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What's the comparative size of the armies? With your technology advantage (do you have that over the French?), you might be able to break their armies as well as the Aragonese.
 
@WizardOfYendor: Tell me about it...

@DaVegaNL: About 15 years at the time of this update, less than 10 at the moment (haven't had time to play lately). I won't bail out unless I am annexed or vassalised though.

@GreatUberGeek: To 'win' is a relative term. :D

@Enewald: Unfortunately they have an access through Aragon. Though I was planning of using similar tactics I didn't need to employ it as you are about to find out. Praying though, that was done aplenty...

@RepublicanIV: Thank you and a hearty welcome! I hope I can postpone the steamrolling this time around. I mean steamrolling France of course. My men are tired right now. You know, the war with Aragon and all that...

@Makkovar, videonfan: In Acignon, the praying is outsourced to contractors.

@Wiliart: It's a law of nature. I borrowed your term in the title by the way.

@Legolas: I actually have the numbers on my side due to plenty of allies as you will soon find out. Of course, France has the advantage of having most of their men acting as one large force while the armies on my side are spread across Europe. Unfortunately France is technologically as advanced as I am so I won't have similar luck as I had against Aragon.




IV - Time To Take on Le Blob!

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First of all, apologies for taking so long to post an update. I was going to write one on Sunday but the forums were down for most of the day and I am rather busy on Mondays.

Anyhow, here are the armies of both sides at the beginning of the conflict in March 1484. Although the Bohemian bastards refused to join the war, I still have Castile, Naples and Austria on my side; the only countries powerful enough to deserve a mention really. Despite this I was rather surprised to hold the numerical advantage over my foes. Of course this only goes so far - while the French armies work more or less in unison with one another, apart from Venice, the men on my side are spread across Europe. Not that numbers really matter either way, it is The Blob we are facing here. God help us!

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Thank you, Lord!

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A map of my current enemies.

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Hordes of Frenchmen soon appeared on the horizon, streaming across the border to have a taste of the Mediterranean. Provence especially was a popular destination.

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Since their armies are too large for me to take on by myself, and Castile is sitting idle in Madrid with their armies, I decided it would be safest to get rid of the Aragonese first and kept up with chasing them around Spain. Besides, my home provinces are largely under occupation by the Aragonese anyway.

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Meanwhile, Austria poured down on Venice. I would rather see them fighting the French by my side but I guess I need someone to deal with the Venetians as well, especially since they actually have a sizeable army at their disposal.​

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Castile was soon shocked into activity as well and in August 1484 their armies marched across the border into southern France.

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While Austria was occupied in occupying Venice, the Neapolitans and Tuscans did much of the fighting in southern Italy. They also managed to finish their sieges in Sicily and might now be more of a use in actual warfare.​

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It didn't take long for a French doomstack to approach the Castilian's. With our combined forces we could have easily taken them on, but the silly Spaniards decided to retreat northwards into France instead of staying put where I could have aided them in a battle, or to flee back to Spain. I decided to pull my forces from the border since there's no way I could outmanoeuvre the French forces and unite with the Spaniards up north. Besides, the French have a military access through Aragon so I would have risked being attacked myself had I staid in Pirineo.

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Not surprisingly, the Castilians were soon caught up with and defeated.

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While I was concentrating my efforts against the Aragonese (their armies were finally wiped out after this battle), I noticed that having satisfied their appetite for the homely Mediterranean, the Frenchmen suddenly crossed into Spain with most of their armies. I thought this a brilliant opportunity. I might be able to take them on with Castile, thus having superior numbers on my side.

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Eslewhere, some patriots sprang up. Thank God for rebels!

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As natural strategists, my Italian allies weighted their options carefully and decided it best to march their armies to the Alps.

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After some fiddling around with uncooperative Castilians, I finally managed to make them stick with my armies and headed towards the French forces. I hold a numerical superiority of over 10000 men over them. In other news, Navarra was annexed by Aragon.

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And a battle ensued. Unfortunately, the French are on an equal footing with me when it comes to military technology, so the only practical advantage I have of them are my extra morale and discipline. Thus, I laid my trust primarily in numerical superiority. Were I to win this battle that is tipped greatly in my favour, it would give me an edge over the French and possibly open a pathway to victory!

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Oh...​
 
Le Blob will always find a way.

I think I read the term somewhere else on the forum, but I'm using it now. It's just too appropriate not to use.
 
Tough luck! How's your manpower? You surely can't keep taking THAT many casualties :(
 
Yay for Kazmir! Celebratory bar fight!
 
Thank you for your nomination Makkovar, I am humbled by this gesture! I would also like to give you my sincere apologies for not giving you and update for a week. I was busy with my university studies and was struggling with an assignment I had to hand in today. I should now have slightly more free time to concentrate on more important matters. ;)

@Enewald: "Exists" is a highly relative term unfortunately... :p

@Wiliart: It indeed is, much more appropriate than the BBB acronym in my opinion.

@Ygor: My manpower is pretty much depleted, but over half of my army consists of mercenaries so most of my losses are monetary in nature.

