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If this was an actual book script, the amount of editing agony that would go into whether it should be

"You seem to be troubled"
Or
"You seem troubled"

would be immense. Should it match the exact phrasing of Cosma's responce or flow more naturally to allow the come back to work better? And so on, probably for at least a few hours.
Gotta go with the initial gut feel. If not, toss a coin :D
 
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That was quite the lengthy chapter to announce your return with, at least by the standards of round here. Took me a couple of sessions to get through it and, while the distractions to my reading remain of my own making (50% at least), two shorter chapters would have been preferred.

I'll not comment on the Priest section as that has been eloquently covered, what I will say is that Elisa is going to get herself killed if she carries on like that. Not everyone will be as inept as Cosmo and that temper will be the end of her.

Also I am rooting for the witch to actually be evil and/or that exchange to come back and bite him horrifically somehow. This is mostly for narrative variety really, the wise hero ignoring the rules of the backward church to show how noble (and modern) their values are is a bit of a trope at this point, so it is always good to see such scenes subverted.
 
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I'll not comment on the Priest section as that has been eloquently covered, what I will say is that Elisa is going to get herself killed if she carries on like that. Not everyone will be as inept as Cosmo and that temper will be the end of her.

Also I am rooting for the witch to actually be evil and/or that exchange to come back and bite him horrifically somehow. This is mostly for narrative variety really, the wise hero ignoring the rules of the backward church to show how noble (and modern) their values are is a bit of a trope at this point, so it is always good to see such scenes subverted.


Maria has an interesting life, especially when I begun to think about her stats and it suggested she had been both an apostste of some kind and a nun. So, clearly a person with a varied CV and some interesting beliefs. This makes my eventual decision, as hinted at here, to make her tutor my kids a bit more questionable, though it does help explain the widely varied personalities of them all.
 
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Chapter 10: In which Leone says farewell and Elisa doesn’t
Chapter 10: In which Leone says farewell and Elisa doesn’t

“Leone left before long. As it turned out, he was not the only one. Though Maria had entered our lives, we saw her seldom. Elisa however was growing increasingly restless with her lot in life.”

2nd May 763

The pair had been searching for any forgotten items in Leone’s room for a long time. Even after it was clear there was nothing left to pack.

“So…”

“This is it. For now, anyway,” Cosma said. He looked up at his friend of eight years. This was the end of their childhood companionship. The next time they met, if they ever did, they would both be men of the world, and never again students in the Master’s house.

It was curious how Cosma held both a desperate desire to go back and live it all again, and yet go forward unchanging forever. Perhaps it was the way of things to constantly yearn for a glorious past or a certain future.

“Yes, this is farewell, for now,” Leone agreed firmly, grasping Cosma’s arm. “But the Master and the Doge both said you would see Rome before long, so perhaps…”

“Yes, perhaps. I thought you were to Bologna first?”

“Father says so, but Grandfather is insistent I study as close to the Vicar of Christ as possible, and that anyway any young man’s education is finished in Rome.”

“I doubt the Master sees it that way.”

Leone smirked, “One benefit I suppose. I need no longer obey him in all things, though I suspect I will always listen to him more than most.”

“He wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Indeed not,” the Master said from the doorway. “Out with you boy, I have a few last words for this penitent preacher before he sacrifices his mind forever to the cloisters.”

Leone scoffed, “I am no monk.”

“Ironic, as you always promoted good habits.”

“I said go boy! This day has little time for your petulance. Out! Out!”

Cosma trudged away, noting absently as he crossed the courtyard that he could only recognise one kitchen boy from when he first arrived at the villa. The rest were long gone, apprenticed or spirited away to who knows where.

