• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

dhomas

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To answer your question...


June 11, 1946


Savage: It is done! Finally, the Axis powers are eliminated!



No thanks to China though… what a useless Puppet! I should have annexed them straight away, hrm.

Freyberg: Truly incredible! So, tell me, aren't you going to press the button? The one button that would end the Second World War? The button that would bring all of us peace and happiness?



A cold light is glimmering in Savage's eyes.

Savage: Actually...... no. Peace? We don't want that, now do we Freyberg?

Freyberg: I'm not sure I understand -

Savage: I will not annex Germany for now. I will not end this war, and we will not go back to peace time. Just imagine what would happen?

Freyberg: Well -

Savage: UK would take all the credit for "winning"! The Frenchies would want their country back! We can't have that, now can we Freyberg?

Freyberg: Uhm -

Savage: I trust it will all make sense to you very soon. Oh yes, I will annex Germany and end the war. Let's just say we have some.... preparations to make. Freyberg, you and I. Trust me, it will be worth the wait. We've conquered the Soviet Union and Germany, but next time, we will really and literally conquer - THE WORLD! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


.

 

dhomas

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THE GREAT KIWI ROADTRIP
Chapter 9: So long, and thanks for all the Tea!


August 2, 1946

A lot has happened in the last two months. The army has been reorganized and the navy is swarming out to sea.





Freyberg: Wellington, Genoa, Palermo, Acapulco. What is this madness?

Madness indeed - all over the world, NZ taskforces are observed in what seems to be erratic movements.







Freyberg: Persia, France, Dutch East Indies. Just what are you planning?


------------------------


Freyberg: And - what the hell! You sent all of our allies' expeditionary troops to PUERTO RICO?



Savage: Exactly :D

Freyberg: WHY!!!???

Savage: Preparations... more preparations. Don't worry Freyberg, it will all make sense to you in just a little more time! Muhahaha!


----------------------


Dear readers and friends, at long last - this is my last savegame! From now on, I will report as I play. So have a seat in the first row, as you will watch New Zealand conquering THE WORLD!!!! MUHAHAHAHA!

Savage: Hey that's my part! :angry:
 

Capt. Kiwi

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Time for the final stab in the back, then? Maroon them all on a desert island? Leaving a little note - Merry Christmas, from Savage XOXO
 

dhomas

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Time for the final stab in the back, then? Maroon them all on a desert island? Leaving a little note - Merry Christmas, from Savage XOXO
It's especially funny because Germany has set up a convoy raiding force in the atlantic, so they actually sunk some French and Aussie divisions which I was transporting :D
 

dhomas

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October 27, 1946


Everything is in place, and -

Savage: *CLICK* *CLICK* *CLICK* HA-HA!







Savage: MUHAHA OZZIES! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUHN! Shock and awe! :D

Freyberg: Not really... I can't really say this was surprising...

Savage: Aww :( You're such a spoilsport!

Carr: Aww LOL :(


------------------------


Savage: Wow, that's a lot of messages!



Savage: Well, what do you know. OF COURSE we can't control an Australian expedition after we've declared war on them! Good thing they're all in Puerto Rico where they can do no further harm. :D


----------------------------


Savage: Now Freyberg, while I sort through all these ridiculous messages, how about you update our readers on our ingenious plan!

Freyberg: Right away. Now, first of all consider that we are starting a war with UK, France, Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, South Africa, Australia and Persia. Surely they might have around 200 divisions, but the problem is that they are distributed around the entire globe, and that we are sharing huge land borders. So this is definitely a problem.

Freyberg: Our largest border and greatest problem lies in Central Asia, where UK has ridden on the back of our invasion and taken a lot of territory which was rightfully ours. So we definitely need to contain their expansion here.



Freyberg: To this end I've set up a chokepoint in northern Persia. I've sent 30 divisions to infiltrate this territory - the Brits won't see it coming! After declaring war, the mountains will switch to our control and BAM - the enemy is trapped! The position should be defensible and everything north of here will be cut off from supplies! This is our main army group, and it is here where we will bear the brunt of their assault. With our CAS fleet stationed nearby, the British won't be able to dislodge us from the mountains. Ever.



Freyberg: But won't they get suspicious, with 30 divisions just hanging out in their backyard?

Savage: No, because they're stupid! :D

Carr: LOL


---------------------------


Freyberg: Moving on. As our defenders in Asia are buying time, a taskforce of 23 divisions will address the second most immediate threat: Canada.



Freyberg: They will attack our North American holdings, which are our industrial backbone and we cannot afford to lose. So we will deal with them as quickly as possible. We don't expect heavy resistance, but it will be necessary to have most of our long-range TAC bombers sweep the continent 24/7. We don't want any setbacks or delays in conquering this huge territory.


--------------------------


Freyberg: Finally, our province of Siam borders British India. It is expected that they will push into here as well. Unfortunately we cannot spare any more troops, so South East Asia will be sacrificed to the Brits... for now. In any case, this is the smallest of our territories and their invasion will eventually be checked by the Chinese.




--------------------------


Savage: Very nice Freyberg! Brief me on the condition of our troops, will you.

Freyberg: Very well. You have seen our army - this is all we have. Although I should mention, we do have a rather large reserve in Wellington - they have been bought from our ex. allies. We'll probably have to disband half of them to get the rest to full strength. Anyway, I expect them to be ready for action in about year's time.




Freyberg: Concerning the airforce, we are definitely superior with 32 CAS, 38 TAC and 32 FTR. We can bomb 3 different theaters 24/7 - all with the newest technology.

Carr: Turbojet WHOOOOOOOOOOO!

Freyberg: And finally, concerning the Navy - US, Japanese, German and Italian Navy is gone. UK has lost all of their capital ships against Germany in the last couple of years, so only a couple of cruisers from UK, Canada and Australia remain.

Savage: That's right - and since they were our good allies, they didn't mind selling them to us :D



Freyberg: WTF :eek:

Savage: That's right - New Zealand is now the mightiest navy on the planet! Muhaha! Although we should definitely consider renaming the flagship...

Freyberg: That's it - the battle can begin! ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!
 

Antonine

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This is the dumbest best thing ever
1. I think it's hilarious and so do many other people.
2. If you've got nothing better to do than necromance a thread that was last posted in 9 months ago then you really, really, really need to try getting a life.
 

dhomas

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Wow, I had some trouble with this crazy Paradox account so I gave it up.... but it seems to work now.
I still have those savegames... you want to read the rest of the report?
 

Capt. Kiwi

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Of course.