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Rustican said:
You just have to stop the madness Rustican. People at work are starting to think that I really am a CrazyBugger :wacko: - I laugh at the worst times & how am I supposed to explain it, "Well sir, I was reading this story about Goering at a fat camp and he just got in trouble for sticking food up his @$$ to hide it from the guards & then he ate it later." - sorry, but that dog isn't going to hunt in these woods! Therefore I urge you to stop this AAR as I seem to be addicted to it
.Thanks for the update man, you had me laughing.
Jono
P.S. Loved this line too :rofl:
:rofl: Rustican said:
Anyone fancy a glass of freshly squeezed Goering Juice?
Rustican, I've been following since about page 3 but never got round to posting. You're one funny fella, man!
Rustican, I've been following since about page 3 but never got round to posting. You're one funny fella, man!
Declan Hillier said:
Let me guess, you joined up just to say that? You know, Rustican, that's saying something Rustican... Just like I joined just to post in WTICG.
Oh, and btw, welcome to the forums Declan!
Oh my rustican you're a damn genius, i love how you can always come up with new material!
Some of my favs:
Some of my favs:
:rofl: :rofl:
Declan Hillier said:
Blitzkreig said:Let me guess, you joined up just to say that? You know, Rustican, that's saying something Rustican... Just like I joined just to post in WTICG.
Oh, and btw, welcome to the forums Declan!
Wow! That really does mean a lot and i'm flattered. I'm glad that you and everyone else is enjoying reading the German Risk AAR. Welcome to the forums, Declan Hillier!
Peenemunde Late December 1944
A familiar red Bug Volkswagen come puttering up to the gates of the research compound. It is heavily escorted by fast paced German advanced armor and Me109s flying aid cover. The Guards at the gate salute sharply and immediately begin to open massive iron latches holding the metal doors.
The motorcade continues on making its way to the largest building of the Peenemunde complex. A old rundown aircraft hanger stands unassuming along with the other drab buildings. The hanger doors automatically open and the red Bug putters on alone inside where old relics of bi-planes and tri-planes sporting the iron cross sit covered with dust and grime.
Hitler along with Ribbentrop step out of the car as the large hanger doors close again by themselves.
Hitler: Just look at this place. Who would suspect that this was actually the most advanced S&M facility in the German Reich?
Ribbentrop: I think you mean R&D mien Fuhrer.
Hitler: Bah, R&D, S&M it’s all the same thing. Someone always gets shafted in the end. Come on Ribbi, help me look for the door. I always forget where the switch for it.
Ribbentrop: Uh… yes mien Fuhrer.
They make their way through the graveyard of fighter planes examining and feeling around for way in. They finally come to an ole tri-plane model and Hitler wiggles the propeller a little.
Hitler: I think this is the one, Ribbi. Contact! (and he tugs down hard on the prop. And audible ‘clank’ is heard and the floor that the plane and men are standing on begins to descend downward into the darkness)
For what seems like ages, the elevator goes deeper until finally it touches bottom and doors slide open in front of them. Guards quickly salute, as the two men take in the sight of the massive underground complex. Everywhere they look white lab coated scientists and Swedish programmers scurry about diligently churning out the German war machines latest weapons and equipment.
A quiet looking scientist with frizzled hair and a thick mustache approaches them.
Hitler: Ah, good doctor. We’re here to inspect your progress. What’s all the hoopla going on here?
Head Researcher: Currently we are trying to manipulate vast amounts of energy to bend the very fabric of space itself. We have to be careful though. The slightest miscalculation and we might open a portal to hostile alien dimension or gate in the minions of Hell itself.
Ribbentrop: Uh… why exactly are you doing this?
Head Researcher: (shrugs) To see if we can. Here why don’t I show you what else we are doing. Please this way.
He leads them down the corridors of the facility. Florescent lamps lining the way flicker as they pass doors on their way down. He leads them to one door and he opens it. Two scientists are in the room with one holding a machine gun and another stand at the back in front of some sandbags wearing a crude set of Kevlar and steel plated combat suit.
