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Monnikje

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The Governator
A 'Hearts of Iron 3' Germany AAR

00intro.png


Welcome to this Germany AAR, played in Hearts of Iron 3: Semper Fi 2.04d, with the Combined Weapons of WW2 mod. I wrote it as an entry to the Writing with the StAARs competition. In a way this is the stand-alone sequel to my 'Westphalia Alert' AAR, which can be read over here, here and here, although reading that one isn't required.

I'm new to the Hearts of Iron series. I never played part 1 or 2, and didn't try out 3 till I decided to make an entry for this competition, somewhere last month. It took me a while to learn the game, and I'm still absolutely no master. Far from it. Being a brand new n00b to the series, I decided to start with an 'easy' country: Germany. How wrong I was... I made two attempts to bring glory to the Germans, but failed each time:

In my first attempt I build a very strong industry, surpassing even the United States. I postponed the war, since after I had industrialized so much, I still needed to raise an army. But before I was ready, the United Kingdom and their allies declared war on me. Poland immediately took the opportunity and invaded, crushed my army and conquered entire Germany. I lost.

In my second attempt I build a strong army form the start. Knowing that in January 1940 the United Kingdom would declare war anyway, I took the initiative and crushed the Poles under my mighty war boots. Ha, that would teach them! I was very successful in the east, and decided to go for the Balkan region. I quickly moved through Romania and Bulgaria, but in Greece everything bogged down. I was stupid enough to take armours into the mountains, and my entire army got stuck there. In the meantime the Maginot Line was holding. But with my army stuck in Greece, Luxembourg decided it was time to rise and invaded. Their armies thundered across the German landscape and before I could even blink they conquered all. I lost.

Now there is just enough time left for one more attempt before the deadline of the contest strikes, even if that means I'll have to post two chapters a day (which I'll only do for the first ten chapters: the minimum requierment for the competition). You might say: 'Oh no, not another Germany AAR! There are already so many of them.' I know, it's not an original country. But since I'm so bad, I can guarantee you that this will be a totally different experience from most AARs. Instead of setting out to conquer the world twice over in half the time it took the Allies to plan D-Day, my goal is very simple: survival. Of course I'll need to conquer something - what kind of Germany would I be if I didn't do that? - but if I can make peace with the Allies, I'd gladly do that. Operation Barbarossa is something that will only cross my mind if, by some sheer luck, I end up with a super army who'll crush the UK and France by teatime and eat Stalin's Organs for breakfast. Mmmm tasty Stalin's Organs... More realisticly I'll be crushed by an enraged Albania or nuked by an overzealous Honduras.

For this attempt, I started to read some strategy guides. Using them, and my experience from the previous two attempts, I'll try to make the best of it, starting in the 1936 scenario. Maybe I'll use some gamey tactics. But hey, if I can survive to another chapter due to that, then it's in some weird way justified. I start the game at 'normal' difficulty, which is most probably my first mistake of many more to come. You may call me a n00b for each time I screw up. I hope that you will like my attempt to bring total destruction... Uhm... I mean... glory... Yes, definitely glory... to Germany, and like my writing.

Without any further ado, I give you the table of contents:
Chapter 1: The Arrival
Chapter 2: 1936
Chapter 3: 1937
Chapter 4: 1938
Chapter 5: 1939
Chapter 6: War!
Chapter 7: The Baltics
Chapter 8: Scandinavia
Chapter 9: Iceland
Chapter 10: France
 
Last edited:

Monnikje

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01intro.png


Obersalzberg, 31 December 1935

It was getting dark. One of the guards had flipped the light on, so Hitler could continue to work in his study. There was much to be done. Earlier this year he had started the rearmament, breaking the Versailles Treaty. No-one laid anything in his way: the road to expansion was once again open for Germany. But how to proceed? The coming year would be crucial for the German course in history. Suddenly the light bulb started to flicker. He looked up from the papers on his desk. Just as he was about to call the guards to ask what's going on, he saw strange blue lightning flashing through the room. A few books caught fire, the light bulb exploded. Some strange wind blew his papers away. Suddenly a man-sized blue egg appeared. Stunned the führer awed at this marvellous sight. The shell quickly dissolved in flames, revealing a naked man. His body was perfectly shaped: not even the finest athletes possessed such muscles...


01a.png

A strange man arrives in Hitler's study.

As the man rose, two guards rushed in.

Guard 1: Herr führer, are you... Oh no, not another one! I'm getting sick of these time travellers!
Guard 2: What the... No, wait, Jürgen, what are you doing? Don't shoot him - he's naked and unarmed! We could capture and interrogate him. Stop it! No, you...
Jürgen: What have you done? Now the bullet just scraped his head. Those time travellers are sneaky. Even naked they can be very dangerous! You're fairly new, while I've been battling them at herr führer's doorstep for years now. Look! He's using his water canon to extinguish the fire. Who knows what he'll do next with it.
Guard 2: ...
Hitler: Shut up, both of you. Now, who are you and why did you came here, interrupting my New Year's Eve study?
Naked man: I'm... I'm not sure. That bullet must have hit a vital microchip. I know that I'm a cybernetic organism from the future to help someone govern their country through the coming years, bringing them to great power.
Hitler: Then you must have been send to help my Germany.
Naked man: Looking at my arrival spot there's a 83 percent probability that's correct. I'll switch to the German program then, and help you govern Germany's power and conquer Europe. Therefore you can call me... The Governator.
Hitler: And why would I listen to you?
Governator: Because my perfectly shaped muscles say so. And because I'm Austrian too. Can't you hear my outrageous accent?
Jürgen: Don't trust him! You can't trust a man who... Wait... Did he just poop out a capsule containing clothes?
Hitler: Actually, this Governator has made two valid points. My fellow Austrian, please enlighten me on how I should I proceed the coming year.

After the Governator had put on his clothes, Hitler took him to another room - one which wasn't ruined by the hot entrance his guest had made.

Governator: Before we can proceed to plan the future, we should have a look at the current situation of Germany. Let's start with your intelligence.
Hitler: Ah, yes, my pride. I've send spies all across the globe and established a vast network.
Governator: It's crap.
Hitler: I'm sorry?
Governator: It's totally crap.
Hitler: How dare you? You... you...
Governator: Listen to my muscles! They say it's so much crap, I could poop it out like I did with my clothes. You must immediately stop sending reinforcements across your borders, and tell the spies who are currently there to focus on counter-espionage. Before we do anything else, we must first terminate all foreign spies, especially the ones in our own country. Then we can do the good stuff.
Hitler: That makes sense in way. But why not send any reinforcements?
Governator: I'll get back on that. Just do it noooow.


All spies across the globe were told to terminate the local spy networks, while they would receive no reinforcements for now.

Governator: The next thing to do is change some laws.
Hitler: But we don't have enough money to put new laws into effect!
Governator: Then we'll do that later this year. But at least we need to change some of your cabinet members. Werner von Blomberg should be terminated and replaced by Hjalmar Schacht. He has some pretty good ideas on how to raise the German industrial capacity. Also, give herr Frick a new job: he can do so much more as head of Intelligence than as minister of security. And finally, Goebbels should do that security job.
Hitler: I'm not sure if I can trust Wilhelm Frick as head of Intelligence. What intelligent remarks can he make, after all?
Herr Frick: If I play your speeches on a gramophone at double speed, you sound like Donald Duck.
Hitler: I'm not... Wait, where did you come from?
Herr Frick: No-one expects the German Gestapo!


The new cabinet will lead Germany to glory.

