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Charle_88

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The Mighty Schicklgruber

There are many alternatives to this world: other realities where things did not go as they went to us. Some have major changes, like Chinese world conquest by 1456, while others are just minor variants to our reality. This is one such minor variant.

In 1939 Germany under the nazis declared war on Poland. This brought the fhürer and his empire to war with the allies in France and England as well, but Adolf didn't worry much. His forces would prevail.
Now, Adolf had an important form to fill in. Age, name, sex... a lot of boxes that would have to be filled in and checked. This was the 60th time he had filled in this form, but he hoped it would be the last.
When he was done, he pushed a button and a tall German soldier came running.
"Take 'zis form to 'ze governmental commity fohr neim changing!" he said.
"Jahwoll!" The soldier answered. He seemed to be considering his next move, and after a second or two he carefully added, almost like a question: "Heil Schicklgruber?"

[Diversion: When Alois Schicklgruber asked to have his last name changed back to Hitler, that of his grandparents, the commitee for name changing decided against it. Two years later, Schicklgruber had a son he named Adolf who would go on to become dictator after having been completely 'dissed by the more 'hip artists in Vienna, who laughed for three hours at his work "the great German nose". As revenge, Adolf renamed the city after himself when he got it.
This was, so far, the only thing that had gone wrong in the history of this alternative reality.
Adolf had spent most of his adult life trying to advance to higher posts in the government in order to have his name changed to something cooler. However, no matter how high he got, the commitee still decided to send back his requests denied, possibly for comical value as everyone in the world by now knew Adolf hated that name.
And here we are...]


People outside the Reichstag could here the fhürer screaming courses and gibberish, mixed with crushed chinaware and screams from an innocent soldier. An Italian tourist asked what all the noice was about, and got answered: "Oh, it's just the fhürer assaulting another personal assistant. No biggie. He goes through like ten a week."
Why that was so, the Italian didn't ask. He decided it was best not to probe too much, and took the next train back to Italy.



shicklgruber10lc.gif

Germany, sepember 1st, 1939
Ignore the text saying "1936". It's an evil British conspiracy.
 
Last edited:

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1939
September 1 - The offensive into Poland began, with Germans success.

September 2 - South Africa left the Allies. The head of state, Sir Patrick Duncan, explained that he had always thought of himself as the head of state with the most funny-sounding name, but having found a superior, found no option but to give up.
Schicklgruber killed another assistant in anger.

September 13 - Poland gets annexed. Schicklgruber got a bit happier... until Stalin reminded him that half of Poland belonged to the reds in Russia, and also that Stalin had a bigger, sexier moustasch than Shicklgruber.

September 14 - Göring talked Schicklgruber out of suicide, reminding him that he coluld still invade France and Benelux, if it would make him feel better.

October 13 - Schicklgruber declared war on Holland.

November 1 - Schicklgruber got bored with Holland and declared war on Belgium.

November 17 - Hungary decided to join Schicklgruber's alliance, as they too had been ridiculed by the fancy artists in Vienna during the 20's and wanted revenge.

1940
January 7 - A boat carrying British prisoners off the coast of Norway was interepted by the English. Schicklgruber was furious and decided to attack Norway. The logic behind this decision was never reveled.
 
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Charle_88

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tp640871 said:
On the screenshot it says "Germany 1936", but that isn't 1936.. more like 1939..

Typo.
 

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CCA said:
LOL thsi a german world conquest AAR then?

And, what is the: The Mighty Shicklgruber?
 

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Shicklgruber? XD :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 

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yea, the viennese desergve the renaming to Schicklgruberburg :rofl:
Ah, don't wanna nitpick too much put it's spelt S C hickelgruber
but i really like this aar, missed this funny style!
 

unmerged(31881)

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Ignore the text saying "1936". It's an evil British conspiracy.
i liked this part.

A strange and funny AAR... we'll follow along hoping to see the Mighty Schicklegruber humbled.
However it's spelled.
:D
 

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1940
January 23 - Schicklgruber's armies took their first steps onto French soil. Schicklgruber smiled for the first time in three months, because he knew the French and the Viennese artists were actually the one and same, and he had yet to get his revenge.

