The Empress and I - A Tale from Rome

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XV

The empress had become even more unpredictable following Constantine's death. But my husband triumphed over his adoptive mother. The despot caused an earthquake, like the one the empress had caused earlier. It was glorious, and shocking at the same time. A storm in the ocean. Or an artillery barrage, aimed at the palace.

We were staying at the palace of Blachernae, I can't remember if it was in summer or in winter, but we were in Blachernae. It was just an average midday, we had eaten breakfast in our apartment, before the despot had left to his own bedroom to play with his toy soldier army. He trained these puppets for an hour or so, then he tore open the doors of my chambers and stood there helpless.

I could see into the lobby and there stood Tournikes, and what surprised me the most, Alexios Kantakouzenos, the Megas logothetes (foreign minister). His presence in my chambers felt rather odd. I asked my husband to close the doors, but he pushed them wide open, and then he exploded.

"Kyría, four boys have been banished from the court! Thrown into the dungeons without my permission! Why? Because I was teaching them some good old fashioned Italian warfare and culture! The boys liked it, they tried to understand the old Roman empire! And now they are gone! Arrested! Innocent young boys. Is this hell or the Roman court?"

He looked furious as he raged on. He was spitting all around, dim eyes blazed with fire, arms moving in weird patterns. He was like a snake, ready to strike, and filled with great bottomless hate. God forbid, my hero was a terrible sight, he had utterly lost his self control.

I stood up and curtsied, as the custom dictates. "What have the boys done, your highness?"

"Kantakouzenos and Tournikes have taken away my servants! Mine! I am the future emperor of Rome!" he screamed. "What the hell am I doing in this court? I have been subjected to these two bastards!" he shouted.

"I'm leaving! Right now! I shall travel to Venice! And you, kyría, will be coming with me. Rome doesn't need us! Let these sneaky spies rule the state!" He crashed into the couch, but didn't stop screaming, on the contrary, his voice gained even more power. Everyone heard it. I wouldn't be surprised if the empress herself had heard the despot's shouts.

I saw the serious face of the Megas logothetes, he was watching me. Maria Tournikes had crawled into my chambers, uninvited, and tried to appeal to me. The despot noticed this and took a metal rod, normally used to adjust burning logs in a fireplace, and began to swing it around. Tournikes vanished into the lobby. I sat quietly and prayed. Every word he said would be heard by the empress.

"There they stand, all the telltales of the court!" the despot pointed towards Tournikes, Kantakouzenos and his own chamberlain, Theodore Laskaris.

"And you, Kantakouzenos! As a F*cking minister of the Senate and People of Rome, don't you have better things to do than to sack servants, soldiers and courtiers? You behave like crones, you are feminine old men with skirts! Soon enough you won't be ruling anything!"

He paused. I took a deep breath. Accusing this man, who was a minister, was enough to put the despot in prison. He stood up from the couch and knocked over a golden chair. He took a small, priceless, porcelain statue and threw it into the fireplace. I retreated towards the windows. It was the same place I had gone to when the empress had abused me. The despot took another statue and threw it towards Tournikes and Kantakouzenos. After this display of madness, there was deathly silence. I had never experienced anything like it. The future Emperor and Autocrat of the Romans had shown his strength.

Then he awakened again and shouted as loud as he could: "Servants, pack up the despoina's belongings! Carriage to the doors! We are leaving. Go to hell you three! Lock the hallway doors!"

The three were standing still. I controlled myself, I think. Inside I was laughing, I wanted to cheer. I despised the people, who still stood silently in our lobby. I turned towards Maria, who somehow had found her way into my chambers. "Please, bring my bags. I need some books from my night table, and my personal jewelry, including my mothers necklace."

Then I talked to my husband: "Your Highness, we should leave at once. We can get to the docks before too long and find a ship there." Oh, how I enjoyed seeing how Kantakouzenos squirmed in fear. They thought we meant it, and so did I. It would have been a relief to leave. I saw Tournikes turning away. Kantakouzenos was faking a cough and Laskaris was sneezing to his handkerchief. Suddenly the rooms were empty. Even the servants had slipped away.

Ah! You devils, how I enjoyed that. As I was waiting for the carriage, still listening to the despots ranting, I laid down on my bed and laughed from the bottom of my heart. I downright loved the despot, my husband for this burst of rage! If he would have come to my bed for some reason, and he didn't, I would have seduced him right then and there. I would have opened my legs and said; "Take aim and fire your shot to the target. Alleluia my man! I am proud of you! For the first time ever, you are a man!"

Our flight from Constantinople would have had serious consequences as far as the inheritance was considered. The deposed "child emperor" Stephen was still imprisoned somewhere... He was the next in line after Andreas, and some thought he should rule even before my husband. A frightful thought, as he had been in prison all his life, some thirty years or so.

Who could have stopped us? We would have left empress Helene Palaiologina alone in her grand palace. The guards would have never dared to arrest the despot, and I was innocent. I was in a state of ecstasy, but I didn't think that the whole incident could have become a national issue. It was the first time we tried to leave Rome, there would be another attempt.

The empress worried herself sick. The four young courtiers were released in the following morning, the ship to freedom never sailed...

The empress had a discussion with the despot. He had informed her, that we were tired of our imprisonment, the empresses orders and insufferable criticism. He was still furious, the empress was quiet. I knew not of what they discussed behind closed doors, until much later. The empress had suggested an annulment of our marriage, because there was no marriage. I was to be sent into a convent.

Did I want a divorce? I knew one thing; If they would send me away, my hands would never touch the crown. I gathered myself and went to a dinner honoring the Venetian ambassador, on my husband's request. I wore a white dress.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XVI

Some days after Andreas' outburst, I received a message; "To Her Imperial Highness, Sophia, the despoina of Epirus...as your brother, it is my duty to inform you of the death of our father Mahmud II, Sultan of the Turks. He left this world on the 5th day of August, this present year."

That was it. It was an announcement, not a message. I wrote to my brother, and gave it to the empresses master of ceremony. I told him that her majesty could read the letter, she would find out how a mourning sister writes to her brother. I desperately wanted to see him, but to no avail. I had no idea how his life had been here in Constantinople. I had seen him from afar, always from afar. The empress used him as a trophy, and as a bargaining chip. But now his position would change, for my father did not die of natural causes. He was murdered by his own brother, my uncle, Mustafa.

My father had been humiliated by empress Helene at the gates of Constantinople. In order to keep his throne, he turned his armies to the east. He waged bloody wars against the Mamluks of Egypt and humbled the Turkish tribes in Mesopotamia. He might not have conquered the City of the World's desire, but he expanded the Ottoman state, with the intention of gathering an army to strike back against the empress of the Romans, but the empress had his only living son. (And his daughter, but why would he care about me, I married a Roman, I had become a Christian.)

The East in 7075 (1567)

Things changed when my uncle took charge of the Ottoman state. He had many sons, and had little need for my brother. So with great arrogance he demanded the return of the provinces "stolen" by the Romans, and the head of my brother Süleiman. Empress Helene threw away her mourning veil at once, and suddenly the descendant of the dragon returned. The imperial armies marched to war, my husband showed some manliness yet again by begging to go with the army, but the empress refused, she had learned her lesson, the heir to the throne stayed in Constantinople.

I was never allowed to mourn for my father. My brother left with the Roman army to fight against the usurper, there was no need to keep him in Constantinople anymore, he was 19 years old at the time, he had become a man. And like all men, he was stupid and stubborn. He went to war against our uncle, and disappeared from my sight, for the time being.

Will there ever be a time when parents start to care about their children and children about their parents? Will there ever be a time when family is the most important thing in the world? When children are not forced to marry? When people marry for love, and arranged marriages don't exist? Will there be a time when candles burn out, and something else will replace them? And will some other kind of transportation replace horses and carriages? Will information travel faster than any horse on land or any ship on the seas?
Will someone fly like an angel and travel to the stars? Will there be a time when people can read what they want, and the books they write aren't burned, but stored? Will there be a time when someone dares to say that God doesn't exist, or that God exists? Will there be a time when we understand what time really is?

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

The brief history of house Palaiologos by Maria of Trebizond

I came to the Queen of Cities together with my mistress Sophia Palaiologina. We grew up together in the harem of her father, the Ottoman sultan Mahmud II, back then she was still known as Mihrimah Sultan. But that's not the story I am going to write down, for it is not mine to tell. Instead, I shall write down the brief history of the dynasty that managed to hold on to the Roman throne, when all other families (the Komenoi of my native Trebizond included) failed.

The Imperial eagle with the family cypher (ΠΑΛΓ) was established as an official symbol of the Imperial dynasty by the dragon emperor Andreas I, the government uses the same symbol, but without the cypher. The so-called "tetragrammatic cross", a golden cross with four letters beta "Β", became the national banner.

The Roman empire and the surrounding areas in 6712 (1204), after the "fourth crusade" had been beaten back. Note the revolt of the Komnenoi, they would claim the imperial throne, until Michael Palaiologos forced them to abandon their claim. Since then the Trapezuntine monarchs have used the title "faithful Emperor and Autocrat of all the East, and of Perateia".

