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anti_strunt said:
He's actually a Celebrity Guest-Star! Can YOU guess his real identity, Swedishified almost beyond recognition?? Win 10 points! :p
Based on just the name, my guess would be Steven Seagal. (You have to be Swedish to truly appreciate the beauty of your translation. :p) I don't recognize the quote, though...

This is one of just two AARs that I really follow. Love your style of writing!
 

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Kamelen said:
Based on just the name, my guess would be Steven Seagal. (You have to be Swedish to truly appreciate the beauty of your translation. :p) I don't recognize the quote, though...

This is one of just two AARs that I really follow. Love your style of writing!

Steven Seagal is CORRECT! 10 points for Kamelen!

Next time I'll have to think of something less apperant and something even non-Swedes can discover... :p

And the obvious question: Which is the other AAR? :)
 

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anti_strunt said:
And the obvious question: Which is the other AAR? :)
I developed an addiction for Farquharson's work when reading his Scotland AAR, so I'm currently glued to his Angevin epic. In other words, you're in good company!

(I must confess, though, that my compulsory reading list has increased to three since my last post. I've managed to get stuck to a HoI story, "Home before the leaves fall" by StephenT - which might be regarded as a bit strange, considering that I neither own nor have ever played HoI... :cool: )

Sorry for the OT, but you DID ask, after all... :D
 

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Chapter XV: The Rise of Mecklenburg and Fall of Denmark

On the 11th of February 1503 King Sten I dies, three months after the passing away of his beloved Spanish consort. His last years had seen the rise of the power of the Royal bureaucracy at the expense of the King and the traditional powers of the nobility and clergy. Many looked at their newfound power with jealous eyes and wished to curb it. The King’s death and the ongoing war brought them the opportunity they needed.

For the war against Denmark had bogged down. While the initial stages had seen the rapid Swedish occupation of Sjælland by force under the fairly skilled General Hemming Gadh, there was little hope to capitalize on these successes due to the slow strategic mobility of the armies, unprovoked peasant revolts in Karelia (believed to have been incited by Muscowite agents) and the German surprise attack against Pommern in October 1501.

Though quick Swedish diplomacy had guaranteed the support of England, who sought to protect their holdings in Holstein against Mecklenburg’s expansionism, they invaded and took both Vor- and Hinterpommern in less then a year, and sent large raiding parties into Skåne, Västergötland, and even as far north as Lappland. They hit the dispersed Swedish armies moving towards Norway and scattered them.

In August 1502, the Swedish government decided to accept fact and focus their efforts on Denmark-Norway, grudgingly giving up all their holdings on the German coast to Mecklenburg.


1502.txt

Damn those underhanded Mecklenburgians! But I’ll be back!


The Swedish command used this momentary respite to import new weapons for both their army and navy, but more importantly to prepare for the election of their new King. Though no-one dared mention it in public, many nobles were overjoyed by the news of Sten’s death. For now it was up to them to elect a new King, and they would not make the same mistake twice; this time they would elect one of their own. The war somewhat complicated matters, but eventually all relevant nobles made it to the election without a hitch.





25th of February, 1503

An undisclosed location, somewhere in Sweden. A number of nobles, bigwigs and suchlike are assembled and are making quite a ruckus.

Advisor: Order, to order please. *Sigh*
Olof: Would you all PLEASE SHUT UP?!

The noise abruptly ceases and the nobles take their seats.

Advisor: Alright, you have all made up your minds I hope?
Prominent Noble: That we have, clerk.
Advisor: Eka, since you are apparently the self-proclaimed leader, perhaps you could tell me whom you wish to elect?
Johan Eka: We elect Svante Nilsson Sture.
Advisor: Nilsson? But he is a war-mongering, aristocratic brute!
Johan Eka: Exactly.
Advisor: Oh, I see what you are playing at Johan Eka, but I do not mind. Um, in fact, I WANTED him to be elected all along! Yep.

This rather unexpected declaration causes some murmuring in the crowds.