“Everyone leaves and everything changes,” he muttered, dipping leaves into the small feature pond at the centre of the courtyard. As he stared at his reflection, distorted by ripples, he sighed. He hadn’t changed so much, had he? Well…yes, he had. His frame was at least a little taller, and by far larger, encased in the muscle of youth and martial training. He could ride for hours, days perhaps without complaint. He could kill vermin with a single arrow, and considering his latest training with Hol, a man many times his weight and size, given a bit of luck. Fortune was something that had changed the most, he thought. Not the body or even the mind, though his had expanded exponentially over the years. He was favoured by the heavens now instead of unlucky. He had lived as a student, scholar and warrior for more years now than he had been a prisoner, and he rarely thought back to that black eternity within the cell. It remained vivid within his dreams, but these too faded with time and age. Many things faded, indeed.

He would miss this place, this time of his life, he realised. The house, the trees, the cook and boys even, loathsome creatures though they were. This valley was his entire world, and whilst that spark of desire for more, for ownership and dominance, pushed him forwards, he didn’t really want to leave this place behind. It was a state of mind as much as a place, one he knew with quiet melancholy he would never reclaim once discarded. Was it the same, he thought, for those who never left the place of their childhood? Did they see the world constantly as comfortingly safe and reserved? Or did everyone, regardless of circumstance, feel this way at some point? Did the minds of Men develop along the same uniform path as their limbs and other bodily parts? Disease and ill circumstance could affect the latter things of course but for most, they were the same in aspect. Was it so too with the mind and soul?

If, he thought, it was required for people to grow, to change and improve, by leaving their homes and making them anew, then he would not be sad for Leone to leave. It would simply be logical, required even, for it to happen. He just wished he knew that it made sense, beyond what everyone had already said. And it did, to a degree, but yet his heart ached and his head hurt when he thought of it. The only thing worse than Leone leaving, he thought, would be everyone leaving, or perhaps leaving everyone in some way. And in this way, Cosma found himself understanding the true sorrow of death and mourning for the first time. Leone was alive and would continue to live, but the boy he knew would be gone, and not only was that dreadful in and of itself, it served a reminder that one day the rest of him would follow. Everyone he loved would die, for it was the nature of life to end.

He shook himself away from the morbid hole he had dug, and shivered. The sun was warm on his back and the breeze was sweet on his skin. It was a perfect day to climb a tree and watch time go by.

But Leone would be gone.

Cosma sighed and stood. There was no reason not to enjoy the day because his brother in arms was elsewhere being lectured by the Master. It did not matter that it would be for the final time. It didn’t.

As he reached the entrance to the villa, he refused to look back as he ran out to the wild trees and embraced the branches like a lost child.


The Padre arrived with Leone’s escort. Cosma watched as his belongings were put away and everyone made ready to leave. Leone came out and greeted the guards, whilst the Master appeared by Cosma’s side.

“He is ready,” he said.

“I hope so.”

Cosma was surprised when a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He resisted the urge to look at the Master, accepting the gesture for whatever it was. Roe was beside herself, checking and re-checking Leone until finally there was nothing more to be patted or brushed. She patted him on the cheek and ambled over to the Master. Cosma was gently pushed forwards by that hand and, very slowly, made his way towards his companion.

Havening attempted to rehearse this moment in his head and found language wanting, Cosma instead rapped himself around Leone’s waist and cried, for in the end he couldn’t think of anything that would demonstrate his feeling any better. His friend seemed to agree, and for a while at least, they simply stood together one last time.

“I have to go now.”

“I know. You must write when you know where you are staying.”

“Of course. Apparently the messengers between the Alpine monasteries and the Cities are fairly swift, so it should not be too long after I arrive that you get something at least.”

“Thank you,” Cosma paused, “for everything else as well. I never knew a better man, or brother.”

“I know of one, at least,” Leone grasped his shoulder, “especially your judgement.”

Cosma shifted guilty, “Leone…”

“I know about Maria,” the other boy said, “Clotilde was conflicted and was afraid to ask the Padre about…well…retribution from above.” He chuckled. “I stand by what I said.”

“But-”

“I would have condemned her.” Leone looked away. “I would have judged them all, and after a time, I would have deeply regretted it. After all my rhetoric and study, the element of Mercy escapes me. It was a…shameful admission of pride and arrogance. I must endeavour to remember it, whether I become a wandering priest or ruling bishop.”

