The gods did play

[unmerged(6777)]

Olelbis (The-One-Who-Sits-in-the-Sky) leaned over and quietly remarked to his companion "I wonder if he will take a page from your book and try slight of hand?"

To which Sedit (the Coyote, or trickster) could only shrug, but his eyes took on a somewhat more ferile look.

 

[Storey]

Originally posted by Sorcerer
I'd say Thor plays England, and Taranis plays France. Am I right? What do I get for it?

If you had guessed RIGHT you would have won a brand new red BMW sports car. And seated in the passenger seat would be Tiffany, a cute 28 year old blond aerobics instructor who has just inherited a million dollars and loves men called Sorcerer. That is it would all be yours if you had guessed RIGHT. Unfortunately you guessed WRONG. The clue was when Ate noted that Taranis was playing England and she hoped he had a sense of humor, which of course alluded to the fact that he was a Gaulish god about to play against the country where he is worshiped. As a consolation prize you get to stand on the sidewalk and wave as I drive off with Tiffany who is learning to love men named Storey.

Joe

 

[Storey]

1419 June

Thor chants the ritual words.

"France declares war against England,"

And then reaching forward he moved a piece on the board. Down below armies started marching and women started crying because war had once more reared its ugly head. Thor finished his move and said.

"Pawn to Gascogne, siege."

Taranis leaning back in his chair stiffled a yawn showing his thoughts on Thor’s first move and slowly reached over and moved his first piece.

"Pawn to Flandern, siege."

The mortals looked to Ate for someone to make sense out of what was going on. Ate looked back at them, sighed and said."

"All right I know Thor’s opening wasn’t very daring but its just the start of the war. Give him time he’s just warming. As to Taranis he’s obviously feeling out Thor. You know waiting him out as it were. Now if you gaze down you can see all those people? Yes, well those are people just like you running around trying to carry out the orders that the gods have just given them. Yes Helen I know they look just like ants. If I had a drop of water for every time I’ve heard that one I would be sunning myself by an ocean right now. What now Helen? Oh, a pawn is an army of 10,000 men or less. You didn’t read the rulebook given to you when you arrived did you. We have a saying up here that might help you and the others. Its ‘Read the F**king Manual.’ Or RTFM for short. Unpleasant things have happened when some poor mortal asks a short tempered god a silly question. In fact you see that strange shaped stump over there? Yes the one that looks like a man on his knees? He was called Bob something. Bob breath, dress, death, can’t really remember right now but no one liked him anyway."

There is a short but furious turning of pages by the mortals as they lower their heads and quickly study their manuals. Suddenly Ate raises her head and turns it to the wind. Now where had she smelled that strange odor before? When it came to her it was like the first whiff of the stench of a dead skunk. That old flea bitten coyote Sedit is here somewhere she thought. She hoped Loki and he didn’t get together like last time or who knows what chaos might happen. Of course if Sedit was here then probably Olelbis was also watching from somewhere. She hoped that Olelbis hadn’t brought those two boring hags that hung out with him to the game. Might as well talk to a tree as talk to those sag eyed women.

Thor, who was falling back on an old habit by chewing a fingernail waited a moment and then reached out and moved a second piece.

"Bishop to Gascogne double siege." With a smile he sat back and watched Taranis.

Ate didn’t even wait for Helen to raise the question but immediately said.

"20,000 make a bishop. Now there might be some of you who don’t know but your quaint custom of challenging someone with a dare originated with the gods. That’s right is started with gods issuing a siege and then a double siege against one another during a game. A double siege is equivalent to a double dare to humans. Now if Taranis would double siege Thor back it would be the same as a human doing double dare right back. And what would come next?"

The mortals looked at one another before someone from the back said.

"Well a double dare has to be followed by a triple double dare."

Ate smiled as she replied.

"Yes and although rare it does happen with gods to. Thor in fact is one of the originators of the triple double siege that you mortals have mimicked.

Taranis looked up as if surprised that it was his move again. He seemed to glance over the board and then with a flip of the wrist moved a piece from another part of the board.

"Pawn to Guyenne, siege." Easing his body back into his seat he smiled at Thor while winking an eye.

 

[Sharur]

Storey, this is fantastic! You have got some imagination!

But what happens when the AI randomly breaks a siege?

 

[Sorcerer]

Originally posted by Storey


If you had guessed RIGHT you would have won a brand new red BMW sports car. And seated in the passenger seat would be Tiffany, a cute 28 year old blond aerobics instructor who has just inherited a million dollars and loves men called Sorcerer. That is it would all be yours if you had guessed RIGHT. Unfortunately you guessed WRONG. The clue was when Ate noted that Taranis was playing England and she hoped he had a sense of humor, which of course alluded to the fact that he was a Gaulish god about to play against the country where he is worshiped. As a consolation prize you get to stand on the sidewalk and wave as I drive off with Tiffany who is learning to love men named Storey.

Joe

Nooooo! You must have gotten something wrong there. Just look at my post again and then give me Tiffany's phone number. O.K., you can keep the car.

So, if a bishop is 20,000, I'd like to see a queen...

