Actually, I would not be surprised that, if she had a successful pregnancy, her life would be very short thereafter. Her role done, so to speak.
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A only child won't last, many things may happen in the meanwhile. But at least through intermissed negotiation the Empress and the Princess had a truce and an agreement for now.
Heirs and spares are a thing and not just because people don't like only children. Infant mortality is still a thing and the Empress does not seem the type to so casually discard valuable assets.
chapter XXII
XXII
Seven months after my second miscarriage I was once again pregnant. We had stayed in Thessaloniki for many months now, almost a year. Why did she want us there? She spent her days ruling, drinking, fornicating and praying. She had us visit convents and monasteries all around the area. Why wouldn't she stay still? Was she worried that she would be forgotten if she didn't take the whole court with her to these travels?
The empress came to visit me one day. It was a surprise visit, maybe she was searching my apartments for signs of Andre. I kissed her hand and made a mistake. She knew about my pregnancy, but didn't say anything. I told her that this time I felt normal, and that the child was due in August. She simply stood up and left in total silence.
Love is sometimes curious. Maria Tournikes resigned from her duties very suddenly, and moved to Taurica with our lord chamberlain, Theodore Laskaris. I never saw them again, except once, I think I saw Tournikes dancing with a Pontic nobleman in Trebizond, but that tale is best left alone for now.
Our new chamberlain was Alexandros Drakos. I was shocked. Drakos was called the Demon of Mangana, and he was feared throughout Constantinople. He was in charge of a government office tasked with investigating crimes against majesty, and other serious crimes against the state. Its name is the Secret Court of Mangana, or just the secret court. The one's accused by this feared organization would never again see the light of day. Even the building itself was feared, but more than that, they feared it's bug-eyed leader, Alexandros Drakos. And it was he, who would now guard the despot and despoina of Epirus.
But I knew that the child kept me safe, the empress rarely even spoke to me. We still stayed in Thessaloniki, apparently the Blachernae palace was being renovated, and the empress had just ordered the construction of a new, grander imperial palace, it was to be located on top of the first hill, on the site of the ancient acropolis of old Byzantion.
I must say, even if they'd threaten to hang me, I wouldn't be able to change my opinion about empress Helene. It is terrible to say, but everything in that woman was terrifying. People became tense in her presence. She was an extremely beautiful woman, prettier than me. One smile from her was a great reward, but she only smiled to men. She despised all her ladies, and was extremely jealous, not to mention envious. No one was allowed to look better than her. She despised her subjects, and did very little to improve their lives. The empress lived in magnificent splendor, her vanity in clothes, jewelry and high majestic behavior crossed all borders of humanity.
Somewhere deep inside she must have been afraid of me. I had the future, she had only the past.
As long as I had the child inside of me, there was very little they could do to me. I didn't dare to think it's birth... It was the fear of death. Thessaloniki was dreadful to me, but it was not the city's fault. I lived in a prison, I couldn't get out, even the windows were closed. What about empress Helene?
Every other afternoon she felt sick, every other afternoon she ruled over the empire. she would drink and make love all night long, and sleep in the morning. In the afternoon she suddenly remembered her imperial status, at dusk she went to the church to pray, the nightly drinking and loving would then begin again. That was the empress of Rome back then. Even the "emperor of the night" Petros Argyros, was slowly slipping away in disgust.
Seven months after my second miscarriage I was once again pregnant. We had stayed in Thessaloniki for many months now, almost a year. Why did she want us there? She spent her days ruling, drinking, fornicating and praying. She had us visit convents and monasteries all around the area. Why wouldn't she stay still? Was she worried that she would be forgotten if she didn't take the whole court with her to these travels?
The empress came to visit me one day. It was a surprise visit, maybe she was searching my apartments for signs of Andre. I kissed her hand and made a mistake. She knew about my pregnancy, but didn't say anything. I told her that this time I felt normal, and that the child was due in August. She simply stood up and left in total silence.
Love is sometimes curious. Maria Tournikes resigned from her duties very suddenly, and moved to Taurica with our lord chamberlain, Theodore Laskaris. I never saw them again, except once, I think I saw Tournikes dancing with a Pontic nobleman in Trebizond, but that tale is best left alone for now.
