• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

TurtleShroom

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  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Europa Universalis IV: Third Rome
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma Pre-order
  • Cities: Skylines - Mass Transit
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Cities: Skylines - Green Cities
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife Pre-Order
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Cities: Skylines - Natural Disasters
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Cities: Skylines
-AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

This is hardly an AAR. It's a fan fiction piece (since this subforum sayss AAR and fan fiction) that I came up with when I was in the shower. I thought it was worth sharing. This is a song parody: you load up the YouTube link and follow the parody words (written below) with the melody.

If this gets positive feedback, I'll make more. If this gets negative feedback, I'm probably dumb enough to make more anyway.

Each song will come with its own old-timey sheet music cover for your enjoyment.

Now then. Let's begin!

TURTLESHROOM PRODUCTIONS
PROUDLY PRESENTS

♫ THE LAMENT OF THE RANDOM NUMBERS
(TO THE TOSS OF THE DICE)

An "Europa Universalis IV" Musical Number

MELODY
{Instrumental}

There goes half my provinces,
There's, another file to clean.
-and all those late night sessions, man
Well now they don't mean a thing.

It's just the same old story
How'd I, lose another game?
It's so easy to sweep
With the stacks that I made
-but thanks to my luck
I guess the zeroes made my foe's day.

Oh!

I used to be on fire,
-but now I'm vassalized!
I lost my good streak
It's time to now delete, yeah!

Tell me what takes to have succes!
-and tell me how this game's supposed to go!

Tell me how it is
That I don't scream
At this game,
Without thinking I lost ev'rything that was good in my life to the toss of the DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!

Tell me what it takes to win this game! Yeah!

Oh, before this battle, I was
F-I-N-E, fine.
-but the foe wiped every man I had
Yet all the stats were on my side!

I spent all of my money,
-and then I've, merce'naires to hire,
-but the battle was deep
In the mountains they sweeped,
'Cause I got a bad roll and the morale said goodbye!

Tell me what takes to have succes!
-and tell me how the game's supposed to go!

Tell me how it is
That I don't scream
At this game,
Without thinking I lost ev'rything that was good in my life to the toss of the DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!

Tell me what it takes to win this game!

{Instrumental}

Tell me why I'm crappy and why I get owned!
Why, why, why?!

Tell me why I'm coming back to play the same!
Tell me why my PC won't uninstall this game!
Tell me I'm addicted to this game and as such,
Tell me why I'm crying yet I start a new gaaaaaaaaaaaame!

Tell me what takes to have succes!
-and tell me how the game's supposed to go!

Tell me how it is
That I don't scream
At this game,
Without thinking I lost ev'rything that was good in my life to the toss of the DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!

Tell me who's to blame for playing more!
'Cause I 'gotta still conquer paradise!
OOOOOOOOHHH!
I still 'gotta paint paradise!

Random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums

Give me one more game!
Give me one more game!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums random sums
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Random sums random sums

Random sums.....................

Of all the musical numbers I made, this is the one I truly relate to the most. I am sure all of you can sympathize with one lost battle ending in your annexation and/or absolute destruction.

Deus Vult,
-TURTLESHROOM

 
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TurtleShroom

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66 Badges
Dec 8, 2013
1.785
493
fanon.clubpenguinwiki.info
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Europa Universalis IV: Third Rome
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma Pre-order
  • Cities: Skylines - Mass Transit
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Cities: Skylines - Green Cities
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife Pre-Order
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Cities: Skylines - Natural Disasters
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Cities: Skylines
In case you missed it, I have now provided a Forum Post Bump to make this page relevant for a second time.