December 25th, 1491
Yay! It's Christmas, and I get to open my present today! Wow, this one's a really BIG present, I wonder what could be inside! It took me six days to open the present because it was so big, but when I finally got it all unwrapped I discovered it was... POLAND! My own country! Just what I always wanted! Now my dreams of uniting the world in peace can finally come true!
I took a tour around Poland to see what I would need to do to prepare for the coming of world peace, and saw my stability at zero, not too bad, a few hundred ducats, not too bad either. I think I'll start by... what's this? Lithuania has asked me to honor my alliance and declare war on the Teutonic Order and Prussia? Checking my relations and alliances, I see that I like Lithuania, and they are vassals! What a great way to start off making world peace: By conquering and vassalizing two more nations! Time to get started right away.
Looking around my country I see hordes of cavalry, and a couple dozen thousands of infantry. Should be enough to take on Prussia and the Teutonic Order and show them that world peace is just around the corner. My men walked over Prussia as if it was a paved sidewalk just making a bridge to the Teutonic Order's Provinces. Prussia happily became a vassal and joined my alliance with Lithuania, and my men laid siege to the Teutonic Order. It wouldn't be easy though... Pskov, Crimea, and Ryazan declared war on the Teutonic Order, but that was just a guise to hinder my efforts at World Peace! I was sieging with 12,000 men, and Pskov, Crimea, and Ryazan, the evil geniuses that they are, flood the Teutonic Order with 50,000 cavalry!! Winter set in and my men starved to death!
Fortunately, their efforts were to no avail, and I was eventually able to successfully siege and vassalinze the Teutonic Order. Lithuania, Crimea, Pskov, Muscowy, Denmark and Sweden all proceeded to pummel the Teutonic Order now. I didn't see it in the best interest of world peace to stop them at this time. I DID inform them all that the Teutonic Order is now my vassal and that I didn't appreciate them beating up on it like that, and forunately, they slowly stopped.
Except for Lithuania. No matter how many messengers I sent to Lithuania to inform them that I want to induct the Teutonic Order into our alliance, and that Lithuania is kind of hindering that, they just ignored me. The war went on for about 14 years, with nobody really doing anything, but eventually a peace agreement was... agreed upon, and the Teutonic Order was inducted into my alliance.
Meanwhile I decided to look for other countries whom I could show the path of world peace to, and saw I had a casus belli against Pommern, they looked like prime candidates to show that world peace is a good way of life. A quick check of their allies showed they had too many for me, including Holstein, Bremen, Mecklenburg, and Brandenburg. I had a royal marraige with Brandenburg, and I liked them, so a war with them simply would not do. I would have to wait and look for another opportunity to spread world peace.
In the meantime, I decided to work on my economy. For some reason, I had quite a bit of money. Much more than I had anticipated, so I put tax collectors in all my provinces, and ran a campaign promoting Free Trade... just to get more money. inflation was looking okay at 3%, and was looking even better when I had "A Good Year" or something, which totally eliminated my inflation and gave me some ducats.
It was a happy time for all except Brandenburg. They had been in a war with Bohemia and Hungary, and it really looked like things were going Brandenburg's way. But suddenly I noticed Hungary had twenty thousand troops in Brandenburg's capital and was laying siege to it! This was not world peace-like!! I was infuriated! I like Hungary and all, but I like Brandenburg also, so I could not let this happen! A quick check of Hungary's alliances and I see that Bohemia and Austria are teamed up with them. Hmm... I like Austria even more than the other three, so I don't want no quarrel with them, but maybe they can be reasoned with.
I sent some messengers to Austria, informing them what is going on in Brandenburg and that I would like to interfere to break it up. Austria quite bluntly said they thought Brandonburg deserved their punishment, and that I should stay away, so I obliged. Fortunately, Brandenburg was able to negotiate peace before losing anything serious, and I heard Muscowy helped them out monetarily. I was going to help them myself, but then I realized I had just enough money to build a Fine Arts Acadamy. I had noticed before that I was behind in all technology, had weak armies, and bad economy. So... since we are failing in everything else, we might as well be artists! I put the construction of the Fine Art Acadamy into motion.
Brandenburg apparantly noticed during their little fiasco with Hungary that his "allies" up in the north were worthless, and contributed nothing to world peace, and he left his alliance. I had seen how well they negotiated peace with Bohemia and Hungary, so I decided he would be a good candidate for my alliance and quickly made an offer to them. They accepted, and we began plotting how we would make Pommern and their allies see the light and join our cause. We agreed I would take Pommern under my wing, and Brandenburg could do as they please with the other countires, and I declared war on Pommern, starting their path to world peace.
Remember the "failing in everything else" I mentioned earlier? Well that really came to light here as my legions of troops were massacred by the brave, lone soldier guarding Pommern... and his 11,999 friends. While Brandenburg quickly snapped up all his targets, Pommern continued to rebuke myself, AND Lithuania, but we eventually wore them down, and began sieging their province. Meanwhile, Brandenburg was already sieging their other province.
Suddenly, the Ottoman Empire disappeared from the earth! But that was just a sign of things to come, as suddenly the giant words "Connection Lost" appeared in the sky, and the world came to an end!
This was my semi-accurate interpretation of what occured between January 1st, 1492, and February 11th, 1511
Hope you enjoyed it. This was my very first attempt at an AAR. Also, I have never played Poland, so it is my very first attempt at Poland. Also, I have never played a serious, long multiplayer game, so it is my first attempt at that as well! Wow... Lots of first times for me here. Anyway, feel free to give me feedback on if i'm boring, stupid, funny, make bad strategical choices, etc. Also, I'm open to advice on what I should do next (Stab somebody in the back, switch religions to Muslim, or whatever)
I don't have spell check, in case I made many blatant spelling errors. Especially Brandenburg. I noticed when I was almost done that I had been spelling it wrong (Brandonburg) the whole time, hehehe. I tried to change them all, but I probably missed some.
I love you all! Thank you very much!
Lorak