“I regret my decision too…though I am surprised how little sometimes. What if great evil comes of her still?”

“Then it does, if that is her choosing. But her heart, the heart that begged for the lives of her friends over herself, shall not so easily go astray, despite her practices. Who knows? Perhaps this was not just a test of you, but of her. Nowadays, I find I am uncertain when I used to be so sure.”

Cosma nodded. “The Master always said you were too good for the Church.”

Leone laughed, “Perhaps! All the more important that I go to them, and help guide others along a better path. So much of the Faith and the world are uncertain these days. We cannot allow the temptations of one affect the other.”

The Master cleared his throat. Cosma sighed and said his goodbyes.

“This is not the end, my friend. We shall meet again one day in the city of our Fathers.”

“May that day come soon.”

“May Venice see better days to come.” Leone nodded, and got on his horse.

Cosma, Roe and the Master watched as the Padre and Leone rode out of the gate and away down the path. When the horses had begun to fade out of sight, the Master prepared to speak, perhaps to give a lecture on the nature of change and time as Cosma had often received these past few weeks.

Hol’s hasty arrival interrupted in a flurry of dirt and gravel.

Elisa had left the valley.
…​

“She’ll be eaten alive,” the Master said, far later in the day after another search had proven fruitless.

Cosma frowned at his lack of tact, but privately agreed. Hol had said that everything pointed to her heading north. Her note of dismal shortness concurred. Before her lay the perilous Alps, after which the wilds of Francia and the heathen lands beyond. Few said it, but the chances of her surviving to find whatever it was that she was looking for before she was eaten or worse were slim. Mario had presently retired from life, dropping exhaustedly into his chair whilst the other men muttered unhappily to each other. It was a tragedy, an outrage. Elisa was well-liked in the village, and many were heartbroken at her flight, especially by her methods. Leavening her poor father and sister with a three sentence epitaph to an assured early grave was awful.

Cosma himself felt a tearing inside his breast that made breathing short and laboured and his eyes water when he stopped moving. The intense heat of the fire matched with the cold of the night air split his body in two. It felt…it felt nothing like losing Leone. He was surprised, and surprised that he was surprised. Elisa was far removed from his companion in his heart, and estimation. Still, he had liked her immensely, and respected her strength and beauty and so much more besides. She had been her sister’s mother, nurse and constant friend all her life, a presence so steady and present, despite occasional outbursts around him, that her removal had made the pair of them collapse. He knew that truthfully, he should be angry, for Clotilde and he supposed Mario also. Tears for Elisa should not be wept. But they all did. They all did.

Hol sighed and spat into the flames. “She is strong and tall. But these lands especially do not care for women of strength. Should she reach my people, perhaps…bah!” He kicked over a stool, apologised to the air, and righted it again.

“Filippo shall send out word,” the Master said quietly, and Cosma started when he realised he meant the Doge, “if any and Company finds her, she will be given space there. But it would not be easy, and she would have to find them.” He coughed and leaned forwards towards the fire. “She is a foolish child looking for an impossible change. I have seen it all before.” He stood, and left the gathering abruptly.

“I think I am understanding your Master better now,” Hol said after a pause.

Cosma looked at him, “Why?”

“You are pained by this girl, yes? She has torn your insides out?”

Cosma shifted and looked away, but nodded slowly.

“He has been torn too. I recognise it now. As have I, as have all who have known such things.”

“What happened to you?” Cosma asked, curious as the Northman was invariably tight-lipped about his past life.