Governator: Let's get back to business. We should next review the research projects assigned to your scientist. But first, let's assign the leadership you have available.
Hitler: My leadership is impeccable!
Governator: That might be so, but still it's limited. You should invest 4 in espionage, to train a lot of spies. Also, you should invest 4.8 in diplomacy: we'll need that 4 for some diplomatic projects I'll get back to, and the rest will be needed to train new and young diplomats.
Hitler: You spoke about research...
Governator: Yes: we start with 17 points in leadership: as your leadership grows over time, we will raise it with whole points along the road. And the rest will go into officer training.
Hitler: That's not much.
Governator: Well, you can't have everything. But now that we've assigned 17 points to research, we can do 17 projects at the same time. It is very important to focus on certain aspects and specialise in them, instead of widening our view.
Herr Frick: That's what I was about to say. My dazzling brilliance is obviously rubbing off on you.
Hitler: Are you still here? Go! And do some... Intelligent intelligence stuff.
Governator: Do you have any research requests?
Hitler: Well, I'd like to fly very fast to England and blow the entire island up.
Governator: That means a focus on nuclear research and rocket engines... Theorising about them should help as well, but we shouldn't ponder on anything else. For the rocket science you'll need some test sites first: we'll get back to that as soon as possible. Also you should invest as much as possible in education and computing in every kind of way, both mechanical and electronical. And please, make some effort with industrial production and efficiency.
Herr Frick: You've assigned seven projects yet: what do you want to do with the other ten?
Hitler: Why are you still here? Guards!
Jürgen: Yes?
Hitler: Why is this man still here?
Jürgen: Because he's no time traveller, herr führer.
Hitler: *sight*
Governator: Herr Frick did raise an interesting question. The other ten projects need to be dedicated to military and doctrine projects. At this point we should already decide what kind of army we need, since focussing will bring us more benefit than spreading out our resources. First the armours. There are four types: light, normal, heavy and super heavy. That last category is totally impractical and not worth the research. Light is very fast, but also weak. Heavy has not that much of a benefit over normal, so it should be clear: we need to focus our research on normal armour, and assigning four research projects to that is a testimony to our dedication towards this type of warfare.
Hitler: I like the smell of armour in the morning.
Governator: You'll also need good infantry, and more importantly, you'll need paratroopers. For now we'll invest 4 research projects into infantry, so we can gain access to paratroopers. But we won't research ahead of time yet. We'll share the research in this with our investments in naval technology. For our navy we want to focus on fleets made of battleships and destroyers, since they share the same doctrines together.
Hitler: Why would we need a big fleet?
Governator: To crush, or at least hold a bay, the Royal navy when our troops make a landing in England, of course.
Hitler: Ah, yes! Conquest of England... Ow yes, I like that. But wait, you spoke of doctrines: there are still two available technology slots.
Governator: We'll use them to improve our spearhead doctrines. This is the most important, since armours and blitzkrieg will be our strength. But we shouldn't neglect other doctrines, like the ones for our fleet, as well. We'll do that later on.


Seventeen different research projects have been assigned, and the future of the army has been planned as well.

Governator: Now we'll have a look at the production and industrial capacity.
Hitler: I'm proud to say that Germany is one of the leading industrial countries in the world.
Governator: It's not enough.
Hitler: Excuse me?
Governator: It's not enough.
Hitler: You already said that. Why?
Governator: Once the world has gone to war, you'll need every drop of industrial juice you can get. So for the coming two years, you'll need to dedicate 80% of your production Industrial Capacity, IC, to building more factories. In our case, we need to start building factories on 20 different places: with due time this will increase.
Hitler: Alright, but what to build with the other 20% left? Should I already start with training some infantry? We'll obviously need a lot of them.
Governator: Negative. We shouldn't train any land units before the new laws are enacted in a few months. Even better, we should hold off on units for the entire year, and invest all in increasing our industry and rocket sites. After that we should train one unit of infantry: more if we've got IC to spare. Building armour should only start once we can make medium sized ones. For now we should concentrate on building a rocket test site, which will help our rocket science enormously, and ships and aircrafts. Especially those battleships take a very long time to complete, but we shouldn't start building them before our technology in that field has advanced well enough.
Hitler: It's a good thing the warves were already building some ships.
Governator: Yes, indeed. But for our rocket test site we nibbled some IC from our upgrade potential, so once those ships are done, our free IC should go there. After that we'll focus on more ships and aircrafts.
Hitler: You haven't told me yet which aircraft you'd prefer to build.
Governator: At least a few transport planes, to bring our future paratroopers to key locations, and a lot of interceptors to intercept bombers from the enemy. Multi-role fighters are also very good for bombing runs, while sharing their technologies with the interceptors. But they are not our top priority. We'll build them later on, if we ever get to that point.


Even tough my upgrade capability is lacking at the moment, I invest much in production and should catch up pretty fast.

Governator: Finally we come to diplomacy. Remember that 4 points of leadership I needed you to invest daily? They are needed to influence two countries at the time. We should start with the US, which will take all our effort, and also focus on Japan for the beginning. Once they are under our wings, we can focus on influencing other countries towards the Axis.
Hitler: Great, so we'll get more allies.
Governator: Negative: we pull them away from the Allies.
Hitler: Arrr, stop it, before my head explodes.
Jürgen: Your head explodes? That traitorous time traveller! Can I kill him now?
Hitler: No, let him finish: I need to know what he wants with the other points we invested in diplomacy.
Governator: We'll use them to establish trade routes. We want to buy all our metals and rare materials from the USSR, but first we need to establish a good relation with them: the better our relation, the lower the price we'll have to pay will be. We'll establish that by sending them every week a trade proposal to buy 1 unit of metal at a time. After a while our relation will be pretty high, and we can buy cheap metal and rare materials.
Hitler: Pretty clever! I'm sure I taught you that in the future.
Governator: Negative, since you'll be dead in the future. But don't worry, I'm here to help you with that.
Jürgen: Can I shoot him now? Please?
Hitler: Nein! Guard the door and fence off any other time travellers. Governator, was that all?
Governator: Negative: the first thing we need to do now is sell all of our excess energy. This will generate a steady income so we can enact better laws and later on get more materials from the USSR.


I'm influencing the US and Japan, while preparing my trade with the USSR. Also I sell quite some energy.

Governator: We've set up the road to victory: I'll tell you more about troop placements and spies as the year progresses.
Hitler: Good fellow, good muscles. I'm sure your brain is a muscle too.
Governator: I'm pretty sure it's not.
Hitler: It is, because I'm the führer and I say so!

Hitler and the Governator continued to argue till the sun rose and a new year had dawned. A year filled with possibilities and hope, especially with the Olympics coming up in Germany. Time travellers tried often to kill the führer, but never had they been send back to actually help him improve the war effort. This Governator would make the difference between victory and defeat.


Europe on 1 January 1936

********************
Author's note:
I always wondered why drugs smugglers could carry anything in their ass, while terminators couldn't... And Hitler's guards must indeed be very capable of terminating time travellers. Anyway, I made all the preparations for my game now, and will unpause it for the first chapter.

As you might have noticed, I used the setup from several different tutorials. Most can be found on the Hoi3 Wiki, although there are a few from this forum. My big mistake here is probably neglecting my officers, but we'll see if I manage to do anything useful without them.

I'll try to post the next chapter this evening, after I'll get back from work.
 
Last edited:

Monnikje

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02intro.png


Berlin, 1936

As the sun rose, a new year dawned. The year was 1936, and the Summer Olympics were planned to be held this year in Berlin, capital of Germany. Quite an exciting time. The whole country prepared for this event: it promised to be the greatest spectacle of the century. Hitler had asked his favourite film maker, Leni Riefenstahl, to document it all this August. Her ideas of filming were revolutionary different from the current conventions. It intrigued Hitler. She met up with the führer very often, and at these times the Governator felt a bit uneasy. These were frivolities, and had nothing to do with the upcoming war. At least, that was his story to everyone who asked about his unease. Deep inside he knew something was wrong. He tried to stay out of the public, which was very hard with Hitler inviting all kinds of people and showing him to them. Luckily the guards forced everyone to sign a non-disclosure agreement. Still there was a gnawing feeling inside.


02a.png

Hitler and Leni Riefenstahl were chatting over the upcoming Olympics, while the Governator walked uneasily besides them.