Our new chamberlain was Alexandros Drakos. I was shocked. Drakos was called the Demon of Mangana, and he was feared throughout Constantinople. He was in charge of a government office tasked with investigating crimes against majesty, and other serious crimes against the state. Its name is the Secret Court of Mangana, or just the secret court. The one's accused by this feared organization would never again see the light of day. Even the building itself was feared, but more than that, they feared it's bug-eyed leader, Alexandros Drakos. And it was he, who would now guard the despot and despoina of Epirus.
But I knew that the child kept me safe, the empress rarely even spoke to me. We still stayed in Thessaloniki, apparently the Blachernae palace was being renovated, and the empress had just ordered the construction of a new, grander imperial palace, it was to be located on top of the first hill, on the site of the ancient acropolis of old Byzantion.
I must say, even if they'd threaten to hang me, I wouldn't be able to change my opinion about empress Helene. It is terrible to say, but everything in that woman was terrifying. People became tense in her presence. She was an extremely beautiful woman, prettier than me. One smile from her was a great reward, but she only smiled to men. She despised all her ladies, and was extremely jealous, not to mention envious. No one was allowed to look better than her. She despised her subjects, and did very little to improve their lives. The empress lived in magnificent splendor, her vanity in clothes, jewelry and high majestic behavior crossed all borders of humanity.
Somewhere deep inside she must have been afraid of me. I had the future, she had only the past.
As long as I had the child inside of me, there was very little they could do to me. I didn't dare to think it's birth... It was the fear of death. Thessaloniki was dreadful to me, but it was not the city's fault. I lived in a prison, I couldn't get out, even the windows were closed. What about empress Helene?
Every other afternoon she felt sick, every other afternoon she ruled over the empire. she would drink and make love all night long, and sleep in the morning. In the afternoon she suddenly remembered her imperial status, at dusk she went to the church to pray, the nightly drinking and loving would then begin again. That was the empress of Rome back then. Even the "emperor of the night" Petros Argyros, was slowly slipping away in disgust.
That's what the empress could be thinking, her problem is that she sees everyone as her pawns, but troubles begin when a pawn refuses to do the move she has planned for it...
A truce and a threat all in one. She may be having fun, but there must be a child...
The question is: can a child have two mothers at the same time?
Strange that the Empress here is portrayed as almost being impotent in the face of the pawn.
Sounds like the Empress is having second thoughts about her moves in the "Great Game"!
Perhaps the empress has already made her moves, and only has to wait for the results. She's not in a hurry.
New chapter coming tomorrow, I've been really busy this past week.
(That, and I've dived into the world of Ptolemaic Egypt in AC Origins, really fascinating...)
chapter XXIII
XXIII
I must now tell you a story. This has never been told before, and I ask it to be kept a secret. But I must say this. You see, there was a boy called Enver, an Albanian. Pretty boy, a wonderful boy. Well behaved. He came to the court by accident, and was tasked with most insignificant duties. He had a pretty face, and a dark curly hair.
I have wronged the despot in many occasions, I never found anything good about him... But he always went quiet around this Albanian. Enver was a lot more intelligent than anyone else in the despots court. He looked after the despots clothes, made sure he was always well dressed for dinners, balls, military drills, parades... He was the only one who could make him bathe. I was taught a lesson.
What could he possibly see in that ugly man? He saw more than most of us. He saw a man who was beaten by his guardian, beaten, starved, and kept in the dark, all to harden him. Enver saw a scared young man. Despot Andreas was raised to be frightful, insidious, contrived and twisted.
We saw the dirty hair, pimply face and heard the empty laughter. Enver saw a boy, who was human, scared and beaten, and who received no tenderness, not even from his own wife. I have been thinking about this all my life...
Who defines love? Who says a man cannot love another man, or a woman cannot love a woman? I am absolutely sure that God blesses those who love, but the church condemns them. We were all silent then. Only Nikolaos, Maria and I knew about Enver. The despots love for women was scarce, but he did love a certain Angelos woman, in his own way... Enver loved him as a man.
