The Rest Stop to the West: A Luxemburg AAR

[Satcho]

Sorry, I've been neglecting this. My computer only runs for a few hours at a time before it decides it doesn't feel like running anymore so I kind of have to prioritize during that short time it's running. Unfortunately, looking through the Luxemburg history file and figuring out how to make a story out of it isn't high on my priorities. I'll be sure to change my priorities.

Exterous: According to Dictionary.com, a citizen of Luxemburg is called a Luxemburger (or Luxembourger). It would be nice if a "Luxemburger" could verify this. Any of you out there?

Thanks again for reading, I'll try to give you all something new to read soon.

 

[Satcho]

Because Impromptu is the way to go. I'll hit the history files tomorrow to give you a story that is slightly more relevant to the game. But I'm afraid nothing much is happening in the game so these little irrelevant stories might be more interesting...

Oh, and my apologies to Hotdog Fish, it... um... just kinda worked out this way... Nothing personal, your name just gave me an idea... sorry.

By the way, if anyone else would like a cameo, or would rather not have a cameo, let me know. Moreso those that don't want cameos. I don't want to write stories about people that don't want stories written about them. Thanks.

Cast: Joseph Bech, Pierre Dupong, Hotdog Fish

August 11th, 1936

"Sometimes you really amaze me, Joseph," informed Pierre.

The thing that Pierre was really amazed about was the fact that Bech was deep sea fishing off the coast of Luxemburg.

"I don't really see what's so amazing, the fishing is quite good here."

"Oh, maybe just the fact that the fishing should be not at all here."

"Oh, stop being such a pessimist, Pierre."

Pierre rolled his eyes and decided to just give in. He tried fishing to calm his nerves. To his dismay, it didn't help. In fact, it made things worse.

"Well, this is an interesting specimen. What do you think, Pierre?"

Pierre glanced over then went back to fishing. Then he realized what he had seen and screamed the following.

"Holy evolutionary mishap, Batman! What in the world is that thing!??!"

"I'm Hotdog Fish," replied the fish.

At this point, both Bech and Pierre screamed. It sounded something like this,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

"Why do they always have to scream? Excuse me, boys, but if you wouldn't mind, as soon as you're done destroying my hearing, putting me back in the water, I'd much appreciate it. Thanks."

"Pierre, the fish talks."

"I see that, Joseph."

"It-it l-looks like one of those things you put in a bun and take to baseball games."

"A hotdog?"

"Y-yeah, that's it."

"I thought they were made out of pork."

"You're right... this one seems to be made out of fish... and it talks."

"Well, what did you expect?" Inquired Hotdog Fish inquiringly. "You're the ones fishing in an ocean that doesn't exist!"

"Hmm... he's got a point there, Joseph."

"You're right. Hmm... Allright, well since the ocean apparently doesn't exist, he won't mind if we don't throw him back into it, now will he?"

"I would suppose not," replied Pierre with a smile.

"I knew I woke up on the wrong side of the fantasy reef this morning. Well, hell."

Pierre and Joseph decided at this point that the trip had been successful and sailed their boat back to shore.

"I suppose we should stop at the market and get some buns?"

"Indeed, Joseph, indeed."

 

[unmerged(17780)]

Hilarious, Satcho! Where were you when they wrote the Seinfeld episodes?

 

[Satcho]

Just so you all know, I haven't forgotten about you or Luxemburg. In fact, I had a wonderful post all set to go last night, I was rather pleased with the way it turned out. Then my computer crashed.

Well, here's a sneak peak of the next update: The first Luxemburg infantry division comes into service, Joseph Bech is back in his bathtub, and we take a brief trip back in time.

All that and more in the next <insert appropriate adjective here> episode of... Whatever I Named This AAR!

Frankie: At home, most likely... or school. Or both... hmm... Thanks for the compliment!

 

[unmerged(13887)]

Wow! I got a cameo! I wasn't expecting that!

 

[Exterous]

i wouldn't mind a cameo

 

[Satcho]

I know I promised that other stuff in the next update, but I didn't have a chance to get on my computer yesterday and I like to honor cameo requests. Even if it wasn't really a request...

So, here's another Non-Plot Advancing Update direct from Luxemburg.

As I'm beginning to see a theme in the cameos, I guess I ought to warn future cameo candidates. I'll probably make a joke about your name. Thanks for being good sports about it, I don't want to offend anyone.

The next update will be plot advancing... unless my computer doesn't start tonight.

