The Chronicles of NavAARa: The Leon, The Witch, and the Warrroom

[UristMcMiner]

Here goes: my first AAR, I hope you enjoy it. I’m playing with the Sword of Islam and Legacy of Rome DLCs. My goal is to roleplay the characters, and spread Basque culture. I’ll try not to use gamey tactics. Without further ado:

The Chronicles of NavAARa: The Leon, The Witch, and the Warrroom​

Behold! The varied and strong cultures of the world! From the steppe covering Cumans, the frigid Scandinavians to the cultured Franks, Occitans, and Italians! The Kingdom of Navarra lies smack in the middle of one of the greatest and expansive cultures ever!

errr…. Not yet.

You know what? Never mind that. Above is a portrait of me, lovingly conjured out of the ether. As you can see, I’m a pretty cool guy. I belong to the house of Ximena, and unlike most of my uncool relatives I’m Basque, through and through.

Behold the Kingdom of Navarra! The best part of it, the province of Navarra, is owned by yours truly. However, the other province is ruled by my brother, Ramiro.

He’s not even Basque! This must be rectified.

Using my kingly purse and my sense of charity, I secure the support of the church where my brother “reigns”.

But first, I need to secure my power in the area, lest other non-Basques (read: Castilians like Ramiro) oppress our people. Looking at the choices available, I can either marry children, random useless people in the Holy Roman Empire, or my cousins….

So let’s take our pick, shall we?

Good news: they are only cousins through my bastard uncle. Bad news, my first option is a total uhhhh witch. Yes, let’s go with that.

Sancha is a saint compared to her, and has a claim to another mountain kingdom right below us! Score!

Now, back to business. I might as well wring out some money from my brother and other feudal vassals. Oh also my wedding happens, Sancha was super excited to marry such a humble and kind king.

I send my brother off to Bizkaia (Vizcaya to non Basques) to pretend I ought to own it. He actually goes without protest, muttering something about “his duty to the good of the realms and our peoples”
My head chaplain is sent off to improve relations with Mr. Pope.

I also decide to give my lovely wife a wedding present: the crown of Aragon!

My cousin in Galicia is a champ and sends troops over to help.

My cousin in Castille is a complete chump and doesn't.

This is grounds to claim one of his provinces for the glory of the realm. But I’ll deal with that later.

On top of that, he wants to do my sister! I accept, I never liked her anyways.

To get my mind off of it, I get busy making an heir. And so does my chaplain! He barges in saying the pope now likes me! A bit rude of him, but nothing turns me on more than political intrigue. (my wife was less happy at the visit, sadly, and stopped talking to me for a week).

But speaking of, I should acquire more alliances using my sisters in case my current cousins turn sour.

My rise to power is so great, that
one: some commoners from Genoa decide to marry my sisters, giving me a massive prestige hit amongst the nobility. Still kind of ashamed about that.
And two: my nephews start begging me for titles. Hope this doesn't become a habit…
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~


End of Part 1

 

[UristMcMiner]

Let me know what y'all think, and I'll post another update by tomorrow. Any and all constructive criticism is welcome!

Even non constructive criticism, all is welcome.

 

[Julexus Quandem]

Loving the shades and I like the "laid-back" style of this AAR. Subscribed

 

[UristMcMiner]

The Chronicles of NavAARa: part 2​

Starting off on a strange note, my wife decides to pick up a strange book called: “twoscore and ten hues of ash”. I let her read it, what’s the worst that could happen?

Meanwhile, in Bizkaia, some fool is trying to fabricate a claim. Frabricating a claim in Bizkaia? How shameful and preposterous!

At this point, this has happened 3 times already. I ignore every one with extreme prejudice.

The war, meanwhile, goes quite well. Their army lies scattered in my territory, while the mountain forts of Aragon are being besieged quite effectively.

I decide to improve my prestige by marrying off one more of my sisters. Apparently, the Doge of Genoa is a commoner. The rest of the nobles won’t even speak to me anymore!

All this willy nilly expansion has made some people rather upset. And by some people I mean my brother. In his letter he rants about “the good of the realm” and me “disrespecting the traditions of my elders”, etc. I send a quite reply to him via carrier pigeon: “ENGAGE ME, BROTHER!”

That marriage had some merit, however.

However, not enough. The doge sends no troops to save my butt, and my brother controls quite a large contingent of traitors. In a last ditch attempt, I ask my brother nicely to stop fighting a tearing the realm apart.

And it worked. I kid you not, it worked.

And I get a new castle and more direct, centralized control over the realm. Not bad.

After a while of waiting, my lovely wife is finally given her wedding present. She now controls the Kingdom (now Queendom) of Aragon. This gives me some much need control over the area.

I take a moment to admire my snazzy realm, in all its glory.

Also, my son is born! Named Xavier, after a famous professor back when I was a prince, he’s certain to be a great ruler when he grows up.

