The Fifth Tale
The Cat who lived Upstairs
There was once a cat called Kimburu, Best Beloved, and he was a Somali, and he had exceptionally long hair and a prodigiously bushy tail. He lived in the wreckage of an old lobster pot, just upstairs from a comfortably apportioned fish crate. The fish crate belonged to a dog named Mbwa, who was not a Somali, and he did not have very long hair at all, and his tail was exceptionally short and stubby, but Kimburu the cat and Mbwa the dog got on very well and were the best of friends.
Kimburu the cat was a very kind and amiable creature, but there was just one fault that he had and that was his vanity. For he loved to strut up and down the harbour wall in front of the dhows and the fishing boats and show off his prodigiously long hair and his enormously bushy tail, and truly that cat was a sight to behold. And if ever anyone was heard to compliment him, and say such a thing as “Just look at that beautiful animal! His hair is so fine and long, and his tail is so thick and bushy!”, then Kimburu would just smile the tiniest of smiles, then he would sniff and say “I know.”
Here is a picture of Kimburu the cat standing on top of the harbour wall
You can see that his hair was very long and his tail was very bushy
and everyone who saw him up there thought he looked very grand
Of course, Mbwa the dog did not really like to see his friend Kimburu strutting up and down the harbour wall like this, but he was a very patient creature, and he put the matter out of his mind. As for him, he also had just one fault and that was his terrible temper. It is true that he was patient, Best Beloved, but if ever his patience ran out - woe betide any creature that got on his bad side, for he could get into a terrible rage, and he had the most fearsome bark and an even more fearsome bite. But not many of his acquaintances ever saw him like that, and even fewer survived to tell the tale.
One day when Kimburu the cat had been out showing off on the harbour wall, and picking up titbits of fish from his admirers, and was just returning to his lobster pot for a well-earned afternoon nap, Mbwa the dog, who I have to say was not in a very good mood that day, remarked:
“My dear friend Kimburu, you do know, don’t you, that you are so terribly vain?”
“Ah!” replied Kimburu the cat, and unlike Mbwa he was in quite a good mood at that moment, “You think I walk up and down on the harbour wall because I am vain, but you are quite mistaken, Mbwa. You see, I am really only doing a favour to all those people working in the harbour, giving them the opportunity to look at such a beautiful creature as myself! Where would be the charity in staying here in my lobster pot all day?”
Now these words did not improve Mbwa’s mood in the slightest, of course, and he knew that if the conversation went on he might very well start to get quite annoyed, so all he said was “Hmph!” and he settled down in his fish crate to try to get some sleep.
But upstairs in the lobster pot Kimburu the cat, who was in an exceptionally good mood that day, was just warming to his subject.
“Oh, I know what it is!” he said. “I do believe you might be just a teensy weensy bit jealous, Mbwa, isn’t that the case? For it is plain for all to see that you have absolutely no good looks whatsoever, with all that short and scruffy hair all over you. It would be so nice if you looked as stunning as I do of course, but alas, that rare privilege has not been granted you.”
Now Mbwa really did not want to fall out with his friend Kimburu the cat, but he could not hold his tongue any longer.
“If you are so concerned for my good looks,” he said, “then why don’t you give me some of your wondrously long hair to put on, then I will assuredly be as beautiful as you are.”
“Ah well,” replied Kimburu, and he was truly in such a jovial mood that day, “I would do that, Mbwa, but I do not think it would work. You see, there is still that terribly ugly stumpy tail that you have. If only you had such a beautifully long and bushy tail as I have, then perhaps that would improve things of course. But alas, that rare privilege has not been granted you.”
And he sighed a contented sigh, and started to settle down to sleep. Now the patience of Mbwa was really starting to wear thin, for he was certainly in a foul mood that day, and he growled:
“Kimburu my friend, if you were really so worried about my looks, you would cut off half of your tail and give it to me, and then surely I would look just as beautiful as you do.”
Now Kimburu was getting drowsy, which is why he did not notice the growly voice that Mbwa had started to use, which he hardly ever used and certainly not to his friend Kimburu, and as he was drifting off to sleep he said lazily:
“Well I would do that, Mbwa, but I fear it would not work either. For at the end of the day, Mbwa, the truth of the matter is that you are just a big ugly dog, and I am a beautiful Somali cat, and there really is no way for us to do anything about it.”
Just then Kimburu the cat, who up until that moment had been in a most splendiferous mood that day, suddenly found his lobster pot being tipped over and Mbwa the dog, who was now quite in a rage, was snarling and snapping at him as he rolled out onto the ground. Then Kimburu suddenly realized that Mbwa’s voice had been growing gradually growlier, and that his patience, which although great was not limitless, had been growing gradually thinner, and he decided that it was time to run.
Now Kimburu the cat could certainly run, Best Beloved, and now he ran and he ran all the way down the street and right out of the town and through the fields and the palm groves, and into the dusty scrubland and out the other side and then he was running along in the desert. And all that way he was chased by Mbwa the dog, and he could certainly run as well, just as fast as Kimburu, and while he ran he snapped at Kimburu the cat, and every time he snapped he got a nice mouthful of Kimburu’s beautiful long hair.
