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Stockholm Sweden Late September 1941
Field Marshals Von Kluge and Von Mastein sit on hard wooden chairs in the interrogation room. Their arms are tied to the back of their stools with taught rope and their faces are illuminated with a blinding torch light radiating heat down upon them.
A voice from the shadows speaks out.
Voice from shadows: I will ask you both again. What is the code combination on the wheels of your German Enigma encryption device?
Von Mastein: Enigma? Never heard of it before.
Von Kluge: Don’t look at me I’m an idiot.
Voice from shadows: Our patience is running thin. You both know the price for not cooperating. I will ask you again, what are the combinations for the code wheels on the Enigma device!
Von Mastein: You got it all wrong. Enigma isn’t a code machine, it’s a… ah… toaster oven!
Von Kluge: (whispers) A toaster oven?!?! Couldn’t you have though of something better than that?
Von Mastein: (whispers) Well I didn’t hear you say anything!
Von Kluge: Well I would of come up with something better than a toaster over! Maybe a type writer, or a an adding machine, but a toaster oven???
Voice from shadows: Silence! It seems we will have to resort to other means to extract the information out of you! (a figure steps out of the shadows)
Von Mastein and Kluge’s eyes widen and sweat begins to appear on their brow. A blond bombshell of the of the SBT elite commando squad stands before them in the light. She’s wearing a skimpy blue two-piece bikini set barely covering anything at all. In her hands is a bottle of baby-oil.
SBT operative: I’m very sad that neither of you won’t to cooperate. Maybe we could reach some sort of arrangement? You know the old saying. ‘You oil my back and I’ll oil yours.’ (She opens up the bottle of baby-oil and spreads some on her arms. Her porcelain like skin glistens in the torch spotlight)
Von Mastein’s jaw drops as his eyes watch entranced by the maiden’s visage. The blond looks at him and speaks.
SBT operative: Won’t you please tell me the codes now? (her face takes on a pouting expression as she leans up close to him.)
Von Mastein: I… I…
Vond Kluge: Don’t do it Mastein! You got to fight it! If you give them the codes they’ll be able to monitor all our communications and even read our mail! Just like what the FBI does to American citizens!!!
SBT operative: Don’t listen to your friend there. No why don’t you tell me the codes now.
Von Mastein: I… can’t…
SBT operative: Pretty please? (she blows in his ear)
Von Mastein: (his face takes on a heavenly expression) Ok…
Von Kluge: No, Mastein!!!
SBT operative: What is the setting of the first code wheel?
Von Mastein: One.
SBT operative: What is the setting of the second code wheel?
Von Mastein: Two.
SBT operative: What is the setting of the last code wheel?
Von Mastein: Three.
SBT operative: So the Enigma code settings are one, two, three?
Von Mastein: Yup, can I oil your back now?
SBT operative: That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard! Only an idiot would use that on his luggage!
Von Kluge: Damn! Not the code to my luggage! Mastein, look what you’ve done!
Suddenly an explosion rocks the building, and the wall on the far side of the room falls inward in a cloud of dust and debris. As the smoke clears, a brownish-blond haired woman stumbles in her feet catching in the fallen cinderblocks.
SBT operative: You! Who the hell are you?
Kluge and Mastein look up immediately recognizing the new woman who is dressed in a conservative white blouse and long brown skirt.
Kluge and Mastein: Eva???
Eva Braun: (smiles meekly at them) Hi! Pookums sent me to rescue you!
SBT operative: I think not! These two have been seduced by the SBT! They are ours! Now you will pay for your intrusion.
Mastein and Kluge: Woohoo!!! Catfight!!!
Eva Brawn: Foolish girl! Real women don’t seduce men! (Eva tears off her casual office dress, revealing a black clad leather dominatrix outfit complete with black, spiked-heeled knee-high boots. At her side rests a holstered knight-stick and from behind her she pulls out a bull whip and cracks it in the air!) They subdue them! Crushing a man’s fragile little ego in their neatly manicured fists till he realizes that his only purpose in life is to obey!!!