I told him once, that love is nothing to be ashamed about, people are. I believe Jesus Christ would have allowed love to exist between two human beings. Besides, how does one compare one sin to another? Was empress Helene's way of abducting young soldiers into her bed a smaller sin than the love between these two men that God has created?
Enver went away before the empresses death. I never knew why, but the despot became sad, and I felt sorry for him. That dreadful Angelos woman was the despots playmate and his mistress, but Enver brought light into his miserable life, if only for a moment. It hurts my heart, because my husband's fate is my eternal nightmare. I'll never speak of Enver again.
We finally left Thessaloniki. I talked to my ever widening stomach. It felt good. I saw a glimpse of Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas on horseback. I was not told that he was traveling with the court. I wasn't allowed to speak with him and I almost lost all self-control. Nikolaos and Maria decided to act in secret.
Andre came to me when we stopped to rest. We were given two hours. He put his hand on my stomach and it felt safe, I told him everything, my feelings, my pains and my suffering. I told him that I was so alone in all of this. Andre held me in his arms, for the last time. He kissed me passionately and left. He was exiled to Trebizond. He never wanted to meet me, or see his child, even when there was a chance to arrange it.
I loved him and he offended me greatly. He used me, because he was told to do so, and then he abandoned me. I don't care anymore, I did then, but not anymore, not after so many humiliations.
It was in August that the child decided to come into this world.
I must now tell you a story. This has never been told before, and I ask it to be kept a secret. But I must say this. You see, there was a boy called Enver, an Albanian. Pretty boy, a wonderful boy. Well behaved. He came to the court by accident, and was tasked with most insignificant duties. He had a pretty face, and a dark curly hair.
I have wronged the despot in many occasions, I never found anything good about him... But he always went quiet around this Albanian. Enver was a lot more intelligent than anyone else in the despots court. He looked after the despots clothes, made sure he was always well dressed for dinners, balls, military drills, parades... He was the only one who could make him bathe. I was taught a lesson.
What could he possibly see in that ugly man? He saw more than most of us. He saw a man who was beaten by his guardian, beaten, starved, and kept in the dark, all to harden him. Enver saw a scared young man. Despot Andreas was raised to be frightful, insidious, contrived and twisted.
We saw the dirty hair, pimply face and heard the empty laughter. Enver saw a boy, who was human, scared and beaten, and who received no tenderness, not even from his own wife. I have been thinking about this all my life...
Who defines love? Who says a man cannot love another man, or a woman cannot love a woman? I am absolutely sure that God blesses those who love, but the church condemns them. We were all silent then. Only Nikolaos, Maria and I knew about Enver. The despots love for women was scarce, but he did love a certain Angelos woman, in his own way... Enver loved him as a man.
I told him once, that love is nothing to be ashamed about, people are. I believe Jesus Christ would have allowed love to exist between two human beings. Besides, how does one compare one sin to another? Was empress Helene's way of abducting young soldiers into her bed a smaller sin than the love between these two men that God has created?
Enver went away before the empresses death. I never knew why, but the despot became sad, and I felt sorry for him. That dreadful Angelos woman was the despots playmate and his mistress, but Enver brought light into his miserable life, if only for a moment. It hurts my heart, because my husband's fate is my eternal nightmare. I'll never speak of Enver again.
We finally left Thessaloniki. I talked to my ever widening stomach. It felt good. I saw a glimpse of Andreas Palaiologos-Doukas on horseback. I was not told that he was traveling with the court. I wasn't allowed to speak with him and I almost lost all self-control. Nikolaos and Maria decided to act in secret.
Andre came to me when we stopped to rest. We were given two hours. He put his hand on my stomach and it felt safe, I told him everything, my feelings, my pains and my suffering. I told him that I was so alone in all of this. Andre held me in his arms, for the last time. He kissed me passionately and left. He was exiled to Trebizond. He never wanted to meet me, or see his child, even when there was a chance to arrange it.
I loved him and he offended me greatly. He used me, because he was told to do so, and then he abandoned me. I don't care anymore, I did then, but not anymore, not after so many humiliations.
It was in August that the child decided to come into this world.
Indeed, I've been playing the series since the very first game in 2007. (Gods how long ago it was.)
