Chapter 10: In which Leone says farewell and Elisa doesn’t
“Leone left before long. As it turned out, he was not the only one. Though Maria had entered our lives, we saw her seldom. Elisa however was growing increasingly restless with her lot in life.”
2nd May 763
The pair had been searching for any forgotten items in Leone’s room for a long time. Even after it was clear there was nothing left to pack.
“So…”
“This is it. For now, anyway,” Cosma said. He looked up at his friend of eight years. This was the end of their childhood companionship. The next time they met, if they ever did, they would both be men of the world, and never again students in the Master’s house.
It was curious how Cosma held both a desperate desire to go back and live it all again, and yet go forward unchanging forever. Perhaps it was the way of things to constantly yearn for a glorious past or a certain future.
“Yes, this is farewell, for now,” Leone agreed firmly, grasping Cosma’s arm. “But the Master and the Doge both said you would see Rome before long, so perhaps…”
“Yes, perhaps. I thought you were to Bologna first?”
“Father says so, but Grandfather is insistent I study as close to the Vicar of Christ as possible, and that anyway any young man’s education is finished in Rome.”
“I doubt the Master sees it that way.”
Leone smirked, “One benefit I suppose. I need no longer obey him in all things, though I suspect I will always listen to him more than most.”
“He wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Indeed not,” the Master said from the doorway. “Out with you boy, I have a few last words for this penitent preacher before he sacrifices his mind forever to the cloisters.”
Leone scoffed, “I am no monk.”
“Ironic, as you always promoted good habits.”
“I said go boy! This day has little time for your petulance. Out! Out!”
Cosma trudged away, noting absently as he crossed the courtyard that he could only recognise one kitchen boy from when he first arrived at the villa. The rest were long gone, apprenticed or spirited away to who knows where.
“Everyone leaves and everything changes,” he muttered, dipping leaves into the small feature pond at the centre of the courtyard. As he stared at his reflection, distorted by ripples, he sighed. He hadn’t changed so much, had he? Well…yes, he had. His frame was at least a little taller, and by far larger, encased in the muscle of youth and martial training. He could ride for hours, days perhaps without complaint. He could kill vermin with a single arrow, and considering his latest training with Hol, a man many times his weight and size, given a bit of luck. Fortune was something that had changed the most, he thought. Not the body or even the mind, though his had expanded exponentially over the years. He was favoured by the heavens now instead of unlucky. He had lived as a student, scholar and warrior for more years now than he had been a prisoner, and he rarely thought back to that black eternity within the cell. It remained vivid within his dreams, but these too faded with time and age. Many things faded, indeed.
He would miss this place, this time of his life, he realised. The house, the trees, the cook and boys even, loathsome creatures though they were. This valley was his entire world, and whilst that spark of desire for
more, for ownership and dominance, pushed him forwards, he didn’t really want to leave this place behind. It was a state of mind as much as a place, one he knew with quiet melancholy he would never reclaim once discarded. Was it the same, he thought, for those who never left the place of their childhood? Did they see the world constantly as comfortingly safe and reserved? Or did everyone, regardless of circumstance, feel this way at some point? Did the minds of Men develop along the same uniform path as their limbs and other bodily parts? Disease and ill circumstance could affect the latter things of course but for most, they were the same in aspect. Was it so too with the mind and soul?
If, he thought, it was required for people to grow, to change and improve, by leaving their homes and making them anew, then he would not be sad for Leone to leave. It would simply be logical, required even, for it to happen. He just wished he knew that it made sense, beyond what everyone had already said. And it did, to a degree, but yet his heart ached and his head hurt when he thought of it. The only thing worse than Leone leaving, he thought, would be everyone leaving, or perhaps leaving everyone in some way. And in this way, Cosma found himself understanding the true sorrow of death and mourning for the first time. Leone was alive and would continue to live, but the boy he knew would be gone, and not only was that dreadful in and of itself, it served a reminder that one day the rest of him would follow. Everyone he loved would die, for it was the nature of life to end.
He shook himself away from the morbid hole he had dug, and shivered. The sun was warm on his back and the breeze was sweet on his skin. It was a perfect day to climb a tree and watch time go by.
But Leone would be gone.
Cosma sighed and stood. There was no reason not to enjoy the day because his brother in arms was elsewhere being lectured by the Master. It did not matter that it would be for the final time. It didn’t.
As he reached the entrance to the villa, he refused to look back as he ran out to the wild trees and embraced the branches like a lost child.
…
The Padre arrived with Leone’s escort. Cosma watched as his belongings were put away and everyone made ready to leave. Leone came out and greeted the guards, whilst the Master appeared by Cosma’s side.
“He is ready,” he said.
“I hope so.”
Cosma was surprised when a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He resisted the urge to look at the Master, accepting the gesture for whatever it was. Roe was beside herself, checking and re-checking Leone until finally there was nothing more to be patted or brushed. She patted him on the cheek and ambled over to the Master. Cosma was gently pushed forwards by that hand and, very slowly, made his way towards his companion.
Havening attempted to rehearse this moment in his head and found language wanting, Cosma instead rapped himself around Leone’s waist and cried, for in the end he couldn’t think of anything that would demonstrate his feeling any better. His friend seemed to agree, and for a while at least, they simply stood together one last time.
“I have to go now.”
“I know. You must write when you know where you are staying.”
“Of course. Apparently the messengers between the Alpine monasteries and the Cities are fairly swift, so it should not be too long after I arrive that you get something at least.”
“Thank you,” Cosma paused, “for everything else as well. I never knew a better man, or brother.”
“I know of one, at least,” Leone grasped his shoulder, “especially your judgement.”
Cosma shifted guilty, “Leone…”
“I know about Maria,” the other boy said, “Clotilde was conflicted and was afraid to ask the Padre about…well…retribution from above.” He chuckled. “I stand by what I said.”
“But-”
“I would have condemned her.” Leone looked away. “I would have judged them all, and after a time, I would have deeply regretted it. After all my rhetoric and study, the element of Mercy escapes me. It was a…shameful admission of pride and arrogance. I must endeavour to remember it, whether I become a wandering priest or ruling bishop.”
“I regret my decision too…though I am surprised how little sometimes. What if great evil comes of her still?”
“Then it does, if that is her choosing. But her heart, the heart that begged for the lives of her friends over herself, shall not so easily go astray, despite her practices. Who knows? Perhaps this was not just a test of you, but of her. Nowadays, I find I am uncertain when I used to be so sure.”
Cosma nodded. “The Master always said you were too good for the Church.”
Leone laughed, “Perhaps! All the more important that I go to them, and help guide others along a better path. So much of the Faith and the world are uncertain these days. We cannot allow the temptations of one affect the other.”
The Master cleared his throat. Cosma sighed and said his goodbyes.
“This is not the end, my friend. We shall meet again one day in the city of our Fathers.”
“May that day come soon.”
“May Venice see better days to come.” Leone nodded, and got on his horse.
Cosma, Roe and the Master watched as the Padre and Leone rode out of the gate and away down the path. When the horses had begun to fade out of sight, the Master prepared to speak, perhaps to give a lecture on the nature of change and time as Cosma had often received these past few weeks.
Hol’s hasty arrival interrupted in a flurry of dirt and gravel.
Elisa had left the valley.
…
“She’ll be eaten alive,” the Master said, far later in the day after another search had proven fruitless.
Cosma frowned at his lack of tact, but privately agreed. Hol had said that everything pointed to her heading north. Her note of dismal shortness concurred. Before her lay the perilous Alps, after which the wilds of Francia and the heathen lands beyond. Few said it, but the chances of her surviving to find whatever it was that she was looking for before she was eaten or worse were slim. Mario had presently retired from life, dropping exhaustedly into his chair whilst the other men muttered unhappily to each other. It was a tragedy, an outrage. Elisa was well-liked in the village, and many were heartbroken at her flight, especially by her methods. Leavening her poor father and sister with a three sentence epitaph to an assured early grave was awful.
Cosma himself felt a tearing inside his breast that made breathing short and laboured and his eyes water when he stopped moving. The intense heat of the fire matched with the cold of the night air split his body in two. It felt…it felt nothing like losing Leone. He was surprised, and surprised that he was surprised. Elisa was far removed from his companion in his heart, and estimation. Still, he had liked her immensely, and respected her strength and beauty and so much more besides. She had been her sister’s mother, nurse and constant friend all her life, a presence so steady and present, despite occasional outbursts around him, that her removal had made the pair of them collapse. He knew that truthfully, he should be angry, for Clotilde and he supposed Mario also. Tears for Elisa should not be wept. But they all did. They all did.
Hol sighed and spat into the flames. “She is strong and tall. But these lands especially do not care for women of strength. Should she reach my people, perhaps…bah!” He kicked over a stool, apologised to the air, and righted it again.
“Filippo shall send out word,” the Master said quietly, and Cosma started when he realised he meant the Doge, “if any and Company finds her, she will be given space there. But it would not be easy, and she would have to find them.” He coughed and leaned forwards towards the fire. “She is a foolish child looking for an impossible change. I have seen it all before.” He stood, and left the gathering abruptly.
“I think I am understanding your Master better now,” Hol said after a pause.
Cosma looked at him, “Why?”
“You are pained by this girl, yes? She has torn your insides out?”
Cosma shifted and looked away, but nodded slowly.
“He has been torn too. I recognise it now. As have I, as have all who have known such things.”
“What happened to you?” Cosma asked, curious as the Northman was invariably tight-lipped about his past life.
“I was the eighth son of my father, a…how you say? Jarl. Prince, Dux? No matter…he was Jarl and we brothers were his proud warriors. He had many lands and many riches, but to the youngest, we would gain little. A ship perhaps, to find our own way. But the brothers before and after me were unsatisfied by that challenge. They wished to fight yes, but at the head of Men of their own. They were greedy, and talented, and ferocious as we all are, but they were also prideful and lazy. So they fought often, and with siblings, for more and more and more. Eventually, they were placed in the Pit to fight each other for what they believed they deserved. Yet they were treacherous, and demanded I side with one of them. When I refused, they attacked me, and I slew them both. My father had to banish me for kinslaying, but was a good and wise man, and gave me armour and weapons when I should have gone bare. It was all I needed, all I ever asked for. And so I lost my home.”
“Thank you for telling me,” Cosma said, after the tale had ended. “But…is not that similar to Elisa? Is there not hope for her, as there was for you?”
“Ha! She is a fighter true just as I, but I was
moulded, not simply born into the fight. She left her home carelessly, thinking her strength would save her instead of skill. In this life, you need both, as well as luck. Her fate is with the gods, and they shall either punish her direly or reward her greatly, as is the way of these things. But yes, there is hope. There always is.”
The pair lapsed into silence. Cosma’s head was filled with nightmarish images of Hol and Elisa facing wolves, bears, bandits and other horrors entirely alone. Slowly, the sting of betrayal faded, replaced with more worry. He began to pray fervently for Elisa’s deliverance, no matter her crimes. No one should die alone. The darkness flickered around them in tune with the fire, and the night carried through to morning, with no end to the cold within.