The (Estonian) Empire Strikes Back?!
Takero I is back at it, this time with time travel!
April 1, 1943 - Talinn, Estonian Empire. The Second World War had been raging for four years, quickly becoming one of the most vicious and bloody conflicts in human history. A complicated series of events including Cossack dances, Oktoberfest invitation snubs and the vague involvement of Miklos Horthy had led to conflict between the Axis and Comintern powers. Soon the Entente jumped in to defend Poland and everyone had themselves a slice of the war. Except Estonia.
Under the rule of its new (Japanese) Emperor, the one-time republic had grown into a large Empire in Northern Europe. All of Scandinavia and the Baltic states had been unified under the
Tõusev Päike. Ireland and Iceland had been shoved together into a single kingdom under the rule of King "Goz" I, exuberant at any modest technology at his disposal. Spain's Civil War was won by Estonia as well, and the nation reunified under a British-born Governor General with questionable taste in cigars and pets.
Your protagonist: His Imperial Majesty Takero I, Emperor of Estonia, Progenitor of the Greater North European Co-Prosperity Sphere, Protector of the Kingdom of Iceland and Zogland, Protector of Great Basqueland.
Estonia's entrance into the war had been grand, but immediate successes were followed by defeats in the battlefield. And then for reasons unexplained even to the Emperor himself, the United States entered the war.. against Estonia. Now American bombers had taken control of the skies and the self-proclaimed God-Emperor of Estonia cowered under the battleship of a desk in his office. It had all fallen apart. Maybe it had been Governor General Fergusson's declaration that he would "Make America Great Britain again" on the Fourth of July. During a state visit to Washington D.C. Maybe the postcard that Kaerma had sent to J. Edgar Hoover with a poorly chosen image of an Estonian palace guard in her 'tactical swimming costume' and reading 'Wish you were her!' had roused the sleeping giant.
Whatever the case, Estonia's bid for empire was doomed. That insufferable annoyance Zog.. er.. Goz.. had switched sides and joined the American war effort in exchange for a space heater. Takero wondered idly if he ought to lead his troops into a heroic last stand against the Americans. Certainly it was what a proper warrior leader would do. But for all his bravado, the Emperor was too afraid of death to pick up a firearm and fight. Death seemed certain.
And then, in through the door, burst the groundskeeper of Kadriog Palace. A tall Finn who was usually drunk. The wild-eyed man rushed over to the desk and flipped it over with his bare hands. Upon seeing the Emperor, he knelt, "Your majesty, it's time."
"... for what?" Takero asked, a bewildered expression on his face. Was he speaking Japanese? And how was he that strong?
"To save Estonia," the man assured him.
Before Takero could protest, the man seized his arm in a vise-like grip and tore off down the hallway. For a man who usually had a bottle of vodka in his coveralls' pocket, he seemed quite lucid today. Just as they reached the bottom of the once magnificent stairs a bomb exploded in the Emperor's office. All of his work.. gone. Along with that giant painting of himself standing on a mountaintop with lightning somehow flashing on an otherwise clear day. The groundskeeper pushed his way through a solid steel door, took them downstairs.. and stopped before a pedestal with a glass case atop it.
"There. That will save Estonia," the groundskeeper declared, pointing to the glass case.
"How?" Takero asked, approaching the case. Encased within was a red button with 'DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON' emblazoned on it like a comical prop. Oh yes, Kaerma had told him that this thing existed.. and that under no circumstances should anyone touch it. He'd thought it just one of the intelligence minister's ridiculous schemes, but there was apparently more to it.
"It was designed by Einstein, Madame Curie and Tesla over a game of parcheesi. There is no time to explain," came the gruff response. With a firm strike of the fist, the groundskeeper smashed the glass open. Now the button was ready to be used.
"Ooookay... well, everything else about this has been ridiculous. No point in changing that now," Takero sighed. With little else to do he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and pressed the button.
What resulted from this was at first the sensation of a huge electrical shock running up his arm and through his whole body. This was followed by everything going black. The Emperor flew about like a cloth in a raging typhoon, spinning and turning so fast that he could have sworn he was going to throw up. Eventually he felt himself hit something solid. Lightly slowly returned and he could see white all around him, glistening. Was this... the afterlife? No, it was too cold for that. Takero groggily rose to his knees, brushing some snow off of his uniform jacket. Wait.. this looked like the landscape around Tallinn! Had the Button That Must Not Be Pressed actually done something?
His answer came when he realized he wasn't alone. Far from it in fact. All around him were what appeared to be Japanese men in full samurai armor, fully equipped with weapons. Wait, had he gotten forced back into his lousy historical figure impersonation job? Darn Estonian technology! Those weapons looked awfully authentic though. One of the samurai with a rather ridiculous helmet that seemed to be partially shaped like a possum's head stepped forward and bowed deeply.
"Are you all right, my lord?" the man asked seriously.
"I.. guess so," Takero remarked, finding himself oddly unharmed.
"Excllent," the samurai replied, before turning to the other men and shouting, "The Emperor lives! DAI ESUTONIA TEIKOKU... BANZAAAAAIII!"
As the other samurai cheered along, Takero couldn't help but wonder what he'd gotten himself into this time.
-----------------
For those wondering, this is a long delayed sequel to an HOI 2 AAR titled "For the Emperor?!". Since it's been years since I've written an AAR, I thought it would be fun to rewrite history using this absurd idea again. Just.. you know.. in the middle ages and such.