This is an incredibly melancholy reflection on love in all its forms.
Or the Civilization series, where I clocked in on the original one in 1991.
Never played AC I must admit.
Less long than I been playing Paradox gamesIndeed, I've been playing the series since the very first game in 2007. (Gods how long ago it was.)
Or the Civilization series, where I clocked in on the original one in 1991.
Never played AC I must admit.
Evidently the Empress preferred to control a weak crown prince rather than allowing him to resurge eventually with a favourite along him.
But hey, good times for our heroine seem to come, a delivered baby and the foreseen death of the Empress! The throne of Rome is within her grasp now...
But hey, good times for our heroine seem to come, a delivered baby and the foreseen death of the Empress! The throne of Rome is within her grasp now...
Wow I have to say that was one of the more beautiful and heartbreaking chapters of any AAR i've read, well done.
Whoa! This AAR is so full of details! The narrative you use is simply great, and it adds a whole new dimension to EU4. From time to time, this looks more like a novel than a PDX's game AAR, haha.
Reading the chapters... Hmh. I don't know what to say, really. The insight we get of Sophia's life are touching, specially the last one. Alone and humilliated. I wonder if she really doesn't care about what happened, and if the opportunity to take revenge arises, would she make them pay or choose mercy?
Weeell, you have a new sub for the Empress and I. I'll be waiting the next chap'!
PS: Good name for the AAR! Its subtle, but direct at the same time! I love it
Reading the chapters... Hmh. I don't know what to say, really. The insight we get of Sophia's life are touching, specially the last one. Alone and humilliated. I wonder if she really doesn't care about what happened, and if the opportunity to take revenge arises, would she make them pay or choose mercy?
Weeell, you have a new sub for the Empress and I. I'll be waiting the next chap'!
PS: Good name for the AAR! Its subtle, but direct at the same time! I love it
chapter XXIV
XXIV
The Purple chamber in the palace of Blachernae was being prepared as we returned to the Queen of cities. The original room in the Great palace had been demolished during many years of decline under the early Palaiologoi emperors.
The great chamber was built from porphyry, a rare purple-laced marble, and was adorned with Tyrian purple and gold. Great double-headed eagle of house Palaiologos decorated the walls, and a mosaic depicting the Theotokos holding the Son of God watched us from the ceiling.
I was trying on some maternity clothes when the burning began. I was rushed into the purple room at once. The pains were excruciating, and they lasted for twelve hours. Empress Helene arrived to the scene and moved to the next room to play cards after taking just one look at me. She was joined by Drakos and the "father" of the child. The despot was the only one who sometimes appeared at the doors. His face was pale and he was scared of the entire thing. The empress didn't seem interested at all. I was waiting for Maria, but I was told that she had been told to stay away from me.
The pains were killing me. I didn't know who were around me, it made no difference. Finally the empress sailed into the room. She was wearing a purple nightgown, her hair was free and falling down on her shoulders, she looked even scarier than usual. Someone brought her a mattress and she laid there, looking indifferent. She stayed there for two hours. She didn't look at me, she didn't brush my forehead or touch my hand, she just dozed there.
I could bet my fortune that she was waiting for me to die in childbirth. She had come to see the despoina give birth to a healthy child, and then the mother's job was done. It is useless to try to explain how it feels like to push out a child. Every soul is born into this world the same way, be they a child of a prince or a peasant: with pain and suffering. My experience was hellish, the pain knocked me out. Sometimes I woke up when they poured cold water into my face.
I woke up and saw that the empress was gone. She had apparently tried to order me to stay silent, but how could you block the mouth of a woman in labour? I screamed and I shouted. Finally, Maria came to me. She had threatened to hit the midwife, if she didn't let her in. She started shouting orders and everyone seemed to obey this wild Pontic woman. I love her.
My body was being split in two. It was morning, or midnight, I didn't know or care. Maria held my hand at one point, and started her work. She said the baby was backwards. I don't know what she did, but it worked. Thanks to her skilled hands, the child was born healthy.
I did not die, nor was I murdered. I gave birth to my son on the 20th of August 7078 (1570). The afterbirth came out at once, there they were at my feet. The midwife came to me and took the baby, I rose up and extended my hands. He was small and wrinkled. I held the baby for a moment, I said that I was his mother. I gave my son back to the midwife who washed and swaddled him.