He was glad that the scheduled Olympics didn't drain any resources from his projects: all those factories needed to be build, although they wouldn't be done before the next year. Some saw it as a year wasted, since no new troops were trained, but he knew better. When Leni finally left, he and Hitler drew back to the Berlin bunker. The walls were covered with all kinds of maps, while on the enormous desk different kinds of books were spread out. This was the nerve centre of the Empire: the place where Hitler and the Governator...
Hitler: Hey!
...made all their plans...
Hitler: Hey, knock it out!
...It's located under the garden of the Reichskanzlei, at 77 Wilhelmstraße, with an entrance at number 75 under the Internal Affairs building...
Hitler: Silence! Guards, kill him!
Jürgen: Yes, herr führer! I'll kill the Governator.
Hitler: Nein, nein, nein! The... ow, he is gone. Never mind then.
Governator: If you're done talking to yourself, you should have a look at this: there was a civil war raging in Spain.
Hitler: How... what... Why doesn't anyone tell me these things? When did it start?
Governator: On January the 9th, the same day Mussolini asked for an alliance, you remember?
Hitler: Ah, yes, my dear Mussolini... We had such a great time in the hot tube.
Governator: ...
Hitler: But how did that civil war end? The republicans fought against the nationalist, who were of course sponsored by us. So it should be obvious who'd won.
Governator: Unfortunately, the republicans won. We were investing so much in new industries, that we couldn't spare any weapons for Franco's rebels. They were crushed, since the Soviet Union and England supported the other side quite heavily.
Hitler: You... you... What happened to Franco?
Franco: Now I'm a sad panda.


On 9 January the Spanish civil war erupts on the Iberian peninsula, which raged till 27 September.

Hitler: Do you have any good news on the international politics, or does it all suck like Spain?
Governator: Well, Italy did conquer Ethiopia on 9 March and released them as a puppet.
Hitler: Good boy, Mussolini! I said to him last year 'Go fetch Ethiopia' and so he did.
Governator: Really?
Hitler: Nah, but I should have. He even listened to me while I didn't say anything. What a good boy!
Governator: Right... But there's another international affair going well: the trade with the Soviet Union.
Hitler: Please remind me... Why did we ever start trading with those Bolshevik bastards?
Governator: Because we need the resources they have, and the land line between our nations won't suffer for quite a while, in contrary to oversees transportation, which might hamper once the war starts. It took us quite a few months to fully get their trust, but now we're buying rare goods and metal for a very cheap price from them.
Hitler: Good. Some of the metal must be moulded into a miniature battleship. Please see to it that it's done as quickly as possible.


On 9 March, Italy forces Ethiopia to surrender, and turns them into a puppet state.

Herr Frick: I have arrived, mein führer, and am glad to report that an assortment of spies are ready at your disposal.
Hitler: Arr! Where did you come from? Why do you sneak upon me like that? Guards!
Jürgen: Yes herr führer? Do you want me to shoot the Governator now?
Hitler: Nein! How's it possible that herr Flick is able to walk into my office like that?
Jürgen: Well, he's no time traveller, so we can't stop him. Ow, and he's a member of your cabinet.
Hitler: Yes, yes... Excuses. Herr flick, now that you might life for another day... Tell me what our spies are doing.
Herr Frick: The Governator's plan was quite cunning. I'm sure that I taught him that in the future.
Governator: Negative, because you'll be dead.
Hitler: Silence! Or I'll kill you. No, not now, Jürgen.
Jürgen: Aw!
Herr Frick: Anyway, we first started in our own country by rooting out enemy spies. The first week we found 63 of them! They all said that they were sporters for the upcoming Olympics, but I didn't believe that: they were half a year early, and no-one is crazy enough to go willingly to our country.
Hitler: That's right! Wait a moment...
Herr Frick: After we had 10 spies operating on our own ground, we saved new recruits up till we had ten in reserve: then we send them away to another country, so they would have the full bunch at once over there. The first month after their arrival we let them enact counter-espionage, to terminate the local spy defences. After that was done, we switched to missions that mattered.
Hitler: And those were...?
Herr Frick: We started with the US, where we began supporting the American-German Bund, the local national socialist party. And with effect: in just a year time their popularity rose form a mere 1 % to a stunning 18%! And the elections are still three years away: with this rate, we might end up winning them.
Governator: If we can't win the elections by votes, we can always win by electorates.
Hitler: I wish we had those over here: the Reichstag might have been spared that way.
Herr Frick: *Ahum* We then continued with raising the thread level at several other countries. Quite some Allies, and even the Soviet Union: when people are scared of them, they will automatically flock along our side, so we can create a mighty union of nations: the United Nations.
Hitler: I see! And I see that you've raised the thread of neutral Denmark too. Good, very good.
Governator: Why Denmark?
Hitler: Why not?
Governator: What did they ever do to us?
Hitler: What did they ever do for us?
Governator: Seriously, why?
Herr Frick: If people aren't scared enough by the Allies or ComIntern, they will still fear the evil Danes.
Hitler: They oppress the Icelandic people! Those bastards!


Quite some spies are planted in allied countries, raising their thread level. In the US they support the German-American Bund, whose popularity has already risen to 18% in just a year time.

Hitler: And what about our internal politics? What dominated the tabloids?
Herr Frick: Well, there are no tabloids anymore. You forbade them all because they wrote about our gramophone incident.
Governator: Seriously, you did sound like Donald Duck.
Hitler: I did not! Silence! I'll quack you!
Governator: ...
Hitler: No matter the differences, I'm glad that I listened to you and included Goebbels in my cabinet: thanks to him, we were able to start an eighteenth science project at the beginning of the year. And even a nineteenth later on!
Governator: It was a wise decision to assign those scientists to work on improving your navy. Those destroyers and battleships need to be state of the art.
Hitler: Also there was much more production available, thanks to Schacht. I assigned that immediately to the upgrades: hopefully my troops will have the best equipment as soon as possible.
Governator: They surely will. And thanks to my trading, we were able to enact Consumer Product Orientation on January 3rd, Minimal Training on January 9th and Volunteer Army on January 22th.
Hitler: Why would you enact those laws?
Governator: The CPO saves a lot on consumer goods, freeing the industrial capacity for more useful products, like more factories, while the other two laws make the recruitment of troops a lot cheaper.
Hitler: Aren't the soldiers then really inexperienced?
Governator: That will be solved once we fully mobilize.
Herr Frick: When other parties began raising questions about that, you abolished them all, you remember?
Hitler: They didn't respect my authority.
Governator: In the end that was a good move: since no resources had to be spend on other parties, they could be invested in the industry, giving us a short economic boost. We used that to urge our forces to re-occupy the Rhineland.
Hitler: And no-one said anything about it, not even those petty English! And we gladly ignore the French.
Herr Frick: Who?
Hitler: Exactly!


There were quite some events: some good, some bad. But in the end we re-occupied the Rhineland, making all well.

And so the year 1936 ended, and a new year began. The army hadn't been expanded: instead, the industry was working very hard to bring Germany a new age of industrialisation. Each day the war came closer, and Germany needed to be ready for it. The three men continued to discuss, squabble and quack deep underground in the bunker at 77 Wilhelmstraße...
Hitler: Silence!


Europe on 1 January 1937

********************
Author's note:
In my few earlier attempts I noticed that if you postpone the 'reoccupy the Rhineland' event to past 31 December 1936, it will disappear. I didn't want to do it too early, so I enabled it in December. One of the effects is the loss of 2 dissident: I first needed to have 2 dissident, so in the beginning of December I started to raise it by lowering my investment in Consumer goods. At 22 December I was almost at 2 dissident, so I enabled the event. I put the extra IC relieved by this trick in upgrades.

Next chapter will be up tomorrow morning.
 
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olvirki

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Good luck. The AAR looks interesting to say the least :D.

Btw, epic name Loki100. Loki
 

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03intro.png


Berlin, 1937

The skies were getting darker as time progressed. Countless factories poured out their smoke: the German industry was working like it had never done before. Slowly the heart of Germany was turning black, as each day new factories were opened. Even in Belgium, England or even the Soviet Union you could see the enormous cloud rising, like a volcano that had just erupted. The country was trying to equal the raw industrial potential of the United States, and was having a good go at it: only packed tight together on a smaller surface. Not that Hitler and his companions noticed: they were save and sound in their bunker, plotting the rise of their power. He invited only special people to join him there.


Hitler: Mussolini! How nice of you to come by and say hi.
Mussolini: Pronto.
Hitler: You'll find that everything you'll ever need is in this bunker. A hot tube, miniature battleships, me...
Governator: Don't go there. Please, just... Don't, or my core processor will melt.
Hitler: Don't be such a wuzzy. You're a Cyberdyne Orgasm, for my greatness' sake.
Governator: Cybernetic Organism.
Hitler: Whatever. You're basically a giant walking muscle and should be able to cope with everything I say.
Governator: Why?
Hitler: Because I say you should!