“I was the eighth son of my father, a…how you say? Jarl. Prince, Dux? No matter…he was Jarl and we brothers were his proud warriors. He had many lands and many riches, but to the youngest, we would gain little. A ship perhaps, to find our own way. But the brothers before and after me were unsatisfied by that challenge. They wished to fight yes, but at the head of Men of their own. They were greedy, and talented, and ferocious as we all are, but they were also prideful and lazy. So they fought often, and with siblings, for more and more and more. Eventually, they were placed in the Pit to fight each other for what they believed they deserved. Yet they were treacherous, and demanded I side with one of them. When I refused, they attacked me, and I slew them both. My father had to banish me for kinslaying, but was a good and wise man, and gave me armour and weapons when I should have gone bare. It was all I needed, all I ever asked for. And so I lost my home.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Cosma said, after the tale had ended. “But…is not that similar to Elisa? Is there not hope for her, as there was for you?”

“Ha! She is a fighter true just as I, but I was moulded, not simply born into the fight. She left her home carelessly, thinking her strength would save her instead of skill. In this life, you need both, as well as luck. Her fate is with the gods, and they shall either punish her direly or reward her greatly, as is the way of these things. But yes, there is hope. There always is.”

The pair lapsed into silence. Cosma’s head was filled with nightmarish images of Hol and Elisa facing wolves, bears, bandits and other horrors entirely alone. Slowly, the sting of betrayal faded, replaced with more worry. He began to pray fervently for Elisa’s deliverance, no matter her crimes. No one should die alone. The darkness flickered around them in tune with the fire, and the night carried through to morning, with no end to the cold within.
 
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I found this to be another cracker:

Leone scoffed, “I am no monk.”

“Ironic, as you always promoted good habits.”



But of course those guilty of betrayal should not die alone. They should die surrounded by as many people as possible. I mean, how else can one make an example out of a messy execution?

I don't entirely trust Cosma's feelings here.
 
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Leone scoffed, “I am no monk.”

“Ironic, as you always promoted good habits.”

Try to have one per chapter but sometimes doesnt fit.

But of course those guilty of betrayal should not die alone. They should die surrounded by as many people as possible. I mean, how else can one make an example out of a messy execution?

I don't entirely trust Cosma's feelings here.

I wouldn't. Very clever teenager but has had three friends his age, two of whom just left. Albeit they left in very contrasting ways. I think as he gets older and more experienced he'll get better at handling this sort of thing, cos Venice has a lot of betrayal in it.

Initially Cosma would have confronted Elisa as she was leaving but
A) we've already done that with Maria
B) if he lets her go he's almost certainly killing her which means
C) either they fight or she comes back.

He can't be there for everything and he can't save everyone. Sometimes people just do things and you have to deal with the aftermath. But yeah, at the moment Cosma just had quite a few pillars holding him up knocked down.
 
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Again, there's a lot to unpack here that I'll have to contemplate later, but for now:

He can't be there for everything and he can't save everyone. Sometimes people just do things and you have to deal with the aftermath. But yeah, at the moment Cosma just had quite a few pillars holding him up knocked down.

Cosma is, in a sense, fortunate that he is learning these lessons now, in the relatively controlled environment provided by the Master, the Padre, and those around them. Even with all the formal training he's being given and his native intelligence, there are some lessons that can only be conveyed through experience, and beneficial as Cosma's relative isolation is for his physical and mental health in the short term, it's also given him fewer opportunities to be exposed to how the real world works.

I wonder if this in itself is a hidden flaw in the Master's agenda -- much as he's trying to prepare Cosma for a harsh and uncaring world, he is also sheltering him from it somewhat by keeping the boy in a little private cloister of his own devising, even if he isn't conscious that that's what he's doing.
 
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I wonder if this in itself is a hidden flaw in the Master's agenda -- much as he's trying to prepare Cosma for a harsh and uncaring world, he is also sheltering him from it somewhat by keeping the boy in a little private cloister of his own devising, even if he isn't conscious that that's what he's doing.

I suspect Hol's arrival made the other two mentors realise the isolation they'd placed on Cosma, both deliberately and otherwise. To ensure he picks the 'right' path, they have tongive him as few choices as possible but at the same time, much like his uncle before him, given the temptation of combat and adventure his head might be turned.

And the Padre seems to feel far more guilty about this than the Master does.
 