The first recorded member of the illustrious imperial house was Nikephoros Palaiologos, an accomplished Roman general who died fighting against the Norman barbarian Robert de Hauteville in 6590 (1081). His son Georgios was the brother-in-law, general, and a friend of the great emperor Alexios I Komnenos. But the fortunes of house Palaiologos only began to grow with the fall of the decadent Angelos dynasty during the failed "fourth crusade", and the rise of the Laskarid emperors. The man who would become the first emperor of the imperial dynasty, was born in 6731 (1223).

Spoiler: Failure of the Fourth Crusade

The so called fourth crusade was one of the greatest crimes committed by the Latin church against the true faith and empire. I won't spend my time telling about the original intention of the crusading Latins, which was to retake Jerusalem from the Muslims, instead I'll just tell you that the crusaders were approached by Alexios Angelos, the son of the recently deposed emperor Isaac II Angelos. Alexios promised all the riches in the world, and the submission of the true church to the Pope of Rome, if the crusaders would help him win back his father's throne from his uncle Alexios III. Soon enough, the crusaders sailed towards Constantinople.

The Latin siege began in July of 6711 (1203). The first attacks were repulsed by the city garrison, some 15 000 strong. But on the 17th of July, the Venetians, led by their 96 year old blind doge Enrico Dandolo, took a section of the sea walls, whilst the Varangians held the land walls against the crusaders. Fortunately the Doge took a stray arrow to his chest during the attack, and the Venetians retreated after Dandolo's death. Alexios III then mustered his courage and ordered a counter-attack against the outnumbered crusaders. The emperor himself led a sortie through the St. Romanus gate, and was killed by a hammer strike. The senate then restored the deposed Isaac II to the throne, robbing the crusaders of their pretext for an attack.

The crusaders then demanded that the emperor's son, who had promised them a reward, would be appointed as co-emperor, to which the senate agreed. But Alexios IV did not find love from within the city, nor did he find gold to pay for the crusaders. The incapacitated emperor Isaac II died in January 6712 (1204), after which Alexios faced an open revolt, led by Theodore I Laskaris, who was proclaimed emperor by the people and by the ecumenical patriarch. The brief reign of Alexios IV ended when he was strangled to death. The Latins then attempted another siege, but failed to take the city. By now the news that the pope had excommunicated the crusaders began to spread, and the Latins lost faith and morale. The "fourth crusade" ended soon after.

Constantinople was considered as a bastion of Christianity that defended Europe from the advancing forces of Islam, and the Fourth Crusade's sack of the city would have dealt an irreparable blow to this eastern bulwark, we shall never know what might have happened, if the Queen of Cities would have fallen to the Latins.

Michael Palaiologos was a son of the megas domestikos (commander-in-chief) Andronikos Palaiologos, in his youth he served as a governor in Thracia and later served the Seljuk sultan Kaykaus II as a commander of the sultan's Christian mercenaries. His road to the throne began upon his return, when emperor Theodore II Laskaris embraced him as a friend and welcomed him back into his service. Under Theodore II the empire underwent a brief moment of prosperity and restoration, and Michael would distinguish himself in many battles against the invading Seljuks and against the rising Bulgarian tsardom. After the emperor's death in 6768 (1260) Michael launched a coup against the ten year old child emperor John IV and deposed him.

John IV was blinded on his eleventh birthday on the 25th of December 6770 (1261)* and Michael VII Palaiologos became the first monarch of the great Imperial house, that recently celebrated its tercentenary.

The Roman empire at the ascension of Michael VII. The slow decline would continue until the era of the four brothers (6933-6980) (1425-1472), but the rise of the Palaiologoi halted that decline, and ultimately ended the death spiral of the Roman empire.

*Worst Christmas/birthday present ever.

Here we have something different, I might do more of these in the future.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XVII

The war brought new changes to our lives. Empress Helene moved to Prousa, where she stayed at the former palace of my father, which was being renovated with great expense. We remained in the Queen of cities and tried to adjust to our new life as the crown prince and princess.

The court gossiped over the inheritance. A Turkish empress? the army would never allow it, they said. The Latins control the despot, they continued. There would be a civil war, and I would invite the Turkish hordes to sack Constantinople. Outrageous I know, but time would make some of those gossips true.

The truth was, that the army wasn't as powerful as it used to be. Its political power had been annihilated by the reforms of Andreas the Dragon, now the emperor gave the orders, and the grand palace executed them, the time of the military coups and usurpers was over. I was more afraid of the Latins, and the influence they had over my husband.

I turned 23 on the 12th of January 7076 (1568), the war with my uncle had been raging for about three months. Now I must again speak about my marriage. The situation with his hygiene was becoming ever more desperate. The empress had ordered him to bathe once a week in the palace thermae, or bath complex, by comparison, most members of the court bathed every day, and I try to wash myself twice a day, if I have the time. But every time my husband was forced to the sweating room, he began to cry like a little child.

The despot often wore a wig to cover up his few flocks of hair, but he would wear the same wig for weeks, and didn't wash his head in all that time. Every morning his pillow was greasy and smelly. I kept my own pillow away from his, because I afraid of vermin. Sometimes I screamed to him that I wouldn't let him come to bed until he washed himself. Thank the heavens our bed was huge. He didn't like to wash his feet, and didn't let anyone cut his toe nails.

I'm sorry, I have to get this out of my system.

I don't understand why he never complained about toothache, since he loved Indian sugar, and never washed his yellowed teeth. Sometimes he smelled of urine, I have to say it.

And every morning he sprang up from the bed and sat there with his short nightshirt. There it was, that dangerous pink snake. There was something wrong with it! But how could I, a virgin, explain it, I just knew that it didn't work.

I don't think that he despised me, he just never felt anything. Still, we had to sleep in the same bed. I would have been happy, if I would have been allowed to sleep alone. I couldn't read, instead I was forced to play with toy soldiers and dolls. I would very much like to know a woman that could have fallen in love with the physical side of Despot Andreas, but there were many who fell in love with his rank...

The campaign against the Turks had not gone well, but Roman arms carried the day. Overall losses were counted in hundreds of thousands, but my uncle was forced to sue peace, so he could concentrate on the threat of the Mamluks. The peace was advantageous to Rome, but new lands always meant new expenses.

The empress arrived back into the capital in triumph, and later we had a masked ball in the Venetian style, in celebration of the victory. I took the opportunity to meet with old friends, and new... My husband was happy for once, having dressed himself in latest Venetian fashion. I think it was around these times when the Venetians started to make plans for my removal. The despot would then be free to marry someone more suitable.

But none of it mattered, for that night I danced with a man. The masks made it all so easy, they couldn't guard me. I was intoxicated. I watched him, I liked to watch him, I didn't listen to him very much. He impressed me, unlike any man had done before. Then he removed his mask and I gasped.

There stood Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas, the warrior I had seen years before, on the day Hüdavendigar fell.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XIX

Something inexplicable happened a few weeks after I got back from our little 'hunting trip'. Despot Andreas came to me, he was drunk as a fish. He sat there in my chambers with his hands on his face, stuttering something I didn't understand. He had received an ultimatum from the empress, he had to submit to a surgical procedure. He couldn't say why.

I finally understood, that the operation was to correct the problem in his manhood. I comforted him and said that after that, all the ladies will be competing for his attention. "What about you, Kyría?" he asked. "Will you be competing for my attention?" I said no. He looked at me like a loyal dog, and I escorted him to the hallway, where the empresses Armenian doctor was waiting.

Nikolaos came to me an hour later and told me it was all over. Snip snip and he was cured. He had passed out from all the alcohol he had taken before the operation, and was now sleeping in his room. I had seen Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas sneaking around our apartments that evening, Nikolaos talked to him, and later told me everything.

Andre and his brother Kyrillos had been placed into the service of the despot for the sole reason of meeting me. The hunting trip had been arranged so that he could take my virginity. The plan didn't work, because I refused, something that came as a great shock to the empress. Later it was discovered that Andre was ordered to request an audience from the empress. What did they discuss, and did Andre really meet with the empress? That I don't know. But I have a hunch... Andre received orders from the empress.

The despot was like a different man after the operation, he had been released from a heavy burden.

A few weeks after the operation Nikolaos entered my room, he told me to sit and sat opposite to me. "Kyría" he said, "you must now receive Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas, and forget about the despot, and all others close to you." He and Maria would be close by, always ready to save me. But I didn't need saving.

Niko left, Andre came in. I melted in his arms like only a woman can. I was full of fear, dreams, confusion, but I surrendered completely. I had been waiting for that experience. It was Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas who took my virginity, with great skill. No one disturbed us and we stayed together the whole night.

The two brothers stayed close to the despot, but they were told to be politely cold towards me. The empress probably feared we'd fall in love. Only now I understand that Andre had a mission, and love had nothing to do with it. Nevertheless, he would confess his love to me whenever he had the chance. I had never loved anyone. Fate gave me a chance to be with a true man. Did I do it with the despot? The court gossiped about it all the time. Truth was, that I never had any intimacy with my husband. But one night, I had to confess to him.