I was making a nest for him beside me thinking that it would be a warm place for him to sleep when they washed and cleaned me. Then came the empress and took the child into her arms.
"We shall adopt this child, as is the custom, since he is a porphyrogénnetos, born in the purple."
After this announcement was made, she ordered Maria to leave the room, and said that entering the purple chamber was strictly forbidden, the midwife will come when she finds the time. Then she left the room.
I was left alone. I cried. I coughed. I screamed. Somehow I found strength to rise up and shout.
"The child is mine! Just mine! Mine!"
I shouted in Greek, I shouted in Turkish and I shouted in Persian. My screams echoed through the hallways. I was about to scream "murder" but I fainted. The empress ran through the palace with the child in her arms, like trying to escape my voice.
I fainted, and darkness took me.
The Purple chamber in the palace of Blachernae was being prepared as we returned to the Queen of cities. The original room in the Great palace had been demolished during many years of decline under the early Palaiologoi emperors.
The great chamber was built from porphyry, a rare purple-laced marble, and was adorned with Tyrian purple and gold. Great double-headed eagle of house Palaiologos decorated the walls, and a mosaic depicting the Theotokos holding the Son of God watched us from the ceiling.
I was trying on some maternity clothes when the burning began. I was rushed into the purple room at once. The pains were excruciating, and they lasted for twelve hours. Empress Helene arrived to the scene and moved to the next room to play cards after taking just one look at me. She was joined by Drakos and the "father" of the child. The despot was the only one who sometimes appeared at the doors. His face was pale and he was scared of the entire thing. The empress didn't seem interested at all. I was waiting for Maria, but I was told that she had been told to stay away from me.
The pains were killing me. I didn't know who were around me, it made no difference. Finally the empress sailed into the room. She was wearing a purple nightgown, her hair was free and falling down on her shoulders, she looked even scarier than usual. Someone brought her a mattress and she laid there, looking indifferent. She stayed there for two hours. She didn't look at me, she didn't brush my forehead or touch my hand, she just dozed there.
I could bet my fortune that she was waiting for me to die in childbirth. She had come to see the despoina give birth to a healthy child, and then the mother's job was done. It is useless to try to explain how it feels like to push out a child. Every soul is born into this world the same way, be they a child of a prince or a peasant: with pain and suffering. My experience was hellish, the pain knocked me out. Sometimes I woke up when they poured cold water into my face.
I woke up and saw that the empress was gone. She had apparently tried to order me to stay silent, but how could you block the mouth of a woman in labour? I screamed and I shouted. Finally, Maria came to me. She had threatened to hit the midwife, if she didn't let her in. She started shouting orders and everyone seemed to obey this wild Pontic woman. I love her.
My body was being split in two. It was morning, or midnight, I didn't know or care. Maria held my hand at one point, and started her work. She said the baby was backwards. I don't know what she did, but it worked. Thanks to her skilled hands, the child was born healthy.
I did not die, nor was I murdered. I gave birth to my son on the 20th of August 7078 (1570). The afterbirth came out at once, there they were at my feet. The midwife came to me and took the baby, I rose up and extended my hands. He was small and wrinkled. I held the baby for a moment, I said that I was his mother. I gave my son back to the midwife who washed and swaddled him.
I was making a nest for him beside me thinking that it would be a warm place for him to sleep when they washed and cleaned me. Then came the empress and took the child into her arms.
"We shall adopt this child, as is the custom, since he is a porphyrogénnetos, born in the purple."
After this announcement was made, she ordered Maria to leave the room, and said that entering the purple chamber was strictly forbidden, the midwife will come when she finds the time. Then she left the room.
I was left alone. I cried. I coughed. I screamed. Somehow I found strength to rise up and shout.
"The child is mine! Just mine! Mine!"
I shouted in Greek, I shouted in Turkish and I shouted in Persian. My screams echoed through the hallways. I was about to scream "murder" but I fainted. The empress ran through the palace with the child in her arms, like trying to escape my voice.
I fainted, and darkness took me.