Cast: Joseph Bech, Pierre Dupong, Sir Andrew, Exterous

September 11th, 1936

"It really doesn't taste like a hotdog," muttered Bech as he chewed on his dinner.

"Well, if you had just eaten it when we caught it rather than sticking it in the refrigerator for a month it would probably taste fine. But no, you were so excited about your new fridge with the handy ice maker that you said, 'No, I'm excited about my new fridge with the handy ice maker so I will put my fish in there for a month.'"

"Hmm... you seem a little stressed, Pierre."

"Well, why shouldn't I be? Germany is big and scary, most of our nation has emigrated to France, the Allies don't like us (which hasn't helped your plan much), and the Belgians won't share their waffles with me!"

"Why does a Luxemburger want waffles? You should eat ground beef patties. Maybe with cheese, ketchup, and in a bun."

"There's no substitute for a good waffle at breakfast."

Pierre crossed his arms to show that he was done with this conversation. Bech ate his fish to show that he was hungry. Just then, in a way that resembled suddenly, some guy burst into the room.

"Ah, the valet's here," Bech said and started to finish up.

"I'm not the valet!!!" Screamed the guy.

"Seems a little irate to me, Joseph," said Pierre to Joseph. "So who are you then, not-the-valet?" Pierre said to not-the-valet.

"Just a stranger."

Pierre and Bech knew better than to believe that, for they had read the stranger's name tag.

"So, Exterous, what do you want?" Bech inquired.

"Wha-!? How'd you know my name!?"

Bech made an indication that indicated that he had seen Exterous' nametag.

"Blast, I knew I should've taken that off..." Exterous grumbled. "Anyway! I come bearing gift!"

Bech sat up, "I didn't know it was my birthday, how exciting!"

"It's not, Joseph."

"Fine, Pierre, be a spoil sport. Go on, Exterstrangerous."

"It's Exterous or Stranger, not a combination of both!"

"Ok, Extra Strange 'R Us, what do you have?"

"I'm not a retail store!" Exterous glared at Bech for a moment, then made his announcement. "I have this, the Event Folder!"

"Well! That sure sounds like fun, let me see!"

Bech took it and started leafing through the pages in excitement. Then he started leafing through the pages in curiosity. Then he started leafing through the pages in irritation. Then he started to not leaf through the pages anymore.

"What is this?? A joke!?"

Pierre, confused as usual, couldn't make heads or tails of the folder.

"What???" Exterous replied.

"This is the Event Folder for Stony Road! This game is being played in Vanilla HoI 1.05! You were trying to trick me! Guards! Take him away and have him shot or something!"

"Wait! No!"

A little while later

"Glad you could join us. I'm Sir Andrew."

"Exterous," grumbled Exterous in reply.

"Don't be so glum, chap, basket weaving is all the rage."

Exterous just muttered under his breath while he weaved his first basket.

 

[Exterous]

ROLF!!!! Hey, von Hassel parks cars not me! Thanks for the great cameo!!!! BTW, is that underwater basketweaving? I do so love underwater basketweaving

 

[Lord Martin]

Very enjoying reading

 

[Montemurro]

How to get a cameo

Originally posted by Satcho
As I'm beginning to see a theme in the cameos, I guess I ought to warn future cameo candidates. I'll probably make a joke about your name. Thanks for being good sports about it, I don't want to offend anyone.

'How to get a cameo'

First you try: Simply called 'Begging', Please do me, do me, pretty please (I'm on my knees)!!

If that didn't work you try this: 'The challenge', I'll bet my name is waaaayyy to weird, for you to make any kind of fun off!!

If you're really desperate there is one last option: 'Bribery', Come on! I'll buy you a drink (or ten!!), a car, a dog... you name it, just tell me where to mail it/them.

PLEASE DO ME (I'm on my knees!) Pretty please!?

 

[unmerged(18047)]

Thats what this AAR forum needed a little bit of laughter! And that my friend is what your doing,i love it just started to read it today and had to hold my mouth as to not draw any attention to my not WORKING! Hey keep it up and if you would'nt mind i'd like a cameo too.

 

[unmerged(13887)]

Re: How to get a cameo

Originally posted by spfisk
'How to get a cameo'

First you try: Simply called 'Begging', Please do me, do me, pretty please (I'm on my knees)!!

If that didn't work you try this: 'The challenge', I'll bet my name is waaaayyy to weird, for you to make any kind of fun off!!

If you're really desperate there is one last option: 'Bribery', Come on! I'll buy you a drink (or ten!!), a car, a dog... you name it, just tell me where to mail it/them.

