Miklos Horthy (I'm going to skip the accents, to save time and my keyboard) sat in his new office, reading "The illustrated book of nations to conquer; for medium sized countries." The office was a Dictator's Home DeluXe from 1933. It came with all the necessities: High ceiling, minimal lighting, high windows with thunderbolts and rain painted on them. It was also equipped with an escape tunnel, in case of defeat, coup d'etat or an assassination.
Horthy pushed the button on his intercom: "Get everyone here, it's the New Year's Day 1936. Time for an assessment on our country!" Miklos thought this was a good idea. After all, many good AARs had started in the same way. Also, it was his idea, so it had to be good. In a few minutes, everybody was there.
Horthy: "Okay, we should begin with the state of our economy. Laszlo Tomor?"
Tomor: "Uh... State of the echoschnomy, yes. Umm... we have factories and, and companies, and er... I guess it's fine, sir."
Horthy: "I don't think I'm entirely convinced. In fact, I think I'm hardly influenced."
Fabinyi: "You're Hungary for more?"
Fabinyi and Horthy laugh and high-five.
Fabinyi: "Since Tomor is Chief of Air Force and I'm the Armaments minister, maybe I could explain."
Horthy: "Fine. You look just like Tomor here, you know."
Tomor and Fabinyi both gasp in insultednesshoodship (yes, it is a word.)
Fabinyi: "I'm pleased to report that we produce 4,8 extra oil EVERY DAY!?
Horhty: "And..."
Fabinyi: "And what?"
Horthy: "Well, the other stuff. You know, coal, steel etc."
Fabinyi: "Uhh, I think I have to go... To the dentist, yes, to the dentist!"
Horthy: "You're not going anywhere before you reveal you secrets!"
Fabinyi: "We cannot provide enough coal, steel or rubber for our might 40-IC industries."
Horthy's steely gaze locks on Fabinyi, who is suddenly starting to sweat and turn pale. Horthy picked up is Star Wars? Darth Vader? Voice Gizmo?.
Horthy (in Vaderish voice): "The emperor is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress."
Fabinyi (mutters under his breath): "How did this one go? 'May the Force be with you.' No, that wasn't it..."
Tomor (whispers to Fabinyi): "We shall double our efforts."
Fabinyi: "We shall double our efforts."
Horthy (in normal voice): "That's a good boy. Have a biscuit!"
Fabinyi catches the biscuit and eats it.
Horthy: "Right. I think everybody knows what we have to do."
Fabinyi: "Grant more funds to private sector to revitalize the economy?"
Horthy: "What kind of talk is that? I meant of course that we should attack somebody. Besides, my doctor tells me that I should vent my anger every now and then, not the let the feelings build up, you know? This brings us to our next subject: the Army."
Gyula Gömbös (Chief of Army): "Well, our pitiful army numbers 9 pathetic infantry divisions, all in Budapest. I don't think they will survive a day in battlefield. It's all so meaningless; we're doomed to fail."
Horthy: "What the hell is that?! Are you some sort of a Pacifistic coward?"
Gyula Gömbös: "No sir, I'm a Mediterranean defeatist."
Horthy looks at Gyula Gömbös with a pitiful look on his face.
Horthy: "That was the Worst. Pun. Ever."
Gyula Gömbös: "You were asking for it."
Horthy: "Onwards. What about the airforce."
Tomor: "Hardly worth mentioning. On a curious point, it has been organised by an English comedy from the future. Something called Monty Python's Flying Circus."
Horthy: "Weird. Since I'm the Chief of Navy, I think we can skip that one. What about our technology? Minister of Intelligence, Wisdom, and General Cleverness, please."
Henneyey (Minister of Intelligence, Wisdom, and General Cleverness): "Well, we are about to achieve a breakthrough in our project for cure of cancer. Also, our project to remove poverty and hunger is well under way.
Horthy: "All very noble, but have you devised any new ways to kill people more efficiently, like phasers or something?"
Henneyey: "No sir, we haven't given much thought to that."
Horthy: "Well scrap those wimpy projects of yours and get me those phasers!"
Henneyey: *Swallowing* "Yes, sir!"
Horthy: "Good. The meeting's adjourned, we will continue tomorrow. I want everyone to make up at least to two excuses for a war. I want them to be innovative, none of that WMDs and axis of evil stuff you brought me last time, right?"
