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Jul 6, 2008
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This is my second try at an AAR (I simply got bored with the first one and didn't have enough time to update it) and hopefully I'll actually finish this time. Before I start: this partially inspired by a truly excellent AAR by th3freakie, which I highly, highly recommend taking a look at.

This AAR will be done from the perspective of the Navy; obviously I will still control the other sectors of government, but those won't necessarily be as important to the AAR. Here are my objectives:

1. Bolivia must NEVER become landlocked! Lake Titicaca is wonderful, but as the modern day Bolivian Navy could tell you it simply doesn't compare to the ocean blue.
2. The Navy must not only be relevant (which it is decidedly not at the beginning of the game) but it must become one of the foremost naval powers of at least the western hemisphere--if not the world!
3. The Army is a necessary evil. More funds to the Army means less influence for the Navy; not good. (However, too little funding for the Army means the destruction of Bolivia...)

Nothing other than that is of any importance.

Since I'm fairly new to writing AARs, any advice will be very much appreciated! Also, how would I go about showing y'all images? Would I need to host them on Photobucket first?
Waking a sleeping midget

December 26, 1835.

"Oh Admiral Diminuto, how handsome you are!" The women croon......"Grand Admiral, truly you are the savior of our nation! Far more important than that useless General Pertinente..." President Santa Cruz thanks you for your service to Bolivia......you smile humbly yet elegantly during the victory parade in Sucre. Time for a well-earned vacation, you think to yourself. You've always wanted to visit Italy....and your glorious warships, envy of the entire world, can easily take you there! Maybe you'll be kind enough to give the Royal Navy some lessons on seamanship while in Europe.....your old rival, General Pertinente, is kneeling before you "my Admiral, I realize now that I was entirely mistaken! The Army is an irrelevant organization, full of mouth-breathers, landlubbers, and most likely Chilean spies! I have decided to resign my position as commanding officer of the Bolivian Army, and have decided to enroll in the glorious Bolivian Naval Academy, so that I may learn your ways!" You smile and nod--everything is finally coming together.....


Ughh, not that dream again. "In a minute, mother" you meekly reply. As you slip into your dress whites and prepare to head to Naval Headquarters in Antofagasta, you wonder if your salary as Grand Admiral of the Bolivian Navy will ever be enough to allow you to move out of your mother's house.

You notice a festive mood as you arrive at Naval Headquarters. You stop a young Lieutenant and ask him what all the fuss is about. "N-n nothing, Grand Admiral!" the young officer stammers and quickly runs off to take care of something. That was odd, you think to yourself. As you walk to your office to begin your daily grind of begging the President to let you build one ship, I mean seriously please I just want one, the Peruvians laugh at me whenever we show up to joint Naval exercises with a raft and a fishing boat.....anyway, as you walk towards your office you overhear two young sailors converse in the hallway:

"My God, General Pertinente's Christmas Party was so much fun!"

"Tell me about it, I'm still hung-over...."

"Did you see what he did with that llama?"

"Why the hell did I join the Navy again?"

Shaking with rage, you walk to your office and spot your poor assistant.


"Well my Admiral.....I don't know how to put this, but......yes. Here was the RSVP." Your assistant hands you a document.

"What's this? You know I can't read. Practically no one in Bolivia can read. Or swim for that matter."

"Well sir, it says 'everyone in the Navy except Grand Admiral Diminuto is invited to the Army's annual celebration of Jesus' birthday. Much alcohol will be provided!'"

You sigh. "What kind of a Navy am I running here, we don't even have more liquor than the Army...."

"Well don't be too discouraged sir, the General said you can come next year if you admit to the President that the Navy is irrelevant to Bolivia's security."

"Leave me."

"Sir, maybe--"

This seems like a most amusing and interesting premise for an AAR. But how are you going to get enough ports to build a strong Bolivian Navy (assuming you're playing HoD)? Are you going to take ports off of Peru or Chile?

Since I'm fairly new to writing AARs, any advice will be very much appreciated! Also, how would I go about showing y'all images? Would I need to host them on Photobucket first?

Yeah, just do that. It's not that difficult, and there's plenty of sites you can use for it. There's pretty decent guides in this thread here.

Good luck, Almirante!
Yes; I'll probably have to take some land off of Chile at some point (Chile is my main rival at least in the early part of the game, as they very clearly want me landlocked).

And thanks for the tip!
In the Wilderness


The Bolivian Army at war


Artist's rendition of a Bolivian sailor at war

April 21, 1836; Presidential Palace in Sucre, Bolivia

You, General Pertinente, and a number of Army and Navy officers salute as President Santa Cruz enters the conference room. You've been planning this for quite some time now--your plan won't change the world, but maybe it will finally make your beloved Navy relevant.

The President looks at you "very well, Diminuto. This had better be worth my time, my mistress--I mean loyal wife is waiting for me. You certainly wouldn't want to anger Blossom, I mean Maria. Get on with it."

"Your excellency, it is time for Bolivia to join the ranks of the great imperial powers of the Earth. The European nations are expanding across the Earth at an alarming rate and if we are ever to become a truly great power, we too must join this race."

General Pertinente snickers "Your excellency, this is ridiculous. We face many threats from the Brazilians and--"

The President motions for the General to be quiet. "Go on, Manuel."

You unfurl a map:


"Gentlemen, I present to you las islas Sandwich. The first conquest of the Bolivian Empire. Their land and naval forces are negligible, their territories bountiful and resourceful. Your excellency, this is a great opportunity to bring civilization to the savages and glory to Bolivia. Their lands are ripe for the picking, and this could be the first step, your excellency, the first step to a great and glorious empire! And sir, every empire needs and Emperor....Of course, we will need to dramatically expand the Navy in order to--"

"I think I've heard enough" the President interrupts.

"I am glad, sir, that you have seen through the absurdity of the Admiral's 'request'" sneers General Pertinente.

"Hmm. Emperor Andres the first, of the Bolivian Empire. Sure beats 'President Santa Cruz.' You know what Admiral, you may have come up with a good idea for once. I approve of this. Begin construction of two naval vessels, as well as a proper port. It's time to break out into the world."

While you profusely thank the President and hold back tears of joy, (a contemptuous General Pertinente looking on) a messenger from the Diplomatic Ministry arrives with news:

"Your excellency, I have grave news. Argentina has declared war! They are demanding that we cede our southern mountainous provinces. As we speak, Argentine forces are pouring across our border!"

"Well!" exclaims the President "it seems I may have spoken too soon! Cancel our colonial adventure for now; it's time to teach the Argentine bastards a lesson they'll never forget. General, recruit two divisions of troops immediately--in the meantime I will mobilize the population into the Army. Prepare your troops for war!"

The General grins "A soldier like me is only happy when covered in enemy blood. The Army will make Bolivia proud, your excellency!"

As the General departs, you despair: "But my President, what of my ships? My port?"

"Not now Admiral" the President says dismissively. "We've an invasion to deal with!"

When you return to the dilapidated excuse for a building you call the Naval Headquarters, you spend several hours banging your head against the desk in frustration.
This looks great!
I love this AAR. :)
A Chile Winter


The Bolivian Army's Headquarters


A dramatization of the Bolivian Navy's Headquarters

January 20, 1837; aboard BAP Lima (of the Peruvian Navy)

A Navy with no ships must practice seamanship somehow, and as humiliating as it is to witness your sailors relegated to sweeping the deck while their Peruvian comrades look on and jeer, it's clear that sacrifices must be made if Bolivia is ever to have a respectable Navy. As you watch an obese, angry Peruvian named "Fat Carlos" (Peruvian sailors, it should be noted, have never been very creative) lash your men, your assistant informs you of the events of the day:

"Sir, the Army has won a great victory over the Argentines at Tarija. General Pertinente himself was said to have strangled 25 Argentines to death with his bare hands!"

"Blah, blah, blah. Army this, Army that. Don't you ever have anything interesting to say? Everyone seems to forget the disaster at Cochinoca just a few months ago, when Pertinente almost had his entire Army wiped out!"

"Well, regardless sir we are clearly winning the war, and--"

"We? We are winning nothing. Remember Lieutenant, if the Army is winning we are losing. The more time we spend focused on those wretched mountains and deserts the Argentines want for God knows what reason, the less time we spend focused on the Navy--and the more time we'll have to deal with our friend Carlos here!"

Carlos turns around.

"What was that, mountain boy?"

"Uhh, nothing...carry on."

Somewhat amused, your assistant continues:

"In addition sir, the President has recalled you to Sucre to discuss the next stages of the war."

"Discuss war? Why, he almost never does that with me! Things are looking up Lieutenant!"


A funeral procession for Bolivian soldiers killed in the war against Argentina (1836-1837)

You, General Pertinente, and the President watch the funeral procession. After a while, the President begins:

"Very sad. But clearly, they have not died in vain. Thanks to your efforts General, it seems we have the Argentines on the run."

"Actually your excellency" replies the General "we do not have the Argentines on the run."

Furious, the President knocks over a statue and spits "and why is that General? You assured me we had crushed them at Tarija!"