 

[Storey]

Originally posted by Sorcerer


Nooooo! You must have gotten something wrong there. Just look at my post again and then give me Tiffany's phone number. O.K., you can keep the car.

So, if a bishop is 20,000, I'd like to see a queen...

Nice try Sorcerer!

Joe

 

[Sorcerer]

Grrrmblmblwaituntilitelljupiterhe'llshowyoumblmbl...

O.K., before I get lost in Spamland: Do you play until the first peace treaty is reached ('draw') or until one of the both is annexed ('check-mate')?

 

[unmerged(6777)]

This is so incredibly original, Storey. I'm thoroughly impressed, and the writing is superb!

Nice pick-up on Olelbis and Sedit. Do you want me to keep throwing possible attending deities at you or would it be disruptive? I can unearth some pretty obsure ones. Heck, if I catch you out on one do I get to borrow the sports car (and contents) for a weekend?

 

[Storey]

Originally posted by Sorcerer
Grrrmblmblwaituntilitelljupiterhe'llshowyoumblmbl...

O.K., before I get lost in Spamland: Do you play until the first peace treaty is reached ('draw') or until one of the both is annexed ('check-mate')?

I hadn't thought that far ahead. I think until they reach a peace agreement but who knows? I've only played a few years since I've been concentrating on my Eire AAR.

Joe

P.S. Jupiter's a whimp,

 

[Storey]

Originally posted by MrT
This is so incredibly original, Storey. I'm thoroughly impressed, and the writing is superb!

Nice pick-up on Olelbis and Sedit. Do you want me to keep throwing possible attending deities at you or would it be disruptive? I can unearth some pretty obsure ones. Heck, if I catch you out on one do I get to borrow the sports car (and contents) for a weekend?

Anyone can throw in anything they want. I don't really have any rules so its not going to be disruptive. I knew of Olelbis and Sedit because I live in the Pacific Northwest. Sorry Tiffany is spoken for. She has the cutest dimples when she smiles. And to think i almost lost her to Sorcerer. That will teach him to not know his Gaulish gods.

Joe

 

[Sorcerer]

Originally posted by Storey


Anyone can throw in anything they want. I don't really have any rules so its not going to be disruptive. I knew of Olelbis and Sedit because I live in the Pacific Northwest. Sorry Tiffany is spoken for. She has the cutest dimples when she smiles. And to think i almost lost her to Sorcerer. That will teach him to not know his Gaulish gods.

Joe

I am deeply and thoroughly sorry. I will now order 17 books about Gaulish deities at amazon.de, in the desperate hope that I will never again miss such an opportunity. Oh, how lonely I am! /* sniff */

Oh, and since Jupiter essentially is Zeus, you just contradicted yourself...

 

[Storey]

Originally posted by Sorcerer


Oh, and since Jupiter essentially is Zeus, you just contradicted yourself...

That is a theological conundrum that has stumped theologians for millennia. We will have to talk about it some time. Here comes the next part.

Joe

 

[Storey]

Thor wasn’t amused by Taranis’s wink and scowled at the god and then the board. He reached forward and then pulled his hand back seemly in doubt. He knew that the third move was considered the move of FATE. Maybe it was superstition maybe just foolishness but most gods were very careful with the third move. Ate keeping her voice low continued to help the mortals keep up with what was happening.

"Thor’s hesitating because he knows that the third move sets the pace for what is called the opening phase of the game, which is traditionally the first 30 moves. Then comes the middle game of 60 moves and the end game of 120 moves but I’m getting ahead of myself so lets just concentrate on what’s happening now."

Taranis leaned back in his comfy chair ™, which use to be owned by Bob and waved to the gods watching the game and even nodded to the mortals who by their beaming faces seemed to appreciate the gesture. He certainly knew how to play to the crowd.

Helen who was agitating her bottom on her seat once again asked Ate. "Why doesn’t Thor move? He has a dozen provinces that he can attack. I mean look at all the troops he’s recruiting. He doesn’t have a problem with manpower."

"My dear you’re seeing a classic struggle of not only two houses of the gods but of the philosophy of how to play the game. Thor is putting on a show for everyone including Taranis. He isn’t really stumped on what he is going to do he just wants you to think so. My guess is that he is going to move with the finesse of a bear in heat and launch another wave of mortals at Gascogne. It would be analogous to him throwing his hammer at an egg. Messy, a little over the top and not the most ingenious but then Thor isn’t the god of wisdom is he? This is called the Goibhniu gambit named after that Gaulish god of the same name who first proposed the use of massive force directed at one target. He claimed that you could never miss with this strategy. This will give Thor an overwhelming force and put a great deal of pressure on Taranis. Taranis on the other hand looks like he’s going for what we call the Nut approach."

From the silly smiles on the mortal’s faces Ate knew that further explanation was necessary.

"Not nut, NUT, the Egyptian goddess of the sky. She was the first to apply this strategy in the game and so it was named after her. Now with this approach Taranis is going to siege as many provinces as he can. He runs the risk of being overwhelmed if Thor counterattacks but it has the advantage that even if one siege fails another may succeed. It’s called not putting all your mortals in the same province. I believe you mortals have twisted the phrase, as you usually do, into ‘don’t put all your eggs in the same basket.’ You are very good mimickers but you know that don’t you. Oh you have to go again Helen? Well run along and hurry back. I think the actions going to really heat up soon and no I don’t mean in the woods."

