The Kings and Queens of Sweden

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10th of October, 1530

Outside the besieged rebel stronghold of Narvik.

King Gustav Vasa, pacing abou: Where IS that chef with my grouse? I think I have waited as long as any man should, and frankly I’m growing impatient!
Advisor: Actually, Sire, I think we forgot him in Karelia. You were very convincing when explaining the urgency of reaching Narvik, and I believe he had hidden himself at the time of our departure, for some crazy reason.
King Gustav Vasa: Really? Hmm, I guess I could give him another day, but if he hasn’t shown up by then, grouse in hand, he’d better not show up at all! And for the record: I was right about the urgency, our rapid response dissuaded the rest of the north from doing anything but quietly converting.
Advisor: Be that as it may, how fares the siege? Have they surrendered yet?
King Gustav Vasa: Ah, yes. We have actually made several interesting discoveries; it seems that the city is completely deserted save for roughly 10.000 armed insurgents. So I might have been a bit hasty in declaring the entire city stake-fodder.
Advisor: That is very benevolent statement coming from you, Sire.
King Gustav Vasa: Yes… And besides, it would take weeks to bring up enough ammunition to shoot the whole population.

With this said old Vasa turns to a table-full of city maps.

Advisor: … Um… Will you be needing mine and Olof’s assistance in dealing with the rebels at all, Sire?
King Gustav Vasa, without turning around: What? No. This is a job for Daniel, he has much experience in dealing with these matters.
Advisor, quietly: *Sigh* I see. Nothing today either.





Advisor’s Diary, 1530-1532

10th of October
Dear Diary:
It’s official, his Majesty no longer has any need for us except as generic flunkies, and we all know how they end up…

11th of October
Dear Diary.
Now Finnmark has converted too, making Narvik the last Catholic province in the realm. Sure, he has been phenomenally successful everywhere else, but you might think that the King would be at least a LITTLE miffed with D for the Narvik debacle, but nooo…

12th of April, 1531
Dear Diary!
I hear rumours of a scandal at the court! Hopefully it involves D. in some embarrassing way!
Same date.
No, no it didn’t.

1st of December
Dear Diary.
War rages throughout Europe, while we just keep growing more stable. But what do I care anymore?

16th of April, 1532
Dear Diary!
Finally some exciting news; there might be trouble afoot for Sweden and thus for that bastard monk. I’m not quite sure what it is yet, but by piecing together scraps of information from the court it appears to involve our monopoly in Mecklenburg and the uppish nobles from February, as well as the recent Polish peace with Hannover. I’ll try to write more as the situation develops...

You might not notice, but this update is actually an allegorical tale about how patience is its own reward.​

 

[stnylan]

Excellent to see this one is still going strong. Amusing as ever a_s. Please carry on.

 

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Sapphire and Waterguezen in Dutch city of Middleburg (sp?) cheers as the new came though that new update arrived from Sweden!!!

Funny as ever!!!

Keep on going to victory!!

Joe (Sapphire)

 

[Zenek K.]

I can't wait to see how the situation develops...

 

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@Anzu: No AAR is truly complete without someone posting the lyrics for a song in it. Thank you for making my AAR complete.

@Xelzefeyr, Mr Strix, Draco Rexus, SweFrost, Sultan Of Swing, did I forget anyone? Anyhoo, this has been updated, as you can prolly see. And for the new readers among you: Welcome, and Enjoy!

@Sapphire: Feeling a bit schizophrenic?

@stnylan: Welcome back mate, I haven't seen you for a while. Have you had time to catch up with all the latest developments in Sweden yet?

@Zenek K.: Well, the support for this AAR even during my absence has been astounding. Thank you all. As for the development of the situation, I'm working on the next update as we speak.

 

[unmerged(29835)]

Looks like the King's getting too good for his own boots! Bring back incompetent monarchs !

 

[stnylan]

Upto to the present and correct!

 

[unmerged(28944)]

Ah, an update.
Now, what's up and coming for the Swedes? More war and conquest (we can hope, can't we?)

 

[unmerged(12680)]

Some warfare, but not too much conquest unfortunately.
This update could've been completed sooner I suppose, but Midsummers Eve is a pretty big thing here in still pseudo-pagan Sweden. And of course we have (had, for Sweden ) the European Championship...