"Indeed, your excellency. The reason we do not have the Argentines on the run, my President, is that there are no more Argentines to run. We have not only crushed but annihilated their Army. The enemy now lays prostrate before us; our scouts in the region have found absolutely no resistance to our advance. Sir, I urge you to demand the annexation of the entirety of northern Argentina. With this victory, we could become the greatest power on the continent!"

Great, you think. More power and glory to the Army. Just what the country needs. Luckily, you have an idea:

"Sir, if I may....while I certainly....commend the General for his achievements, I must dispute the wisdom of his arguments. While of course it would normally be an excellent idea to seize land from Argentina, my Naval Intelligence officers have reported that our neighbors have been massing troops on our border; I fear my President, that we would be rendered powerless if our Army was deep in Argentina during a Brazilian or Chilean invasion. I would recommend that we simply offer a return to the status quo ante bellum"

As you travel back to Headquarters with your assistant, he remarks:

"Good job in Sucre sir, but I didn't know we had an intelligence service?"

"Well, Lieutenant......we don't."
Every time I see that sailor I start cracking up.
I've been taking a little break from this but I'm excited to get back on it; thanks everyone for your support!

And may you continue with all the promise and entertainment have shown thus far, and more!
Aww thanks. :)

Unfortunately I've been rather swamped with work recently, but I absolutely promise to update in early May at the latest. I'll be done with work then so I can devote more time to this.

Having played a bit ahead, all I can say is.....it's harder than expected to play as a country whose neighbors all want to destroy you. :p
Well... I haven't ever played Victoria 2 (only Vicky 1), but I spotted this in your sig and was intrigued. In case you were wondering, people actually do read you signature (sometimes). Anyway, I've enjoyed what I've read, and I'd like to express my support.

(By the way, I love how you've decided to write it in a second-person narrative.)
Definite sub - love the premise of it being from the point of view of someone other than the leader, also great idea to concentrate on the navy. I think this is potentially truly unique, will be fascinated to see how it goes
A Birthday Present


Admiral Diminuto's birthday "cake"

November 13, 1839; Naval Headquarters at Antofagasta, Bolivia

It's your birthday today and your men have decided to reward you in a...less than spectacular fashion.

"Really guys? I appreciate the gesture and everything, and I understand money has been tight ever since those good-for-nothing civilian bastards at the Finance ministry, in their infinite wisdom, took our money and spent it on tax cuts, but you couldn't find an actual cake?"

Your assistant bristles:

"But sir, this is the best chicken we could find!"

"Where did you find it?"

"Err....General Pertinente owns a rather large farm, and we thought he wouldn't notice if we helped ourselves to a few of his chickens."

"You mean to tell me, sailor, that you stole this chicken? Are you telling me that I am about to eat contraband chicken?!"

"Well sir, I suppose that might be a technically correct statement" Your assistant fidgets nervously.

"Well done" You beam "Very well done! That's one less chicken that Pertinente can shove into his fat gullet. I'm sure, if he were still with us, this chicken would thank you boys for liberating him from the Army's clutches. This is a Naval Chicken now!"

Your men laugh, relieved that you are not upset. One of your junior officers steps forward:

"Sir, the boys and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. We've got you something no great admiral could do without!"

"Is it a ship?"

"No sir, even better: rum!"


Now they just need sodomy and the lash.

After a night of uncontrolled debauchery which resulted in--among other things--the deaths of three sailors following an unfortunate crocodile-related incident, you awake to a horrific hangover. As you swear profusely and struggle to recover, your assistant approaches:

"Sir, are you alright?"

"Do I look alright to you?!" you snap.

"Well sir, you'll be happy to know that the boys and I have another present for you!"

"Oh heavens no, I don't think I could survive another one of your presents" you groan while clutching your stomach.

"I think you'll like this one, sir" your assistant replies with a smile.

*vomit* "Oh alright then, I'll be right with--" *vomit*

Your assistant begins backing away slowly "Uh, I'll give you a few minutes to get ready, sir."

"That may be best Lieutenant" *vomit*

A few hours later

You and your assistant are riding in a horse-pulled carriage through Antofagasta. Annoyed by your assistant's secrecy, you ask for the tenth time:

"Are we there yet?"

"We're almost there sir, just a few more blocks."

"Hey, isn't that the harbor?"

Your assistant says nothing and simply smiles to himself as the harbor comes into view.

"What the hell is the meaning of this Lieutenant, I'm in no state to go fishing--" you stop abruptly as your breath is taken away.


The Bolivian Navy's first ship

Your Lieutenant smiles. "Happy birthday, sir."