Game notes: 1620 - 1648
Ethiopia’s days were clearly numbered, but I was eyeing their land tech with unease. They were already at 7 and the average time to get from 7 to 9 is only five years. On the other hand I had only just reached 6 and could expect it to be at least 20 years before I reached 9 myself. The other persuasive factor was that at present Ethiopia had hardly any armies defending their main provinces, while I had some very respectable forces just across the border. “Carpe Diem!” I muttered, once more hitting that delectable “Declare war” button in Ethiopia’s diplomacy window.
Egypt, Gujarat and Yemen all joined in, which at least had the merit of preserving the alliance. I don’t think they actually contributed to the war in any way, even Egypt. So my own armies stormed in once more and quickly had Welo, Shewa and Gonder besieged, effectively preventing the Ethiopians from raising any sizable new armies. Especially since, in the north, Sudan was now under siege by rebels. Within two years I controlled Welo, Shewa and Gonder, while Massawa fell soon afterwards. By this time the northern rebels had captured Sudan and were now besieging Bisharin. I tried desperately to drive them off, but without success.
In April 1623 Bisharin went rebel and the Ethiopian government fell, leaving me with Gonder, Welo and Massawa while Batn Al Hajar, Sudan and Bisharin became a newly formed Nubia. The Ethiopians, left only with Shewa, immediately set about building a large army to defend themselves from the inevitable onslaught. The trouble was they were now at land tech 9 and I was still only at 6. It was time for a spot of peace and prosperity while I caught up...
There followed a long series of good and bad events, roughly evenly balanced, so we can’t complain about that. Corruption in 1625 was followed by an exceptional year in 1626. In 1627 I repaid my war loan, then in 1628 I actually took out a loan to commission a Great Mosque - wow! But what’s this in 1629? Chartering a university??? Eeek! But I’m blowed if I’ll take another VP drop - so another loan comes out. I’ve never seen these “pay a fortune or lose a ton of VPs” events come so thick and fast.
On we go - assassination of a noble is balanced by an heir to the crown, political crisis is followed by deflation. In 1633 the Egyptian Alliance expires. Whoopee - I can re-create it if I’m quick. Egypt accepts, so does Nubia - cool! Yemen refuse, and Tunisia accept. Plenty of scope for diplomacy here! Finally in 1637, having installed tax collectors everywhere, I have some spare cash at last so I start bribing the Nubians. By 1640 they’re the closest of friends and agree to be Mombasa’s vassals. Nice one!
Now, how are we doing on land tech? I didn’t reach 7 until 1638, 8 in 1641, expecting to reach 9 in May 1643. How nice - Ethiopia have just issued their latest diplomatic insult, giving me a CB that lasts until April 1643 - perfect timing or what? Especially when, in January 1643, my rich but anonymous sponsor gives another of those wonderful Gifts to the State!
The Eighth Tale
Shewa’s Lair
Troggle the monkey was in a terrible panic. He had invited the great Lord Cardigan the zebra for afternoon tea, but someone had gone and stolen all his best chinaware. In fact, Troggle the monkey had no doubt whatsoever who that someone was, for there was only one person wicked enough to steal a fellow’s chinaware in cold blood, and that someone was of course Shewa the spider.
Now Shewa the spider was the very essence of wickedness, with her great bloated body, her long, spindly legs, and her myriad eyes that twinkled evilly in the night. She had once been the terror of the land, and in times past her noisome brood had infested caves and holes across a vast part of Africa. But gradually her power had waned and now she was reduced to skulking in a dark and putrid cavern in the barren heights of the Ahmar Mountains. None went near that place for fear that they would be ensnared in her webs. She ventured forth only to indulge in her one consuming passion - chinaware collecting.
Yes, that fetid cavern was piled high with chinaware of all sorts, pilfered and burgled from her hapless victims over the centuries. For Shewa the spider was old - so old that none could now remember her youth. Plates and cups, jugs and vases, saucers and bowls - all manner of vessels of the finest quality could be found there, and their owners had long ago given up hope of ever seeing them again.
Shewa the spider, evil collector of chinaware
Now she had struck once more, and in broad daylight apparently, lifting Troggle the monkey’s chinaware from out of his very parlour. As he scampered about in confusion, along came his good friend Rythin the ass, ambling along as he often did, without any particular business to attend to. Now Rythin, as everyone knew, was a very smart ass, and if you had a problem, it was always worth telling Rythin about it, for he often came up with a brilliant solution if he was given a little time to think about it.
“Oh, Rythin, you very smart ass!” said Troggle, jumping up and down in his distress, “tell me, what shall I do?”
“Do?” asked Rythin, in his wise and nosey voice. “Well, perhaps you should begin by telling me why you are so very upset, my dear Troggle, for there is no point trying to deny that you are in a terrible panic.”
“Oh, indeed I am in a terrible panic,” replied Troggle, rocking from side to side in anguish. “Shewa the spider has stolen my best chinaware, and Lord Cardigan the zebra is coming for afternoon tea tomorrow. What on earth am I going to do?”
“Hmm,” said Rythin the very smart ass, thoughtfully, “I didn’t know Shewa the spider was still in the chinaware collecting business. I thought she had given that up long ago.”
“Indeed she has not,” said Troggle the monkey, “for who else would have filched my best chinaware from under my very nose?”
“It certainly sounds like Shewa the spider,” replied Rythin, “but I do not think she is quite as dangerous now as she used to be. I do believe it is time to finish that wicked old spider off once and for all - and recover everyone’s chinaware into the bargain!”
“Oh dear, do you really think that’s possible?” said Troggle, doubtfully. “Shewa is so very horrible - and her wicked traps are so very difficult to escape from. How could anyone defeat her?”
“Well that is the question,” replied Rythin the very smart ass, “and, being a very smart ass, I feel sure I will be able to think of the answer, if only I have a little time.”
“Oh, well please hurry!” said Troggle, “For Lord Cardigan is coming tomorrow afternoon, and he will cause such a scene if there is no chinaware for us to take our afternoon tea from!”
“Leave it to me,” said Rythin the very smart ass.
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The next morning Troggle the monkey woke very early to find his friend Rythin knocking gently at his door.
“Oh, please tell me you’ve thought of a plan!” cried Troggle, hardly daring to hope as he jumped out of bed.
“Of course I have,” replied Rythin the very smart ass, “Don’t I always?”
Rythin the very smart ass
“Of course it will,” said Rythin, “Don’t they always?”
“But this is Shewa the spider and her monstrously horrid and impenetrable lair we are talking about.” said Troggle. “How can we possibly get into it?”
“We can get in quite easily,”replied Rythin, “as long as Shewa is not there. All we have to do is lure her out of her lair and set a trap for her ourselves. Then we can just walk straight in and get that chinaware back.”
“Oh, what a brilliant plan!” cried Troggle, his faith in Rythin triumphing over his doubts at last. “So tell me - how are we going to lure Shewa out of her lair, and how are we going to trap her?”
So Rythin the very smart ass explained his very smart plan.
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A little later that morning, up in the barren heights of the Ahmar Mountains, not far from the gruesome place where Shewa the spider sat brooding in her lair, there was heard a clattering noise, like plates rattling. The noise was indeed the sound of plates rattling in a sack, and the sack was slung over the back of Troggle the monkey, and he was tramping back and forth within earshot of Shewa’s lair.
The plates in the sack were a few old chipped plates that he had collected from his friends and were quite worthless, but Shewa wasn’t to know that. The delightful sound of clattering chinaware roused her from her brooding and soon her hideous form was seen oozing out from the mouth of her cavern. Troggle, who was keeping a close eye on the cavern mouth, immediately began running. Shewa caught sight of him and, realizing that the tempting sound of the chinaware was coming from his sack, she began to hurry after him.
Troggle ran and ran, down through winding gorges and over rocky ridges and through thickets of thorns and he kept on running, with that sack of chinaware crashing and clattering on his back, all the way down to the Slootchy Glootchy Swamp of Arsi at the foot of the Ahmar Mountains. and he ran to the very middle of the swamp and climbed a mangrove tree.
But as soon as Shewa the spider began to heave her great bulk through the Slootchy Glootchy Swamp of Arsi she got into difficulties. For that was a Slootchy Glootchy swamp if ever there was one and it’s miry pools sucked and pulled at unwary travellers whose footing was less light and sure than Troggle the monkey’s. And halfway through that treacherous journey Shewa the spider realized that she would never catch up with that impudent monkey and his sack of chinaware, and she began to turn back.
The Slootchy Glootchy Swamp of Arsi
Then Troggle the monkey, who had watched this hideous sight, and listened to the even more hideous sound, now heaved a sigh of relief, climbed down from the mangrove tree, tossed the sack of worthless chinaware, which was all in pieces by now anyway, into the nearest pool, and started off for home.
When he got there, he found his good friend Rythin that very, very smart ass, just arriving too, and on his back he was carrying, very carefully so as not to break any of it, all of Troggle the monkey’s stolen chinaware, and with him was a huge crowd of other creatures, birds and animals and reptiles, all grinning with pride and carrying their stolen chinaware, and any that had been left unclaimed when they had all gone and plundered Shewa’s lair.
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“So kind of you to invite me over,” drawled Lord Cardigan later that day, as he and Troggle sat in the garden sipping their Earl Grey tea from Troggle’s exquisite bone china tea-cups. “You really have gone to such a lot of trouble, old chap, laying the table so nicely, and baking these delightful fruit scones.”
“Oh, really, that was nothing,” said Troggle, “ Really it was the least I could do.”
“Did I ever tell you,” said Lord Cardigan, settling back in his wicker chair, “about the time we invaded Zanzibar Island? The Charge of the Striped Brigade they called it. I remember it as if it was only yesterday...”
As the zebra’s soporific voice droned on, Troggle the monkey’s head began to nod, for in truth he had not slept very well at all for the last few nights, so worried had he been, and now he was utterly exhausted from running all over the Ahmar Mountains with a sack of chinaware on his back, and very soon he was fast asleep. Fortunately Lord Cardigan did not notice, but thought that at last he had found a captive audience for his reminiscences. Troggle woke up just as the sun was going down in the west, and just as Lord Cardigan was coming to the end of his tale.
“So that’s how we captured the island from those evil baboons,” said Lord Cardigan, “but I’m sure you’re bored to tears listening to an old soldier’s memories by now.”
“Not at all,” said Troggle, looking sheepishly at his untouched and now stone cold cup of tea and his only slightly nibbled fruit scone, “I’ve never heard a more fascinating story.”
Game notes (continued)
I declared war on April 28th 1643 and reached land tech 9 three days later. The Ethiopians now had a daunting 30,000 troops in Shewa, but of course being brainless AI they split this army in three, one army to besiege Issas, one to besiege Arsi in the middle of an ultra-high attrition swamp, and the smallest contingent stayed to try and defend their capital. Heroic but futile. All my forces converged on Shewa and by November 1644 it was captured while the Ethiopians had of course lifted their sieges in panic. Too late boys - you’re annexed!
While my army was still nice and large I had a go at vassalizing Egypt - after all, they were down to only 10 provinces and I was at 26. But, sadly they refused, as did Tunisia when I’d bribed them up to +200 in 1648. Still, these things take time. Here’s the Big White Blob now, together with Nubia and Egypt:
Er - yes, that’s the Ottoman Empire taking over the Arabian Gulf and Persia...
And of course, you’ll want to see the Small White Blob as well:
The Knights have moved into Quattara now - oh dear!
I have 26 provinces while Austria have 23. My VPs are at 777, ranking #5 while Austria have 1306, keeping them at #2. Mombasa’s monthly income is 30.6, inflation is 80.7% (yes folks, a net drop over the last 28 years!) and BB is at 9.8.