I was pregnant. He watched me with his pale eyes and said that we must keep our mouths shut. If the truth was to come out, we would both be exiled. He laughed and said that he must have been really drunk that night. I said, "apparently you were, despótes, very drunk." We never spoke of it again. Luckily the despot had fallen in love with one of the empresses ladies.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XX

The new year came, and with it winter. It was unusually cold one. The empress wanted to move the court to Thessaloniki, and so we went. Over 800 horses, all the furniture, the entire staff, thousands of them. And I, a pregnant woman.

I had so many furs on top of me that I couldn't move. I sat next to the despot, who blabbered about his latest crush. At some point I began to feel sick and my stomach ached. Next thing I knew, I was bleeding. When I told my husband he immediately went pale. He told the drivers to whip the horses, the despoina would have to get to Thessaloniki faster. He was panicking and said things like "If you intend to die, it might be better to die right now." and "I don't understand anything about children!" "Are you dying Kyría? You weren't supposed to die now!" "Nikolaos, please come here and sit in my place, I have no idea what to say to a dying person."

Niko came and soon enough brought Maria with him. Some point, right before Thessaloniki, I felt like I was swimming in blood. We got to the city so early in the morning, that Niko had to wake up the palace guards. We were taken to a new building, that the empress had ordered for us. The rooms were not ready yet. The ceiling was leaking, the walls were leaking. And the windows were drafty. There was no fire in the fireplace, they told us the chimney was blocked.

Maria took charge of the 'operation'. She ordered someone to light a fire, and to bring large carpets into the room, to block the windows and the leaky walls. And buckets filled with hot water. A nun came to help her, to help me.
The room was freezing cold. I was breathing smoke that came from the fireplace. I lost my child.

The nun wrapped up the bloody lump and took it away. I don't know what they did with it... I never knew whether it was a boy or a girl, I don't remember anything about the pregnancy. I was in pain until I fell asleep, still crying.

I laid in that ice cold room for ten days! I had three blankets. Then empress Helene came to visit me, she stepped into the room like a galleon and sat on my bed. She looked at me with a confused face. Maybe she was shocked about the coldness of the room, and my languished appearance. I couldn't speak much, you could barely hear my voice. I told her that the cold will kill me. I asked her to give me some other room. My throat was hurting and I had a terrible cough.

She must have been thinking so hard about the next course of action. She would say the words, and other people would act. I was a normal woman after all, not a demon, nor was I barren. She looked at me and I closed my eyes. I had stopped fearing death. Maybe they wanted to kill me right after the child was born, or it was just my destiny to get into this situation.

Then the empress said something that woke me up. "Sophia, when I was in your situation, I remember just how exhausted I was." My eyes went wide open. I had no idea she had been pregnant. Was it the child of the Megas Doux? I wanted to scream: "Let me out of here!" But she didn't care. She saw the fire in the fireplace, and thought that it was enough. She gently brushed my cheek and left.

I wasn't given a warm room. I was kept in an ice cold chamber for ten days, when the empress owned dozens of palaces with dozens of bedrooms. It was a murder attempt.

But I recovered. I didn't die, I refused to die. And when the murder attempt had failed, I was finally given better apartments.

Andre had been banished from the court after my pregnancy was announced, but now he was welcomed back. A new order from the highest level had apparently told him to get back to the breeding business. Better luck next time and all that. But I didn't mind. I practiced my skills with him.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXI

After I had survived from my ordeal, Maria Tournikes, the great mistress of the court, came to visit me. For once she didn't scream, but spoke plainly. She asked questions, I answered them. She asked me, if there was any kind of intimacy between me and despot Andreas. I said no. She asked the same questions that the empress had once asked. Had I suggested sexual intercourse to my husband? Had I ever tried to kiss him? I went silent. To kiss him... He hadn't washed his teeth in months. Had he ever washed his teeth? He smelled of dirt, old sour wine and garlic. He really enjoyed garlic. It was almost impossible to approach him without the immediate need to vomit.

I told all that to Tournikes. I told her about the despots dolls and toy soldiers. He was only interested in me as a playmate, not as a lover. Tournikes watched me with pity, and for the first time ever I felt that there was some kind of connection between us. Then she began the interrogation.

-Who was the father of the unborn child?
-I do not need to tell you that.
-Was it Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas?
-I won't say.
-You must! You are the future empress consort, and the current empress regnant has the right to know whether the child was legitimate or not.
-My child was not legitimate.
-You do not have any sexual desires towards despot Andreas?
-We have no sexual desires towards each other, the feeling is mutual.
-Have you ever seen his...organ?

By God, I was blushing. The questions were very intimate.

-If that pink hosepipe is his organ, it reminds me of an earthworm. And yes, I have seen it. It disgusts me.
-So you have taken an able man?
-Are you talking about Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas, Kyría? I have studied under him, so to speak. I know how to act with a real man.

-Your Highness, empress Helene has ordered you to get pregnant. the father of the child is irrelevant, as long as he's a man!

I was given a permit! I was expected to sleep with Andre. It was an imperial order, and to disobey would be the same as committing a crime against Her Majesty, the Empress.

I would still sleep in the same with my husband, for decency's sake. All we had to do was to pretend that the child was his. So I was free to obey the empress and enjoy Andre's company. We worked really hard to give Rome an heir.

The second miscarriage happened in May 7077 (1569), I was bedridden for six weeks.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXII

Seven months after my second miscarriage I was once again pregnant. We had stayed in Thessaloniki for many months now, almost a year. Why did she want us there? She spent her days ruling, drinking, fornicating and praying. She had us visit convents and monasteries all around the area. Why wouldn't she stay still? Was she worried that she would be forgotten if she didn't take the whole court with her to these travels?

The empress came to visit me one day. It was a surprise visit, maybe she was searching my apartments for signs of Andre. I kissed her hand and made a mistake. She knew about my pregnancy, but didn't say anything. I told her that this time I felt normal, and that the child was due in August. She simply stood up and left in total silence.

Love is sometimes curious. Maria Tournikes resigned from her duties very suddenly, and moved to Taurica with our lord chamberlain, Theodore Laskaris. I never saw them again, except once, I think I saw Tournikes dancing with a Pontic nobleman in Trebizond, but that tale is best left alone for now.

Our new chamberlain was Alexandros Drakos. I was shocked. Drakos was called the Demon of Mangana, and he was feared throughout Constantinople. He was in charge of a government office tasked with investigating crimes against majesty, and other serious crimes against the state. Its name is the Secret Court of Mangana, or just the secret court. The one's accused by this feared organization would never again see the light of day. Even the building itself was feared, but more than that, they feared it's bug-eyed leader, Alexandros Drakos. And it was he, who would now guard the despot and despoina of Epirus.

But I knew that the child kept me safe, the empress rarely even spoke to me. We still stayed in Thessaloniki, apparently the Blachernae palace was being renovated, and the empress had just ordered the construction of a new, grander imperial palace, it was to be located on top of the first hill, on the site of the ancient acropolis of old Byzantion.

I must say, even if they'd threaten to hang me, I wouldn't be able to change my opinion about empress Helene. It is terrible to say, but everything in that woman was terrifying. People became tense in her presence. She was an extremely beautiful woman, prettier than me. One smile from her was a great reward, but she only smiled to men. She despised all her ladies, and was extremely jealous, not to mention envious. No one was allowed to look better than her. She despised her subjects, and did very little to improve their lives. The empress lived in magnificent splendor, her vanity in clothes, jewelry and high majestic behavior crossed all borders of humanity.

Somewhere deep inside she must have been afraid of me. I had the future, she had only the past.

As long as I had the child inside of me, there was very little they could do to me. I didn't dare to think it's birth... It was the fear of death. Thessaloniki was dreadful to me, but it was not the city's fault. I lived in a prison, I couldn't get out, even the windows were closed. What about empress Helene?

Every other afternoon she felt sick, every other afternoon she ruled over the empire. she would drink and make love all night long, and sleep in the morning. In the afternoon she suddenly remembered her imperial status, at dusk she went to the church to pray, the nightly drinking and loving would then begin again. That was the empress of Rome back then. Even the "emperor of the night" Petros Argyros, was slowly slipping away in disgust.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXIII

I must now tell you a story. This has never been told before, and I ask it to be kept a secret. But I must say this. You see, there was a boy called Enver, an Albanian. Pretty boy, a wonderful boy. Well behaved. He came to the court by accident, and was tasked with most insignificant duties. He had a pretty face, and a dark curly hair.

I have wronged the despot in many occasions, I never found anything good about him... But he always went quiet around this Albanian. Enver was a lot more intelligent than anyone else in the despots court. He looked after the despots clothes, made sure he was always well dressed for dinners, balls, military drills, parades... He was the only one who could make him bathe. I was taught a lesson.

What could he possibly see in that ugly man? He saw more than most of us. He saw a man who was beaten by his guardian, beaten, starved, and kept in the dark, all to harden him. Enver saw a scared young man. Despot Andreas was raised to be frightful, insidious, contrived and twisted.

We saw the dirty hair, pimply face and heard the empty laughter. Enver saw a boy, who was human, scared and beaten, and who received no tenderness, not even from his own wife. I have been thinking about this all my life...

Who defines love? Who says a man cannot love another man, or a woman cannot love a woman? I am absolutely sure that God blesses those who love, but the church condemns them. We were all silent then. Only Nikolaos, Maria and I knew about Enver. The despots love for women was scarce, but he did love a certain Angelos woman, in his own way... Enver loved him as a man.