You can find the original work of absurdity here: https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/for-the-emperor.397261/
Takero I is back at it, this time with time travel!
April 1, 1943 - Talinn, Estonian Empire. The Second World War had been raging for four years, quickly becoming one of the most vicious and bloody conflicts in human history. A complicated series of events including Cossack dances, Oktoberfest invitation snubs and the vague involvement of Miklos Horthy had led to conflict between the Axis and Comintern powers. Soon the Entente jumped in to defend Poland and everyone had themselves a slice of the war. Except Estonia.
Under the rule of its new (Japanese) Emperor, the one-time republic had grown into a large Empire in Northern Europe. All of Scandinavia and the Baltic states had been unified under the
Tõusev Päike. Ireland and Iceland had been shoved together into a single kingdom under the rule of King "Goz" I, exuberant at any modest technology at his disposal. Spain's Civil War was won by Estonia as well, and the nation reunified under a British-born Governor General with questionable taste in cigars and pets.
Your protagonist: His Imperial Majesty Takero I, Emperor of Estonia, Progenitor of the Greater North European Co-Prosperity Sphere, Protector of the Kingdom of Iceland and Zogland, Protector of Great Basqueland.
Estonia's entrance into the war had been grand, but immediate successes were followed by defeats in the battlefield. And then for reasons unexplained even to the Emperor himself, the United States entered the war.. against Estonia. Now American bombers had taken control of the skies and the self-proclaimed God-Emperor of Estonia cowered under the battleship of a desk in his office. It had all fallen apart. Maybe it had been Governor General Fergusson's declaration that he would "Make America Great Britain again" on the Fourth of July. During a state visit to Washington D.C. Maybe the postcard that Kaerma had sent to J. Edgar Hoover with a poorly chosen image of an Estonian palace guard in her 'tactical swimming costume' and reading 'Wish you were her!' had roused the sleeping giant.
Whatever the case, Estonia's bid for empire was doomed. That insufferable annoyance Zog.. er.. Goz.. had switched sides and joined the American war effort in exchange for a space heater. Takero wondered idly if he ought to lead his troops into a heroic last stand against the Americans. Certainly it was what a proper warrior leader would do. But for all his bravado, the Emperor was too afraid of death to pick up a firearm and fight. Death seemed certain.
And then, in through the door, burst the groundskeeper of Kadriog Palace. A tall Finn who was usually drunk. The wild-eyed man rushed over to the desk and flipped it over with his bare hands. Upon seeing the Emperor, he knelt, "Your majesty, it's time."
"... for what?" Takero asked, a bewildered expression on his face. Was he speaking Japanese? And how was he that strong?
"To save Estonia," the man assured him.
Before Takero could protest, the man seized his arm in a vise-like grip and tore off down the hallway. For a man who usually had a bottle of vodka in his coveralls' pocket, he seemed quite lucid today. Just as they reached the bottom of the once magnificent stairs a bomb exploded in the Emperor's office. All of his work.. gone. Along with that giant painting of himself standing on a mountaintop with lightning somehow flashing on an otherwise clear day. The groundskeeper pushed his way through a solid steel door, took them downstairs.. and stopped before a pedestal with a glass case atop it.
"There. That will save Estonia," the groundskeeper declared, pointing to the glass case.
"How?" Takero asked, approaching the case. Encased within was a red button with 'DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON' emblazoned on it like a comical prop. Oh yes, Kaerma had told him that this thing existed.. and that under no circumstances should anyone touch it. He'd thought it just one of the intelligence minister's ridiculous schemes, but there was apparently more to it.
"It was designed by Einstein, Madame Curie and Tesla over a game of parcheesi. There is no time to explain," came the gruff response. With a firm strike of the fist, the groundskeeper smashed the glass open. Now the button was ready to be used.
"Ooookay... well, everything else about this has been ridiculous. No point in changing that now," Takero sighed. With little else to do he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and pressed the button.
What resulted from this was at first the sensation of a huge electrical shock running up his arm and through his whole body. This was followed by everything going black. The Emperor flew about like a cloth in a raging typhoon, spinning and turning so fast that he could have sworn he was going to throw up. Eventually he felt himself hit something solid. Lightly slowly returned and he could see white all around him, glistening. Was this... the afterlife? No, it was too cold for that. Takero groggily rose to his knees, brushing some snow off of his uniform jacket. Wait.. this looked like the landscape around Tallinn! Had the Button That Must Not Be Pressed actually done something?
His answer came when he realized he wasn't alone. Far from it in fact. All around him were what appeared to be Japanese men in full samurai armor, fully equipped with weapons. Wait, had he gotten forced back into his lousy historical figure impersonation job? Darn Estonian technology! Those weapons looked awfully authentic though. One of the samurai with a rather ridiculous helmet that seemed to be partially shaped like a possum's head stepped forward and bowed deeply.
"Are you all right, my lord?" the man asked seriously.
"I.. guess so," Takero remarked, finding himself oddly unharmed.
"Excllent," the samurai replied, before turning to the other men and shouting, "The Emperor lives! DAI ESUTONIA TEIKOKU... BANZAAAAAIII!"
As the other samurai cheered along, Takero couldn't help but wonder what he'd gotten himself into this time.
-----------------
For those wondering, this is a long delayed sequel to an HOI 2 AAR titled "For the Emperor?!". Since it's been years since I've written an AAR, I thought it would be fun to rewrite history using this absurd idea again. Just.. you know.. in the middle ages and such.
You can find the original work of absurdity here: https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/index.php?threads/for-the-emperor.397261/