@Matnjord: As you can see in some of the pictures it is closing in on 40%. Aragon is pretty much done for, all I need to do is wait for the AI to make peace with them.

@DaVegaNL: I think victory over France will remain a distant dream, unfortunately.

@GreatUberGeek: Thanks a bunch!




V - Aftermath of the War

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While I suffered a defeat in Spain, the Eastern Front has also fallen into dismay with Austrian troops forced to retreat from their realm by the French and their allies. The positive side of this is that Austrian army is now fighting nearer to my men, allowing for limited cooperation (the Archduke remains woefully unwilling to stick with my men and prefers to go his own ways).

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But at least our other war came to a close. In July 1485 Aragon accepts a peace offer from Naples and the eastern half of Sicily chanmged owenrship. It is unfortunate that I didn't manage to gain a dime from the war, but at least one of my nemeses is considerably weaker now. I also managed to sign a white peace with the Teutonic Order at last, bringing our silly war to an end.

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The Archduke's men ended up trying to occupy Franche-Comté, but an attack by a ridiculously small French army drove them on a retreat once again. I am beginning to suspect that the French harbour some secret weapon that gives them a definite edge over much larger foes. Austria and I quickly join our forces, the Archduke finally willing to do so, and march up north to attack the French while their secondary army remains as small as it is.

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But the French nukes were ridiculously effective....

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At least we 'won' the battle.

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Elsewhere France's main concentration of forces were busy occupying Castile. It boggled me why all my enemies practically ignored my land possessions and instead went on to occupy my allies and vassals. Even Venice decided to head to Naples instead of trying to pillage some of my holdings.

While I could probably send my forces down south and wipe out some of these individual droplets of besieging men, no doubt the newly improved AI would be smart enough to unite the remaining armies and force me on a retreat again. On top of this more and more French armies kept appearing in southern France, having earlier been busy occupying Austrian Netherlands which I had left out of my calculations as a possible location for hidden enemy forces, alongside which the French started a recruitment spree of new troops to bolster up their existing armies.

Not to forget the nukes...

All of the above points taken into consideration, as well as my rapidly deteriorating position, I was led to the conclusion that I should give up and try to get off with as little losses as possible.

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And so I did and signed a peace in January 1486. I believe I got off with quite a light punishment in the end, considering I might have ended up being completely devastated. Besides, my only real loss is that of Genoa as I was aspiring to annex them for Corsica at the first instance, while Provence's Barrois wasn't really of concern to me due to its distant location. All in all I was rather relieved by France accepting my offer.

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But immediately afterwards my pesky Ferraran neighbours go and strike up an alliance with Le Blob and my Bohemian ex-allies are bold enough to come and demand territorial concessions from me after abandoning me to the dogs. On the positive side of things I managed to strike up an alliance with the Danish powerhouse. I also sent a diplomat to England in a renewed attempt to coax them into an alliance, while another one was dispatched to fabricate a claim on Aragonese Sardinia. I will definitely want to attack my weakened Catalan neighbours at the first opportunity after our truce comes to an end.

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And the game shows me more unrequited love! Luckily I have hoarded up some admin points at order was soon restored.

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As I am neck-high sunk in debt again, I decided to abolish half my mercenaries in an attempt to alleviate my financial situation.

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And it worked. I think my economy is doing rather fine after the war considering the fact that I am being pulled down by an interest from 18 consecutive loans.

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Yes, tension is exactly what I need right now.

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In August 1487 the English finally agreed to form an alliance with me. Paris shall tremble under the might of our combined forces! Then I realised the English navy is non-existent, which makes their armies rather useless to say the least. Both my diplomats were sent to fabricate more claims in my name, one in Venetian Treviso and the other in Rome itself.

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Strange news from up north reach our ears. The Livonian Order managed to conduct a successful war against the shrinking Novgorodians, giving birth to a new nation in the process. We are informed of a new monastic state called Finland being established in the backwoods of Karelia, ruled by an ambivalent Metropolitan called Eerikki I. We do not yet know the full extent of his realm but we believe it to be significant.
 
Winning is relative, especially when you lost 8000 men. :laugh:
 
Not sure how hardcore the save-scumming was...

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Isn't the purpose of switching nations ever so often is to let one's self enjoy defeats as much as victories? I really don't see any possible way that you didn't utterly (100% warscore demand) lose that war, and your 3? provinces not overrun from the get-go.

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True, but what was demanded seems really low compared to a 100% warscore - something that France should have easily gotten considering:

It had already sieged through two of his three provinces in one screenshot and had a massive army there still sieging. I just don't see France not getting 100% warscore and demanding more, considering just how overwhelmingly more powerful France + allies is to Avignon + allies.
 
The AI might have moved some armies around and basically lost control of the siege, or it took realllly long to siege it. Kazmir did manage to destroy some armies as well.
 
I missed out on keeping up with the thread the last few days, so congratulations with your nomination Kazmir. There's a reason I'm subscribed to this thread and it's well deserved. Now take your vengeance on the BBB so we can get some satisfaction before you move to your next target ;).