Head Researcher: Over here we are perfecting the creation of body armor for our troops. (he nods to the two men) Ok, boys!
The scientist with the gun fires unloading the clip into the other man who stands there and takes it. When the smoke clears he is still standing.
Head Researcher: How are you feeling Tom?
The scientist in the body armor gives a thumbs up, then moments later keels over dead.
Hitler: Some how I just don’t feel impressed.
Head Researcher: (smiles weakly and quickly closes the door) It still needs work… Over here we’re testing our infrared sensor technology. This will allow our troops to see in the dark.
Hitler: (dubiously) Ok…
He leads them to another door and inside the room is pitch dark and barely anything can be seen.
Head Researcher: Hey Bill, are you in there?
Bill the scientist: Yeah, just testing out the latest model. It’s working great! I can see you all just fine.
Head Researcher: That’s just swell Bill. Here why don’t we show the Fuhrer the head gear. (he goes over and flips on the light in the room bathing it in bright incandescent light.)
Bill the scientist: No! Wait! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!! My eyes! My eyes!!! It burns!!! (he clutches at the goggles madly running across the room trying to take them off. He runs head first into the wall and drops unconscious. His head bursts into flames and a maintenance team rushes with fire extinguishers to put him out.)
Head Researcher: Well now… ah… let’s move along now shall we?
Hitler: (Buries his head in his hand) Maybe I should just order all our electronics from Taiwan like everyone else.
Ribbentrop: (moves ahead to the next door) What’s in here then?
Head Researcher: Don’t open that door!
But it’s too late as Ribbentrop takes a peak in. He quickly slams it behind him pressing his back against it as something from inside the room thumps up against it. A gelatinous pink blob oozes from beneath the door, which the Head Researcher rushes to, vigorously stamping his foot down on in a couple of times.
Head Researcher: Back! Back I say! Not food! Bad! Bad!!!
A squeal is heard from within and the pink amoeba squirms back under the door.
Ribbentrop: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!? (His eyes bugging out of his head)
Head Researcher: Oh… ah… that was Gordon. You don’t want to know what happened to him. (shakes his head sadly)
Hitler: Do you have anything here that actually works???
Head Researcher: Oh, I saved the best for last, the fiesta de resistance…
He opens the door and a bright light fills the dreary hall way. The men squint their eyes and as they adjust to the brightness they see to massive cube like objects standing 6 feet high 6 feet wide and 6 feet deep.
Ribbentrop: (gasps as recognition dawns on his face) My god… Bigger Dice!!!
Hitler: (he grins) I suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Head Researcher: That’s probably from the radiation.
Hitler blinks.
A familiar red Bug Volkswagen come puttering up to the gates of the research compound. It is heavily escorted by fast paced German advanced armor and Me109s flying aid cover. The Guards at the gate salute sharply and immediately begin to open massive iron latches holding the metal doors.
The motorcade continues on making its way to the largest building of the Peenemunde complex. A old rundown aircraft hanger stands unassuming along with the other drab buildings. The hanger doors automatically open and the red Bug putters on alone inside where old relics of bi-planes and tri-planes sporting the iron cross sit covered with dust and grime.
Hitler along with Ribbentrop step out of the car as the large hanger doors close again by themselves.
Hitler: Just look at this place. Who would suspect that this was actually the most advanced S&M facility in the German Reich?
Ribbentrop: I think you mean R&D mien Fuhrer.
Hitler: Bah, R&D, S&M it’s all the same thing. Someone always gets shafted in the end. Come on Ribbi, help me look for the door. I always forget where the switch for it.
Ribbentrop: Uh… yes mien Fuhrer.
They make their way through the graveyard of fighter planes examining and feeling around for way in. They finally come to an ole tri-plane model and Hitler wiggles the propeller a little.
Hitler: I think this is the one, Ribbi. Contact! (and he tugs down hard on the prop. And audible ‘clank’ is heard and the floor that the plane and men are standing on begins to descend downward into the darkness)
For what seems like ages, the elevator goes deeper until finally it touches bottom and doors slide open in front of them. Guards quickly salute, as the two men take in the sight of the massive underground complex. Everywhere they look white lab coated scientists and Swedish programmers scurry about diligently churning out the German war machines latest weapons and equipment.
