A Dreamer's Diary
Diary of Eystein Teiturson I of Iceland, son of Teitur Isleifurson, son of Isleifur, Duke of Iceland, Count of Austisland, Baron of Hrisey, head of House Haukadalur.
1st of January, 1077,
Dear Diary,
writing my full name and titles sucks! It always takes so long. Writing in general takes ages, but Mom says I have to, in both languages. But she is right, I am 8 years old now, and I need to man up and become a real Viking. Arnvid, who usually is in Cairo, came home to mourn with our family over my dad. I hope dad is in a better place now, either in Valhall, or Paradise, or is Valhall in Paradise? Anyway, diary, Arnvid came home to Iceland to tell me that he is appointed regent and helper of the Duke of Iceland, which is, funny enough, me. Now I'm not like... surprised or anything. I always knew one day I'd be. But you now, when you're 8, you don't think about these things. One day, you hit your brother over the head with a wooden sword so that he starts stuttering, the next day you're actually the Duke of Iceland. And that's a huge land! I haven't even seen where it ends yet!
Arnvid said, I have to share the Island with Ulv. Seriously, I don't care that much, because we said, we would continue dad's war (he declared war on some guy in Ireland) of Exclamation or whatever it is so soon I will have another title, Jarl of Breifne. It took grandpa AND dad to make up... Sorry I am not supposed to say make up... to find a justified reason to go to war in Ireland. Actually I heard Torgil, the ginger lollard Fraticello, sorry I am supposed to call him “Court Chaplain,” say that actually, the af Haukaladurs should have a claim on all of Ireland. He didn't understand when I told him even though it sounds alike, it's Iceland that we hold a claim, and not Ireland. I told him we went to war because the Jarl of Breifne exclameted, or exclaimacated or excommunicalated, and only Vikings are allowed to EXCLAIM!!! Actually, exclaiming is a very common practice among us Vikings: We're supposed when we raid, when we ride, and when we wake up, especially when there was much mead involved the night before.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about Arnvid. He came from Cairo here and said he was regent, and then left, calling me a smartass and “Eynstein” - whatever that's supposed to mean – and someone who's able to handle things myself, despite my young age.
It's true, I know a lot of things. I know that if you keep your ships raised by the owners, namely the fishers and merchants, you owe them money. Let's say you owe them 1,2 pieces of gold a month , but you only make 1 piece of gold a month, then you won't have enough to afford hakarl, and all the other nice treats. So that's what I did first, I gave them their ships back so I won't have to pay for it. Mhhhhmmmm, hakarl, me likes!
2nd of January 1077
Dear diary, it was no wonder I pulled that trick with the ships there. People really think I'm smart with numbers. Not that I'm not good fighting with swords and axes and stuff, no worries. But you know what? Grandpa was a real fighter, dad was a real fighter (I think...) and that didn't help them much in gaining back their claim on Ireland. You got to be smart, too! And that's what I am! Many think I am promising, more than dad and grandpa together. I don't know about that. Grandpa always said, that I was good with numbers, but, more than that, a hardworking, steadfast young man in general. Said, this would make a real Viking of me, someone who wouldn't order people around, but lead by example. Combined with my sense of moderation I am supposed do great things!
3rd of January 1077
Today I had a map of Ireland given to me, and our Marshall drew our troops in there. I was quite surprised: How could we lose the war? I didn't see it being possible. It was SO funny: First he wanted to paint a bigger soldier for us and a smaller one for Breifne, so I would know we had more troops. And I was all like “dude, seriously? I know my numbers!”
He looked flabbergasted but proud, I'd say. Called me little Eynstein, too. I don't get it. Anyway, so that's the situation.
19th of February 1077
Dear Diary, I got word back from Arnvid. It's nice hearing from him, he's my regent. Didn't figure out yet what a regent is good for, but what do I care. All these titles, you know. People think they's somebody when they got some titles.
He sent us blueprints of rams and stuff. It looked SOOOOO special, like, a perfect drawing of war machines!! I loved it!!! I like war machines and ships and stuff. Nothing new from the guys in Breifne. I wonder if they got some hakarl down there too? I doubt it. Or if, not as good as the one we had as a treat after lamb-head-soup today.
4th of March 1077
Oh my diary! Great news!! But first, the boring stuff: It was time for us to examine our troop strength. The Marshall is in Ireland, and sent me some reports back. When my chancellor Orm (what a cute name!!) wanted to explain to me what was going on, I was all like “I KNOW ALREADY!” like shouting and stuff. Then I apologized and was really sorry I shouted, but people here don't realize that I'm not 6 anymore. It's just three more years and two hands won't be enough to show how old I am... I'm already practicing to use my toes too, but, darn it, I'm not deft enough for such tricks.
Oh, the good news, dear diary! Even though dad didn't see him anymore, my fourth brother was born! His name, honoring grandpa, is Isleifur! Mom was really happy, but exhausted, and also somehow sad. I'm happy that I have another brother here. Ulv went to Vestisland and has his own court. I was really sad about that, but people here say that's what's happening when people die, and since dad didn't change that law I will not see him as much anymore. That has, by the way, good sides too, since Ulv got stronger than me by now and he knows sooo much about wielding swords and stuff... Together I am sure we can conquer all of Ireland!
Sometimes I am sorry that he went to Austisland, and not Finn. Don't get me wrong, dear diary, I like having Finn here. But the older he gets, the more of a mean fart he becomes. Maybe Isleifur will soften him up a bit. Mom said we're so cute together and she got a painter to do a picture of us. She wants to hang it in the Militia Hall because she's so proud of us, but for whatever reason I heard the chancellor say “real Vikings don't do that”.
Some day in June 1077 can't remember which one cause I'm totally hyper and excited cause today the report of the Marshall came home and we won, and we took Dromahair which is like you know basically the Hrisey of Breifne and like we have our troops there and like the Marshall wrote soon the rest of the province will be ours and then we're going to press for subjugation of their earl – whatever that is AND then I'll be the first of my family to have a Jarldom in Ireland! OH MY GOSH!!!! We, we, we, SO EXCITED!!! We so excited! We're gonna have a ball today!
1st of July 1077
Today is a sad day because my nanny died. I talked with mom, and since she has more to teach me about numbers and stuff she said I don't need a nanny anymore. She'll do that job from now on. Actually she makes me speak Hungarian with her, but I must confess I prefer Icelandic. Don't ask me why. It seems to me, that sometimes dad and grandpa didn't even know how to write “Icelandic” right. So I guess I just want to make up for their shortcoming.
Fall 1077
Dear Diary, I was lazy writing stuff down, but honestly, that much didn't happen. Birthday was nice, I got a fishing rod, a real knife and – believe it or not – a leather helmet!!! Can you imagine that? I love my mommy!!
They're still fighting in Ireland and I get the reports. There are less and less soldiers, but enough to take the holdings, the Marshall said. I am glad, because daddy and grandpa were fighting a lot over their plans there and stuff. It's nice seeing that their plans finally come true. Mom keeps saying it took grandpa and his baubles to bring her here, dad and his depression to make her seek her happiness in accounting (I heard though grandpa learned in his late years to be good at that too) and her sons to make her proud. I'm totally like: Whatever, I just wanna rule Ireland AND Iceland!!
27th of September 1077
Dear Diary, today Orm gave me a whole binder with papers. After looking through them, I realized what they were: Old and lost documents of our ancestors' claim on Tyrconell, the county right north of Breifne. It would be so great to own that stretch of land, too, since it would give us our own harbor on that island!
Diary, I have something to say that I only can tell you, since it makes me really ashamed and stuff. I think that binder and stuff... Wasn't... Like... Real. Don't get me wrong! It looked all real. It was real parchment, real wax, real ink. But the things it said... Somehow it seems like everyone knows we're not rightly claiming that place, but they just go with it so they can make more money, land, mead and stuff.
30th of October 1077
Bah, diary, why! Today was a good and then a really bad day.
First, I got the news from the Marshall. He said, we took Kells and there was only one more holding to take until we could press Breifne into a forced peace with me as their new ruler.
The bad news is: The Jarl (they call him Earl) of Breifne is not exclamated anymore. So our troops basically... Can go home.