 

[Sharur]

This is great, Storey You may not have planned it, but it seems like you did.

 

[unmerged(6777)]

Hine nudged her father. "Looks like the Nut approach."


To which her father, Tane, respinded "Bide, daughter, bide. It may have Ruaumoko overtones to it so it's best not to pre-judge."

The pair settled down to watch, and thus missed Huitzilopochtli's grand (if somewhat late and overly ostentatious) entrance...

 

[Sorcerer]

You know, Mr Bob Death will not be pleased when he hears that Taranis has his beloved Comfy Chair™.

This is one of the crudest, craziest and consequently best ideas for an AAR. I love it!

 

[Lord Durham]

The great lady, the God-mother, lady of Re-a-nefer; Isis-Nebuut, lady of Sekhet; lady of Besitet; Isis in Per Pakht, the queen of Mesen; Isis of Ta-at-nehepet; Isis, dweller in Netru; Isis, lady of Hebet; Isis in P-she-Hert; Isis, lady of Khebt; Usert-Isis, giver of life, lady of Abaton, lady of Philae, and lady of the countries of the south, or just plain Isis to her friends, stomped her pretty little foot and glared at Osiris. "I wanna go see the match!"

"Really, darling, what's to see?" He spread his arms wide to encmpass the Underworld. "Afterall, the losers end up here."

"Yeah, but things around here have been so dead lately. I need some life!"

Osiris sighed, "Tell you what then, after we take care of Amenhotep and his party of 1,200, we'll drop by for a while. Deal?"

"Ohhh. I could love you to death, darling..."

 

[unmerged(2540)]

Wot?!

Bob Death was pissed. Thses damned Gods thought they were above him? Christ, did they not know they no one was above Death? Not even the Gods? Well, he would...what's that? Who said that? Don't play games with me! I saw that! You! Taranis! You think you have the Comfy Chair™ but you do not. You have a cheap knockoff! Ha ha ha ha ha! You think you control me, but it is I who control you! *Ominous music follows Bob Death around like locusts*

Ha! I'll watch this, but rest assured that many of these Gods will be long gone by the time I am through with my little bit of fun. I wonder if Doug and Cybil know what is going on? Man, if they don't they are gonna be pissed!!! Hoo! I want to see the look on these pesky demigods faces when they have to answer to the Boss. Hoot man! That'll be a classic. I wonder if they'll be treated the same way that we treat suicides? Hmm, that gives me an idea! To the Deathmobile!


-------------------


[OOC: Hoo, I tell ya, I have started a thing. Everyone wants a Comfy Chair™ of their own now. Crap! It'll be worse than those damned Bobblehead dolls that are going round. Yikes!

 

[Sorcerer]

"Have you read the latest 'God's Gazette'?"
"Hmmm?" Manwe was concentratedon a little white ball, which he tried to move into a slightly smaller hole somwwhere in the landscape, using a club-like thing.
Ever since the mortals had invented this 'golf' game, he had been totally fascinated by it, and although he was a terrible player considering that he was a higher entity, nobody dared to tell him so. Except his companion Varda, Lady of the Stars, greatest beauty on Arda.
She was now standing behind Manwe, waving with the aforementioned paper.
But Manwe was too preoccupied with his next move. For once, he managed to give the ball the right direction, and it landed on the green near the hole.
But as it rolled out, a cat came out of the underbrush, chased the ball, and finally swallowed it. Just as the cat started to retreat to the bushes, a giant eagle swept down from the sky and grabbed the cat with it's claws. The bird slowly gained height again, when a lighning out of nowhere hit and burned both animals. The ball however remained unscathed, and fell down, directly into the hole.
Manwe scratched his head, a bit unsure about the recent development.
"Are you finished now?"
"You just ruined my game!" At least he was listening now.
"They did it again! They have organized one of those tournaments, and we aren't invited!"
"Well, darling, you know that we are only distant relatives. Heck, we don't even live in the same dimension!"
"But..."
"Listen, if you want to watch some barbarians play, then go. But don't disturb my golf game again."

 

[Storey]

Sorcerer; Ah I see we have the first appearance of Tolkien in this thread. Its funny you bring up Manwe since he was probably the inspiration for this AAR. A few months ago a writer called Lionheart wrote a Spanish AAR and started it off with the Gods playing different countries. I popped in on occasion and posted a line or two. I forgot about it until I decided that I wanted to do something different than anything else on the board. And so you know the genesis for the thread.

Honour_Shogun: Don't think that I'm going to give up that easy. The Comfy Chair (TM) will be mine!

Lord Durham: LOL "Ohhh. I could love you to death, darling..." Hope your enjoying this crazy AAR.

MrT: I got the Aztec part but I had to look up to find the New Zealand part and I'm still not sure about Hine and Tane.

Sharur: Well I'm not sure how much was planned myself. I just started out with an idea and it became this. I'm having fun for as long as it lasts.