I told him once, that love is nothing to be ashamed about, people are. I believe Jesus Christ would have allowed love to exist between two human beings. Besides, how does one compare one sin to another? Was empress Helene's way of abducting young soldiers into her bed a smaller sin than the love between these two men that God has created?

Enver went away before the empresses death. I never knew why, but the despot became sad, and I felt sorry for him. That dreadful Angelos woman was the despots playmate and his mistress, but Enver brought light into his miserable life, if only for a moment. It hurts my heart, because my husband's fate is my eternal nightmare. I'll never speak of Enver again.

We finally left Thessaloniki. I talked to my ever widening stomach. It felt good. I saw a glimpse of Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas on horseback. I was not told that he was traveling with the court. I wasn't allowed to speak with him and I almost lost all self-control. Nikolaos and Maria decided to act in secret.

Andre came to me when we stopped to rest. We were given two hours. He put his hand on my stomach and it felt safe, I told him everything, my feelings, my pains and my suffering. I told him that I was so alone in all of this. Andre held me in his arms, for the last time. He kissed me passionately and left. He was exiled to Trebizond. He never wanted to meet me, or see his child, even when there was a chance to arrange it.

I loved him and he offended me greatly. He used me, because he was told to do so, and then he abandoned me. I don't care anymore, I did then, but not anymore, not after so many humiliations.

It was in August that the child decided to come into this world.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXIV

The Purple chamber in the palace of Blachernae was being prepared as we returned to the Queen of cities. The original room in the Great palace had been demolished during many years of decline under the early Palaiologoi emperors.

The great chamber was built from porphyry, a rare purple-laced marble, and was adorned with Tyrian purple and gold. Great double-headed eagle of house Palaiologos decorated the walls, and a mosaic depicting the Theotokos holding the Son of God watched us from the ceiling.

I was trying on some maternity clothes when the burning began. I was rushed into the purple room at once. The pains were excruciating, and they lasted for twelve hours. Empress Helene arrived to the scene and moved to the next room to play cards after taking just one look at me. She was joined by Drakos and the "father" of the child. The despot was the only one who sometimes appeared at the doors. His face was pale and he was scared of the entire thing. The empress didn't seem interested at all. I was waiting for Maria, but I was told that she had been told to stay away from me.

The pains were killing me. I didn't know who were around me, it made no difference. Finally the empress sailed into the room. She was wearing a purple nightgown, her hair was free and falling down on her shoulders, she looked even scarier than usual. Someone brought her a mattress and she laid there, looking indifferent. She stayed there for two hours. She didn't look at me, she didn't brush my forehead or touch my hand, she just dozed there.

I could bet my fortune that she was waiting for me to die in childbirth. She had come to see the despoina give birth to a healthy child, and then the mother's job was done. It is useless to try to explain how it feels like to push out a child. Every soul is born into this world the same way, be they a child of a prince or a peasant: with pain and suffering. My experience was hellish, the pain knocked me out. Sometimes I woke up when they poured cold water into my face.

I woke up and saw that the empress was gone. She had apparently tried to order me to stay silent, but how could you block the mouth of a woman in labour? I screamed and I shouted. Finally, Maria came to me. She had threatened to hit the midwife, if she didn't let her in. She started shouting orders and everyone seemed to obey this wild Pontic woman. I love her.

My body was being split in two. It was morning, or midnight, I didn't know or care. Maria held my hand at one point, and started her work. She said the baby was backwards. I don't know what she did, but it worked. Thanks to her skilled hands, the child was born healthy.

I did not die, nor was I murdered. I gave birth to my son on the 20th of August 7078 (1570). The afterbirth came out at once, there they were at my feet. The midwife came to me and took the baby, I rose up and extended my hands. He was small and wrinkled. I held the baby for a moment, I said that I was his mother. I gave my son back to the midwife who washed and swaddled him.

I was making a nest for him beside me thinking that it would be a warm place for him to sleep when they washed and cleaned me. Then came the empress and took the child into her arms.

"We shall adopt this child, as is the custom, since he is a porphyrogénnetos, born in the purple."

After this announcement was made, she ordered Maria to leave the room, and said that entering the purple chamber was strictly forbidden, the midwife will come when she finds the time. Then she left the room.

I was left alone. I cried. I coughed. I screamed. Somehow I found strength to rise up and shout.

"The child is mine! Just mine! Mine!"

I shouted in Greek, I shouted in Turkish and I shouted in Persian. My screams echoed through the hallways. I was about to scream "murder" but I fainted. The empress ran through the palace with the child in her arms, like trying to escape my voice.

I fainted, and darkness took me.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXV

I went from life to near-death and back for about four hours before the midwife arrived to "clean". I slapped her on the face, and told her to keep her hands off me and bring me some drinking water. Then Maria came with a jug of water, clothes and some food. First she dragged the screaming midwife out and locked the doors. Then she cleaned me up and, as a protest, threw the bloody sheets into the hallway with the afterbirths and all.

She took care of me, even when she could have been sent into a prison for breaking the empresses orders. My dearest friend.

Those days were like a dream. I had high fever and a bad cough. I was sure that I would never again see my child. I thought about death. Is it the same darkness than life before birth? Nothing at all? If there is a God, and if Jesus Christ truly rose from the dead on the third day and ascended into the heavens to sit on the right hand of the Father, then why is it that no one ever tells what is on the left hand?

Later I heard, that everyone in the court were horrified about how I was treated. The empress stayed out of sight for several days, apparently ashamed of herself. I did not die. Maria took care of me and even my husband was angry. He shouted even to Alexandros Drakos. "You must all be so disappointed, the despoina survived your murder attempt!"

Empress Helene now faced the disapproval of the court for the first time since she rose to power. The Megas doux, and his brother the Megas Domestikos, visited me secretly. I looked at them and knew, that I had protectors. News of this meeting would quickly spread to the ladies of the court.

Then began the most hellish years of my life, and I survived them too!

I didn't die, even when it had been the will of Her Imperial Majesty. For once her subjects turned against her and her plans failed. Even the Ottoman Sultan, my uncle, heard of my barbaric mistreatment and withdrew his diplomats from Constantinople.

Empress Helene would later come face to face with her sordid behavior before God himself, and her death was horrible.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXVI

My child was baptized at the age of just one month, he was named Constantine. I would have preferred Alexios, but no one asked my opinion. I saw him from afar, I couldn't even touch him. The empress carried my son into the room with bishops, priests and courtiers. I sat in a chair and saw that everyone was looking at me. I sat straight and my head held high.

the child was sleeping, his little eyes tightly closed. I looked at him intensely, so intensely that the empress became nervous. She sped up the ceremonies, because she was afraid of me. She acted as the boy's mother, and didn't even show him to me. I looked at the priests curiously, and I refused to stand, even when it was required. I stared at the courtiers, who turned away in discomfort. The air felt malevolent, despite the presence of the clergymen.

The empress didn't even look at me when she left. So began my hundred days of loneliness. Hundred or a thousand, it made no difference. No one would have wanted to be in my position.

During those days of agony I read books. Maria had gathered books from where she could find them. I read new books and old books. I filled my loneliness with some of the most exquisite people in the world. They didn't mock or judge me, they didn't try to kill me. They taught me, encouraged me, even gave me instructions on how to survive.

My postpartum period ended in October, but I was so weak that I didn't return to court until January. It had been five months since the birth of my child. I hadn't seen him since the baptism. I had no idea who was taking care of him. Was he a sickly child or healthy? Did he cry a lot? Maria had heard rumors, that Constantine had two nurses, who smothered the child in thick, warm clothing, so that he was sweating and crying from dawn to dusk.

Maria had also heard that the empresses Armenian doctor had resigned in protest of my treatment. Empress Helene must have regretted bitterly. She had ever increasing problems with her stomach. The Armenian had treated her well, but he took his medicines with him, and Greek doctors couldn't help the empress.

The day I returned to court became the turning point of my life. Oppressed, humiliated, bullied and mocked despoina Sophia was gone. I appeared before the court as confident, righteous and well behaving woman. I spoke courteously, even to those who had mistreated me. I admit I was full of hate and anger to those, who left me to suffer and die in that childbed. They couldn't hide their guilt, and so I marked them all.

I was able to increase my influence in empress Helene's decadent court with just my behavior. They believed my confidence was based on power, and so many former haters turned to me just to benefit from my influence.

I was afraid to meet the empress, but when she finally came, I was astonished by her appearance. She arrived with the Megas Doux Petros Argyros. The empresses face was bloated, and dark circles hanged around her eyes. She had gained weight. Her tasteless dress couldn't hide the fact that her waist was thick. And I know that under that dress her legs were as fat as mine are today.

I stood with the despot, waiting for the empress. I had the time to ask him, when was the last time he had seen our son Constantine. The despot answered that he hadn't seen the brat.

And there she was, the empress-mother. When I fell to deep curtsy and kissed her hand, the Megas doux immediately grabbed my hand and took a step towards me. Little show of trust. When I rose from my curtsy, the empress stood before me and looked at me with her dark green eyes. For the first time in my life I felt that I was looking at her from the same height, even though I was just a small woman, and she was the size of a man.

