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    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Exterous

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Charlotte walked into the briefing room. His aides and advisors were seated around him.

“How are you all today gentlemen?” he asked cordially.

All he drew were blank stares.

“What? Do I have toilette paper on my shoe?” He looked down. “Where did it go?”

Pierre, his ever faithful Head of Government leaned over and whispered “Why are you wearing a dress sir?”

Charlotte responded in a not so quite voice. “Dress?! It is most certainly not a dress.”

There were muffled laughs around the table.

Pierre continued to try to persuade his Head of State. “Sir, you are wearing make-up.”

But Charlotte dismissed him with a wave of his hand.” All the metro-sexuals are doing it these days. Get with the times!”

Pierre couldn’t take it any longer. “SIR – You are wearing a skirt!”

“Psh, the finest clubs in France are wearing them. Just last week I was at a Brotel Klub and they were all the rage.”

Emile Speller looked confused while Pierre just placed his head in his hands and shook it sadly.

“What is a Brotel?” Emile asked

“Sounds like a type of sausage to me.” Replied Joseph Beck

Nicolas, the head of the airforce tried to clear things up “No, I think you’re thinking of Bratwursts.”

Beck shook his head. “No, it was definitely a Brotel sandwich I was thinking of.”

“No – it was a Bratwursts sandwich. I know because I was with you.”

Beck was about to respond angrily when Pierre stopped them. “It doesn’t matter. He was talking about a Brothel. He got the idea to wear a dress from a brothel.”

Charlotte nodded excitedly. “Yes! That’s it, it was a brothel!”

There was a chorus of “Ohs” around the table followed by “That makes sense.” “Oh, a brothel” “I’m get to wear that tomorrow.” And “I got to get me some brothel”
One of the ministers paused with a start. “Wait a minute.” All the eyes turned to him. “What did I just read?”

Pierre turned to him.” What do you mean?”

“Go back up a few lines and read. Go ahead – I’ll wait...........”

“What about the brothel? I know it wasn’t a sandwich ok?!”

“No, about one of the names silly.”

Charlotte frowned and looked annoyed. “Yes, we all know that Emile was unfortunately named.”

“My parents wanted to have a girl!” cried Emile

“No no – the Jospeh Beck name.”

Charlotte looked constipated now. “Well, I don’t see what’s so special about that.”

“Nothing, except that that is my name too. And my picture!”

Joseph Beck1 looked at it.” Good lord, I never noticed!”

Joseph Beck2 replied “I know – We’ve been working together for 3 years and never realized we were clones!”

Emile stopped crying long enough to look around the table. He froze in shock. “I don’t know about 2 Becks, but the three Pierre Dupong’s are freaking me out!”

Everyone around the table looked at the Dupongs and rand towards the back of the room in fear.

“They’re multiplying!” shouted Charlotte.

“Breeders!” cried Emile.

The two Jospehs looked at each other uncomfortably. They had run to the back of the room as well and so far no one had noticed that they were clones as well. As long as everyone was focused on the Dupongs they might as well play along. “We’re all going to DIE!” they shouted in unison.

The Pierre’s just sighed in unison. Pierre1 stood up and cleared his throat. “Gentlemen, It’s well know that Luxembourg has employed cloning techniques for years to bolster our population.” With such technology, Luxembourg had grown to a country with over 15 people in it over the past 5 years!

screensave1qu9.jpg


All the people huddled in the corner stopped for a second to think about it. Soon there was a jumble of “Oh, I forgot” “Duuuuhhhhh”s and “Oh yeah, I started that project”

Charlotte looked to regain control of the meeting. “Well, with that settled lets get down to business. We need to get this meeting over with – the corset is killing me!”
 

Sharkfreak06

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This should be... interesting... the dialogue kinda put me to sleep to be honest... but it will be very funny watching Luxembourg getting smashed to a pulp by Germany.
 

unmerged(48465)

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You went with LUXEMBOURG? :eek: :confused: That's an.....interesting choice, I must say. I imagine this is a small appetizer before the main course of National China? Good luck to you, I hope to see a world conquest!
 

unmerged(17581)

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Don't forget the two Emilies! :D
 

unmerged(47162)

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:rofl: good luck! after all everyone know that the brothel club is the rave! :p
 

unmerged(44784)

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Yes. We are all waiting for Luxemburg WC. :D
 

Snake IV

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Fun thing, but Luxembourg is kinda screwed. Do you play to fight to you die or have you found a way out.
 

unmerged(20908)

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One can always try to buy a VP from UK or France. :)
 

EviltheMonkey

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<in best Zoidburg voice> Yay! People are paying attention to me!

Good start on this one Exterous. Do your best for the literally tens of Luxembourgois everywhere.

(Note to self: when coming up with silly ideas, remember some people will actually carry them through :D )
 

stnylan

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Very amusing intro.
 

unmerged(60155)

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luxembourg? that who you chose for your new aar? *faints*

getting back on track, if you get smashed to really tiny pieces by germany before 1941, id like to see your nat chi or austria aar
 

GeneralHannibal

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Very funny intfo, will this be an actual AAR or just a comedy thing.
 
Last edited:

Baneslave

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Well... Let's hope you can atleast shoot againts german's when they attack...

But comedy rules over game factor! Let's continue with story, please?

Update?
 

unmerged(60437)

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I think that you'd have more chance of surviving if you played the 1936 scenario. Then you could influence the Nationalist Spain, then declare war on Republicans and offer an alliance to the nationalists.
Sueing for peace could give you some territory in africa that would help you avoid being annexed. After that you'd have significantly more options.
(This is not my idea, I remember reading it some time ago.)

In 1939 you probably don't have enough time to DoW anybody because of the slider settings.

Nevertheless, I'll be looking forward to reading your updates.
 

Snake IV

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tinasõdur said:
I think that you'd have more chance of surviving if you played the 1936 scenario. Then you could influence the Nationalist Spain, then declare war on Republicans and offer an alliance to the nationalists.
Sueing for peace could give you some territory in africa that would help you avoid being annexed. After that you'd have significantly more options.
(This is not my idea, I remember reading it some time ago.)

In 1939 you probably don't have enough time to DoW anybody because of the slider settings.

Nevertheless, I'll be looking forward to reading your updates.
Luck for yo0u it is not your idea as it won't hold. First getting an alliance with Spain won't be the eaiest I belive. Then you won't be able to get the provinces in SPain just like that as it is core Territory, and it doesn't matter as there are no VP provinces of Spainish africa.

Maybe joining the alleis, dowing Belgium, and then aksing for Banana would help.
 

labalag

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Somehow Luxembourgh in HOI reminds me of basketweavers...

Oh well the best of luck to you, try to survive atleast two days when the war breaks out...
 

unmerged(60437)

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Aug 31, 2006
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Snake IV said:
Luck for yo0u it is not your idea as it won't hold. First getting an alliance with Spain won't be the eaiest I belive. Then you won't be able to get the provinces in SPain just like that as it is core Territory, and it doesn't matter as there are no VP provinces of Spainish africa.

Maybe joining the alleis, dowing Belgium, and then aksing for Banana would help.

Actually, i remember it being done, although it was quite some time ago.
And dowing Belgium (or Portugal) might have been the next move.