Little did Hitler know of the deep inner thoughts that crawled through the hot wiring of the Governator's brain. He did everything he knew to do, but still the feeling that something's wrong wouldn't leave him. There was a danger nearby, he could sense it. But even after all this time he still wasn't able to pinpoint it.

03a.png

Mussolini, Hitler and the Governator: all three had joined in stiffness in Hitler's bunker in Berlin.

Mussolini: I'd hate to interrupt this... interesting conversation between the two of you, but I'd like to know why you invited me. We already have an alliance.
Hitler: We have the same ideas...
Mussolini: Absolutely not! I prefer hot women, while you enjoy a tube.
Hitler: Ideologies, alright? We've got the same ideologies!
Mussolini: That's true. We're on the same page there.
Hitler: I was thinking... an alliance is nice and such, but isn't the strong pact we need to survive in this harsh world with Bolsheviks and capitalists luring at our doorstep. We need something more enduring.
Governator: An Axis of E...
Hitler: ...ternal friendship, a bond we can build upon. Together we will sign a pact of steel, and dominate the world! Muhahahaha.
Mussolini: I still prefer female giggling.
Hitler: I can do that too...
Governator: Please, Jürgen, shoot me before he continues...
Jürgen: I think I'll pass this one time. That will teach you, timetraveller!
Mussolini: Right...Why didn't you invite Hirohito, the Japanese emperor?
Hitler: Erhm... Yes... Governator, why didn't we invite him?
Governator: Because he's already at war, and inviting him at this time would make us look scary: we'll do that later, when it doesn't matter anymore.
Hitler: Ah, yes! And we don't want that yet. We need to be nice and cuddly, unlike those evil Danes, holding the Icelandic people hostage in their own country.
Mussolini: Let it be so: we'll form a pact of steel, forging a strong Axis.


Even tough Japan could be invited to join the Axis, I didn't do it: their wars in the east would make us all look scary, while we want to flock the neutral countries in our lap.

Mussolini: How well was Japan doing anyway, that they appear to be so scary?
Herr Frick: Allow me to tell you!
Hitler: Arr! Where did you come from?
Mussolini: Arr! Hitler, get the hell off me! And who are you?
Herr Frick: Frick the Gestapo.
Hitler: What?
Herr Frick: No, I said Frick.
Mussolini: You're green like me: I like you. Maybe we should have a private chat one day.
Herr Frick: Erhm... Anyway, after the Japanese had seized Manchuko in 1931, they became pretty isolated by the international community.
Hitler: They were stupid enough to let their plot leak out to the international community. I did better with the Reichstag!
Herr Frick: They needed to expand: their ever-demanding industry demanded it. And the best target was deeper into China. They did so this year. On 4 September they annexed Shanxi, and on 6 December it was Communist China's turn to be part of the Empire. And now they are still at war with Nationalist China and Xibei San Ma.
Hitler: The sweet sound of expansion...
Mussolini: I like it. We should have it here, and pronto!
Governator: Take it easy, gentlemen. All in due time.


In the far east Japan was busy conquering all parts of China.

Governator: Herr Frick, now that you're here, please enlighten us on your spy missions.
Herr Frick: They are going above all expectations. Our spies have rooted deeply in quite some foreign nations. We're funding fascist parties in not only the US now, but also in Brazil and Mexico. With some luck we might bring the war to America too.
Hitler: And why would anyone fight over there if they all support us?
Herr Frick: Well... Let's just Blame Canada!
Hitler: Excellent idea! They're not a real country anyway.
Herr Frick: We're raising their threat level just like we're doing at Denmark...
Hitler: Poor, poor Iceland.
Herr Frick: ...and hopefully the US will invade them when the time is ripe.
Mussolini: You bring true honour to the colour green! Do you want to come work for me and my supergreen country? Then we can be superbest friends.
Hitler: Nein! He's mine. My precioussss.


The German-American Bund has become the most popular party in the United States.

Governator: And now something completely different: our production. I'm glad to report that our investment in industry is finally paying off. With the extra IC generated, I already ordered ten brand new battleships. By the time they're finished they won't be state of the art, but at least they give us some valuable experience, and we'll have at least something to throw against the Royal Navy once the time is there.
Hitler: You can't throw with my boats!
Mussolini: They're ships.
Hitler: Boats!
Mussolini: Ships!
Hitler: Silence!
Jürgen: Please, say it...
Governator: We've also started to produce some four-engine transport planes: when we're able to recruit some paratroopers, we'll be able to take key locations in no-time.
Herr Frick: If I may interrupt: our industry isn't just producing small metal bath tube boats...
Mussolini: Ships!
Herr Frick: ...which causes twice to boost our production, by the way, but also selling them to the general public.
Hitler: What? Those are MY boats!
Mussolini: *sight*
Hitler: They are producing them exclusively for me! For me, you hear? Do something about it. Anything!
Governator: This is a good opportunity to nationalise them, and control everything we produce.


While the production keeps rising, the government decides to nationalise the entire private sector.

For two years the Governator had guided Germany through the second half of the thirties, and Germany's production was rocketing sky-high. The end wasn't near, not by a long shot. But even tough there were more factories covering the German landscape than ever, the army was still very underdeveloped. Something had to be done the coming year, or there wouldn't be any war at all - or at least a very short one, once Poland invades Germany. But deep beneath the Berlin ground the Governator had more tricks up his sleeve.


Europe on 1 January 1938

********************
Author's note:
I'm glad that Italy wanted to join the Axis so early on: the 'Pact of Steel' gives a nice boost. For the rest I worked hard on my industry: the coming year I'll focus on creating my army. And I later discovered that Brazil had a right-wing government that doesn't hold any elections. Too bad...

I'll be away for the entire day, so the next chapter will be up pretty late in the evening today.

Thanks guys :). I hope this chapter keeps things interesting, and you like this picture too.
 
Last edited:

loki100

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couple of brilliant updates and the picture of Mussolini, Hitler and the 'governer' is inspired. And in the second post, really liked the joke about the Olympics.
 

Monnikje

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04intro.png


Obersalzberg, 1938

Birds started to sing as the sun slowly crawled from behind the mountains. It was a beautiful morning at Hitler's residence, and he and the Governator went outside to enjoy the Alpine weather, along with the fresh air. This was so different from the black skies that dominated the heart of Germany nowadays, accompanied with the constantly buzzing sound of machine working around the clock to full fill the ever demanding industrial quotas. Here you could find pure serenity. Even the Governator could relax in this seclude villa. No-one knew him over here, and the strange feeling lessened the further eastwards he went. What was so dreadful in the West?


04a.png

The Governator and Hitler were enjoying the Alpine weather.

Hitler: This is the life: beautiful mountains, fresh air, close friends and all the space of the world. Catch, Blonda!
The dog ran after the small miniature boat Hitler threw, and returned it to the führer. Visibly fond he threw again, and again.
Hitler: That's a good girl! Go fetch the boat.
Mussolini: Ship!
Hitler: Arrr! Mussolini, who invited you here? This is my private place for holidays!
Mussolini: This place is a fraud, a comedy, a phantom, a blackmail. Inactivity is death.
Governator: I'm afraid he's right: there's no time for niceties and holidays: there's much work to be done.
Hitler: Aw, come on, can't I have a break once in a while? I'm the führer after all...
Governator: Negative. There's too much happening to allow you to rest.
Hitler: Then tell me, what is happening that's so important? This year has been a fairly quiet one!
Governator: First of all China.
Hitler: Ah, yes, where Japan is conquering all the different factions. Can I finally invite them to the Axis?
Governator: Negative. Even tough they just turned Nationalist China into a puppet, they are still at war with a few other factions. Inviting them is still too dangerous for our reputation.


Nationalist China surrendered to Japan, and were turned into a puppet state.