Something had shrunk her. I saw fear in her eyes. I was strong, I Sophia. Just for a moment I felt like hitting her for what she had done. But instead I did something that would be the number one topic in the court for weeks. I asked how was my baby, with a polite voice. She immediately lost her touch. She never thought that I could dare to ask something like that. Now she would have to answer to the living mother of the porphyrogénnetos.

The megas doux answered before her. "Kyría, I just heard your son babble". This was a scandal in the court, because the Megas doux had been kind to me. He had answered the question on the empresses behalf, and talked to me about my son.

I rose up from the dirt. I was gorgeous in my light yellow dress with simple decorations. My breasts had become larger during the pregnancy and the dress highlighted my narrow waist. On my hair I had a tiara made of pearls. The women looked at me in envy and the men desired me.

I was a beauty, the bloated empress could not compare to me. And I still had a protector.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXVII

Eleven years. I had lived an uncertain life at the hands of empress Helene for eleven years.

I couldn't see my son, I didn't see his first steps, or heard how he called the empress "mama". No one taught him the word "mother", even when his mother lived only a short distance away.

For eleven years I had lived in the middle of plots, gossips, malice and malevolence, and all that time I tried to walk with my head held high. One day I made friends with Domestikos of the East Theodosios Apokaukos, who commanded all Roman forces in Asia. And I still had my valuable relationship with the Megas Doux. On the other hand the Mesazon, the chief imperial minister, duke Athanasius Choniates, was my staunch opponent, he had been appointed to the position of mesazon after the megas doux had announced his retirement from state duties. Petros Argyros still continued as a nominal head the Roman navy, and as the empresses chamberlain.

Suddenly a new rumor came to us. What if empress Helene transfers her throne directly to my son, prince Constantine? I would be sent into a convent and the despot would be blinded.

The empresses health was weakening. There were rumors that she had seizures that rendered her unconscious. She would shake violently and bite her tongue, white foam would come from her mouth. I had never heard of such a thing, it must have come from her head...

Once again, it was time for the grand reception. The empress arrived again in the arms of the megas doux. She was a bit heavier than before, like her body had swollen and her face was pale. I know now that she suffered from constant constipation. The Armenian doctor was the only one who had helped her, now she was on her own.

The empress ate and ate and ate, but nothing came out. I was too busy to notice it, for I had fallen in love, and consequently slipping into politics...

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXVIII

The time has come to talk about Mátyás Palaiologosz, or as he was known here in the empire, Matthaios Palaiologos of Hungary. And yes, I understand the irony. My life seems to revolve around the men of the Imperial dynasty.

The Palaiologos dynasty had ruled over the lands of the Magyars, since the death of queen Catherine Von Hapsburg, the daughter of King Ladislaus the posthumous, in 7052 (1544). This Hungarian branch of the family remained close to Constantinople, but had embraced the Latin faith, now the relationship between the two powers was strained, but that is something I will not discuss at this moment. The Hungarian question deserves its own chapter...

Matthaios was a gorgeous man. A perfect gentleman, well read, well traveled. I fell for him in an instant, I won't deny it, for I was a wretched woman, who had a child, who wasn't mine. Matthaios taught me to smile. He was three years younger than me.

I organized a feast in the honour of the Saints Peter and Paul on the 29. of June. I hosted many diplomats, and among them was the ugly ambassador from Hungary, and in his entourage was the heir to the crown of Saint Stephen, prince Matthaios of Hungary. This prince was handsome, intelligent and very manly. He fell in love with me. And I...

I can picture him even now, many years later. A large man, beautiful blue eyes, distinctively Hungarian facial features, but handsome and manly. He already looked like a king.

I can't help to think that his father, the king, had sent him to charm me. Andre had been under orders, so maybe Matthaios was as well. But if he had received orders from his father, he failed to comply.

The palace was asleep, the guests were gone and my guards were hopefully drunk. I was on fire, by God, I discovered how passionate I am, right then and there.

Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas had hurt me, now I felt like a woman again, and I forgot all about him. That night I felt love, and our relationship began. It was the most important in my life, but now it hurts me.

He lives in Macedonia, yet I haven't seen him in many years. The Hungarian question is now over and forgotten...

Matthaios instructed me to start paying attention to the Roman military. I began to visit the regiments of the Capital. I visited the Varangian guard, the officers of the Paramonai guard, and even went to the barracks of the Latin guard.

Many started asking for my advice and opinion, they preferred me to the despot, whose wars were fought in bed with toy soldiers. And because her health prevented the empress from granting audiences, many were guided to me.

During those days I met with common people once a week. It was unprecedented. The "common people" of empress Helene were her servants. I was interested in carpenters, seamstresses, cooks, shipbuilders... Many of them came, and they talked about their problems. I began to separate the flatterers, and I liked them, not because of their flattery, but because of how skillfully they did it.

"Your Most Noble Imperial Highness, You Divine Light of the Nation, Beauty and Joy." I laughed at the carriage maker, who grovelled before me.

It was during these days that the Chief Minister, Athanasius Choniates, came to me with a surprising memo.

He was preparing for the day the empress would die. I should have thrown the paper into the fire as soon as I saw it, but I read it. Choniates had grand plans to increase his power.

I remember it forever: Andreas would be proclaimed emperor, but he would have to share his power with me. We would rule together. For himself, Choniates wanted the command of the guard regiments, and to be made the minister of the foreign affairs, of war and of the navy.

It was so dangerous, that I felt dizzy. Helene was still alive, and she was the empress. And she had the tongue and mind of a serpent.

I listened to Choniates. The empress was sick, exhausted. She must have felt the nearness of death. My feelings for her were conflicted. Empress Helene had lived a life of debauchery, now it was time to pay. She had seizures, and the doctors couldn't help.

In those days the seed began to develop inside of me. It bothered me, kept me awake. It transformed into a thought, like a devil who whispered into my ears. It whispered about the "mad emperor" Andreas, who would deliver Rome into the arms of the Latins. He would appoint Venetian ministers, and marry his mistress, leaving me in a convent.

But what if? What if I take the power from his hands? Rome and its citizens would rise up from the dirt. The corruption of the court would be ended, and a true Roman Renaissance would begin.

But I silenced that demon and thought: "Let's see what happens."

I let my pregnancy advance pretty far, before I told my husband.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXIX

The despot came to our bedroom one morning, smelling of wine, I sat him down and told him. It was November of the year 7080 (1571)

I said: "Your Highness, I, your wife, am going to have a child." His reply confused me. He said "How are these children simply springing up from out of nowhere? I have nothing to say about the first one, and certainly not about this second one." He had seen the brat on the arms of the empress, but the child wasn't even introduced to him, the official father. Well, who cares, he said. I don't really understand anything about those pink runts.... all they do is scream like idiots, can't even talk, he added.

He laughed and told me to "push the brat into the world", whilst he would lead the Roman legions into victory against the Persians, in his bed. He also told me about a certain lady Anastasia Angelos, whom he called an "interesting woman".

We had grown wiser, and this time I refused to be left alone in the purple chamber, and it was unlikely that the empress could threaten my life again, the court would turn against her. I refused to accept the presence of the official midwife, who had left me to die. Instead Maria and Nikolaos found someone else, a nun from a local convent. I had sent a message to the empress trough Alexandros Drakos, that my child was to come into this world in March. There was no answer, but I knew she'd come.

There they stood, at my feet, and I tried to cover myself with the sheets. I saw the empresses new young favorites in the room. I had no idea what they were doing there. I guess it was a sight to see the future empress making a child with her bare genitals out for anyone to see.

I was tormented by pain, and finally I screamed that all unneeded people should go to hell! I screamed and screamed and they finally left.

The empress came into the room and looked at me with her ice cold eyes. She must have enjoyed watching me in pain.

They performed an emergency baptism. The girl was named Zoe, after the empresses grandmother, the wife of the Dragon. The Empress took the child in her arms, but I snatched her for myself and held her close to me. I spoke to her in a loud voice, so that everyone would hear it. "Zoe, I am your mother." For that passing moment I really felt like a mother. But soon the imperial midwife, who had somehow appeared in the room, took the child from my arms and went away.

I burst into tears. I wept in my bloody sheets, but the nun came in and treated me right away. But sorrow overtook me. I had seen the tiny girl, that I had brought into this world, her sweet face. I cried hopelessly, for I remembered my loneliness. I was afraid of lonely nights, and waited for Matthaios. The Empress knew that he was the father of the child, he was banned from my quarters, but sometimes he managed to slip in.

We would grief together. Our poor child had been taken away, she was so weak and fragile.

A few months later Matthaios was ordered to return to Hungary. He had barely enough time to come and tell me. I laid on my bed, thinking about how empress Helene held my life in her hands, doing whatever she wanted to me.

One day Maria told me that little Zoe had a new nurse, she gave me a small crumpled piece of paper that said: "My most honored greetings to the most honored Despoina. I will tell you about little Zoe's life through Maria."

I cried when I showed the paper to Matthaios. He left, but I steeled myself.

I summoned Athanasius Choniates, the chief minister. That was an order, and it was my first true order as a despoina.

"Your excellency, I am no longer that Sophia, who was brought into this country as a prisoner, and who allowed courtiers to mock herself as much as they wanted. I have given Rome an heir, and I have every right to make demands about myself"

"What would you Imperial Highness desire?"

"Matthaios Palaiologos of Hungary. You took Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas away from me, and encouraged him to treat me like any other woman. Matthaios is a man of honor."

"What would your Imperial Highness want me to do?"

"I want him to be sent back to Constantinople as an ambassador with credentials."

"Impossible...kyría...very difficult."

I stood up and looked Choniates in the eyes.

"Go now and act, minister."

"Yes, your Imperial Highness."

And he acted! Matthaios returned from Hungary in a few months, with credentials and the star of the order of the Dragon in his breast, officially he was to study statesmanship.

I won this round.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXX

I received many letters from the chief minister. The letters were dubious, I see that now. Choniates wanted everything, all power for himself. He wanted to use me as a tool to get to his goal. He told me openly in his letters about his plans to oust my husband from the throne and replace him with my son. Some of these letters found their way into the hands of dangerous people.

Then came the announcement that the chief minister had been arrested. I started to burn my letters. We, Maria, Niko and me, torched all my letters in the cover of the night. We cleaned the fireplace and covered our tracks. At the same time they discovered letters that Choniates had written to Matthaios. He was placed under guard.

All that was just the beginning. I had heard of an faraway English queen, who had been imprisoned by her husband, the king, and later beheaded. I know the thoughts Anne Boleyn must have had in her head.

In England the king ordered the executions, here in Rome we had a vengeful woman, she hadn't signed any death sentences, yet. But we were all powerless under her fury. Even more dangerous than her were the "great" families, the Angelids and the Doukids, who, above all, desired power.

One night I wrote a letter to the empress:

"Your Majesty empress Helene Palaiologina,

I humbly request to be heard, in the form of this letter. Kyría, there are things you must know, I have been so troubled by them, that I feel my mind breaking under stress.

I am under the total control of Protasekretis Alexandros Drakos and His Imperial Highness Despot Andreas. I feel like a helpless child. I am not allowed to have any opinions or a life of my own, instead I, a mother of two, am required to blindly obey others.

I request to be allowed to retire into the Epirotean despotate, away from the court. Both of my children have been taken away from me, I haven't been allowed to hold them in my arms, or watch them grow. They can't say the word 'mother'. I am all alone in my abandoned apartments. All ladies-in-waiting, who even try to talk to me, are immediately transferred away.

Your Majesty has no further need of me, I have done my duty and given an heir to Rome, and a sister to support him.

I wish to thank Your Majesty from the kindness you have shown me. I do not understand why Your Majesty's wrath has fallen upon me, and why the Despot has begun talking publicly about sending me to a convent.

I have but one wish: that my children do not have to suffer on my account. I miss them, like only a mother can. I shall likely never see them again, as I leave the capital.

I shall give this letter to Protasekretis Drakos, so that he can deliver it to Your Majesty. I am ready to go into exile. I pray to God that you allow me to leave.

Your Majesty's humble servant
Sophia."

I gave the sealed letter to Drakos, I knew he couldn't read the contents, the seal protected it.

The next day he came to talk to me, he looked frightened. The empress wanted to speak with me... After that day Alexandros Drakos never again entered my quarters. I have no idea whether it was his own decision, or an order from the empress. I knew he wanted to exile me, he must have been confused.

Choniates had been arrested, all of his titles and ranks were taken from him and he was waiting for his sentence. The entire Roman government was in chaos. His honors were taken from him, even before he was accused of anything. I still had no idea about the fate of my letters. I was sick of fear. My lust for power had betrayed my thoughts.

Had the empress read the letters?

For a brief moment, Mesazon Athanasius Choniates, WAS Rome, but then the empress recovered... He was as powerful as one could get without being an emperor, but he had a lot of enemies. The Megas Doux, Petros Argyros, had been powerful, but he had no desire to use it. The empress had essentially abandoned him in favor of younger lovers, and I think it crushed the poor man.

I wonder, what kind of a memory of herself the empress wanted to leave behind to the people of Rome? I don't think the image of a woman who drank a lot and changed lovers like clothes. Matthaios knew that the empress had wept and regretted the day she appointed Andreas as the heir to the throne. Caesar Constantine's death had destroyed her, and she wasn't herself

Andreas knew nothing of statesmanship, and had no interest in it. I had tried to get him into some government meetings, but he complained, that they were boring and went back to his dolls. After his operation, he mainly chased after women, and sometimes men. Anastasia Angelos had conquered him, but she also whispered a rumor to the court: the despots pink snake always stopped at the porch, never coming in.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXXI

Two days after my letter, I was called to the empress. She wanted to meet me in the middle of the night. That was her way of doing things. She slept during the day and lived during the night. She was afraid of the nights, for they are dark, and full of terrors.

I wore a plain dress without any jewelry. Drakos escorted me to the imperial chambers. The palace was empty. We walked through the silent corridors. Where were all the guards? Was she not afraid of assassins? I saw my friend Nikolaos following us. He wanted to make sure I was all right. I was calm, or as calm as I could be.

The despot was there as well, he didn't say anything, greeting me with a simple bow. I was fervently thinking about what would happen. Drakos ordered me to take a seat on the sofa next to the despot. He smelled of wine.

It was then that I saw a glass bowl on the table. There were three letters in it. I recognized them all, they were my letters. The seal of the last letter was unbroken. I shuddered, and tried to breath. Words were racing in my mind. All the letters sent to Athanasius Choniates were dangerous, but I had written other letters as well.

I silently said goodbye to my life. I thought about my children. I thought about motherly love, did I feel it? I had barely ever seen them. What if I was a bad mother? That, I must confess, I have been.

What does a prisoner, who has been sentenced to death, think? What does he think before the execution? What's inside of him? Peace? Terror? Does he think about those who love him? Does dying hurt? What would be the worst way to go? Beheading? I'd hate to lose some part of my body. The hangman's noose? I've heard it's a slow way to die... What would I choose? I'd choose poison, that would be best, no pain. Yes, I'd choose poison.

The doors opened, the empress walked in. We stood up. I looked at her and saw her bloated face. Her breathing was heavy. She nodded to us and sat in her chair.

Without thinking anything, I got up and fell to the floor in front of the empress, all my pride was gone. I spluttered about wanting to leave Constantinople. I prayed her to let me go. Then I looked at her, and she looked sad. She wasn't angry, or mean, or cold, but sad.

-How could you leave, you have children here? she said.

-Your Majesty, I haven't seen little Zoe after I gave birth to her. I haven't seen my son Constantine in two months. I have never held them in my arms. And I am a mother.

-What will we say to the court? To the people?

-Your Majesty will do as she sees fit. I have no idea why the wrath of Your Majesty has fallen upon me. What have I done?

Suddenly she lifted me up with her arms. I had never been so close to the empress. Suddenly she started to talk very quickly. She said she had cried when I came to Rome and that she was very sick. Lastly, she said that she would not have brought me to the Queen of Cities, had she not loved me. That's what she said!

Then she took two letters from the glass bowl. The third remained.

-Read this letter, the empress said and gave me one of the opened letters.

"Your excellency Mesazon Choniates I have heard that the wife of your brother died yesterday. How shocking and unfortunate. This accident hurt me deeply. I heard that her carriage fell over in the Venetian quarter, and she was crushed by their weight. Please accept my warmest condolences.

My pregnancy is progressing well. I wish you good fortune and a swift recovery.

Signed: Despoina Sophia"

-Next letter!

"Your excellency Strategos (general) Apokaukos

I'd like you to know, that while I was a child at the court of my father, the sultan, my mother, a Komnenoi of Trebizond, often spoke about your esteemed military family, who, I believe, originates from Cappadocia. I'd like to tell you that I spent one summer in that beautiful land as a child, and would be more than happy to meet with you and discuss the history of that land.

Wishing you well:
Despoina Sophia"

I lowered the letters and took a deep breath of relief. I bet everyone in the room noticed how inconsequential they were.

The empress said, that I had broken her rule, she had forbidden me from writing letters. I said very quietly, that I had been raised to write letters, and I liked it. I dared to add that proper correspondence belongs to any civilized society.

The despot began to talk about his own odd memories from his childhood, I didn't listen. I just waited, I couldn't defend myself anymore. I stared at the third letter.

The empress focused her eyes on the despot, who started to scratch his leg. It had a rash. The empress and I stared at each other. I bet no one has ever before enjoyably scratched his legs before the empress. I had to use all of my self control to stop me from laughing, and the empress seemed to do the same. The empress didn't look at the third letter. Suddenly I remembered what was in it... It was dangerous.

Was the audience over? I didn't know. The empress went back to her chair. I held the two letters, and gently took the third one, holding them all calmly in my hands. We spoke a few words, the despot had finally stopped, that rash might have saved me...

The meeting did not end in exile, but neither did we reconcile. It was a compromise. The empress stood up, and so did we. I held all three letters. Nobody looked at them. Thank God. Thank God, I say.

The despot offered to escort me to my rooms. I kissed the empresses hand and curtsied. Then we left. I was so relieved, I pressed the letters to my chest.

