- Jan 24, 2012
The Ned's NederlandAAR :
From Holland to Hindustan
From Holland to Hindustan
Welcome to my first ever AAR. Herein I shall document the misguided adventures of my latest playthrough of EU3, starring Holland. Or such is the name under which she begins her quest ... but it will change, nay, I shall endeavour to make it change! For Holland is set for a greater destiny than a mediocre existence in the meagre continent of Europe - Holland shall find the promised land of India, far to the east, and make it her own. Many years into the future, the nation once known as Holland shall be that same promised land of which the petty squabbling nations of Europe will have dreamed.
Table of ContentsChapter One : Can't Get Out from Hainaut (1399-1413)
Chapter Two : Giving Bourgogne a Good Buggering (1413-1427)
Chapter Two-A : Mouse - Taking the Mickey out of Jan van Henegouwen (1427-1431)
Chapter Three-A : Bottoms, BRAs, and Bondage - Holland's Dirty Laundry (1431-1436)
Chapter Three-B : Bottoms, BRAs, and Bondage - Changing the Sheets (1431-1436)
Chapter Four-A : A Crown of Blood and Bitterness - A Date with Destiny (1436-1445)
Chapter Four-B : A Crown of Blood and Bitterness - Branded by Victory (1436-1445)
Chapter Four-C : A Crown of Blood and Bitterness - A Wedding and Four Funerals (1436-1445)
Interlude the First : Five Ways to Kill a (Noble) Man
Chapter Five-A : Rise of a Tyrant - The Geneva Contravention (1445-1451)
Chapter Five-B : Rise of a Tyrant - Rivers of Blood (1451-1456)
Chapter Six-A : Sic Semper Tyrannis - The War of Two Albrechts
Chapter Six-B : Sic Semper Tyrannis - Dressed to Repress
Chapter Six-C : Sic Semper Tyrannis - A Colonial Ceilidh
Chapter Six-D : Sic Semper Tyrannis - Proverbs 16 : 18
Chapter Seven-A : Flower of Holland - Caution, The Floris Lover
Chapter Seven-B : Flower of Holland - Going with the Flo (1466-1470)
Chapter Seven-C : Flower of Holland - Flo'ed at the Bell (1471-1474)
Chapter Seven-D : Flower of Holland - Blood on the Dance Flo (1475-???)
Chapter Eight-A : Tijd voor Avontuur - Who Done It? (1475-???)
Chapter Eight-Aii : Tijd voor Avontuur - Do the Time Warp, Again (???-1477)
Chapter Eight-B : Tijd voor Avontuur - A Time of Troubles (1477-1479)
Chapter Eight-C : Tijd voor Avontuur - Holland's Unhappiest Hour (1479-1481)
Chapter Eight-D : Tijd voor Avontuur - Time and Tide (1481-1484)
Interlude the Second : The Promised, Unforgotten
Chapter Nine-A : Flowering Nights - Painting Flanders Scarlet
Chapter Nine-B : Flowering Nights - A Soul Red as a Bloodied Poppy (1484-1487)
Chapter Nine-C : Flowering Nights - Apparitions of Grandeur (1487-1491)
Chapter Nine-D : Flowering Nights - That Centennial Festival (1491-1493)
Chapter Nine-E : Flowering Nights - Night of Nights (1493-1495)
Chapter Ten-A : Will at the Helm - Elderly and More Terrible (1496-1498)
Chapter Ten-B : Will at the Helm - Worse than Senseless Things (1499-1501)
Chapter Ten-C : Will at the Helm - A Carcass Fit for Hounds (1501-1502)
Chapter Ten-D : Will at the Helm - Spurned like a Cur (1502-1503)
1. Form The Netherlands.
2. Switch to a republican form of government, convert to the Protestant or Reformed faith, and leave the HRE.
3. Move capital to an Indian province and switch to an Indian culture.
4. Form Hindustan.
5. Reclaim all cores!
6. Whatever else comes to mind.
1. Divine Wind 5.1, no mods. 1399 start.
2. All settings to Normal, Lucky Nations off.
1. No using the console for whatever reason!
2. No claiming thrones or forcing personal unions ... except on Dutch culture nations. (There are none left who are independent, so that means no claiming thrones/forced PUs whatsoever!)
3. Holland and her successor states (hence referred to in this introductory post as Holland) shall convert to a republican government as soon as possible.
4. Holland shall convert to a Protestant or Reformed faith as soon as is reasonable, and will not use missionaries to convert any province to Catholicism.
5. No utilising the vassal release/reconquest trick to drop infamy. Any vassals released by Holland may only be reintegrated through diplo-annexation, not by force.
6. No reloading under the following circumstances :
i. In the event that war is declared upon Holland.
ii. To avoid negative events or procure good ones.
iii. To sponge the RNG for things like better advisors. Exception : Daft missions like "Build a manufactory in an overseas province that is not even a core and has the wrong trade good".
Q. Why Holland?
A. I want to try out a country that's considerably smaller than those I've already played. Understandably, it's not a "weak" country, but then again I have no claim to be a fantastic player. I just want to have a relaxed game, and not have to grit my teeth as a OPM and hope I don't get crushed. I also want to try playing a super-teching country, as well as one which has an incentive to keep infamy low, due to being a free trader. Lastly, it's also a country that has an incentive to convert away from Catholicism, as otherwise you'll keep getting spammed with the mission.
Q. Why Hindustan? And why not use Navarra instead?
A. I also want to try out the "European nation forms Hindustan" trick and see whether I can pull it off. Getting lots of free cores, and going on a massive war to reclaim them, is also part of the fun. I know Navarra is better suited to this silly objective but I'm picking Holland due to having two provinces instead of one, and less uncertainty over just what happens to you as a vassal of Aragon.
Q. Is this even possible?
A. Short answer, I don't know. This is further complicated by the fact that I aim to form the Netherlands before capital/culture/tag shifting to Hindustan. I anticipate the possibility that in order to be able to culture-shift, and thus have less Dutch provinces than those of an Indian culture, I will either have to miss out on some of my Netherlands cores in Europe, or release them as vassals and sell them additional provinces (e.g. to isolate my capital). The long answer is, I really won't be able to know until I've punched my way into India and seen what cultures are available, before deciding where to relocate my capital and what culture to adopt. But will I actually go through with it, whatever the obstacles? Damn right I will.
Q. How will this AAR be updated?
A. Expect a new post every now and then. Real life and a ton of other stuff do come calling every once in a while, as you can imagine.
Q. What is a "Ned", apart from a very bad pun?
A. A "Ned" is a Scottish chav. A chav is, for the lack of a better word, some sort of hooligan, who tends to wander everywhere with their hood up and mutter "innit", and "bovvered" at people. Which is sort of similar to my game philosophy as Holland - wander everywhere, be opportunistic, and don't hesitate to be an excessively violent bully if there's something to be gained. Ned Nederlander is also a character played by Martin Short in the movie "The Three Amigos", who happens to live in Mexico and has absolutely nothing to do with being Dutch.
On that note, if I was playing Flanders instead, wouldn't the AAR be called "Ned's FlandAARs?"
Feedback, comments, and other remarks are welcome!
All pictures (apart from ingame EUIII screenshots) are sourced from Wikipedia unless otherwise stated.