The Fourth Iconoclasm
Kyiv - April 5
“Suppression of area 4 complete. Eighth and Eleventh Mechanized Battalions are now securing northern and southern flanks.”
“Excellent.” Engelbert von Haynau leaned forward in his chair, watching the progress of his Crusaders as they swept through what remained of Kyiv’s downtown. The city had long been abandoned by both the Russian military and its inhabitants. The nuke that flattened the city on November 2 had eradicated most of downtown and devastated the outer neighborhoods. Even six months later, his troops were at risk of higher risks of cancer exceeding the legal limits; they could be executed if they returned home. Haynau would rather have them die in glorious battle. So he had all doctors except the combat medics killed, reported they had been killed by rebel terrorists, and stalled the process by which new doctors could be assigned.
A necessary sacrifice for the pacification of the eastern districts.
A group of Russian terrorists appeared on one of his screens. They threw down their weapons and raised their hands.
“We surrender! All of us!”
“We won’t resist!”
“We can offer you information on the other cells!”
Haynau wasn’t convinced. “Kill them.”
Without hesitation, his Crusaders opened fire, mowing them down.
“Area 5 secure,” another squad reported in.
“Relics of a forgotten age,” Haynau said to himself, “No longer relevant in Jerusalem’s world and God’s order.”
Drones descended on another neighborhood, and a video screen filled with fireballs as the entire area was scoured clean of any traces of human settlement. Tanks rolled by on another screen, their machine guns firing into storefronts and other buildings to their sides.
One Russian ran out of the building, his arms raised. “Stop firing! We have children in here!”
“Vermin.” Haynau scowled. “Rot like the filth that you are.”
The Crusaders shot him in the head and then fired into the building he came from.
“Area 6 secure. The east is ours.”
With Area 6’s fall, that meant everything east of the Dnipro had been pacified. The only remaining rebels had holed themselves up in Mariinskyi Palace and the old Rada Building. Piece of cake. They would be dealt with shortly.
“Awaiting orders to move in on Mariinskyi Palace.”
“No need,” Haynau said, “Pull back to a safe distance. I am making sure there are no survivors.”
The Crusader commander understood what Haynau meant. “Yes, sir.”
The IFFs on Haynau’s screen withdrew west. Over the next hour, they retreated all the way to the outer districts of downtown. When they were a safe distance away, Haynau contacted his drone operators.
“You are clear for a Purification Order. Target is Mariinskyi Palace and the surrounding area. Leave no survivors.”
The drone operators didn’t need to respond. Haynau didn’t need to know if they received his order, because within five seconds every available drone in the vicinity of Kyiv had changed course to converge on Mariinskyi Palace. The first drones arrived a minute later and fired their entire payload at the 18th century royal residence. Napalm bombs incinerated the wooden facade and warped the glass windows. The blast waves from thermobaric warheads smashed through the reinforced steel and brick foundations before reaching the terrorists inside and tearing them apart. More napalm incinerated what remained. More thermobaric bombs scoured the very frame of the building down to its component materials. And for good measure, chemical warheads dropped afterward ensured nobody left the smouldering crater alive and nobody else would ever return.
“Target has been purified. No friendly casualties sustained.”
“Excellent,” Haynau said, “God’s will be done.”
Berlin - April 7
“Despite the pacification of Kyiv, resistance continues in other cities such as Zhytomyr and Chernihiv,” Haynau reported, “Furthermore, Konstantinov has resurfaced in southern Lithuania, together with the Livonian chancellor Bradziunas. Konstantinov’s army appears to be heading for Lemberg.”
Moria nodded. “That is worrying.”
“I fear that the pacification of Kyiv will not be enough to break the morale of the separatists,” Haynau said, “The separatists’ activities around the southern Dnipro pose a threat to the cohesion of my troops. If they link up with with Konstantinov, it would interrupt our supply lines, if not encircle my entire army.”
“Which would allow the rebels to reassert control over much of Russia without reprisal.”
“I fear that, yes.”
Heinrich had his doubts.