Lesser Noble, whispering: Sir, what if tells the truth?
Johan Eka: Irrelevant. If that blasted pen-pusher really is so stupid, and the other candidate had been elected, we would have been able to control him, once King, with ease. If on the other hand our favourite candidate-
Lesser Noble: Nilsson.
Johan Eka: Correct. If he’s elected King, he’s too headstrong to be easily controlled by either us or the clerks, but he shares our views and his policies will favour us anyway.
Lesser Noble: Hmm…
Advisor: Very well, do you lot agree with Eka?

The rest of the nobles mumble in agreement. All except for…

Random Noble: I DON’T! I vote for Johann Cicero of Brandenburg!
Advisor: That is not happening. He has been dead for four years.
Random Noble: Oh. Then I vote for Magnus I of Mecklenburg.
Advisor: JUST VOTE FOR NILSSON AND BE DONE WITH IT, YOU TWIT!
Random Noble: If you’re going to be rude, I’ll abstain my vote altogether.

Advisor clutches his fists in silent rage.





Chapter: XVb: The Rise of Mecklenburg and Fall of Denmark

After his election in September 1503, King Svante I (formerly Svante Nilsson Sture) lost no time preparing the army and in the spring of 1503 he felt ready to move against the Danes again. Gotland and Østlandet were captured and much plunder taken, much to the chagrin of the Danish clergy whose complaints thereof went unheard.

Before the end of the year both Bergenshus and Trøndelag were put under siege, supported by mercenaries paid for by generous gifts from the Eka family. Trøndelag fell after less then a month of siege, while Bergenshus held out. The final remains of the Danish-Norwegian army, well led and fighting with desperate vigour made a last ditch attempt to drive the Swedish armies out. It actually won some temporary victories, but by April 1504 Sweden retaliated and shattered it, driving the survivors deep into the Norwegian mountains.

In December the Eka family once again approached the King, offering the services of foreign drill instructors. But the King, valuing independence of action above anything, choose instead to listen to his economic advisors and sent a trading expedition to southern Greenland, were Denmark was unable to maintain control under the rigours of war.

In March 1505, the last Danish stronghold in Bergenshus fell and a ferocious hunt for the Danish King began. In June the Danish monarch, King Hans, was picked up by the patrolling Swedish navy while trying to escape to Iceland. He was brought back to Norway were the Swedish King and harsh peace-negotiations awaited him.

The terms of the peace, ratified as the Treaty of Bergen, were unforgiving. No territory changed hands, but the King of Denmark had to swear eternal fealty to the King of Sweden as his obedient and subservient vassal. The Union of Kalmar had effectively been reversed.




26th of June, 1505

Bergen, the site of the ongoing peace-talks. The King and his staff are seated in his tent.

Guard: Sire! The King of Denmark!
King Svante I: Yes, show him in.

The King of Denmark, obviously shaken, enters together with two adjutants.

King Svante I: Hello there, Mr. King-of-the-Danes. Here is the latest proposal for a peace treaty.

The Danish King takes the scroll from his Swedish counterpart, reads it along with his aides, and recoils with horror.

King Svante I: Are these terms acceptable, then?
Danish advisor, sternly: Sire. We Danes have a saying: Better to be a free beggar then a captured King.
King Svante I: Since you are quite captured now, Mr. Danish King-Whatever, and you too Mr. Royal Flunkey, I take it that you agree to the terms. Otherwise the hobo thing can easily be arranged.
Danish King Hans, weakly: We… we agree…
King Svante I: Good! I knew you would come to your senses eventually. Now get out of my sight.

The Danish King is almost carried away by his aides, completely devastated.

King Svante I: You know, that Danish advisor looked an awful lot like you.
Advisor: If you say so, Sire.


1505a.txt

Diplomatic situation after the Treaty of Bergen.


1505b.txt

The real mystery is how the Danish trading post was burnt down in the first place…





The Union of Kalmar is born again, sort of.
 
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very good updates lately :)

Random Noble: I DON’T! I vote for Johann Cicero of Brandenburg!
Advisor: That is not happening. He has been dead for four years.
Random Noble: Oh. Then I vote for Magnus I of Mecklenburg.
Advisor: JUST VOTE FOR NILSSON AND BE DONE WITH IT, YOU TWIT!
Random Noble: If you’re going to be rude, I’ll abstain my vote altogether
:rofl:
 

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Flame of Udûn said:
very good updates lately :)

It's just a passing trend, I assure you. :p
 

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Just made a few minor edits... but I mostly posted to inform you that another (smallish) update is forthcoming tonight, so stay tuned...
 
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Chapter XVI: Noble Reaction

The more extreme elements of the Swedish aristocracy which had hoped that King Svante I would completely turn back the clock on all the reforms of Sten, were disappointed by his actual accomplishments. For although he distinctively favoured the nobility and sided with them in almost every conflict, he was independent enough to also see the advantages of a moderately powerful mercantile middle-class, both for bringing in great wealth and as a counterweight to the power of the aristocracy in the countless intricate courtly plots and intrigues which ran through his reign.

Of course these machinations could have a considerable impact on the political stability of the realm, but the King willingly trading temporary lapses of instability for long-term consolidation of Royal power by playing the rival factions out against each other. But he played a dangerous game were the security of the Royal throne was occasionally outright threatened.

Examples include the Halland affair of late 1505 were the King chose to support the local nobles against cities attempting to assert their territorial rights. Another is the scandal of Lund, which originated in the King’s refusal to increase noble pensions. When in 1507 a minor outbreak of the plague in Norway prompted a stream of refugees to seek their way to Greenland, he instead decided to grant export licenses for the lucrative walrus tusk trade based there, effectively making Greenland a fief of the Eka family. On the other hand he sided with the merchants in the great Finnish fur-trading scandals of 1510-12.

What time the King didn’t spend intriguing at the court he spent with his troops, preparing them and himself for what he saw as his divinely ordained goal; the expansion of Sweden’s borders through war.

Unfortunately for the King and fortunately for his neighbours, several factors, not just at the court, conspired to make this an impossibility. The complaints from merchants or nobles as soon as one got the slightest advantage over the other were one annoyance, as were outbreaks of plague and the related discontent in the peasantry. Another was the unwillingness of the King’s Danish vassals. In 1509 they undertook a major naval reform which was obviously designed to be a show of Danish independence and infuriate the King.

Against the odds he still successfully established new cantonments and brought the army up to date with the introduction of artillery tactics. In 1514 the King was looking for a prey for Sweden to feed upon, and he found Hannover.


1510.txt

Hannover in 1510, nothing changed between then and 1514. They also owned Friesen before the Spaniards took it.


Hannover had expanded greatly during the 15th century. Under skilled dukes like Friedrich the wise and Heinrich VII they had subjugated much of the northern German plain. They had fought and won against all their neighbours, though their recent loss against Spain suggested that they were past their peak, and greedy empires began to eye their large and rich territories. In 1514 a Danish declaration of war was sent, but all could see King Svante I pulling the strings.

But the German Baltic coast was controlled by Mecklenburg, and they stubbornly refused the Swedish armies access, so they had to board their ships and make the attack from the German Bight. By the summer of 1515 they pillaged Oldenburg, defeating a Hannoverian army sent to destroy them and appeared set on Hannover itself, when disaster struck.

While out personally scouting possible routes of approach over the Weser, the King went missing. His dead and mangled body was located a few days later, on the 30th of September 1515. With the brutal death of Svante I the campaign ran out of steam and peace was made with Hannover over the next few days. Now the main concern of all men in power was to make it home as soon as possible for the election of the next King…





It turned out a bit longer then I had expected. This is also my first piece without any dialogue! Yay?
 

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1st of November, 1515

Aboard the Swedish fleet bound for Västergötland. Advisor and Olof are sitting in the cook-house of the flagship…

Advisor: So King Svante is dead-
Olof: And good riddance, too.
Advisor: Certainly, but it opens up the problem of his successor. If we are not careful the nobles will win the initiative again, and this time you can be sure that they will elect a pure nutcase, or a vegetable.
Olof: True enough. But out here on the sea we’re sitting ducks. The captains and the generals will undoubtedly side with them, seeing as how many of the “officers” are re-instated nobles themselves…
Advisor: We do not really have any options anyway, do we now? So it is a moot point.
Mysterious Voice From Outside: Correction: It’s a moot point because it’s true!
Olof: Wha-?

Johan Eka and related nobles kick in the door and enter, followed by armed guards.