March 4
- Not much happened in France and Schicklgruber declared war on Denmark, blaming the Danish government for harboring WMDs and terrorists. No one fell for his lies.

March 7 - Denmark surrendered. Schicklgruber made a victory dance, which recieved applaus. If this was because the dance was liked or because the SS was aiming panzerschrecks at the audience was up for speculation.

April 9 - It was now appearent that France would soon fall.

April 12 - Germany took Paris. Schicklgruber ordered all the artworks in all the museums in the city to be replaced with works of his own.

April 13 - One million Parisians commited suicide after visiting art musuems.

May 14 - Winston Churchill was quoted saying:
"Mussolini? Isn't that a type of pasta?"
Furious, Italy joined Germany in the war against... well, against everyone really.
The Italian dictator said that he could now understand why being ridiculed for having a silly name, like the same one as a popular type of pasta for example, was reason to go to war.

mussolinipasta5gf.jpg

The Mussolini-Pasta incident marked the Italian entry into the war

Don't miss the next update, it'll have screenies!

No, seriously, it will!
 

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CCA: Only time will tell, but let's hope not. Who wants a world dictator by the name "Schicklgruber"?

Jingles: You know I'm right. ;-)

lifeless: Yeah, it's pretty silly, isn't it. =)

stabsofficer: They do, don't they? As for the spelling, I don't know what you are talking about, it's always been with a C.
And also, thank you. I noticed there was a general lack of silliness in this AAR subforum, and we can't have that!

bogmih: ;-)

Tskb18: More British conspiracies later in the AAR. I promise. Also, thank you.
 

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1940
May 18 - Schicklgruber set up a puppet state in south France, since he couldn't handle the hotter climates.
"My breezing goos heavy!" he commented.
The puppet state was set up with the totally unimportant little village called Vichy as its capital, as a form of crude joke.

May 19
- Schicklgruber looked at the map and noticed he had forgotten all about Luxemburg. The invasion took about 22 hours.

May 21 - Schicklgruber hurt his toe in a bunker on the Maginot line, leaving most of the national press and the soldiers present at the time desperately holding their breaths in order to not burst into laughter. Schicklgruber in turn ordered the whole of the Maginot line destroyed and replaced with large signs reading: "Froglegs taste bad!"
This left all of the French speaking world in chock.

May 26
- Schicklgruber realized he had declared war on Norway earlier and then forgotten all about it. He ordered an invasion.

landinginnorway4ke.png

Germans landing in southern Norway

July 7 - The invasion of Norway was completed. The campaign took longer than planned mostly due to the mountainous terrain of northern Norway.
Schicklgruber went skiing in the Norweigan mountains to celebrate.

July 9 - Romania joined the Axis. Off course they hadn't heard that Adolf's last name was Schicklgruber, which lead to a very akward moment during the negotiations when the Romanian ambasador said, after laughing hysterically for a while:
"No, seriouzly, vhat iz jour reel neim?"
The Romanians were surprised to get two set of human pinkies and a note accepting the alliance, instead of their diplomat back. When asked, Schicklgruber just said:
"Diplomat? Vhat diplomat are you speeking of?"
Romania didn't ask any more questions.

July 11 - In England, Churchill signed a paper, accepting the latest plans for a secret superweapon.

July 14 - The secret superweapon was ready and deployed. Across the whole southern coast of England, huge loudspeakers had been placed.

loudspeakers9rg.png

Supersecret loudspeaker weapons project. Another evil British conspiracy!

July 15 - The loudspeakers were activated. Songs such as:
"Heil SCHICKLGRUBER, the mighty fhürer SCHICKLGRUBER."
"SCHICKLGRUBER is a silly name, Winston Churchill smokes a cigar, how about that Roosevelt?"
"Oh no, the mighty Pasta-SCHICKLGRUBER alliance has come to takes us down!"