Here is Mbwa the dog chasing Kimburu across the desert
Kimburu the cat is of course out of the picture to the left, just ahead of Mbwa
He is not so far ahead that he can avoid getting mouthfuls of his hair bitten off every few strides
There never was such a chase as that one in all the land before or since, for Mbwa chased Kimburu across the desert all through the afternoon and into the evening, and by the time the sun was going down Kimburu had not one bit of his beautiful long hair left on him, and he was utterly exhausted. Just then he saw a foxhole under a sandbank and he dived into it and got stuck fast with his beautiful bushy tail hanging out. I do not need to tell you what happened next, for I am sure you will guess that Mbwa the dog caught up with him then, and he bit that beautiful bushy tail right off. Then he took some of the beautiful long hairs from it, and he tied it firmly onto his own tail.
Then Kimburu the cat, who had been such a beautiful cat in the morning, now cowered in that hole all bald and bare and scrawny-looking, and without the slightest trace of a tail, while Mbwa the dog turned round and headed back home. It was easy for him to find the way, for he just had to follow the trail of the mouthfuls of hair that he had bitten from Kimburu, and as he went he picked them up and tied them into a great bundle.
By morning he was back in the village, and before he went to sleep he sewed that bundle of hair into a magnificent coat for himself, and he put it on and lay down in his fish crate, curled up and fell fast asleep. As for Kimburu the cat, he managed to get himself out of the foxhole, and he found his way back to the village as well, though it took him rather longer as the trail of hair had all disappeared. Then he felt rather hungry, so he got up on the harbour wall and strutted up and down a few times hoping for some fish from his admirers. But of course everyone just laughed at that scrawny old cat with no tail, and threw rotten vegetables at him, so he climbed down to the harbour edge and peered over at his reflection in the water.
Oh my, how that cat howled when he saw what had become of himself and his wondrous looks. And from that day on he went away to live on the edge of the town and ate from the rubbish heap. And Kimburu the cat and Mbwa the dog have been mortal enemies ever since. And at night you can still hear Kimburu the cat meowling when he remembers just what a beautiful cat he once was.
Game notes: 1493 - 1520
The next twenty years featured almost continuous war for Mombasa, which certainly livened things up! In the hopes of perhaps having a go at Zanzibar (the 31000 baboons, remember?) I had just started building up the Mombasa Navy, but then in 1495 Ethiopia declared war again. This war went pretty well for Mombasa, mainly because the Yemeni Alliance (Yemen, Oman, Gujarat and the Timurids) joined in the fun in 1497. By 1498 I had captured Harerge and Ogaden, and Ethiopia had had enough and sensibly handed over their small Sunni colony in Ogaden for peace. Three years later Yemen took Afars from them for peace.
Of course now my empire contained a non-adjacent province. Time to annex the Moggies and join it up! This could have been done diplomatically, except that they sent me a diplomatic insult with a two year CB in 1501. I then noticed that their previously huge armies were now fairly paltry, so I cancelled the military access I’d just got from them, banned them from the alliance and declared war in August 1502. Well, if you want to become a Big White Blob you have to take a few black marks... Strangely my stab went down by 4 at this point instead of just the 2 I expected (RM + same religion). I’ve noticed occasionally the AI “forgets” CBs - was this a case in point? I decided to fight on anyway rather than reload.
Well things started badly, with the Moggies taking Ogaden and beating my proud navy back to port. However by February 1503 I had taken their capital Mogadiscio and moved on to Mudugh (do I really want a province with a name like that, I wondered). Things continued in this fashion until by September 1505 I controlled all three of their provinces and was busy retaking Ogaden. At this point they helpfully offered to hand over Mudugh (OK, I’ll take it) and Somalia, with 25 ducats thrown in. I quickly accepted. Just one problem - Ogaden, Mudugh and Somalia are
still separated from the rest of my empire...
Then just two months later Ethiopia declared war yet again - and this one dragged on for nine long years! The fighting along the Ethiopian border raged back and forth, then in 1507 Kilwa unexpectedly declared war on me. This turned out to be a total non-event in itself - the baboons never appeared on the mainland - but they did create an alliance with Mogadishu in 1508, bringing them against me as well. If only I could get the Ethiopians out of my hair, this would be the perfect chance to capture and annex Mogadiscio province and join up the two parts of my empire.
In the middle of it all I got another corruption event, requiring another loan - bleagh! Various Sunni alliances had been urging me to join them since my break with the Moggies, but I’d held out. In 1512 I finally agreed to join the Yemeni Alliance - now just Yemen and Khorasan, plus me now. That took me into a war with distant Persia.
Finally in 1513 I managed to capture and annex Mogadishu - all that remained was to end the war with Ethiopia. The following year, in April 1514, the Yemeni Alliance declared war on Ethiopia, which was nice. This seemed to tip the balance, as Ethiopia finally agreed to hand over 50 ducats and end their nine-year-old war with me in September 1514. Khorasan had made peace with Persia the previous year, so that only left the war with Kilwa, which I must confess I’d completely forgotten about, until we signed a white peace in 1516. So there was peace at last in war-torn Mombasa.
Incidentally although stability was a problem for me throughout this war revolts were not - I got only two in nine years! I think I like 1.08 from that point of view. I don’t think I mentioned (in fact I didn’t notice myself for a while) that the Ethiopians had managed to convert Malindi to Orthodox in their short occupation, the blighters! Malindi was one of the two revolts, but since Ethiopia were currently sieging it, that one wasn’t actually a problem!
In 1520 I got another nice Gift to the State of 200 ducats and decided to pause for reflection on how to spend it. Here’s the 1520 map:
OK, so it’s not exactly blob-shaped, but it’s still quite big...