Hitler: Hey, you failed to tell me something about China, I see...
Governator: Affirmative. Sinkiang has joined the ComIntern. But that won't matter much, for the rest of China will surely crumble before the mighty Japanese war boots.
Mussolini: China is a lie!
Hitler: Silence! Jürgen, kill him. Jürgen? Hello? Where are you?
Governator: You left him in Berlin: you thought this would be a holiday, remember?
Hitler: The one time I want him to kill someone...
Herr Frick: Führer! Estonia is mobilizing.
Hitler: Why does everyone sneak up to me like that? Is it 'startle the führer'-day already? And what do you mean, Estonia is mobilizing? Are they going to invade the Soviet Union?
Herr Frick: My intel can't tell, since we didn't send any spies towards them.
Hitler: You fool! You incompetent inglorious basterd! Your lack of intel is disturbing.
Governator: If you'd like, I can arrange some... 'things'... to happen in his department.
Hitler: Go ahead. This fresh Alpine air makes me all giggly. I believe that's what Mussolini wanted all along. *giggle*
Governator: ...
Herr Frick: What is he doing? Why is he walking with armours in both his hands into the building? O my god! That was the first floor! I can't believe he just terminated that entire floor!
Governator: Hasta la vista, baby Frick.
Herr Frick: No, not my spleen! Why does it always have to be the spleen? Stop it!
Hitler: Enough, Governator. I think he has learned his lesson.
Herr Frick: Thank you, mein führer. You are merciful like always. And you even sound like Donald Duck when you giggle.
Hitler: Why you...


While I reorganised the War Ministry, Estonia mobilized and Sinkiang joined the ComIntern.

Hitler: Now that we enjoy the fresh air here, you can safely tell me how the industry is coming along.
Governator: I can gladly report that it is done. Since the start of the year we let all provinces complete the factories they were working on, but didn't renew their efforts. Instead, we started at last to build up the army.
Hitler: Finally! But... our brigades aren't fully armed yet, and there are not enough officers. We're a paper tiger!
Governator: That's what we'll do this year, once our basic army is ready. By the way, our industrial capacity is enormous: almost as big as the United States' capacity. And we haven't even made the Anschluss with Austria yet.
Hitler: Yeah... Why not? We could have done that in January this year already. Why hold off?
Governator: Because that would make us look scary to the rest of the world. We just managed to get the Danes to look like the big bad uglies! The United Kingdom is more afraid of them than of our industrialised and armed Germany.
Hitler: That'll teach them to hold Iceland hostage!


As can be seen, the German industrial capacity is almost as large as the US one. Even without the Anschluss.

Hitler: But tell me, what kind of troops are we training, what kind of vehicles are we building?
Governator: Mostly infantry. They are the backbone of our army, and we're staging them all along the Polish, Danish, Dutch and French borders. But also we build many interceptors: the Luftwaffe must be able to fend off any English bomber trying to cripple our industry.
Hitler: They'd better dare not...
Governator: They would. But the area our industry covers is enormous, and unseen anywhere else in Europe.
Hitler: And armours? You promised me armours! You even used them to smash Frick in the spleen.
Governator: All in due time. The coming year they'll roll off the factory belts, and once that's done, we'll divide them among the Polish and Dutch borders.
Hitler: Why would we need to invade the Netherlands and Poland? It's the Danes we want! They are the ones who hold Iceland hostage, the others have nothing to do with it.
Governator: If our eastern border isn't secured, the Poles will go north and south and crush us. And the Netherlands... Something's wrong in the west. I can feel it.
Hitler: Al right, al right: as long as we punish those Danes, you may play at the other borders.


The industrialized areas in Europe on 1 January 1939. Germany is leading, as can be seen.

The führer and his aid from the future continued to discuss the glory of the German industry, high up in the mountains. Austria hadn't been added to Germany yet, but that would without a doubt happen sooner or later. Everybody was ready for it. As Estonia demonstrated, Europe was preparing for war. The world was holding its breath.


Europe on 1 January 1939

********************
Author's note:
1938 was a pretty boring year: not much had happened. Yes, I switched slowly from building industry to troops, but hopefully the next one will be more exciting. I know that the number of officers is really dangerously low. Let's hope all goes well with that...

Sorry that this update is a bit later than I meant to post: I got home pretty late. The next update will be tomorrow morning.

Thanks Loki :).
 
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Huscurian

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Interesting AAR. I never figured someone would put the "Governator' with Hitler. A bold gesture for someone who's using Germany as the country to portray in this AAR.

Keep it up. Funny tidbits here and there, and I can pick out a few movies (obscure but definitely memorable) from some of your lines. :)
 

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05intro.png


Berlin, 1939

It promised to be a big day. Hitler would ride in a giant parade through the streets of Berlin, finally revealing the Governator to the public. Even tough he was opposed to this, there was nothing he could say to sway the führer's mind. As people knotted his tie straight, and Hitler padded him on his chin, he felt very uneasy. This could be a big mistake: what if the wrongness in the west would learn of his existence? What unknown variables would be added into the equation when his existence was made public? What could all go wrong because of this?


05a.png

Hitler sees to it that the Governator is being prepared well for the parade.

Governator: Can't you cancel the parade? I'm feeling very uneasy revealing myself to the public.
Hitler: Don't sweat it! It will be all fine. And with all the successes from this year, the people deserve a party. This will be good for the public opinion.
Governator: Affirmative. But still... Bad things will happen due to this.
Hitler: Stop being so negative! It's time to party!
Jürgen: Herr führer, time travelling bastard, the car is ready. If you'd both would follow me...
Hitler: Here, let me hold your hand if your scared. And we won't be alone: ambassadors from Hungary, Japan and Yunnan will be there too.
Governator: Ah, yes. Hungary joined the Axis on 4 February and Japan on 1 September, while Yunnan is here to pledge their allegiance.
Hitler: They are very anxious to meet you! Everyone is. Even Mussolini, although he has met you several times already.
Governator: And the aspirant members? Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania all want and can join, but we've been holding them off for a while now. Will they have representatives at your party too?
Hitler: No, they can't! You didn't allow them to join the Axis, so I didn't send them any invitations.
Governator: Well, you could have held their hopes high. Especially with Lithuania...
Hitler: Yeah, we've grabbed Memel pretty nicely from them last September, did we?
Governator: That's the point. We should invite them to smother them, instead of keeping them out. I guess you also didn't invite anyone from Portugal?
Hitler: Why should I? You stopped influencing them last January, and they're drifting towards the Allies now. Why would I want them over here?
Governator: You're missing the point! I didn't want to stop influencing them, but we desperately needed the leadership points in Officer training. We just had to let them go.
Hitler: It doesn't matter. We shouldn't let the crowd waiting: let's go to the Gestapomobile!


Hungary, Japan and Yunnan all joined the Axis: that last one just on the brink of the new year.

Both men walked to the car waiting outside. Jürgen, Hitler's personal guard for quite some years now, had taken it upon himself to drive them around in the parade.

Hitler: Alright, let's go!
Jürgen: I still don't trust him, herr führer. He's after all a time traveller, and they are all bound on killing you. I've got a bad feeling, all day long. My time travel sense is tinkling.
Hitler: Silence! I don't want to hear any more of this. Today is a day of joy and feast!
Governator: I can see why you are so exalted. We've managed much the past few months.
Hitler: Much? That's an understatement! Look at all the lands we've gained. Finally we've had the anschluss with Austria! Our home country, incorporated into one giant German Reich.
Governator: I'm glad that it has happened, but it would have been better if we weren't forced to do so in July. Our rare materials were almost depleted, and we were desperate for a new resource injection.
Hitler: Don't be so glum: we've managed to overcome it. And we even added Sudetenland - no, the entiry Czech country - to our domain!
Governator: It was inevitable that all these lands would be added to Germany. The path we walk form now on, that's all what matters.


Because of a looming depletion of rare materials - a plague that haunted me for the rest of the year and refrained me from investing too much IC - I was forced to do the anschluss of Austria in July, the treaty of Munich in August and the First Vienna Award in September. Right after that last one I immediately claimed Memel: I was gonna be a bad boy anyway, so why not now?

Hitler: Look at all these people. Don't you feel alive when you ride among them?
Governator: Technically speaking...
Jürgen: Just say the word and I'll end it for him.
Hitler: Silence! Let's just enjoy this parade, and shake as many hands as possible. You too, Governator, you too. It's good for your image. In this time of constant sorrow we must just party now we've got success!