Johan Eka: As you can see, your situation is rather precarious. I take it that you wonder why I am here?
Advisor: Not as suc-
Johan Eka, irate: Yes, yes. We’re here to inform you that Sten Sture the Younger has been elected, unanimously, by the Swedish nobility to become the next King of Sweden.
Advisor: You DO not say. Well, I am glad you took some time out of your busy schedule to inform us lowly clerks of your decision! I am much obliged!
Olof: What if we refuse to accept him? We still have a say in the elections you know.
Johan Eka: That wouldn’t be a very wise move, my bearded friend. The fleet is passing through some rough weather at the moment, and I’m sure few would be surprised and even fewer would grieve if two anonymous clerks were to be washed overboard by a sudden wave, never to be seen again…
Olof: So, you’re threatening us.
Johan Eka: No, I think of it more as “means of persuasion”. Well DUH, of course I’m threatening you, you dimwit!
Advisor, tiredly: We have survived greater threats then some uppity nobles and defeated more worthy enemies then some snotty megalomaniacal Machiavellian-wannabe.
Johan Eka, irate again: You might want to watch your language, or you won’t survive the night! Now DO you accept Sten Sture the younger as your next King?!
Advisor: Yes, yes we do.
Olof, reluctantly: Hmm… yes.
Johan Eka: Hah! So who’s the master conspirator NOW then, huh? Huh?
Sten Sture the Younger: I’m gonna be the King! Oh man, this is so cool! Yeah!





20th of January, 1516

Back in that viper’s nest, the Royal Court, Stockholm.

Advisor: Good morning, you Majesty. Did you sleep well?
Sten Sture the Younger: You betcha! Being a King is just SO awesome!
Adivsor: *Cough* Sire, you are the King now, do you not think…
King Sten II: Oh, right. Sorry. Better?
Advisor: Much, Sire.
Johan Eka: Hello there, Sire! And Mr. Clerk. Already trying to mess with the poor man’s mind, eh?
Advisor, ignoring Eka: So, Sire, this is the Policy Room, were you make up your policies on various issues for us, your trusted and loyal advisors, to carry out to the best of our abilities.
King Sten II: OK, I got it. I wanna start a war.
Advisor: Err, Sire, are you sure that is such a wise move?
King Sten II: Shut UP! I want a war, and I’m the King, so I’ll get one!
Advisor: *Sigh* Well, first you must decide which of the mighty empires bordering us you would like to make enemies with, and if you have a casus belli-
King Sten II: What’s that? It sound weird.
Advisor: It means that we have a legal reason for the war. Manifold are the ways in which a casus belli can be acquired. But-
King Sten II: Sounds boring. Just declare war on someone.
Advisor, desperately: But SIRE-
Johan Eka: Now, now. The King wants a war, and it’s not up to you to question his intricate reasoning. Refusing to carry out a direct Royal order is a pretty serious crime, you know. But for now I’ll be content with just throw you out. GUARDS!

At this the guards in the room brandish their weapons and point their pointy ends in Advisor’s direction, and he is forced out of the room.

Advisor: Alright. I can see when I am not needed, and I clearly see that you have yet to realise that you need me! But I will be-

The large door is slammed shut.





1st of May, 1517

The same door as above, still closed. Advisor and Olof approach carrying a large mailbag between them. They put it down and Advisor knocks on the door.

King Sten II, from behind the door: Yes? What is it?
Advisor (acting Mailman): It is the mail, Sire.

The door opens and the King prances out.

King Sten II: Oh, look who’s here! It’s Mr. I Don’t Want To Declare War Because We Don’t Have A Cassum Bilbo. Not so obstinate anymore, are we?
Advisor (acting Mailman): No, Sire.
King Sten II: Well, that’s what I thought! Now what do you got for me? Bring it on!
Advisor (acting Mailman): Nothing new Sire, just the same as last year. Again a portion of forest has been claimed for farming in some unnamed province. And our merchant presence in Kurland is on the vane again…
King Sten II: Oh, poopie. No news from the war then?
Advisor (acting Mailman): The war, Sire?
King Sten II: Yes, the war.
Advisor (acting Mailman): What war S-

Advisor is cut short by a certain Eka barging into the conversation.