Between these songs, made to lower morale and make fun of Schicklgruber's name, were classical British and Scottish folksongs performed by the finest singers England had to offer at the time. These were put in to cause terror.
This very much angered Schicklgruber, who accidentally almost killed Göring and Himmler in his rage, but the doctors were able to replace Görings spleen with a donor and Himmler didn't really need that leg and those fingers, or his nose for that part, so it was fine anyway.


SCREENIE!
germany19400yg.png

Germany in August 1940
 

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AAAhhhh, English and scottish folksongs. RUN
 

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1940
Time seemed to simply disappear and suddenly it was...

1941
But let's recapp a bit here. The last months of 1940 had included several events. The most important being:
- Hungary, after pulling off a really impressive Count Dracula impersonation, was awarded Transylvania by Schicklgruber. Romania complained. No one cared.
- Italy lost Libya. Schicklgruber didn't care, because, as we all know by now, he didn't enojy hot climates anyway.
- Schicklgruber started bombing south England like crazy, and managed to take most of the loudspeakers out. One was still present in Dover. It had broken and was now repeating some form of incomprehensable sentence in Scottish English over and over again.

And there we are.

January 1
- Schicklgruber celebrated the coming of the new year by DOWing Yugoslavia.
"I vant king Pavle Karadr... Karadr.."
"King Pavle Karadjordjevic, fhürer." Himmler said helpfully.
"And it's my neim they all ridicule!" Schicklgruber burst to tears and hid in the toalette of the Reichstag for three hours before finally coming out, right in time to sign the DOW and order attack.

January 9 - Minister Carl Friedrich von Siemens died after laughing when the fhürer slipped on a banana peel. Appearently Schicklgruber didn't find this very funny. He died of natural causes after getting a large military standard rammed down his throat. An Englishman was blaimed for the murder.

January 12 - The infamous fjord revolt took place when five Norweigans in a boat refused to pay taxes to Schiklegruber. The SS was on the scene within minutes and closed the whole fjord off.
It only took five minutes before an Englishman in a diving suit swam into the fjord and gave one of the Norweigans a slingshot! Now it was confirmed that the British were in fact supplying partisans with weapons! It was another Evil Conspiracy.
Schicklegruber did the only logical thing and bombed the fjord until it was more like a large, black, smoking hole than a fjord.
Norweigan partisans everwhere mourned the loss of 5% of Norway's total inhabitants.

Fjord.jpg

A fjord


January 25 - Mussolini was ridiculed once again when three elderly Greek women verbally attack and later kicked his ass during his yearly vacation to Rhodes. Mussolini blamed Greece, despite Rhodes being an Italian island during that time, and declared war.

February 2 - Japan, feeling left out of all the cool warring the other Evil Superpowers were doing, declared war on the USA, England and the Netherlands.
When asked if they wanted to team up, the Japanese said no, as they were unsure wether to pronounce Schiklgruber as "Shikerogluber" or "Shickelogrubelu".
Three days later, the Phillipines, feeling really left out of the war, declared war on Japan.

March 6 - South Africa came around and joined the allies, declaring war against Germany. Schicklgruber didn't mind.
"Ze more, ze merrier!"

April 20 - Appearently the USA had joined the allies sometime somewhere somehow and was at war with Germany. Schicklgruber never knew that until an American airplane was sighted in Yugoslavia (of all placed) bombing Germans. This was clearly another Evil British Conspiracy.

April 26 - Yugoslavia was annexed by Germany. Schicklgruber promoted Guederian and Rommel and created an independent Croatia in pure joy. Strangely enough, no one died.

yugoslavia0cu.png

New order in the Balkans


Next war: Greece. After that: Bulgaria.
 

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Charle_88 said:
One million Parisians commited suicide after visiting art musuems.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 

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This AAR ROX. Can't wait to see Stalin Fight stick burger's mustache :D
 

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Not much happened in France and Schicklgruber declared war on Denmark, blaming the Danish government for harboring WMDs and terrorists. No one fell for his lies.
:rofl:

I love this AAR, keep it up Charlie! Those damned British and their conspiracies! :D