-Andreas, leave me here, I shall go on alone.

-You...Kyría...you addressed me with my first name!

-I wanted to know how it sounds like. We are married after all.

-I must hurry...Anastasia...

-I wish you both a good night, Your highness!

-Sophia...Sophia!

He stood before me in amazement. For a moment he was like any other man, then he smiled. I curtsied and he kissed my hand. I flirted with him a little. He bowed and left to his mistress.

I stood alone in a huge chamber, holding the letters. My lust for life was coming back. I stepped into the great ballroom. For the first time since I had come to Rome I was free. No servants, no guards, not one living thing. I closed the door and looked at the huge room I had been in countless times, but never really looked at it.

I danced through the ballroom. No one to give me orders. I laid down on the floor and laughed. The ceiling was full of images. I thanked God in Turkish, and wondered which way was Mecca. I was so full of freedom. It took me a while to get to the other end of the vast space. I curtsied to the room and its beauty.

I ran to my own hallways. There was no one there. I went to my own room and lighted a candle. I shattered the third seal and read the letter. I had sent it to Choniates. Had I been forced to read it out loud, I could have been executed.

The biggest fool in the world, me, had written that she had no objections to one day sitting on the Roman throne.

I shredded the letter into very small pieces, and hid them in a flower pot. I couldn't destroy the seal, so I hid it between my breasts.

I sat there for a long time, just looking at the candle.

Suddenly I heard movement in the next room. There was my Matthaios, we kissed...

I felt the wind turning. Things were about to change, but it required one more tragedy.

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXXII

I was finally allowed to meet my children for the first time. I had seen my son Constantine a few times, but this time they were both together. Their room was enormous. There was little Zoe! Small, sweet, girl. She had my hair, and my nose. She looked Turkish, but had her father's eyes. My heart filled with fear. One only had to look into her eyes to see that she wasn't the despots daughter. She shunned me, of course, she had no memory of me.

Constantine was a small man, five years old. He looked normal, but his eyes were bright. My maternal instincts came alive, and I never before had experienced anything like it. I watched them play with their toys. Constantine had a toy army, just like his "father", I laughed to myself.

I tried not to get used to them, as our next meeting could be months away. I had to reject my emotions, for my children were not just my children, they were the children of Rome.

I held Zoe in my arms and she liked it. My soul ached as I gave her to the nurse. When I left the room, I could hear Constantine asking his nurse: "Who was that sad lady?

Tears fell down my cheeks.

My sorrow. The measure of my pain. It happened on the eighth day of April 7082 (1574) It was preceded by Three letters in a glass bowl and my happy dance through the ballroom, the exile of Mattahios, and meeting with the children.

In the evening Maria came to me and said that Zoe had a high fever. I got worried, but she told me I couldn't go to my daughter. I didn't sleep that night. Nikolaos came in the morning. He said that I must go to the nursery at once.

I saw everything from the door. From the moment I saw little Zoe breathing heavily, I knew. A doctor was standing by her side, but there was very little he could do.

Suddenly I saw, or maybe heard, no, I sensed, that there was someone standing at the door, whose presence filled the entire room. The empress had gotten up from her sickbed and stood there. I wept besides Zoe's bed, and for the first time ever, did not curtsy before the empress of the Romans.

Zoe lost her consciousness. She was burning hot, I tore off most of her clothes and took her into my arms, holding her close. I prayed in all the languages I could. Suddenly Zoe opened her eyes and smiled to me, we looked at each other for a long time. A daughter and her mother. I spoke softly to her.

Then there was no pain, only peace.

We collapsed, the empress and I.

We sat there on the bed and watched as the nurse dressed the child in pure white clothes. Someone, I guess Maria, brought flowers, and we, the empress and myself, surrounded the girl in a sea of beauty.

Hours went by, and there were no words, nothing. There was no empress, no despoina, just two grieving women.

I shall never speak of little Zoe again, the pain is too great, it is only known by mothers who...

In the evening I wrote a letter to Matthaios, he never saw his daughter.

My Matthaios was forced to leave the court. It was his father, the king of Hungary, who recalled him from Constantinople. I was grief stricken, once again I lost everything.

The empress was losing her touch, she was too tired to order us around. We often stayed at the palace of the Porphyrogenitus, away from Blachernae, but I eyed the new Drakou palace with great hunger, it was still unfinished, but surpassed all other palaces in Constantinople, for it was large, and most importantly, modern.

The empress was alone, and now all those families, who had helped her take power, were scheming to secure the succession for themselves. The Angeloi were the worst, they held the despot's mind trough his mistress, Anastasia Angelos.

the Angeloi held great power within the City as the family's leader, Anatolius Angelos was the Logotheres tou genikou, head of the financial ministry, and the people suffered under their "special taxes".

Those years were dark, I mourned my daughter, and I wasn't allowed to see my son, who reportedly cried uncontrollably for his sister. Silently I began to write letters again...

On the outside I was still the perfect wife. We actually lived together at the palace, all three of us. The despot, me, and his lover Anastasia. I wasn't jealous.

Anastasia was like a female version of the despot, and it felt funny. She had a commanding voice and knew every swear word in the Greek language, words she used often. She bathed just as rarely as the despot. And she had enormous breasts.

Her influence over my husband was dangerous. He wanted to marry her, and put me into a convent, but I was safe as long as the empress hanged on to life...

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXXIII

Once I am gone, they will talk about Grigoris Aetidis. It was probably late Summer of 7082 (1574). Matthaios had been sent back to Hungary, and I mourned my daughter, I was paralyzed by grief.

Someone held a garden party at Blachernae, I wasn't in the mood to celebrate, but went anyway, at least there was wine. So I was casually walking on this gorgeous balcony, and there I was introduced to this giant, Grigoris Aetidis. I was desperate for love.

Seeing the empress after Zoe's death, I saw that her condition had gotten even worse. She apparently forgot about us, the despot and me. We were no longer watched. But it wasn't freedom, no. I was now a prisoner of the despot and his mistress, Anastasia Angelos, and their thoughts came from Anatolius Angelos. They considered me a dangerous woman.

A wonderful Serbian lady-in-waiting arranged a meeting between me and Grigoris in her villa overlooking the Bosporus. I once again experienced love, and this time it was something I had never felt before. He was better than Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas, better than Matthaios. It was like a game of lust. He positively knocked me out.

Grigoris would have been enough for my entire life, I wouldn't have needed any other favorites! But he decided otherwise... He was attached to me in soul and body, and I was attached to him. He was a miracle!

Grigoris was the third man in my life, and he came to me during the biggest changes in my life. He was a lieutenant in the Athanatoi guard regiment (The Immortals), and he was the oldest of five handsome brothers: John, Alexios, Theodore and Basil.

The father of the boys was the governor of Thessaloniki, and he had had nine sons, but four of them had died. These five crazy brothers loved women, liquor, and playing cards, and they despised death. The third brother, Alexios, had a massive scar on his face, that's why he was called the "Scarface"

Like I said, danger no longer came from the direction of the empress. But my husband Andreas pushed his ugly nose everywhere. He called empress Helene "the hag".

"The hag is about to take her last breath! When that hag dies, we'll put her under the dirt in a week. Let the priests shout their prayers and then gone! Forgotten! She's tormented us for so long that I'll throw away all protocols!

First, I'll change the uniforms of the army, the Latins know how to make great clothes, none of that eastern stuff for my soldiers. Then I shall rummage through the church, and force the bearded old men in their rightful place!"

I said to the despot that the empress lives, and shows no signs of stepping down. And when life leaves her, she shall be put on a catafalque, so we may mourn her in peace and with dignity, as befitting to the empress of the great Roman empire. Otherwise the priests and bishops of the church will rise in rebellion, and no one will crown him emperor.

The despot simply laughed at my words, with his ugly teeth out. But I didn't laugh.

The empress was in her mid-sixties, and in truth, the formerly strong willed mother of the nation was now weak, spiritually and physically. She rarely ate much, as her stomach didn't work, I mean nothing came out. But by God did she drink! She was drunk most of the time I saw her. She still had those seizures, but refused to see any more doctors.

Diplomats and politicians sometimes waited weeks to get the empress to sign some important documents, and her lovers began to see other women. Some of them tried to get into my good side, but my mind was occupied by a certain guard lieutenant...

The Angeloi did not plot alone, the capital was full of plots. But no one dared to see me. Only yesterday they saw a future sovereign, today they saw a future nun.

But the Aetidis brothers and some loyal friends in the court, were making their own plans behind the curtains.

The people hated bandits and politicians more than anything. They hated the Angeloi and the Doukai, but respected the Choniatei. The people were horrified when Athanasius Choniates was arrested. The Doukai took from the people and gave to themselves. And beyond all else they loved power.

The minister of finance, Anatolius Angelos wanted me gone, without questions, without the chance to defend myself. He wanted his daughter Anastasia to sit on the Roman throne, as empress to emperor Andreas. But the Doukai did not agree with this, and so they began to fight in the shadows. The Doukai wanted to see little Constantine on the throne, and both me and my husband gone.

And then there were the Venetians, the Genoese and the rest of the Latins, funding the power struggle behind the throne.

All of this disrespected empress Helene. The morning had no knowledge of the evening, in fact, morning had no idea what was going to happen in the day, it just turned into the evening, who got embarrassed and went to bed.

But empress Helene was not dead yet, she was attached to life. She raised her head like a snake. She was still the empress!

 

[KaiserWilhelmI]

XXXIV

The empress wanted to meet me. It must have been early January of the year 7085 (1577). I was pregnant with the child of Grigoris Aetidis. Nothing had changed, there was only fear, fear... But the meeting with the empress became more dramatic than I had thought. I have written it down in meticulous detail and I remember that night like it was yesterday. I decided to keep my condition a secret for as long as I could. I couldn't talk about the child, not even to the despot, because of the Angeloi.

I was scared every time orders came from empress Helene. What had I done now? She wanted to meet me in private, I hadn't been alone with her in years.

I walked through the lavishly decorated hallways of the ancient palace of Blachernae. Empress Helene liked to purchase furniture from abroad. Her latest fads were mirrors from Italy. They were huge, and they were everywhere. Alexandros Drakos again escorted me to the imperial bedrooms. The clock was two hours past midnight. To the empress it was the same as the afternoon was to normal people. I was terrified.

The Varangians were on guard duty. The second regiment, the private regiment of the empress. The men were handsome in their uniforms of deep red and gold. A silk mask covered their mouths, a symbol of their duty as the guardians of the imperial family. As I tiptoed through the hallway with my small silk shoes, every guardsman saluted me. It was the custom. Drakos walked two steps behind me with a twitching face.

The private rooms of empress Helene were covered in Imperial purple and gold. Drakos led me to the doors of the yellow bedroom. He opened the doors, bowed, and closed them after I had stepped in.

There was no one in the room. There was a huge canopy bed opposite of the doors, and silk everywhere. Two huge paintings depicted the empresses grandparents, Andreas the Dragon and his wife, empress Zoe.

I stood there, not really knowing what to do, when the empress came into the room. She was wearing a lovely nightgown. I fell into a deep curtsy, but the empress lifted me up.

"Please, Sophia, take a seat."

She greeted me as a friend. Usually she called me despoina, now I was just Sophia. I did not know whether it was a good thing or not. She poured me wine and gave me the glass. I thanked her.

She didn't appear healthy, still her form was beautiful and majestic. She smiled and lifted her wineglass.

"Sophia, I do hope you don't feel sleepy, staying up all night is a habit of mine, which may anger others."

I have always listened to the way people talk. I can easily discover when the words coming out of someones mouth are not in balance with their eyes. The voice of empress Helene was very sophisticated. The sound was not soft, nor very feminine, it was noble, and proud.

"I invited you here, because you and I need to talk. We have never been friends, but I have underestimated you, Sophia. We must talk now, before it's too late. I haven't been well. I have these seizures, and afterwards I can't remember anything. Sophia, I fear these nights."

I was shocked. I didn't expect her to say these things to me.

"As a child, I wasn't afraid of the night. As a young girl, I wasn't afraid of anything. Only after taking the throne, I started to fear the nights. Monarchs are killed at night, Sophia. They are either strangled or smothered. Or imprisoned, if not immediately killed. That's what I did to little child emperor Stephen and his regent-mother Anna."

We stared at each other, I saw that she truly was afraid.

"Sophia, It is no longer enough to have a guard outside the locked door, now I have to have a guard in the room while I sleep. I am afraid of the Angeloi, of the Doukids. They try to bypass my right to appoint an heir to the throne. It has to be done soon Sophia, we must talk about it. The madness of my adopted son Andreas is only increasing. All he talks about is Latins this and Latins that. If he becomes emperor, the Roman empire will become a vassal state of Venice, a city my forces sacked God dammit!

What do you think of the succession?"

I sat quietly in my chair. I swear my thoughts were so mixed, that I couldn't utter a word. I could have lied: Oh no, Bassilissa, despot Andreas is a Roman at heart. I could have had the courage to say: Kyría, I shall take the throne.

But because empress Helene was unpredictable, I kept my mouth shut.

As she sat there, holding a glass of wine, she was surrounded by this mystical halo. Power. The grandest power imaginable. She sat there in her white gown like a goddess. She was an unpredictable woman, cruel and heartless, but in that moment she was bare, vulnerable, anxious and afraid.

I had never before seen anything human in her, but in that night I had to change my perception of her. She kept her humanity secret. Suddenly she began to talk:

"My grandfather was Andreas the Dragon. He was married to a Bulgarian, named Sofija Dulo, but in Constantinople, she was known as Zoe. My grandfather had just two living children. He had his own son imprisoned for plotting against him, and later the prince died in prison.

The Dragon died in 7020 (1512) and was succeeded by his only grandson, my cousin. Emperor Matthew was a sickly child, who died young. Thus the throne eventually passed to my mother, empress Sophia, who, truth to be told, wasn't a very good sovereign.

My mother's court was very Bulgarian, and she was unable to stop the coup, led by the Dragon's nephew, Manuel, who deposed my mother and sent her to a monastery. I never saw her again, for she died before I took the throne.

During those early years, my sister Eudocia and I were forced to stay away from the capital, we lived in a mansion in the countryside. I loved to hunt, to ride, and to travel trough the woods. There was silence everywhere I went, I loved it. I stayed silent.

My sister and I were brought back to the capital once Manuel had children of his own. But his children did not live for long. Once Manuel III was dead, the throne went to the son of his niece, thus he bypassed my claim.

Then my time came. Sixth of December 7039 (1530), fifteen years before you, Sophia, were born. I had been staying in Thessaloniki, there I collected my supporters and sailed to Constantinople. It was a clear night, the sky was covered with stars. We went to the barracks of the Varangians. I told them that I was Helene Palaiologina, granddaughter of the Dragon. I asked them to follow me into the palace and help me to dethrone emperor Stephen, and his mother's Italian lackeys. I asked them to pray for me.

Helene, Helene! They shouted. The Paramonai joined us, then the Athanatoi. I went to the palace of Blachernae with a force of 400 soldiers. I went to the bedroom of regent Anna, woke her up, and told her I had taken the throne."

-Your Majesty, why are you telling me this? I asked.

"Because, Sophia, I want you to know how it is done."

I held my breath, or stopped breathing. What did she mean? Was this her last will and testament? "I want you to know how it is done" Was it a wish? She couldn't say it out loud.

"I put a child into a prison, separated him from his family. Little Stephen lived his whole life in a prison. He died ten years ago. a man of thirty, he never knew why he had been imprisoned, why he wasn't wanted, or loved. No one taught him anything, no one told him anything. He was a madman. I...I had him strangled."

She started to cry.

"He comes into my dreams. My eternal nightmare. I hate myself Sophia. I have mistreated you, blamed you, bullied you. Tell me, what will you do once I am gone?"

I couldn't answer. I thought it was one of her plots, but she anticipated my thoughts.

"There is no one here, Sophia, you can be honest with me."

- Have you betrayed me, Your Majesty?

"I have. I have betrayed you, when I ordered you to be a prisoner in the palace. When I took little Constantine from your arms, before you even had a chance to look at him. I made the same mistake with little Zoe.

On the night of Zoe's death, we were one, you and I. Like a mother and a grandmother. I have felt motherhood through your children, when I am unable to have my own."

I finally asked straight questions. Why was I left to die in the purple room? Did she wish I'd die? Her voice cracked.

"Please, Sophia! I went mad with love when I saw the child. I love them both so much! Constantine was the answer to my prayers. Sophia. My soul is empty. I am a cold person, and I have been a cold person since my love died before our wedding. Your children filled me with love! Forgive me for loving your children."

Her words shocked me. That was the Night of Atonement. The empress had been beaten. My questions were too brutal. I panicked, and started to talk about how I never once believed that she wanted to murder me, a lie of course, but a necessary one. I said how difficult it must have been, thinking about the succession after Caesar Constantine died.

Empress Helene fell down on the floor, crying. I was sure she'd die there, I knelt in front of her. We shared our pain. I began to cry as well. I couldn't contain myself. One must never cry before the empress, never, never!

We bathed in self-pity. She said she's too tired to beg for forgiveness. She said that many times. We held each other by the hand. We wept and prayed.

After a long while I helped her back in her seat and filled our wine glasses.

-Kyría, I said, I used to secretly taste wine when I was ten.

She laughed. At that moment this woman was not an empress, not the ruler of Rome, no, she was my mother.

Suddenly she asked:

"Which one of the two was a better lover, Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas, or the Hungarian prince?"

-As a lover, Andre was better, but I love Matthaios Palaiologos.

"That's what I thought."

-What about you Kyría? Who's your best lover?

"There have been many...But I love Petros Argyros."

-Why did you send him away?

"Look at me...my body...my breasts are like cabbages, who would want me now?"

Suddenly we laughed merrily. Our tears had made us free.

"I have to invite him back, he's still the Megas Doux. I want to be with him."

Then she said:

"This morning is the first morning of the rest of our lives. I wanted you here, Sophia, to tell you how to do it."

It was a testament, her last will. Now I know. We had hated each other since the day I married despot Andreas, now we found each other.

This was the story of the Night of Atonement.