It would be nice if they could do that, but it’s pretty unlikely. We still control Tsarberg and other major cities. The rebels are too disorganized. Even if our Crusaders’ supply lines get cut, there’s still enough firepower to wipe out any rebels foolish enough to directly attack them.
“Well then,” Moria said, “Why don’t we just get rid of the problem at the source?”
“What do you mean?” Heinrich said.
“If the rebels want to retake Russia…then we simply have to eliminate Russia itself.” Moria grinned madly. “You can’t take back Russia if there’s no Russia.”
Haynau also took on that same wicked smile. “I like your thinking, my Regent. A Purification Order on all of Russia.”
“It shouldn’t be too hard, right?” Moria said. “You’ve done it in Vilnius. I can reassign a few of the units from the Purifications of Scandinavia and India to your command as well.”
“I’d appreciate it,” Haynau said, “Of course I can carry out another Purification Order.”
“It isn’t a problem?” Heinrich was alarmed. “Wouldn’t this take away too many troops and materiel from our other fronts?”
“On the contrary, we won’t need to worry about the Russian front any longer,” Haynau said, “Once Russia is reduced to ash and dust, all of our Crusaders there can be reassigned to other fronts.”
“We can then get our revenge against the Persians,” Moria said, “And after that march through its charred remains into China.”
Josiah spoke up. “I don’t believe it’s that simple.”
“How so?”
“We’ll still need some troops to maintain order in Russia. Look at the examples of India and Scandinavia. We’ve withdrawn from the majority of their territory.”
“Because there’s nothing there and we’d only get our Crusaders killed.”
“The same would happen in Russia. We’d lose access to valuable land. Farmland. Forests. Watersheds. All turned into toxic wastes we can’t even use.”
Moria shrugged. “Do we even need to use them?”
“Yes! Our own agricultural and industrial base is being stretched to its limit! We need the input of new resources and land now more than ever!”
“They’re Russian. There’s nothing of value in Russia.”
Josiah pounded the table in frustration. “Goddamnit, Moria, don’t you remember Thierry and Elias’ goals? To heal the world after the party cartel plundered the environment for quick money?! To save the environment, so that our future generations can actually live in a kingdom worthy of Christ’s return? What the hell are we doing, poisoning the entire world now?!”
“You know they would do it to us if they had the chance,” Haynau said.
“Only because we did it first!”
“Are you questioning God’s will?” Moria’s tone grew harsh and cold.
“I’m not,” Josiah said, “I’m providing a second opinion. The party cartel always cancelled those who spoke against them. Don’t stoop to their level, Philemon.”
“Well then…I appreciate your second opinion,” Moria said, “After all, that’s why we have this triumvirate.”
“So what are we going to do?” Heinrich said.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Moria said. “Haynau, you have your orders. Purify Russia of its filth.”
“Wait, no!”
Haynau nodded. “As you wish. By the end of the month, Russia will look just like the surface of the moon.”
He disconnected before Heinrich could say more.
Josiah continued. “I didn’t bring this up earlier, but we barely have the money to carry out a nationwide Purification Order. The economy is in shambles. Production of materiel has stalled. Even if we took materiel from the other fronts, the Purification Order will lack many of the needed resources.”
“Is there a reason we lack the money?” Moria said. “Or the supplies?”
“As I said, the economy is just…not doing well,” Josiah said, “Did you even take a look at my reports?”
“I’m not a numbers guy, Burkard,” Moria said, “The only math I do is making all of our enemies’ numbers become zeros.”
“Basically, we’re running out of workers because we sent most of them off to die. Or they got killed at work thanks to Theodor deregulating everything. And we spent so much on the war that we don’t have enough to pay other expenses.”
“Looks like you haven’t been doing your job, then,” Moria said, “You’re the one who handles our money.”
“More like
you keep undermining my job,” Josiah retorted, “By recklessly spending money and killing our industrial base.”
“It was necessary for the war!” Moria spat. “You just keep holding us back with your ivory tower talk!”
“Gentlemen, let’s put this aside and solve this issue,” Heinrich said, “Assign the blame later.”
Josiah sighed. “Fine. I already have a plan in mind.”
“What is it?” Moria said.
“Nationalization,” Josiah said, “Nationalize all remaining private companies. We already handled Tesla Dynamic. The other companies should have enough money and assets to cover our expenses.”
“That sounds reasonable,” Heinrich said.
“I suppose we could do that,” Moria said, “I’ll roll out a plan.”
‘I’m glad we could all figure something out,” Heinrich said.
Something that’s not downright insane, that is.
Erlangen, Bavaria - April 8
“Subjects of the Holy Regency!” The Home Guardian commander barked through a megaphone. Behind him, Home Guardians got out of their armored APCs. “Your immediate attention, please!”
He stopped to wait a few minutes as the townspeople filed out of their homes or opened their windows. Across town, the other Home Guardians were relaying his messages via loudspeakers. Once he was sure most of the town was at attention, he continued his announcement.
“The blessed Regent Josiah Burkard, in his God-given wisdom, has decreed that all personal jewelry, precious metals, gemstones, and other valuable items worth are hereby confiscated for the treasury. You will be compensated accordingly within several weeks. This is an imperial decree in His Majesty’s name. Noncompliance will be considered treason against His Majesty and God. The punishment is death. Anybody found to be hiding valuables will be charged with theft of God’s property and conscripted into the Holy Crusader Host.”
The townspeople began protesting, but he paid them no mind.
“Additionally, I would like to take this moment to remind you all to make your regular donations to the kingdom of God. It is the duty of all good Christians to financially support God’s representative on Earth. Failure to demonstrate adequate support for God’s representative is failure to demonstrate appropriate worship of God. That will be considered heresy. Cooperate with your local Home Guardians, and do your part for the glory of God!”
The townspeople continued protesting, but the Home Guardians ignored them. They stormed the homes without saying a word to anyone and began systematically scouring them, throwing open cabinets and tossing furniture aside, to search for valuables. If they were found, they were taken. If there weren’t any, the soldiers settled for taking the most fancy looking furniture, dish sets, and paintings they could find. Some townspeople screamed and cried, pleading for the Home Guardians to stop. The only response they received was a rifle butt to the face and a lecture on the virtues of humility and charity.
“As Christ tells us, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,” the commander said, “You should be grateful we are helping you enter God’s kingdom. Money is temporary, but the glory of God is eternal.”
By the end of the day, the APCs had been filled with treasure and quite a few regular bills and coins for good measure. As the sun went down, the Home Guardians left Erlangen with their heavy haul, leaving behind ransacked homes and destitute and bloodied townspeople.
“Good work, men,” the commander said, “God’s temple is blessed with such generosity today.”
Prenzlau, Uckermark - April 9
“ALL GLORY TO THE REGENCY”
“HAIL THEY WHO WALK IN GOD’S FOOTSTEPS”
It happened overnight. On April 9, the townspeople of Prenzlau woke up to posters plastered on almost every available vertical surface. All bore Bible verses and pro-Regency slogans underneath portraits of the three regents, with a heavy focus on Moria’s face. The biggest poster was pinned to the doors of Prenzlau’s church—the same church where Martin Luther had begun the Third Iconoclasm and the Fifty Years’ War four hundred years ago.
As they processed the realization that someone had gone through the entire town and put up the posters overnight without anybody noticing, several APCs rolled into town, and Home Guardians climbed out. Striding through the town square, he stopped in front of the church and held up both a megaphone and a portrait of Moria. “Subjects of the Regency!” His booming voice started both the children and elderly in the gathering crowd. “Take this opportunity to prove your loyalty to the Blessed Regents and the kingdom of God! Once, you all welcomed the faces of equalism, treason, atheism, godlessness, and idolatry into your sacred homes!” He held up a poster of a girl from an old Chinese donghua before tearing it up. “Now repent for your sinful consumerism and shameless worship of foreign idols! Repent by hanging high the visage of your blessed regents!”
Nobody dared move a muscle. They just milled around in place, some nervous but most confused. To get the point across, one Home Guardian fired a burst of gunfire into a wall. There were a few screams, but everybody else just froze in place. The Home Guardians hauled out boxes of framed portrais from the APCs, putting them around the square.
“Furthermore, I hereby announce that the Becoming Family program will be expanded to include all households now,” the commander continued, “All households are now required to house at least one Home Guardian with them at all times. On top of this, the Home Guardians will conduct regular inspections of private homes to ensure compliance with all regulations. Citizens and other imperial subjects demonstrating noncompliance or insufficient loyalty will be charged with treason. The punishment will range from conscription up to death.”
One by one, the townspeople nervously walked forward to take portraits from the crates. Some recoiled at the sight of Moria’s cold face. Unlike his fellow regents, the man had stared directly at the camera with a steely gaze that pierced right into the soul of the beholder.
It was ironic how Prenzlau, the origin of the Third Iconoclasm, was now the first town in Jerusalem to have modern-day icons enforced in all of its households. Or rather it was fitting as other icons of the old world—pictures of celebrities, private shrines to saints or local spirits, portraits of other political figures, even old portraits of Otto the Great himself—were cast into bonfires or smashed and slashed apart by sledgehammers and axes. Eventually, the fear got to the townspeople, and they began carrying out the iconoclasm on their own, with no further prodding from the Home Guardians. Officially this would not be called iconoclasm, for fear of drawing parallels to the Third Iconoclasm. Moria had aimed for this iconoclasm to be temporary and not the point of the whole operation. It was to be a part of Tabula Rasa, to eliminate all of the subversive, treasonous, and heretical influences from the old world that continued to infest Jerusalem. And when all of those influences were eradicated, they could turn to rebuilding all aspects of Jerusalemite society in God’s image. No more soulless concrete abominations dedicated to false equalist gods. No more portraits encouraging worship of mortal emperors like in the pagan days of Caesar and Augustus. No more worship of foreign idols, slaves to consumerism leading the youth astray. No more worship of mortal saints that took away from proper worship. The people of Jerusalem would be put back on the right path—worship of God and God alone.
“Idolator! Iconoclasm!” Some of the Prenzlau townspeople cried out. Not all Jerusalemites had been fully lost to the propaganda of the last nine years. A few could still catch on to what was going on. But it didn’t matter, because as soon as they shouted those words, their heads were shredded by a storm of bullets.
The Ecumenical Patriarchate, Constantinople - April 10
Anatolios’ aide set down another stack of papers on his desk. The old patriarch leaned forward, seeing the page on top was formatted like a letter. He sighed. “Another complaint?”
“Yes, sir. Same thing, too. Interference with church services.”
“What the hell is going on in Berlin?” Anatolios said. “Why are the Home Guardians starting to interfere with us?”
“I don’t know, sir. But the faithful are complaining in large numbers, and they’re too scared to tell Berlin directly.”
Anatolios shook his head. “What has the world come to…”
“If I may ask, how will you respond?”
“I don’t know,” Anatolios said, “The Regency’s putting me in a really tough position. I speak out, and they could even charge me with treason. I wouldn’t put it against them to try. But if I do nothing, more of the flock will suffer. Some might get mad enough and lash out, which would be even worse.”
He looked at the stack of papers. “But this is something I can’t ignore. Christ tells us to be the Good Samaritan. I can’t simply look the other way.”
“So you do have a response in mind?”
Anatolios nodded. “I do. Call up the other patriarchs. Tell them I’m convening a synod.”
---
I can’t find a better name for Mariinskyi Palace so it stays. I can make something up about a tsaritsa having Maria as her first or middle name due to Russians still using some Christian names.
In case anyone points out that Martin Luther didn’t actually pin his 95 Theses to the church doors, I mentioned that in the initial EU4 chapter and I was deliberately vague here.
I’m now going to retcon the Iconoclast Reformation into being called the Third Iconoclasm, historiographically making it the successor to the historical iconoclast controversies in the Byzantine Empire. If I ever rewrite that whole thing, I’ll have the Reformed Iconoclasm and Purist faiths take more from those older iconoclast movements.
Yes, the guy really did destroy a poster of an anime girl.
also funny “foreign idols” pun