Diary I can't tell this to anybody else, but you know what? Our dad was always so down and stuff, nothing really worked the way he wanted to. I think that's his late lesson for me: Son, things sometimes go really awry.
Dad! If you can read this: I won't make your mistakes! Don't you worry! I'll outgrow you! And very soon so, if I may say! And grandpa too, for that matter! Don't you all worry!
31st of October 1077
I decided to leave the troops where they are right now and see if we can attack Tyrconell by surprise. My whole court is against it, they say it looks so savage if we do that. I say: We're darn Vikings. I'm not loud and big enough yet to oppose them correctly, mead drinking, meat eating, greedy being guys... Today Ginger Torgil became my new regent. He said he wants to make especially sure that my spiritual guidance is taken care of. I said I'm a catholic and that's what I want to stay for the rest of my life. His eyes glared at me but he didn't say anything that I could understand, just some mumbling and weird signs with his hands. Strange indeed!
3rd of November 1077
Torgil will not like this, but I for once am quite happy with this. I had to really keep it together, barely could I withhold an irksome smile, when news from my old regent Arnvid came home. Yes, it is time to do something about more efficient church taxes, and I don't care if Torgil likes it or not. I guess this is Arnvid's revenge for not being regent anymore. I can see him honestly, how he is stretching out his tongue, making faces towards Torgil. It's hard to imagine that adult men would plot like this to gain a child's – mine – attention and benevolence.
24th of December
Dear Diary. Merry Christmas to us all. This is the time that we celebrate our redeemer's birthday. And in this castle, I have to say: A lot of people need redemption. Diary, you don't know all the things that go on here, behind my back, and I don't even want to tell you all about it. Today, someone – he or she shall remain unmentioned – brought to me the idea to revoke Vestisland from my brother Ulv.
It was so good to see him though! All the family was there, we 5 brothers:
Ulv has grown, and I have to admit that his direct, overly honest ways sometimes make being around him uncomfortable, but still, he's my brother. Ever since I hit him with that wooden sword, he's stuttering. I am really sorry about that. I heard people say though that he will be an excellent warrior and general one day.
Finn is becoming more and more mean. When he was little, he would make everybody laugh, and he had such a forbearing, nice attitude. He's still very humble and respectful, but at the same time he can be so... harsh.
Oystein is a bit like Wasa-bread: Kind of dry and blank, but you don't want to miss it.
Well, and little Isleifur is the star. He's a cute baby and gets everything he wants... Rotten spoiled!
Today we had such good Ptarmigan with cream sauce and jelly, mhhhmm....
27th of December 1077
It's so good to have a chat with them and be with them, just to play, and run around, and build snow-vikings. Mom says I got way more patient especially with the little ones than before. I know it better, I just plan my revenge from a longer hand, but, well, better she thinks good of me, I'd say.
It's New Years soon, but instead of celebrations, we prepare for war against Tyrone... Sometimes I'm just like: Why can't I play with the others all the time?
Dear Diary
I'm really grumpy at mom. I'm barely 10 years old, and she is already deciding whom I shall marry or not. When I shouted at her I realized: I wasn't talking Islandic, I was talking Hungarian with her! I wonder sometimes, what I am. Icelandic, or Hungarian? How do my brothers see themselves? I would really like to know. It makes me think about conquering Ireland...
What makes you, what you are?
Who gave birth to you?
Where you grew up?
I saw that my little brother was born by my mother, I didn't see the birth, but I saw how big she was first, and later not anymore... What is he? Is he Hungarian because dad wasn't alive when he was born?
9th of March 1080
Dear Diary. I enclosed a map that I got from a merchant from a place to the west, called Vinland. I don't know where it is, it isn't even on the map he gave me. Anyway, I know now where Sweden is, and Norway and Denmark, and Estonia and Lituania and the Holy Roman Empire of German Nations. It is important that I learn about these countries and where they are. The merchant showed me where in Sweden the people are fighting. It makes me think, too: Will there be war when I die? Will my own children one day fight against Ulvs? With real swords?
That would be terrible....
Stay tuned for the war in Ireland – will it finally happen? Will young Eystein – himself quite a little Einstein - gain control of the first Iceland Irish county? Find out in the next episode of the Icelandic Mountains of Madness!
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