After everybody had left, Horthy took out a pencil and a paper and wrote to a Swedish company...
And here's the update without the funny bits:
Horthy pushed the button on his intercom: "Get everyone here, it's the New Year's Day 1936. Time for an assessment on our country!" Miklos thought this was a good idea. After all, many good AARs had started in the same way. Also, it was his idea, so it had to be good. In a few minutes, everybody was there.
Horthy: "Okay, we should begin with the state of our economy. Laszlo Tomor?"
Tomor: "Uh... State of the echoschnomy, yes. Umm... we have factories and, and companies, and er... I guess it's fine, sir."
Horthy: "I don't think I'm entirely convinced. In fact, I think I'm hardly influenced."
Fabinyi: "You're Hungary for more?"
Fabinyi and Horthy laugh and high-five.
Fabinyi: "Since Tomor is Chief of Air Force and I'm the Armaments minister, maybe I could explain."
Horthy: "Fine. You look just like Tomor here, you know."
Tomor and Fabinyi both gasp in insultednesshoodship (yes, it is a word.)
Fabinyi: "I'm pleased to report that we produce 4,8 extra oil EVERY DAY!?
Horhty: "And..."
Fabinyi: "And what?"
Horthy: "Well, the other stuff. You know, coal, steel etc."
Fabinyi: "Uhh, I think I have to go... To the dentist, yes, to the dentist!"
Horthy: "You're not going anywhere before you reveal you secrets!"
Fabinyi: "We cannot provide enough coal, steel or rubber for our might 40-IC industries."
Horthy's steely gaze locks on Fabinyi, who is suddenly starting to sweat and turn pale. Horthy picked up is Star Wars? Darth Vader? Voice Gizmo?.
Horthy (in Vaderish voice): "The emperor is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress."
Fabinyi (mutters under his breath): "How did this one go? 'May the Force be with you.' No, that wasn't it..."
Tomor (whispers to Fabinyi): "We shall double our efforts."
Fabinyi: "We shall double our efforts."
Horthy (in normal voice): "That's a good boy. Have a biscuit!"
Fabinyi catches the biscuit and eats it.
Horthy: "Right. I think everybody knows what we have to do."
Fabinyi: "Grant more funds to private sector to revitalize the economy?"
Horthy: "What kind of talk is that? I meant of course that we should attack somebody. Besides, my doctor tells me that I should vent my anger every now and then, not the let the feelings build up, you know? This brings us to our next subject: the Army."
Gyula Gömbös (Chief of Army): "Well, our pitiful army numbers 9 pathetic infantry divisions, all in Budapest. I don't think they will survive a day in battlefield. It's all so meaningless; we're doomed to fail."
Horthy: "What the hell is that?! Are you some sort of a Pacifistic coward?"
Gyula Gömbös: "No sir, I'm a Mediterranean defeatist."
Horthy looks at Gyula Gömbös with a pitiful look on his face.
Horthy: "That was the Worst. Pun. Ever."
Gyula Gömbös: "You were asking for it."
Horthy: "Onwards. What about the airforce."
Tomor: "Hardly worth mentioning. On a curious point, it has been organised by an English comedy from the future. Something called Monty Python's Flying Circus."
Horthy: "Weird. Since I'm the Chief of Navy, I think we can skip that one. What about our technology? Minister of Intelligence, Wisdom, and General Cleverness, please."
Henneyey (Minister of Intelligence, Wisdom, and General Cleverness): "Well, we are about to achieve a breakthrough in our project for cure of cancer. Also, our project to remove poverty and hunger is well under way.
Horthy: "All very noble, but have you devised any new ways to kill people more efficiently, like phasers or something?"
Henneyey: "No sir, we haven't given much thought to that."
Horthy: "Well scrap those wimpy projects of yours and get me those phasers!"
Henneyey: *Swallowing* "Yes, sir!"
Horthy: "Good. The meeting's adjourned, we will continue tomorrow. I want everyone to make up at least to two excuses for a war. I want them to be innovative, none of that WMDs and axis of evil stuff you brought me last time, right?"
After everybody had left, Horthy took out a pencil and a paper and wrote to a Swedish company...
And here's the update without the funny bits: