The Deconquista: A Granada AAR

[J. Passepartout]

Hello, I seem to have found this horse's head.

 

[Cow Pie]

Constables have to abide by the Omerta code of silence .

Now I have to erase the planned Godfather homage out my AAR .

 

[unmerged(63715)]

Certain Italians seemed to have had quite an influence on EUIII. If you don't believe me, look at the leader's name in the lower left corner of this picture from the EUIII Strange Screenshots-tread.

Finally they are given their due credit.

 

[Murmurandus]

Hello, I seem to have found this horse's head.

Get it out of my bed immediately...

 

[Lord E]

Seems like these guys you are getting help from is really doing good at making sure you get your taxes and earn a lot of money, that is great

 

[Dysken]

Courtyard
Advisor 4 and Yûsuf IV is walking through the royal courtyard inspecting the latest pile of gold which has been stacked in the north-western corner of the castle. It is an impressive pile, the sun glistens on the shiny gold coins and the jewelry sparkles. When suddenly the courtyard is covered in darkness. The two look towards the sky where they can hardly see the sun. For it is obscured by thousands upon thousands of flying letters. Small letter bearing insignificant information, also called Superfluously Penned Attacking Messages or SPAM. As the King sees the flock of SPAM mails coming ever closer to the courtyard he pushes Advisor 4 to the side and holds out both his arms in a wizardly manner.

Advisor 4: Oh my god we are all going to die! *Runs inside*
`/|J5|J|=: |?|=3312 /\/07! |3`/ 7|-|3 |?0\/\/3125 \/\/3573|) 1/\/ /\/\3 |3`/ 7|-|3 90|)5 0|= 1337/\/355 1 (0/\/\,/\/\4/\/|) `/0|J 70 5|-|0\/\/ `/0|J12 712|J3 |=012/\/\!/Pheer (fear) not! By the powers wested in me by the gods of leetness I command you to show your true form!
*The approaching flock off spam messages snarl in unison only to congregate in front of the king standing in the courtyard. Together they form the MasterSPAM or King SPAM if you wish. *

MasterSPAM: "immediate tragedy abide"
Groups flag favorited statssites linking clicks?
Signature, behalf owner interest alleged.
China crazy drink oliveleaf. Permitted, reverse engineer decompile alter duplicate.
Ltlt playing re partfrom goatsfrom dr serial. Men, belong taliban based. Its enrichment uns nuclear watchdog agency.
Deluge, callsoil prices top barrelmore business, requires girlsbush urges. Jersey mexico carolina dakota ohio oklahoma.
Methods, partners transfer assign without prior consent.
Bestseller week january trade fiction nonfiction hardcover, year. Agents arrested members gang believed series. Events around en espaol spanish language mobile. Conduct ensuring complies, event fails? Adobe symantec, trend micro hardware, product, search.
Re partfrom goatsfrom dr serial killerfrom emo marz kidsfrom. Support affiliates last days english update.
Andor, technical protection methods partners transfer. Others whole attempt hack defeat overcome.

Advisor 4: It is hideous! Make it stop!
*The king does not flinch and draws his trusty ASCII Sword; SPAMbane and dons his shield AdBlocker*
`/|J5|J|=: <xxxxx||===============>.
*The MasterSPAM lurches towards the king but in the blink of an eye the king has struck down the mighty SPAM message with a well aimed thrust into the heart of it. Stock tips and Online Casino invites start flowing out of the body of the MasterSPAM*
MasterSPAM:*wheezing* You bu_y cheip ....Viacagra!?
`/|J5|J|=: /\/0! 4/\/|) 1 /\/2\/312 \/\/1|_|_! /No! And I never will!