Mastein and Kluge: (eyes bulge) Eh?!?!?
SBT operative: Die hussy! (she reaches into her bikini top pulling out two grenades throwing them at Eva.)
Eva quickly reacts pulling out her knight stick and bats both grenades through the hole she had come through. They explode outside with out harm.
Von Kluge: See, I told you they were implants!
Von Mastein: (nods his head) Yup.
Eva takes the offensive lashing out with her whip. She ensnares the startled SBT operative around the waist and with a heave sends the poor girl flying out the third floor window with a screaming crash followed by a muffled thump
Eva Brawn: Goodbye dear, as with all trollops, you’ve been screwed in the end.
Mastein and Kluge: Eva you did it! You saved us!!!
Evan turns to the two bound men and her face darkens.
Eva Brawn: You two have been very naughty field marshals. Pookums doesn’t like it when his field marshals are… disobedient.
Von Kluge: Wait! Eva, we can explain!
Von Mastein: It was the SBT’s fault! They made us do everything!
Eva Brawn: Enough of your pathetic excuses! You failed the Fuhrer because you lacked discipline! So to make sure this doesn’t ever happen again, I’ll just have to train you in some proper obedience! (Her whip cracks in the air as Mastein and Kluge whimper helplessly in their chairs)
Sweden was annexed the following day.
Field Marshals Von Kluge and Von Mastein sit on hard wooden chairs in the interrogation room. Their arms are tied to the back of their stools with taught rope and their faces are illuminated with a blinding torch light radiating heat down upon them.
A voice from the shadows speaks out.
Voice from shadows: I will ask you both again. What is the code combination on the wheels of your German Enigma encryption device?
Von Mastein: Enigma? Never heard of it before.
Von Kluge: Don’t look at me I’m an idiot.
Voice from shadows: Our patience is running thin. You both know the price for not cooperating. I will ask you again, what are the combinations for the code wheels on the Enigma device!
Von Mastein: You got it all wrong. Enigma isn’t a code machine, it’s a… ah… toaster oven!
Von Kluge: (whispers) A toaster oven?!?! Couldn’t you have though of something better than that?
Von Mastein: (whispers) Well I didn’t hear you say anything!
Von Kluge: Well I would of come up with something better than a toaster over! Maybe a type writer, or a an adding machine, but a toaster oven???
Voice from shadows: Silence! It seems we will have to resort to other means to extract the information out of you! (a figure steps out of the shadows)
Von Mastein and Kluge’s eyes widen and sweat begins to appear on their brow. A blond bombshell of the of the SBT elite commando squad stands before them in the light. She’s wearing a skimpy blue two-piece bikini set barely covering anything at all. In her hands is a bottle of baby-oil.
SBT operative: I’m very sad that neither of you won’t to cooperate. Maybe we could reach some sort of arrangement? You know the old saying. ‘You oil my back and I’ll oil yours.’ (She opens up the bottle of baby-oil and spreads some on her arms. Her porcelain like skin glistens in the torch spotlight)
Von Mastein’s jaw drops as his eyes watch entranced by the maiden’s visage. The blond looks at him and speaks.
SBT operative: Won’t you please tell me the codes now? (her face takes on a pouting expression as she leans up close to him.)
Von Mastein: I… I…
Vond Kluge: Don’t do it Mastein! You got to fight it! If you give them the codes they’ll be able to monitor all our communications and even read our mail! Just like what the FBI does to American citizens!!!
SBT operative: Don’t listen to your friend there. No why don’t you tell me the codes now.
Von Mastein: I… can’t…
SBT operative: Pretty please? (she blows in his ear)
Von Mastein: (his face takes on a heavenly expression) Ok…
Von Kluge: No, Mastein!!!
SBT operative: What is the setting of the first code wheel?
Von Mastein: One.
SBT operative: What is the setting of the second code wheel?
Von Mastein: Two.
SBT operative: What is the setting of the last code wheel?
Von Mastein: Three.
SBT operative: So the Enigma code settings are one, two, three?
Von Mastein: Yup, can I oil your back now?
SBT operative: That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard! Only an idiot would use that on his luggage!
Von Kluge: Damn! Not the code to my luggage! Mastein, look what you’ve done!
Suddenly an explosion rocks the building, and the wall on the far side of the room falls inward in a cloud of dust and debris. As the smoke clears, a brownish-blond haired woman stumbles in her feet catching in the fallen cinderblocks.
SBT operative: You! Who the hell are you?
Kluge and Mastein look up immediately recognizing the new woman who is dressed in a conservative white blouse and long brown skirt.
Kluge and Mastein: Eva???
Eva Braun: (smiles meekly at them) Hi! Pookums sent me to rescue you!
SBT operative: I think not! These two have been seduced by the SBT! They are ours! Now you will pay for your intrusion.
Mastein and Kluge: Woohoo!!! Catfight!!!
Eva Brawn: Foolish girl! Real women don’t seduce men! (Eva tears off her casual office dress, revealing a black clad leather dominatrix outfit complete with black, spiked-heeled knee-high boots. At her side rests a holstered knight-stick and from behind her she pulls out a bull whip and cracks it in the air!) They subdue them! Crushing a man’s fragile little ego in their neatly manicured fists till he realizes that his only purpose in life is to obey!!!
Mastein and Kluge: (eyes bulge) Eh?!?!?
SBT operative: Die hussy! (she reaches into her bikini top pulling out two grenades throwing them at Eva.)
Eva quickly reacts pulling out her knight stick and bats both grenades through the hole she had come through. They explode outside with out harm.
Von Kluge: See, I told you they were implants!
Von Mastein: (nods his head) Yup.
Eva takes the offensive lashing out with her whip. She ensnares the startled SBT operative around the waist and with a heave sends the poor girl flying out the third floor window with a screaming crash followed by a muffled thump
Eva Brawn: Goodbye dear, as with all trollops, you’ve been screwed in the end.
Mastein and Kluge: Eva you did it! You saved us!!!
Evan turns to the two bound men and her face darkens.
Eva Brawn: You two have been very naughty field marshals. Pookums doesn’t like it when his field marshals are… disobedient.
Von Kluge: Wait! Eva, we can explain!
Von Mastein: It was the SBT’s fault! They made us do everything!
Eva Brawn: Enough of your pathetic excuses! You failed the Fuhrer because you lacked discipline! So to make sure this doesn’t ever happen again, I’ll just have to train you in some proper obedience! (Her whip cracks in the air as Mastein and Kluge whimper helplessly in their chairs)
Sweden was annexed the following day.
Last edited:
ohh ze evil plans has been...halted...*looks around* TO THE PIMP-MOBILE!
*VROOOOM*
*VROOOOM*
perfect as usual.
It remind me of these cute girls dressed in dominatrix in Return into Castle Wolfenstein.
It remind me of these cute girls dressed in dominatrix in Return into Castle Wolfenstein.
Interesting...
Somehow, I was not expecting a fight between Eva Braun and a member of the Swedish Bikini Team.
Somehow, I was not expecting a fight between Eva Braun and a member of the Swedish Bikini Team.
The SBT team, dominatrix outfits, catfights-I just bought HOI for the game, they never said anything about this!!!
hahahahahaha
Great update as usual
but...
I believe this is taken from Mel Brooks's "Space Balls" isn't?
"What is the combination of the Planet's shield??"
http://www.dvd.reviewer.co.uk/revie...Index=347&Region=1&Page=1&Image=spaceballs003
Great update as usual
but...
I believe this is taken from Mel Brooks's "Space Balls" isn't?
"What is the combination of the Planet's shield??"
http://www.dvd.reviewer.co.uk/revie...Index=347&Region=1&Page=1&Image=spaceballs003