05d.png

Hitler and the Governator are driven by Jürgen at the parade.

Meanwhile, at the stage where the car is heading...

Mussolini: There they come, partying like no-one else can.
Herr Frick: If you say so... The Governator looks pretty stiff to me.
Mussolini: He'll loosen up eventually. You know him long enough.
Herr Frick: True, true. But let's get down to business. Why did you call out to me?
Mussolini: Mainly because your green, like me. Because of that I know I can trust you. We're supergreen buddies, remember? This year everything is happening so fast: Germany annexing quite some surrounding lands, something I did too with Albania last September.
Herr Frick: The cards are all open on the table: we've made our move.
Mussolini: Not yet. I know of the enormous German build-up of forces the past two years. I want to know if Germany is really ready for war, or that it's a paper tiger.
Herr Frick: You've come to the right person. Knowing stuff is my speciality.
Mussolini: That's what I though. Now, tell me: is it ready?
Herr Frick: I can assure you that it is. With over 900 land brigandes, consisting of over a hundred brigades of armours, we're ready to conquer Europe. Even tough some divisions still need some reinforcements, we have mustered already over 2.5 million men.
Mussolini: That's surely a lot! Where did they all come from?
Herr Frick: Most of them were just boys from Brazil, but now they will serve very well as soldiers of the Reich.
Mussolini: Brazil... They're green too. So I guess your soldiers are ok by me then. You know, I believe you and I can work miracles. If you would only allow me to show you the power of the Green Side...


The amount of brigades is much larger than normally would be the case around this time: instead of 354 land units, I've got 947. The bad thing is that I wasn't fully able to mobilize, but the sheer amount of men should compensate for that. And maybe one day I can get fully armed and ready. Also, I got the Great Army bonus because I have over 200 divisions.

At the same moment the people of Berlin party with their führer, two strange men appear out of thin air in the middle of Warsaw, Poland. Black sunglasses cover their eyes, while their black suits seem to be of an excellent making. The many people in the busy street are startled by their sudden appearance. Suddenly, they start to sing.

Gauss: Here I come to save the day!
Einstein: That means that Mighty Gauss is on the way.

After a moment of shock, the people on the market square observe the gigantic guns in their hands, and a panic arises. The two men quickly dive into the nearest alley, and keep hiding until the coast seems clear.

Gauss: That didn't went as planned, Einstein. There were free people there. You said all of them would be kept prisoner and needed to be freed!
Einstein: I'm not sure what happened, Gauss... My time detector has detected an enormous anomaly. Something has to be done. Time travellers always go for Hitler, but that bastard has some kind of protection which screws any tempering up.
Gauss: I know. We met when you tried to stop him more than a hundred years ago, before even his parents were born. Not that it helped: he did rise to power anyway.
Einstein: There has to be a way...
Gauss: With your time travel equipment, and my Gauss rifles, we're the perfect team for hunting down Hitler. We'll find a way.
Einstein: I just can't believe it. No occupation of Poland at the dawn of 1940. Would the anomaly be that Hitler has been prevented to rise to power?
Gauss: There's only one way to be sure: read the local news paper.
Einstein: Let's see... Germany celebrates the annexation of Austria, Sudetenland and Memel with a parade for the führer. No, nothing has been prevented: only delayed. We've still got work to do.
Gauss: What's this? Election results?
Einstein: Oh my... In the United States the German-American Bund came to power, as did similar parties in Mexico and Australia. This could be much worse than I thought. Germany is on their path to destruction, but this time the US might back off. Or even join them!
Gauss: A good thing that we, the dynamic duo, have arrived!

05f.png

Einstein and Gauss arrived in Poland.

As the day passed away and turned into night, the two newcomers tried to find a quiet place to stay. If they were to prevent Hitler from conquering Europe, they needed to make a plan, and fast. Luckily they were two of the greatest minds in history, so formulating a plan wouldn't be that hard. The only problem was finding enough information to create one. What had delayed Germany? What was it's current strength? And more important, what was the anomaly that had caused Hitler to divert from the path of history. The newspaper spoke of a great parade in Berlin, showing pictures of a strange 'Governator'.

Einstein: We must hurry now. The anomaly seems to come from the west, but a lot of Germany is there.
Gauss: Maybe it's even further west, beyond Germany?
Einstein: Maybe... At least I know that something's not right... It's much larger than anything I've seen before. Could it be that this... Governator, the newspaper calls him... is a bigger problem than we might suspect?
Gauss: Maybe he's not the real problem. But there's only one way to find out: we'll have to see him for ourselves.

With these words the two man headed west. If Germany wouldn't come to Poland, they would come to Germany!


Europe on 1 January 1940

********************
Author's note:
My army is big. Really big. And the production is high. Really high. It's all so big and high, that I nearly bankrupted myself three times in the past half year. It took a lot of effort and wasting a lot of IC to prevent my rare materials and money to dry up. But in the end I did manage to come through the year much stronger than anticipated. Let the war begin!

I guess I should have holded all research for a few months and invest all those free leadership points in officers. I forgot that, so I won't have too many of them. Also note that I didn't enable the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. We'll see how I do without it.

Next chapter will again be up somewhere late this evening.

Huscurian: It was a pretty crazy idea I had there. Good to hear you like it. I'll keep it up.

loki100: Everyone should fear the Danes ;).
 
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olvirki

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Wow you mentioned Iceland ! That does not happen very often :D.
After all, my country is so lowly populated would not even be considered a city by international standards if one would pack all the houses together.
 

Monnikje

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06intro.png


Berlin, 28 February 1940

In the Kroll Opera House, the place the Reichstag has gathered since the fire in their original building:

Governator: Gentlemen of the Reichstag, the past two months have been very exciting. As you all know, war is the only lawful, equal, effectual revolution. It was Denmark whom this war was declared on. As our beloved führer has said so many times: we needed to free Iceland from the evil Danish grasp. And we did! After our conquest of Denmark we immediately released Iceland from their Danish overlords. But we also moved west, into the Netherlands, after which the United Kingdom decided they should attack us. Can you all still believe it? They dared to face us, the proud German Empire! I can tell you that right now the führer is working very hard on the war effort. That's why he couldn't speak to you himself, and send me to do his bidding.

06a.png

The Governator speaks to the Reichstag.

As the Governator spoke to the German politicians, darkness had fallen over the German capital. Day had passed into night, and the foul stench belched by the nearby factories obscured all the stars. Total darkness covered the two men in black sneaking through the busy streets. Walking around they couldn't see any sign that this country was fighting a bloody war: life continued like it had always done before. The girls flirted with the guards, the nightclubs presented their dirtiest shows and birds fell dead from the sky. Amidst all these German delights no-one seemed to care about the two giant guns these men were carrying. At the Wilhelmstraße they walked without hesitation to the Internal Affairs building, located at number 75.
Guard 1: Halt! Who is your daddy and what does he do?
The two men looked at each other, speechless by the question. When the guard insisted they answered the question, one of them waved softly with his hand, and replied:
Gauss: He's not the Jew you're looking for.
Guard 1: Damn not he is! The only Jew I'm looking for is my brother, who's lost in translation again. That still doesn't answer my question. Who's your daddy and what does he do?
Once again the two men looked at each other, grabbed the guard this time and kicked him in the balls. Unfortunately the only thing they hurt were their own kneecaps.
Guard 1: Ha, you're not the only ones who tried this. I've got balls of steel!
Einstein: Alright... You win. My daddy is Hermann Einstein, salesman and engineer.
Gauss: And mine was Gebhard Dietrich Gauss, street butcher and gardener.
Guard 1: Thanks, now you may enter. Come on, enter! Do it! Do it now! I don't have all night.
The guard opened the door and after a short hesitation the two entered the building. It didn't take them long to find the entrance to the secret bunker, located deep beneath the building.
Gauss: Incredible. How did you know where Hitler's secret bunker was located?
Einstein: I'm a time traveller. I just went back and read chapter 2.
Gauss: ...
Einstein: Ah, I believe this is the conference room. And there is his... Wait, do you hear it too?
Gauss: What?
Hitler: You're end is near. Fear my guns!
Einstein: Well, that.
Gauss: It sounded from behind that door. Let me check.
Gauss sat down on his knees, and peeked through the lock. He blinked, and looked again. And again. Then he faced Einstein again, and said:
Gauss: You never mentioned that Hitler threatens his yoyo with a toy battleship while sitting in a hot tube.
Hitler: Boat!
Einstein: Let me check... Oh my God, Hitler really is a harmless nutcase! Killing him would be like kicking a puppy.
Gauss: He's absolutely not capable of orchestrating the war as it has been raging now for the past two months. But if he's not the evil mastermind, who is?