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Goodness me, only two chapters to go now before the game begins and we're back in venice. I have no idea how much the addition of pictures, game plot etc will change the AAR so the first few chapters might be a bit of a muddle through as we go. There'll also have to be a few author notes explaining the differences between the game and actual Venice, and eventually TTL and otl, but how much I should talk about that is unclear right now.

Anyway, Cosma is going to Rome for an important engagement, and then the literary excrement begins to fly.
 
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Hmm, no alert this time - checked and there’s another chapter up! Will view and comment in a little bit :D
 
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Hmm, no alert this time - checked and there’s another chapter up! Will view and comment in a little bit :D

It was fairly swift following the previous but yeah, apparently the forum missed that one. So hey everyone, new chapter! Still not in Venice! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
 
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“Everyone leaves and everything changes,” he muttered ... He would miss this place, this time of his life, he realised. The house, the trees, the cook and boys even, loathsome creatures though they were. This valley was his entire world, and whilst that spark of desire for more, for ownership and dominance, pushed him forwards, he didn’t really want to leave this place behind.
This set the theme for the whole chapter: sundering, dark v light, old v new, comfort v challenge, safety v growth, and coming of age.
Leone was alive and would continue to live, but the boy he knew would be gone, and not only was that dreadful in and of itself, it served a reminder that one day the rest of him would follow. Everyone he loved would die, for it was the nature of life to end.
For life to end, and its phases too.
He shook himself away from the morbid hole he had dug, and shivered.
Just as well! There is more sundering to come!
Cosma was surprised when a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He resisted the urge to look at the Master, accepting the gesture for whatever it was.
Even the Master has some humanity tucked away under the stern and crusty exterior, which we see every so often. Especially now, as his current charges cut away the apron strings.
Having attempted to rehearse this moment in his head and found language wanting, Cosma instead rapped himself around Leone’s waist and cried, for in the end he couldn’t think of anything that would demonstrate his feeling any better.
Nicely done. Youth is changing to adulthood, but the metamorphosis is not yet complete. I wonder whether he will look back on that moment of change and innocent friendship with wry sadness, even longing regret, years from now when life, time and leadership have hardened him to the world’s travails.
Elisa had left the valley.
More sunderings!
And so I lost my home.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Cosma said, after the tale had ended.
And epiphanies/revelations.
No one should die alone. The darkness flickered around them in tune with the fire, and the night carried through to morning, with no end to the cold within.
And a return to the initial theme of this very well crafted chapter: one feels this theme may carry through for the rest of an eventful life. Fear of loneliness and loss; action to fend them off; a striving for the light of dawn after the cold marches of the night - of the ‘dog watch’ before the first light of the morning, which heralds the renewal of that eternal struggle.

There, well done TBC, your words got me all philosophical! :)
 
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I wonder whether he will look back on that moment of change and innocent friendship with wry sadness, even longing regret, years from now when life, time and leadership have hardened him to the world’s travails.

Uncertain yet, but something to consider, especially as the two have many years of trails ahead. In fact, there could easily be a story written about the things Leone does and experience in this game, because for a priest in CKII he did a lot of stuff.

Philophically, I suspect the chapter grasps the darker aspects of nihilism that this entire section of cosma's life has been dealing with. He's both clever enough to reaslie and being intentionally pushed into thinking that the world is rather meaningless, and whether that means it is pointless or not to exist/live within it. Leone's solution in the Church has already, before he even began into it, shown to be flawed by his own admission, whilst the padre and the master are both rather mysterious about their beliefs. Even Elisa and clotilde have responded to the world in their own way, and so must cosma. Trouble is, if he picks poorly he'll not only die but probably damn quite a few people alongside him. So yeah, the pressure is already on for him to figure his life out, and he isn't even the doge yet.
 
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It was curious how Cosma held both a desperate desire to go back and live it all again, and yet go forward unchanging forever. Perhaps it was the way of things to constantly yearn for a glorious past or a certain future.
Cosma appears a trifle confused. Whatever his current feelings about his time in the Valley it was anything but glorious (for whatever value you attached to that concept) and it was hardly certain or unchanging.

Fingers crossed he doesn't go into much philosophising because his thinking needs serious work.

“Ha! She is a fighter true just as I, but I was moulded, not simply born into the fight. She left her home carelessly, thinking her strength would save her instead of skill. In this life, you need both, as well as luck.
Hol on the other hand may not use such high faulting concepts, but in terms of universal truths he is coming up aces.
 
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Cosma appears a trifle confused. Whatever his current feelings about his time in the Valley it was anything but glorious (for whatever value you attached to that concept) and it was hardly certain or unchanging.

Lots of naval gazing on the future now he's beginning to realise that it involves actual change. Thus, like most people coming to the end of school, he reaches back to a time he was sure was 'perfect' in that familiar system. He's not really wrong to feel like that, but unless someone were to point out to him how natural the feeling is and how to deal with it, he's going to obsess for a while I think.

Fingers crossed he doesn't go into much philosophising because his thinking needs serious work.

This is the one of the first of several 'danger' periods in an educated person's development: he knows just enough to think he knows better than what's come before, and start blueskying a problem that generations of people in his field have been struggling with, or have already solved (this is particularly common in philosophy and theoretical mathematics. More...hmm...areas of study that have vast practical application like law and mechanical physics tend to have a variation on this where the student has a good theoretical grasp or 'knowledge' and freak show out when asked to apply it to an original task or problem solve based on what they know. Richard Feynman once wrote on the dangers of science in particular being reduced to textbook learning, and thus making this issue far worse even at degree level).

TLDR...he's young, dumb and quite effed up. Hopefully he will get better, at least in refocusing on what's important or at the very least what will keep him alive.

Hol on the other hand may not use such high faulting concepts, but in terms of universal truths he is coming up aces.

It's a stereotype, but there is use in having a 'barbarian' character spouting the obvious and blunt truths every so often. Cosma needs someone practical in his inner circle next to all the priests he seems to be collecting.
 
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It's a delight to come back after a break and get two updates here!
 
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I've just finished this from start to sundering and while I'm not quite as literature minded as many of you, I'm really enjoying the story and the discussion.

One thing I will say is that characterisation seems to have been really good so far. Aside from Maria, who I confess I skimmed a little, they've all been very much distinct. I wish I'd saved this for over a few days rather than staying up till 12 am.
 
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It's a delight to come back after a break and get two updates here!

Doesn't happen very often around these parts.

Thoughts on chapters?
 
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I've just finished this from start to sundering and while I'm not quite as literature minded as many of you, I'm really enjoying the story and the discussion.

One thing I will say is that characterisation seems to have been really good so far. Aside from Maria, who I confess I skimmed a little, they've all been very much distinct. I wish I'd saved this for over a few days rather than staying up till 12 am.

The literature thing seems to come up every so often especially as most of the readership currently are AAR writers with past experience with this sort of thing. It seems interesting so I'm not really bothered by its inclusion here.

Cosma and Leone are easy characters to write for, but I confess Elisa and Clotilde are much harder. The hardest scenes were ensuring a seperstion between the wisdom of the Master and the wisdom of the Padre. Maria is very new and won't be back until the game years begin so I need some more work on her.

To everyone, I must admit I felt fairly unsatisfied with the past few chapters but reactions seem to have been positive. How does everyone think this is going?

To recap, we're very close to Venice and game start now, which now that I think of it means the question of screenshots being availible...how do people feel about that and other images coming into chapters?

Any other comments would also be appreciated.
 
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Re screenshots: if you’re going to be more narrative than gameplay, no need to (like me :D) go overboard with them. Maybe for characters to let us put a face and traits to a name, for the occasional event of interest or major battle or war outcome that seems to aid the narrative.

But the style of the AAR so far would seem to be suited to a more minimalist screenshot approach - unless you have a bunch of them you’re just bursting to edit and upload ;)
 
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