PLEASE DO ME (I'm on my knees!) Pretty please!?

Don't worry! I'm sure Satcho can fit you in, hell he fit me in and my name is well....look at it!

 

[Satcho]

spfisk and Fade: I'll work you guys in somehow, right now I'm somewhat interested in actually advancing the story a little bit. Haven't done that in a while. Pretty soon I'll have to start calling this The Cameo AAR: What the Members of the HoI Forum Would Do If They Were in Luxemburg during World War 2

Hopefully, I'll have a plot advancing update by tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for reading! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

 

[unmerged(15409)]

Great Job Satcho!!!
Keep making us laugh!!! :b: :b:
I want a cameo too! Fit me in whenever you can
And you can make my character a soldier... a dutch soldier or a belgian one... (if you can fit a brazilian in your story even better!)

And don´t let Luxembourg get beaten!!!(though with one infantry I can´t see you surviving ...)
Kindest regards,
Nuke

 

[unmerged(17780)]

Well, heck, put me in too! Please! I can be the Butler!

 

[Satcho]

Hmm... I'm starting to be afraid to look at this thread anymore. Perhaps we can put a hold on the cameo requests for a while?

Here's an idea. From now on, if you post in this thread and don't specifically say that you don't want a cameo, I'll assume you either want a cameo or wouldn't mind if I had you beaten down by the basket weaving Luxemburg infantry.

Just getting a little overwhelming now that I've had 4 cameo requests. Hmm, maybe I'll use that beat down by basket weaving infantry idea after all...

Plus, I have to rewrite the next update because it was lost when my computer crashed. So the next update will be... someday.

 

[Satcho]

Cast: Joseph Bech, Pierre Dupong, Emile Speller, The New Aide

September 29th, 1936

An entire division of Luxemburg's finest stood uncomfortably outside Joseph Bech's current place of residence. Joseph Bech was on the balcony inspecting the newly formed 1. Infantriedivision from his bathtub. Meanwhile, Bech's aide sat in a corner and tried very hard to catch his breath and nurse a hernia. Bathtubs are heavy.

"They look spectacular!" exclaimed Bech.

"Indeed they do," replied Pierre. "You should be proud, Emile."

"I surely am. They'll show those Germans what's what," informed Emile Speller.

"Well, Emile, at least you won't be alone on the forward bunker anymore," said Bech.

"Good good, I was getting lonely," replied Emile.

"Indeed," said Bech.

There was an awkward pause as the men reflected on the awkward pause.

"My, that was awkward," said Bech.

"Indeed," said Bech.

This took the others off guard. First, their Head Cheese was sitting in a bathtub. Second, he's sitting in a bathtub. And now, he's talking to himself. What else is going to go weird today?

"Well, I suppose they can go back to basket weaving or whatever it is they do," advised Bech.

Emile told the CO that they were dismissed and the CO relayed the order to the troops/basket weavers, who promptly executed a scatter drill.

"Next time, we'll teach them how to march out," thought Emile.

"What do you think, Pierre?" asked Joseph. "Think our wonderful army will teach those Red Coats a lesson?"

"Red Coats? We're not fighting the British, Joseph. They don't even use those uniforms anymore!"

"Yes, yes, indeed. What were you thinking, Pierre?"

"What was I thinking!? You're the one that- You were- You said- Argh! You are incorrigible!" Pierre spattered.

"You just can't admit when you're wrong, that's all," replied Bech.

"I don't have to take this! I'm going home!"

Pierre went home.

"Hmm... I suppose I'll go home as well," Emile said.

Emile went home.

"I guess there's no more reason for me to stick around," said Bech to himself.

Joseph didn't go home.

"Hmm... how'd I forget I was in this bathtub? Oh well, Aide! I'd like to go inside now."

Bech's Aide weeped quietly for a moment then stood up.

 

[Montemurro]

Originally posted by Satcho
There was an awkward pause as the men reflected on the awkward pause.

"My, that was awkward," said Bech.

"Indeed," said Bech.

and one more for good fortune

 

[Satcho]

This was originally the November 4th, 1936 post (see below)

This post left in dedication to the memory of my terrible foresight and reading skills. I originally overlooked the end of the Spanish Civil War and posted out of order. The shame of this mistake will most likely live on in my family for the next few minutes...

 

[Satcho]

spfisk: I put that pause in there mostly because I actually paused while I was writing because I had no idea what to write next. It was kind of awkward.

I need to learn to write fewer run-on sentences... oh well.