A quiet looking scientist with frizzled hair and a thick mustache approaches them.
Hitler: Ah, good doctor. We’re here to inspect your progress. What’s all the hoopla going on here?
Head Researcher: Currently we are trying to manipulate vast amounts of energy to bend the very fabric of space itself. We have to be careful though. The slightest miscalculation and we might open a portal to hostile alien dimension or gate in the minions of Hell itself.
Ribbentrop: Uh… why exactly are you doing this?
Head Researcher: (shrugs) To see if we can. Here why don’t I show you what else we are doing. Please this way.
He leads them down the corridors of the facility. Florescent lamps lining the way flicker as they pass doors on their way down. He leads them to one door and he opens it. Two scientists are in the room with one holding a machine gun and another stand at the back in front of some sandbags wearing a crude set of Kevlar and steel plated combat suit.
Head Researcher: Over here we are perfecting the creation of body armor for our troops. (he nods to the two men) Ok, boys!
The scientist with the gun fires unloading the clip into the other man who stands there and takes it. When the smoke clears he is still standing.
Head Researcher: How are you feeling Tom?
The scientist in the body armor gives a thumbs up, then moments later keels over dead.
Hitler: Some how I just don’t feel impressed.
Head Researcher: (smiles weakly and quickly closes the door) It still needs work… Over here we’re testing our infrared sensor technology. This will allow our troops to see in the dark.
Hitler: (dubiously) Ok…
He leads them to another door and inside the room is pitch dark and barely anything can be seen.
Head Researcher: Hey Bill, are you in there?
Bill the scientist: Yeah, just testing out the latest model. It’s working great! I can see you all just fine.
Head Researcher: That’s just swell Bill. Here why don’t we show the Fuhrer the head gear. (he goes over and flips on the light in the room bathing it in bright incandescent light.)
Bill the scientist: No! Wait! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!! My eyes! My eyes!!! It burns!!! (he clutches at the goggles madly running across the room trying to take them off. He runs head first into the wall and drops unconscious. His head bursts into flames and a maintenance team rushes with fire extinguishers to put him out.)
Head Researcher: Well now… ah… let’s move along now shall we?
Hitler: (Buries his head in his hand) Maybe I should just order all our electronics from Taiwan like everyone else.
Ribbentrop: (moves ahead to the next door) What’s in here then?
Head Researcher: Don’t open that door!
But it’s too late as Ribbentrop takes a peak in. He quickly slams it behind him pressing his back against it as something from inside the room thumps up against it. A gelatinous pink blob oozes from beneath the door, which the Head Researcher rushes to, vigorously stamping his foot down on in a couple of times.
Head Researcher: Back! Back I say! Not food! Bad! Bad!!!
A squeal is heard from within and the pink amoeba squirms back under the door.
Ribbentrop: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!? (His eyes bugging out of his head)
Head Researcher: Oh… ah… that was Gordon. You don’t want to know what happened to him. (shakes his head sadly)
Hitler: Do you have anything here that actually works???
Head Researcher: Oh, I saved the best for last, the fiesta de resistance…
He opens the door and a bright light fills the dreary hall way. The men squint their eyes and as they adjust to the brightness they see to massive cube like objects standing 6 feet high 6 feet wide and 6 feet deep.
Ribbentrop: (gasps as recognition dawns on his face) My god… Bigger Dice!!!
Hitler: (he grins) I suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Head Researcher: That’s probably from the radiation.
Hitler blinks.
:rofl:Rustican said:
Great stuff, Rustican. The way you portray Hitler and his exchanges with the people around him are when you're at your best (which is pretty darn good!)
Rafiki
Another great update. Keep it up. At this point in the game do you have nukes yet?
Rustican said:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
You should be a Saturday Night Live writer (a good one, that is)
Semi-Lobster said:
German advanced technology is not advanced enough to test weapons with such tremendous power, I guess :rofl: