Here we go again!
Director: Quiet on the set! The shooting of the Führer's New Year Speech is about to begin!
Hitler: And about time too, I have-
Director: I said "Quiet on the set!"
Hitler shoots the director.
Hitler: That will teach you a lesson. Anybody else wants to interrupt me as I'm getting ready for my traditional Midnight address on January 1st, 1936?
An assistant director timidly raises a hand. Hitler promptly points his gun at him.
Assistant director: Mein Führer, please don't shoot!
Hitler: Only because you said "please". So, what's your problem, man?
Assistant director: Mein Führer, this is a Hearts of Iron IV AAR, the game begins at noon on January 1st, 1936, not midnight like in the past iterations of the series.
Hitler: Oh.
Assistant director: I thought you'd noticed.
Hitler: Why?
Assistant director: Well, it's broad daylight outside.
Hitler shoots the assistant director. The rest of the crew run away in panic.
Hitler: Good. And now, action!
Hitler: Germans, Germans; soldiers, party comrades; Reichsministers and other assorted parasites.
Hitler clears his throat.
Hitler: Today, January the first, nineteen thirty-six; a date which will live in infamy! The United States of the Third Reich were suddenly and deliberately- who's stomping in the corridors while I'm talking?
Hitler draws his gun again, furious.
Goebbels enters the room, clearly annoyed.
Goebbels: Mein Führer, we said we have three rules for our AARs: no Downfall references, no stealing from future historical speeches, and no cats.
Hitler: I didn't make a Downfall reference!
Goebbels: No, but that line was paraphrased straight out of the speech Roosevelt plans to give on December 8th 1941.
Hitler puts away his gun and grumbles.
Hitler: At least there are no cats.
Goebbels: Take a look at where the camera is pointing.
Hitler draws his gun again.
Hitler: Where's the cameraman?
Goebbels: Hiding because he was afraid you'd shoot him?
Hitler: I am going to shoot him.
Goebbels: By the way, mein Führer, you are live on audio, if not on camera.
Hitler, mortified: Everybody heard that?
Goebbels: Yep.
Hitler: And everybody was listening to me talk while they were actually watching a cat?
Goebbels: Yep.
Hitler: It's simple, then. Everything that just happened is the cat's fault.
Goebbels: No, you aren't shooting the cat. Or the audience.
Hitler, grumbling: I know better than to try and shoot the readAARs. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a cabinet appointment.
Hitler walks over to the next chapter.
Goebbels: And he's playing BlackICE. I think I'll tell Magda to get ready to pack up and leave.
Goebbels walks out.
The cat goes to sleep.
The post ends.
Hitler: And about time too, I have-
Director: I said "Quiet on the set!"
Hitler shoots the director.
Hitler: That will teach you a lesson. Anybody else wants to interrupt me as I'm getting ready for my traditional Midnight address on January 1st, 1936?
An assistant director timidly raises a hand. Hitler promptly points his gun at him.
Assistant director: Mein Führer, please don't shoot!
Hitler: Only because you said "please". So, what's your problem, man?
Assistant director: Mein Führer, this is a Hearts of Iron IV AAR, the game begins at noon on January 1st, 1936, not midnight like in the past iterations of the series.
Hitler: Oh.
Assistant director: I thought you'd noticed.
Hitler: Why?
Assistant director: Well, it's broad daylight outside.
Hitler shoots the assistant director. The rest of the crew run away in panic.
Hitler: Good. And now, action!
* *
Very not good at following an update schedule productions proudly present
Featuring
Hitler
The director
The assistant director
Nazis
People pretending not to be Nazis
People who-are-almost-Nazis-but-not-quite
Panicking Frenchmen
Flying Dutchmen
MUSSOLINI.
And you
(If you haven't run away already.)
* *
Berlin, the Reichskanzlei. January 1st, 1936. Not midnight.Very not good at following an update schedule productions proudly present
Featuring
Hitler
Nazis
People pretending not to be Nazis
People who-are-almost-Nazis-but-not-quite
Panicking Frenchmen
Flying Dutchmen
MUSSOLINI.
And you
(If you haven't run away already.)
* *
Hitler: Germans, Germans; soldiers, party comrades; Reichsministers and other assorted parasites.
Hitler clears his throat.
Hitler: Today, January the first, nineteen thirty-six; a date which will live in infamy! The United States of the Third Reich were suddenly and deliberately- who's stomping in the corridors while I'm talking?
Hitler draws his gun again, furious.
Goebbels enters the room, clearly annoyed.
Goebbels: Mein Führer, we said we have three rules for our AARs: no Downfall references, no stealing from future historical speeches, and no cats.
Hitler: I didn't make a Downfall reference!
Goebbels: No, but that line was paraphrased straight out of the speech Roosevelt plans to give on December 8th 1941.
Hitler puts away his gun and grumbles.
Hitler: At least there are no cats.
Goebbels: Take a look at where the camera is pointing.
Hitler: Where's the cameraman?
Goebbels: Hiding because he was afraid you'd shoot him?
Hitler: I am going to shoot him.
Goebbels: By the way, mein Führer, you are live on audio, if not on camera.
Hitler, mortified: Everybody heard that?
Goebbels: Yep.
Hitler: And everybody was listening to me talk while they were actually watching a cat?
Goebbels: Yep.
Hitler: It's simple, then. Everything that just happened is the cat's fault.
Goebbels: No, you aren't shooting the cat. Or the audience.
Hitler, grumbling: I know better than to try and shoot the readAARs. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a cabinet appointment.
Hitler walks over to the next chapter.
Goebbels: And he's playing BlackICE. I think I'll tell Magda to get ready to pack up and leave.
Goebbels walks out.
The cat goes to sleep.
The post ends.
* *
Seriously, the post has ended. I'm just rambling now. And about to take an actual look at the game's setup, because I have no idea what I am doing in BlackICE in HoI4, and I'm still about to be doing something really stupid.
Seriously, the post has ended. I'm just rambling now. And about to take an actual look at the game's setup, because I have no idea what I am doing in BlackICE in HoI4, and I'm still about to be doing something really stupid.
Will this AAR feature another cat? Will Hitler start killing his own ministers? Will Germany be annexed by Luxembourg before the year is out? Find out in the next chapter, unless the Führer goes nuts - again!
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