Johan Eka: Hello there diligent civil servant! *Cough* Play along *Cough* I’ll *Cough* explain later *Cough* *Cough* *Choke*
King Sten II: That’s some cold you’ve caught, Johnny.
Johan Eka, frantic: The lack of news is probably because your generals feels it to be redundant to report all their stunning victories, all of course made possible by Your strategic genius, Sire, so why don’t you back to your toy sold-battle plans? Advisor and I have some boring, administrative issues to discuss.
King Sten II: Sure. But promise to tell me if there are any news about the war, OK?

Sten walks back inside, leaving Advisor, Olof and Eka alone.

Johan Eka: My GOD, he’s an excruciating PAIN! I can’t stand it much longer!
Olof: And why is this any concern of ours? I think you got just what you bargained for.
Advisor: And what is this talk of war? Even the mailman knows certain things, and I know that there is no war going on.
Johan Eka, nearly rambling: For all my faults, I’m no idiot. I know we can’t fight and win against Russia or Lithuania at this time, but his Majesty insisted. So in a fit of desperation I let him think that we declared war on someone, and I told the generals to march away and hide the army around Nyköping… But I need your help. The King is an idiot, and you know that as well as I do. The sooner we have to elect a new one the better...
Advisor: Sounds like you are in a bit of a jam, here. How do know that this is not just another of your contorted plots anyway? Well… I am sorry, but we have mail to deliver. Good day.





Who will win this amazing battle of wits?? You can only find out by asking! Or possibly by reading the next instalment. Either one is actually fine with me.
 

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It's far-fetched conspiracies and contrived schemes week here at TKaQoS!

*Crickets chirp*

Hm... No replies in a week...

*More crickets chirp*

Well, there'll be just one more update on the Intrigue theme, and then Gustav Vasa will come around, and he won't have none of that.

*Chirp*

Quiet, you.
 

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So people ARE actually reading my AAR, almost got a bit worried there. :) Thanks a LOT for your support. The last pre-Gustav Vasa update was supposed to come online today, but as always schoolwork got the better of me... :wacko: But it'll be here tomorrow, promise. ;)
 

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  • Europa Universalis IV
Here is one for sure that is reading. And there were another 3,863 views.
Or have you been very busy with clicking this thread?? :D ;)
Great work so far!
We'll have patience...

*waiting impationtly*

well...maybe we don't :mad:
Who cares about school, we want een uppie!! ;) :D

Just kidding of course, school is the most important thing.
right?
 

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Hey, this is your umpteenth reader reporting in! I decided I could handle an extra AAR to follow, so I jumped on this train. Real nice & hilarious! I'm looking forward to Gustav Vasa!

All I'm missing is an explanation of Advisor's and Olof's long life... :rolleyes:
 

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4th of September, 1518

Advisor (still the acting Mailman) runs into the Royal Policy Room, were King Sten II and Johan Eka are occupied playing some extremely important war games involving tiny wooden toy soldiers (since plastic isn’t available for quite some time yet).

Advisor, out of breath: Sire! *Pant* Sire!
King Sten II: What IS it Br- Oh, wait, you’re not Breathless Messenger. What do YOU want?
Advisor: An extremely urgent letter has arrived, addressed directly to you, Sire.
King Sten II, happily: Really? That’s unusual… Who’s it from?

The King takes the letter and breaks the seal without pausing to notice the distinctive tiara and crossed keys…

Advisor: The Pope, Sire.
King Sten II: He’s cool! Let’s see…

From the desk of his most Papal Popeness, the Papist Pope himself, Leo X

To whomever is currently king of that cold, scheming, and religiously insubordinate area somewhere north of Germany.

I am certain that the importance of the recent events in the theological world has not escaped your attention, and that you are as alarmed as We were when We learnt of the seeds of disloyalty and dissatisfaction with currently provided means of soul-saving which have been setting root in Germany as of recently. This however, is not the reason for Us contacting your strategically insignificant kingdom.

Not especially bothersome for Us, but most probably the cause of some discomfort on your royal part, the winds of discord have not only been blowing south, west and east, but northwards as well. The latest evaluations of the Profound Information Ministry of the Pope assesses that somewhere in the region of 99.9% of the credulous population of Sweden and attached vassal and protectorate areas currently embrace the heretical beliefs of Martin Luther, shunning the glory of Our supreme religious leadership.