Anyway, enough babbling, here goes:

 

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One Last Glimpse into Advisor’s Diary (For Now)

17th of April, 1532
Dear Diary:
I write this in a hurry, and must be as brief as possible: It seems that the trouble of which I wrote last time is nothing less then a Polish declaration of war! Apparently the Poles have been seeking to expand their influence (read: Conquests) in northern Germany. Furthermore, our own mercantilist policies have had the effect of making our monopoly in Mecklenburg bad for the business of the burghers of Geldre.
So some big merchants from there came to see the King who, gruffly as ever, told them to sod off. Which they did, after telling him that they might consider looking the obviously free-trade loving King of Poland for protection, was the situation not rectified. He naturally jumped at the opportunity and the current war is the result.
That is the situation as far as I currently know it, and now I must be off.





17th of April, 1532

Outside some chamber in the Royal Palace.

Olof: I’m having my doubts about this. What makes you think that the King will suddenly need us just because we’re at war?
Advisor: Look, there is no telling what he might do without our advice, and what might become of us, so it is imperative that we convince him that he needs us now more then ever!
Olof: And just how will we go about doing that?!
Advisor: Well, for starters we might try convincing ourselves…
Olof: I was afraid of that…
Advisor: Hm…
Olof: … Hmm…
Advisor: All right: Daniel might be a hyper-effective master of accomplishment, but he is an outside contractor paid to convert Catholics, nothing else. His Majesty WILL need our services simply because he will have nowhere else to turn! Now come on, let us do this thing!
Olof: Actually-

But it is too late, Advisor kicks open the door and waltzes in, dragging Olof along with him.

Advisor, supercilious: Well Sire, we are back and-
King Gustav Vasa, again with the not turning around: Back? I wasn’t aware you were gone. Have you two been on a holiday or something? Well, no matter. We have much to do. Olof, grab those maps…





Chapter XVI: An Affair in Geldre

The direct causes for the war between Poland and Sweden were intricate to say the least. But what was indirectly at stake was nothing less then dominance over northwestern Germany.

By 1425, Hannover had been the mightiest power present, dominating the area between the Oder and the North Sea. But their wane had been as quick as their rise, and in 1502 Mecklenburg and the mighty Hansa emerged as the new local power with the conquest of Swedish Pommerania.

With the Swedish assimilation of Denmark, Sweden inherited not only ambitions in Jylland, Schleswig and beyond, but also the unruly enclave of Geldre. There burghers whose main source of income was the manufacture of clothing dominated the local political scene. Under the waning power of the Danish Kings they had had great autonomy to pursue their trade, but King Gustav of Sweden was-

Advisor: Ouch!
King Gustav Vasa, holding a pointy stick: Just a reminder, so you pick your words with care.
Advisor, quietly: *Grumble* Of course, Sire.

-greatly concerned with the welfare of all the citizens of his realm and greatly disliked how small a mark the affluence of Geldre left in the Royal Coffers. So in accordance with the mercantilist tenets of the time he sough to strengthen his control over the cloth trade. This he did by ordering the merchants of Geldre henceforth to sell their goods only to Swedish merchants in Mecklenburg, who would then export them to the rest of Europe. Thus the Swedish merchants were quickly able to monopolize the Baltic market with high-quality clothing.

But the greedy burghers and petty nobles of Geldre went to the King to whine and moan since this arrangement would seriously infringe on their profits. When their complaints fell on deaf ears they turned to threats and stated that they would seek the protection of Zygmunt I of Poland would the King not remedy their situation.

For Poland too, had recently become a major force in northern Germany. They were at the time fighting (and winning) a war against already battered Hannover, and could easily redirect their armies before the Swedish military could react. Now King Gustav committed his one diplomatic blunder-

Advisor, quickly: Ididsay”onlyblunder”Sire, no-one is perfect!
King GV, slightly peeved: Humph. I’ll let it slide for now.

-in believing that they were only bluffing, and would not follow through with their ultimatum.

On the 16th of April, Poland wrapped up the Hannoverian War with a treaty seceding them the city of Oldenburg and fully half of Hannover’s remaining territory. On the 17th, a Polish envoy approached King Gustav with a formal declaration of war. Several days before, the Polish Baltic fleet had weighed anchor in Danzig to try to ambush the Swedish navy were it was anchored outside Sjælland, which would leave Sweden unable to retaliate at all.

The plan did not work however, due to poor coordination between the Polish conteginents, the seamanship of the Swedish squadrons and the skill of the Swedish Admiral Jakob Bagge. But it bough Poland time, and soon a large Polish-Hungarian force moved in to besiege the few forts manned by soldiers still loyal to the Swedish crown.

This sudden strike drove the Swedish military command into a frenzy of development: Plans for new fortresses larger then any before in Scandinavia were drawn up, and new weapons were purchased; several prominent nobles also donated generously for the refurbishment of the fleet with new, dedicated transport ships to carry the fight to the enemy. The diplomatic corps was likewise active making friends with the Austrian-Lithuanian alliance. No military support would be forthcoming since the alliance was already locked in a war with Spain, but it would lend its weight to the coming negotiations of peace.

But the Swedish armies remained on the defensive, and in March 1533 the Polish-Hungarian force broke into the last loyalist bastion, massacring its brave defenders to a man. They were welcomed with fixed feelings by the population since Zygmunt had let his men pillage the province, angered by the lack of military support from the burghers who had invited him in the first place.

In July, Austria signed a peace-treaty with Spain, taking the province of Friesen, adjacent to Geldre. This frightened the headstrong Polish King to the negotiation table, but Sweden had no real interest in taking back the bothersome province and signed it over for a treaty of supposedly everlasting peace.

This was apparently a wakeup call for several German princes who had previously happily partaken in the dismantling of their neighbours. Hessen quietly cancelled their vassalisation to Hungary, while Brandenburg went further and left the alliance altogether, converting to Protestantism in the process. Meanwhile Mecklenburg took advantage of the chaotic situation to annex what remained of Hannover, officially to protect it against further Polish or Swedish (!) aggression.

Political map of the Holy Roman Mess after the Affair in Geldre. Note the size of Hungary.





11th of November, 1533

The Royal Throne Room (we have one?). A bunch of nobles are there to see the King.

Noble: Your most Majestic Majesty, we know that the last war didn’t go all that well, but, ah, we nobles did our part as well as could be asked of us. So…
King Gustav Vasa: No.
Noble: Ah, yes, of course not. But maybe just-
King Gustav Vasa: No.
Noble: Oh. Yes, well of course. Good day then, Sire.

Another diary excerpt, a long history book excerpt and even some tiny bits of dialogue. This update had something for everyone!​

 

[stnylan]

Yes Hungary does seem to have been a bit expansionistic, and decided not to opt for union with Austria I guess. Who's got Franche Comte?

and where is Daniel????

 

[unmerged(12680)]

Hungary and the Union, yes... That's what I was hoping too, but... You'll see what I mean in the next update...

The Other Purple Menace, Auvergne, currently holds Franche Comte. They had some possessions in the Rhineland too, but Hungary relieved them of those.

Moreover, Daniel is, just as Advisor said, an outside contractor hired only to convert heathens and papists. He is currently busy rectifying the Narvik Problem.

 

[Zenek K.]

What size is Poland? If she is the same size as Hungary then you really had problems waging war against them...

 

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Is that Hungary in Prussia? I say take revenge on Poland and annex its port in Danzig after allying with Austria

 

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Things are looking kinda bleak for Vasa and Company in the German territories

I like the idea of taking Danzig off of Poland's hands than moving westward to retake Pommerania.... or moving eastward and taking the old Prussian lands

The eventual goal should be the severe chastisment of Poland

Can't wait for the next update!

 

[unmerged(12680)]

Thanks all for replying to my humble AAR. The next update should have come online today, but I'm having some computer problems so we'll have to see about that (I tell you: If it's not one thing, it's another) . . .

Anyway, revenge against Poland will come, but very soon another event will shift my immediate priorities...

 

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Eagerly awaiting the update

 

[unmerged(12680)]

Eagerly awaiting the update

Hm, yes, it is a teeny bit late, isn't it? The generic "computer problems" I spoke of turned out to be nothing less then a now completely broken monitor... I've been able to post from other computers but my update was trapped in my old monitor-less one. But now I've gotten a brand new, flat, and generally nifty screen, so TOMORROW the update will be complete and online. Trust me.

 

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That would be truly great... 'cos when I saw this one on the top again, I immediately checked in to... well...

(uh oh, this'll be one heck of a pun)

check for an update!

 

[Zenek K.]

Hm, yes, it is a teeny bit late, isn't it? The generic "computer problems" I spoke of turned out to be nothing less then a now completely broken monitor... I've been able to post from other computers but my update was trapped in my old monitor-less one. But now I've gotten a brand new, flat, and generally nifty screen, so TOMORROW the update will be complete and online. Trust me.

Of course, we do.
Everyone who bought a new monitor is happy. You describe it so well and it makes me want one...