“Silence! The king speaks!” The guard glares at him. I glare at him. Guilhem... cowers. Ernst follows his example.
“I opposed that senseless crusade. Anyone thinking of the matter beforehand knows that this endeavour doesn't entitle one to anything within my kingdom.”
Guilhem smiles and bows.
“I am not done.” The manner in which I pronounced these words gets their absolute attention. Oh, you know what I mean. “The next time, I shall make you acquainted to the tools I have at my disposal for truth-seeking. Believe me, I would judge based on nothing but the truth. Have I made myself clear?”
Both bow, acquiesce, and make a hasty retreat.
They shall not bother me again.
Perhaps Emperor Charles III will. His father died as soon as he declared war on the Hakamid Malikate. And this new Emperor seems to already be well-acquainted with the tools I mentioned. Of course he's a dwarf, and one with ever-changing opinions to boot. I feel like he'll be harder to work with than his father.
Additionally, he's been blessed with three children.
“Blessed”.
It's an open secret that one's stranger than the other. And of course, his heir Loup is yet another dwarf. The Age of Dwarves for Francia isn't over yet.
I wonder if one of my descendants will have to control a stuttering, dwarfish Emperor with three eyes and one arm. With these Karlings, anything's possible.
Unsurprisingly, nobody wanted to marry them – at least while they weren't the children of the Emperor.