We naturally advice you to do the only viable thing and crush these disbelievers en-masse like the low-life scum they are, and bring the provinces under your temporary rule back into the fold.

Yours in irrefragable faith, Pope Leo X.

King Sten II: I don’t get it. Who’s this protesting Luther guy?
Advisor: Well, Sire, it seems as though the Mother Church is rent by some internal fractionism, as per usual.
King Sten II, having a light bulb moment: Oh! Like that time some years ago when there were three different Popes, all at the same time?
Advisor, impressed: Why, yes indeed Sire. Although this time the dissenters will apparently not settle merely for some extra Popes excommunicating each other, but rather seek to rid themselves of the authority of the Throne of Saint Peter altogether.
King Sten II: WHAT!? Next you’ll be telling me that they want to get rid of the saints!
Advisor: Well, that is the other thing…
King Sten II: ENOUGH already! Here, take this money I’ve been piling up and seek out that Brother Daniel fellow. I hear he’s pretty good at these things. Go now, and on second though, you go with them Johnny and make sure they don’t squander that gold on some second-rate inquisition.

Advisor and Eka meekly exeunt, but halts outside the doors once they are closed, were Olof is waiting.

Advisor: Alright, what do we make of this, then?
Johan Eka: I really don’t know! My wife’s a protestant…
Advisor: And you?
Johan Eka: I’m rather ambivalent actually. But I do know that with most of our population adhering to this new creed, harsh reprisals isn’t our wisest course of action.
Olof: I agree. Say what you want of this new faith, I know I could, but we can either accept it or face the consequences of not doing so, and currently neither of us is in the mood for consequences, right?

All nod sagely.

Advisor: There is just one hindrance, one minor problem…
Olof and Eka in unison: The King!
Advisor: Correct. And I happen to have a cunning plan. It will take some time to hone the details, but…
Johan Eka: Sounds great! But in the meantime, what’ll we do with the money we just received?
Advisor: Oh, I figure I could spend it on a refinery in Finland to help out the lagging fur trade.


1519.txt

No sooner said then done.





20th of February, 1519

Eka comes bursting into the Royal chambers.

Johan Eka, cheerily: Terrific news, Sire! We’re going to the front!
King Sten II, excited: Really? No fooling?! When can we go?!
Johan Eka: Right away, Sire! Just come along with me…

They walk through the corridors of the Royal Palace, towards one of the corner towers.

King Sten II: Wait a second; we can’t see the front from here! You told me so when I tried to last week!
Johan Eka: True enough, Sire. But still, look out of that window…
King Sten II: *Leans out* Like this? Now what?
Johan Eka: Now you’re going to fly straight to the front, Sire.

Olof and Advisor rush out from their hiding place and all three grab the King.

King Sten II, struggling: No! This isn’t the proper way for a great warrior King to die!
Johan Eka: Good. It should suit you just fine then, shouldn’t it?

With this they heave the King through the window with with combined efforts.





30th of December, 1520

Mora, Dalarna.

Advisor: It took some time, but now we are here again to elect another King.
Olof: Hopefully this one will prove to be of sterner stuff then his latest predecessors…
Advisor: Heh. Yes. On a completely unrelated topic: How did Johan manage? Did he arrive safely?
Olof: Yeah, the ship sailed away in the dark, and in his last letter he tells us that he has made it to Greenland and found his family’s estates without discovery, and they will keep him hidden till the end of time.
Advisor: Good to hear. Too bad he had to leave though; I had started to take a liking to the fellow. But when you need a scapegoat you need a scapegoat. And it SHOULD give us better control of these elections.
Olof: You got that right. You can rest assured that we got this here one in our pocket!
Voice in the Distance: …and thus, brave men of Dalarna, it is obvious that you have to…
Advisor: Who is that? What with the coup and all I am slightly out of the political loop.
Olof: Oh, that’s… Gustav… Vasa-something. I wouldn’t mind him too much if I were you.





1st if January, 1521

Mora, Dalarna, post-election.

Advisor, cheerily: Congratulations on your election, Sire! *Turns to Olof* I should not mind him, huh?
Olof: Hey, don’t blame me. By now you should know better then to take my advice!





How will King Gustav Vasa reply?! This and other questions will be answered in the next exciting episode of TKaQoS!!
 
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