06b.png

Gauss his first impression of Hitler.

In the meantime the Governator continued his speech:
Governator: After we invaded the Netherlands, those Poles decided that their time had come. And indeed, I say: their time had come. Time to fade away into history! Within a week we crushed their army and occupied their most important cities. A week! How weak they were. Let us all forget about them, and focus on the future. For that's where we're heading. And our future is west. Now that we finally defeated the Netherlands, it's time to take the next step. You all know that our great friend and ally Mussolini has already started a direct attack on France in the south. I say to you: this is only the beginning. They're on a highway to hell, for that's what we'll give them!

At that same moment in Rome.

Mussolini: Welcome, my superbest friend! I haven't seen you since the war started.
Herr Frick: It was a bit tricky gathering information, especially since earlier this month they became aware of a leak in the government.
Mussolini: You didn't get caught, did you?
Herr Frick: Don't worry. I just framed Lithuania for it.
Mussolini: Lithuania? Why would you...
Herr Frick: They've made plans to create a Stalin Theme Park.
Mussolini: Ah, that's why Germany declared war on them earlier this month! Now I get it. Can't have the Bolsheviks at our doorstep.
Herr Frick: Actually we can. But Hitler was just very pissed that they didn't plan to include a rollercoaster. That's what we're about to correct with this war.
Mussolini: Right... Anyway, what have you brought me this time?
Herr Frick: The battle plans for the start of the war. You asked me last month how we were able to defeat Poland in just a month time. Well, here you can see it for yourself. The Governator suspected that if he would move against the Netherlands, the Allies would declare war on them. Hitler's conquest of Denmark is something no-one in the world cared about. But for some reason the Low Countries are some kind of sacred place to the English. It's like they want to fight over it.
Mussolini: No wonder they declared war on us all the same day that you guys moved west.
Herr Frick: Exactly. Poland was one of the Allies, so the Governator had to make sure we wouldn't be invaded in the east while he was fighting in the west. So he had a plan. Here it is:


The battle plan for the main offensive in January 1940, showing also the command structure on the field: both on the eastern, western and northern front I attack in a blitzkrieg. I made this map for my second attempt, that's why you'll see Luxemburg included. That should work, but it didn't. In this AAR I skip the attack on Luxemburg, but for the rest it's all the same.

Herr Frick unfolded a large map in front of Mussolini, showing Europe as it has been two months ago. On it several lines were drawn, each displaying the supply lines, the lines of attack and most importantly, the placement of all the divisions.
Herr Frick: As you can see, there were dozens of divisions placed along the entire Polish border. When the war started the Governator let the generals handle this operation by themselves. He had marked the most important spots, and send paratroopers towards those places. Within a week the army had not only marched deep into the country, but also these important locations were captured. This was what finally brought the Polish government down to their knees, begging us to leave them. But we didn't! Ha!
Mussolini: You didn't put that many men at the Danish border. Only ten divisions.
Herr Frick: Yeah... The Governator didn't leave Hitler much choice. But they weren't that needed either: once they broke through the Danish lines, they were able to occupy Århus and Odense pretty soon. Copenhagen was a problem, since the entire Danish army defended the island like a genie in a bottle. Luckily the paratroopers, once their task in Poland was done, quickly occupied the Danish capital. They surrendered, and we received Greenland and Iceland for free. You can understand the joy of the Icelandic people once they heard that Hitler gave them their freedom.
Mussolini: I remember that even the volcanoes spew fireworks because of it. We couldn't fly for a week on the entire continent! But with all these successes... Why did the war against the Netherlands take so long? Poland fell in seven days, Denmark in twenty... Two months, herr Frick. It took your army two months to conquer that backwards little country on your western border! And even now they refuse to let you know if they surrender or not. Have they lost their tongue?
Herr Frick: No, only their bikes. We stole them, and now they're pissed. Because of that we had to occupy every square meter. Never I met such stubborn people! For some reason they were also very focussed on drawing us north, like they were pulling us away from the Belgium border. I guess they didn't want us to take the shortcut through their southern neighbours towards France.
Mussolini: But now you're ready to do that.
Herr Frick: Yes. Once we get through Belgium, we can easily capture Paris, knocking France out of the war.
Mussolini: I do wonder tough... Can we make to Paris before them?
Herr Frick: No way. Unless something disastrous happens.


Despite the leak in the government, Germany still managed to force Poland and Denmark to surrender, all in January 1940.

Mussolini continued to daydream about France, while the Governator had another announcement to make.
Governator: Now that we've annexed Denmark and Poland, and occupied the Netherlands, it's time to execute our next step in the grander scheme. We must invade Belgium, for they have a regime that developed and used weapons of math destruction. By laying in the way towards France, they defied the just demands of the Axis and the world I live in. We demand free access to France, and they didn't give it to us! This is an outrage. Therefore I hereby declare war on Belgium.

In the bunker, deep beneath Berlin.
Einstein: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Gauss: Me too. We can still bravely run away...


Europe on 28 February 1940

********************
Author's note:
How to start the war... From my few earlier attempts I knew that if I didn't declare war, I would be declared upon. Better to keep the initiative in my own hands. By not enabling the 'Danzig or War' event, but by just declaring war on the Netherlands and Denmark, I prevented those two from joining the Allies. Only an hour after my declaration on the Netherlands, the United Kingdom and its allies (Poland among them) declared war on me.

Next chapter will be tomorrow afternoon - sorry guys, not in the morning: I'm going to have a nice long sleep tonight :).

olvirki: Iceland is playing an important role here. Why else would Germany declare war on Denmark :D.

loki100: Thanks. Hitler likes to pad the Governator on his chin. And I guess Einstein has to compensate for something? Gauss is so much smarter.

pkawol: Thanks! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much.
 
Last edited:

loki100

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this is really inspired stuff ... HOI3 has long lacked a decent humourous (or indecently humourous) AAR, & you've filled the gap ... AH in the bath plumbing some low levels of bad taste as well as being very funny
 

Monnikje

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07intro.png


Berlin, 7 June 1940

In the bunker, deep beneath Berlin.

Einstein: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Gauss: Me too. We can still bravely run away...
Einstein: No. We must face this. It's clear that Hitler isn't...
Jürgen: That Hitler isn't what? Who are you and what are you doing here? No, there's no need to say it. My time travel sense is tinkling all over the place: you're here to kill Hitler! That's the only explanation for the enormous buzzing sounds that haunt me for the past few minutes.
Gauss: Don't shoot. You're right about us.
Einstein: Erhm... Why, Gauss, why do you tell him this?
Jürgen: Ha! My sense is never wrong. Prepare to die, evil time travel bastards.
Einstein: Does he really think his rifle is any match against our futuristic guns?
Gauss: A bullet is deadly, even from a more primitive weapon. Dear soldier, do you have any idea who your führer is?
Jürgen: He's the great leader.
Gauss: If you really believe in your great leader, you won't be shocked by his view from this keyhole.
Jürgen: I'm not falling for this!
Gauss: Here, take my gun as a sign of trust.
Einstein: What are you doing?
Jürgen: This one feel slightly lighter than I expected. Alright, I'll have a look... Oh my God! Is Hitler shooting his yoyo with his battleboat while sitting in a hot tube?
Mussolini: Ship!
Einstein: Gah! where did you come from?
Herr Frick: We're the supergreen friends and can go wherever we please. It's quantum!
Einstein: Hold it, hold it. Let me get this straight. Hitler is a dumb idiot who rather plays in hot tubes than wages war, Mussolini is too busy flying around with a green lantern and all Germans act like a big happy family? Who is running this show?
Governator: How are you gentlemen?
Einstein: It's you! The guy from the papers, from the parade.
Jürgen: My sense has stopped tinkling. What's this?
Gauss: Einstein, could you please check your time travel equipment?
Einstein: How... We've all travelled forward a few months! It's not 28 February anymore.
Governator: Everyone, come with me.