The masterspam in all its glory

 

[Dysken]

Throne Room
Advisor 4: It has come to our attention that there a lot of heathens in our land, in fact more heathens than there are muslims. So without further ado allow me to present Jabbar Ibn Hakkan!
Jabbar Ibn Hakkan: Death to the infidels!
`/|J5|J|= IV: `/0|J 5|J123 |-|3 15 /\/07 4 |317 0\/312z34|_0|J5? /You sure he is not a bit overzealous?
Advisor 4: Certainly not sir, besides we have estimated that he alone can convert an entire province per year, all by himself.
Jabbar Ibn Hakkan: By fire be purged!
Advisor 4: That's alright Hakkan you can leave now.
Jabbar Ibn Hakkan: Their blood shall flow through the streets like a spring flood from the mountains.
Advisor 4: Please leave.
Jabbar Ibn Hakkan: Death is nothing! For my reward shall be eternal!
Advisor 4: ...Look an infidel outside the castle!
Jabbar Ibn Hakkan:NYYAAAARGH! *Draws twin scimitars and rushes out*
Advisor 4 and Yûsuf IV:

 

[stnylan]

My my, what a message!

 

[Murmurandus]

Spamallicious...

 

[Olaus Petrus]

Your missionary has gentle and caring nature. True man of faith.

 

[J. Passepartout]

Ibn Hakkan will surely convert all the men in the lands of the spamessage, or die trying.

 

[Lord E]

That was a lot of evil scary spam, I think you should purge the spam instead of the heathens…

 

[Dysken]

That was a lot of evil scary spam, I think you should purge the spam instead of the heathens…

Well as soon as the current king dies I'll drop the whole spam, ASCII and 1337 bit. It's getting on my nerves and it isn't particularly funny.

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

You ought to tell him that SPAM is just another name for heathens.

 

[unmerged(62343)]

Ok, I have finally finished reading this award winning AAR Shocase of the Week and I have only one thing to say.

My, you is a silly boy.

Spambane. :rofl: Adblocker. :rofl:

Although, being a tech moron, 1337 means nothing to me.

This is really great stuff. Laughed a number of times. Out loud even.

Although, I must admit, I miss Advisors 1&2.

 

[unmerged(21085)]

Good read so far Any update?

Cheers

Sap.

 

[Dysken]

Good read so far Any update?

Cheers

Sap.

Good this is just the encouragement I needed. update w/in 1h

 

[Dysken]

Throne Room

Advisor 4: Sir! Sir! There is an angry mob outside the castle! Their saying something about wanting you to stop speaking 1337 as "it's annoying" the other slogan being "die you scumsucker".
`/|J5|J|=:
Advisor 4: I suggest you adress them.
*King walks to a strategically positioned balcony labeled "For Speeches" a little further down is one labeled "Crowd Dispersion" It has a latrine on top and a hole facing the crowds below. As `/|J5|J|= starts talking to the people advisor 4 sneaks up behind him.*
Advisor 4: I'm sorry sir. But this is for the good of the nation. *push*
....
....
....
....
*fall*
.....
.....
.....
*splash*
.....
*cheering erupts from the crowds below*
\0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ \0/

Advisor 4: It had to be done

*A few days later*
Advisor 4: Soo, guess it's time to meet the new king.
*walks into the throne room*
Advisor 4:But..But... You're not the king!
Jabbar Ibn Hakkan/Ali II: The infidels shall be slain!!!
Advisor 4: NO! NO! NO! Not you, I will not stand by this! You are a crazed lunatic I will not have you rule a nation that my ancestors and me have built over many generations. Get out of here! *points finger towards the exit*
Ali II: The will of Allah shall be done!
Advisor 4: I said get out!
Ali II: Their cut off heads shall be the only banner my armies-
Advisor 4:SHUT UP!
Ali II: All-
Advisor 4: That's enough! Get out of here!
Ali II:
Advisor 4:Yes, thats right, now go to Andalucia and think about what you have done!

 

[Dysken]

Although, I must admit, I miss Advisors 1&2.

I know for a fact that they will come back later in the AAR.

 

[Olaus Petrus]

I can't understand why advisor 4 hates such a nice man as Jabbar.

Glad that you got rid of that leet speaking idiot.