The entire group followed the Governator to the conference room.

07a.png

Einstein, Gauss, Hitler, Mussolini and the Governator: they have all gathered to discuss the problems that have arisen.

Once all men had gathered, the sat around a large table. Weapons were set aside, for the turn the events had taken was too disturbing to squabble amongst each
other.


Governator: Something disastrous has happened. You all noticed the timeshift a few moments ago.
Einstein: Yeah... How did you do it?
Governator: It wasn't me. And I wasn't in the radius, since I was having a speech for the Reichstag when this happened.
Hitler: Hey, that's my job!
Governator: But you weren't there! You were in a hot tube while shifting through time.
Hitler: Silence!
Jürgen: Sorry, I'm too confused to kill him.
Hitler: Aw...
Gauss: You said that you had an idea what happened?
Governator: Yes. The moment I declared war on Belgium, they detonated a weapon of math destruction on Berlin, shifting a large area through time. It wasn't the most powerfull weapon imaginable, so you only got lost for a few months. But that might have been enough.
Mussolini: All those months... wasted. How did my brave green soldiers do against those blue French menaces?
Governator: Despite your absence, they progressed much in Africa, and even a little bit in France.
Mussolini: Good. Now that I'm back, we can make even more greenness glory. Herr Frick!
Herr Frick: What's thy bidding?
Mussolini: Fly away to Italy and tell them to advance more into France.
Hitler: You can't order him. He's mine!
Herr Frick: Sorry, mein führer, but Mussolini and I are now superbest friends.
Hitler: Aw... That makes me a sad panda.
Franco: Join the club.
Gauss: Anyway... Please, Governator, tell us what happened in Belgium.
Governator: After the Polish conquest, I pulled most men back from the east, and stationed them along the Belgium border. A few were left, to secure the Russian border: just enough to prevent Stalin to declare war. With all these new men, an enormous army was ready for invasion. On 28 February I thus declared war, letting all my men invade Belgium at the same time. Most armours were riding over the easy plains in the West. At our southern French border those French had broken through, but if we could conquer Paris in one or two months, that wouldn't matter. Paratroopers were readied to drop any moment on the unprotected important cities of France, while armours would ride through the streets of Paris.
Einstein: But something went wrong.
Governator: Yes. The battle of Aalst happened. It took half a million men, with most armours among them, one and a half month to conquer Aalst. Once they got there, they weren't able to break through to Tournai. And now they are still there, pinned down in Belgium.


It took me one and a half month to advance from Gent to Aalst, and once there I couldn't get any further: Tournai is to heavily defended.

Hitler: How's that possible? They were Brazil's finest boys! I handpicked them myself.
Einstein: Maybe that's the problem.
Hitler: How dare you? Who do you think you are?
Einstein: I'm the friggin' Einstein!
Gauss: Enough. Please, Governator, bring us up to speed with the rest of the events, for there's without a doubt more going on than just Belgium.
Governator: Affirmative. Unfortunately, those English decided that Iceland shouldn't be free, and occupied the place.
Hitler: What? We must do something. Anything! Send planes, bombers, soldiers, anyone. We must free Iceland!
Governator: The good news is that the Icelanders don't want to be occupied anymore, and decided to form a resistance group against those British.
Mussolini: An Eskimo resistance group?
Gauss: No... There are no Eskimos on Iceland.
Hitler: Well, whoever is in the resistance group, they are the most gratefull grapefruits of Iceland. They are the ones who appreciate my gift to them: Freedom!
Einstein: I still can't believe it. How on Earth did this all happen...
Gauss: I guess something has happened much earlier in the timestream. Maybe the changes you made when you picked me up form the nineteenth century are the cause of this.
Hitler: I have no idea what you guys are talking about: but as long as it's about Iceland, it's ok.


Iceland has fallen to the forces of the United Kingdom, but they continue to struggle: their newly earned freedom is too precious.

Mussolini: but how does the war with Lithuania go? Last time I checked you had declared war on them.
Governator: Ah, yes. Do you all know why we declared war on them? No? Well, let's listen to a gramophone recording of Hitler's declaration of war.
Hitler: Yay for me!
Hitler's gramophone recording: Enough is enough! Those Lithuanians have gone too far. They want to create a Stalin Theme Park, without a roller coaster. It's an outrage! This is something we need to correct. Therefore I declare quack on them. Quack quack quack.
Hitler: Stop it! Who raised the speed?
Herr Frick: Sorry, I couldn't resist it.
Governator: Hm... I think your tampering has ruined the gramophone player. Aw well, I think you all got the idea. I had saved ten divisions of armours to ride into Lithuania, and after three weeks they surrendered. Latvia and Estonia got pretty scared about that, and started to mobilize. I used that as an act of aggression, and invaded them one by one. Today the fighting is just concluded: all three the Baltic states are now part of the German Empire.
Mussolini: This means you've got a giant border with the Soviet Union.
Governator: Yes, but a guarded one.


All three the Baltic countries surrendered and were annexed.

Herr Frick: I believe that you haven't told us all. I can see it at your user interface.
Governator: Affirmative. Hitler, remember that I told you that the french had broken the lines?
Hitler: Yes, but you said that as long as we'd capture Paris within one or two months, it wouldn't matter much.
Governator: There we've got the problem: Several months have passed, and our troops are still in Belgium. The French have advanced much since then, and none of our men were able to stop them.
Hitler: You're not saying that...
Governator: Affirmative, they're...
Before the Governator could finish his sentence, there was a knock on the door.
Governator: Come in.
Guard 1: An urgent letter for you, herr Governator.
Governator: Thank you, guard 1. Here, in this envelop, are the first photo's from the Belgium front. Finally we'll be able to see our enemy, see what kept half a million soldiers a bay.
Quickly he opened the envelope, and stared for a moment speechless at the photo it contained.
Hitler: Show me, show me, show me!
Mussolini: Keep it easy, Li'l Hitler: we're all going to see it.
Gauss: Is it me, or is Hitler just getting more stupid every minute?
Einstein: Interesting... Now, Governator, show us all the photo.
When the Governator put it on the table, all present grasped for breath.
Mussolini: Are that Belgians? Where is their skin?
Herr Frick: A better question is: what the hell are they? Is that metal?
Governator: It appears they are all cybernetic organisms from the future. All Belgians are terminators, send back in time.
Einstein: How's that possible? Replacing an entire nation with... robots?
Mussolini: At least we're soylent green people.
Gauss: I think we don't have to worry much about our own meddling with the timeline any more. In Belgium professionals are at work.

07e.png

First footage of the Belgians that made the conquest of Aalst so difficult, and that prevented the German army to advance towards France.

The men stared to the picture some more and exchanged their few surprised comments. Then they all fell silent. What to do when faced with such a destructive foe while their Allies were advancing? Who was the evil empire, who were the brave liberators? IT was hard to tell any more. Germany had started the second world war to free Iceland and to investigate this problem in the west, which now appeared to be far greater than anyone could have suspected.
Herr Frick: How can we ever hope to stop them?
Mussolini: Have faith. We're green and people: we'll find a way to backstab those Belgian terminators.


Europe on 7 June 1940

********************
Author's note:
One of the advises I followed from one of the tutorials, was: don't let your armours get stuck in mountains. Ride over plains. I had experienced that mistake in one of my previous attempts, when my tanks all got bogged down in the Greek mountains. So I decided to let them ride through Belgium via the west coast, instead of the Ardennes. Big mistake.

Because the Paradox server was down and by the time it was up, I was at work, I posted this chapter a bit later than planned. I hope to post the next chapter somewhere this night: else it will be tomorrow morning.

Dr. Gonzo: Thanks, and welcome aboard :).

loki100: Good to hear I fill a gap :). I didn't check it before I started this one: I just continued in the style I used in my Westphalia Alert AAR.
 
Last edited:

ROMMEL_HSQ

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