Now that things are peaceful, I try to declare war for Bizkaia. But since I’m apparently not prestigious enough, my nobles all frown on me. Bloody self-righteous pricks…

I decide to improve my standing by killing some heathens.

The grunts are called in to do my dirty work.

I decide to lead the charge…

…personally. But as I valiantly and bravely lead the charge from my armchair, my spymaster comes up to me and shows me a scroll.

Hmmm… Quite a predicament. Turns out she was a massive witch after all.

End of Part 2

 

[mike the knight]

Lead the Vasconia to greatness or you will perish ! Besides that King is such a cool guy :laugh:

 

[Tapscott]

Clever intro line *puts sunglasses on* Another clever pun. YEEEAAAAHHHH!

I love the shades though!

 

[UristMcMiner]

The Chronicles of NavAARa: part 3​

"Please don’t kill my son?" Sadly, when I asked that she refused. What if I give her money?

Everyone likes money, especially shallow women who are angry at me for rejecting them based on the political power of their sisters.

That was easy.

Ahahahahah. No. Forgiveness is not my strong suit. She will die, eventually.

But first, killing infidels.

The occupation of the land we’re crusading for goes well. Every nook and cranny is being searched and liberated by the super awesome Basque army.

I decide to Basque in the glory of the 8000 strong coalition.

Now it’s a simple matter of waiting.

And a new son is born! I name him Gartzia.

Finally, they agree to relinquish control of the land to their new rightful owners.

Now, THAT is a snazzy realm. Three entire provinces, all controlled by yours truly.

Our cartographers get to drawing my new realm in big fancy letters.

Of course, this attracts some annoying neighbours.

I can deal with some of the more offensive ones.

A little gold to sweeten the deal, and:

Not much chance of me losing this war, is there?

The lands of Barcelona are swiftly besieged by the brave meatshields of France and men of Navarra.

Now, it was simply a matter of handing out land to loyal Basque noblemen, in hopes they start to spread the glorious Basque culture deep into the lands of Aragon. But first,

Behold! My snazzy, newly expanded kingdom. Let’s see if I can keep the momentum up.

End of Part 3

 

[UristMcMiner]

The Chronicles of NavAARa: part 4​

Finally, that gardening is being put to good use. I’m quite proud of myself, but I feel when I garden, I get sudden urges. Urges to make things neat, clean looking, and easy to defend. My hands twitch for my quill as I urge my diplomat to declare war:

Mwuhahahahahaha! *twitch* Time to liberate land from the heathens, and clean up those borders.

A valiant battle is fought. With me leading the centre charge, various nobles on the flanks, we employ and ingenious tactic: rushing straight ahead. The mix of pikemen, heavy infantry, and cavalry, confuses the enemy so much that by the time our superior numbers hit, it’s too late!

Now I could carefully besiege the place for minimum casualties, but what’s the fun in that? Especially since we are blessed with such noble French allies and meat shields, it’s time to storm the place!

My spymaster is given a pat on the back for keeping my treatment of our allies secret. He was amazingly grateful for being given the honor to hold my cup. Who wouldathunk?

All goes swimmingly. Loot is collected; god fearing, soon-to-be Basques are liberated.

Asses are kicked, names are taken, Pintxo is eaten, etc.

This land is given out to already landed, loyal Basque nobles.

The second half of my war target gets the same treatment.

My loyal vassals are rewarded. My charity knows no bounds, when it’s convenient.

Also, hurrah for dynastic alliances in the future!

Finally, I have it: a gigantic blob of land, providing me with ample area to expand and defend Basque culture. ‘tis quite a feat, going from a tiny mountain kingdom to a large mountain-and-surrounding-hills kingdom.

Well, I might as well be fair to my cousins. Fighting a foreign war could never possibly go wrong!

End of Part 4

 

[Wilkey]

Sounds like you are having fun, I love playing Navarra my self, just marry off all your siblings and have everyone else fight your wars for you, if she is still available you should grab the holy roman emperor's bastard sister for one of your brothers.

Also if you want to spred culture fasters give counties to people with high stewardship.

 

[UristMcMiner]

The Chronicles of NavAARa: part 5​

The civil war in Castile gives me pause for thought. What if my vassals rebelled against me? That’d require far too many meatshields lost, and cost far too much money.

Problem solved. My realm is more centralized and more stable. My soul, however, is kind of screwed, but at least I have more money.

I give one of my brothers land, somewhat in penance for taking away Ramiro’s land so long ago. He’s a much more stable and happy vassal anyway.

Meanwhile, the civil war in Castile is going well. Hurrah for successfully oppressive monarchies!

And bam: the rebels are imprisoned, traitors executed, and everyone lived happily ever after. I didn’t even have to get out of my castle to fight, I just sent my more useless soldiers are meatshields!

As the war rages on, the peasants are getting uppity. I use it as an excuse to practice diplomacy. Sadly, the peasants are just as stupid as the nobles, and resort to violence to solve their problems.

But speaking of peasants, I decide to invest in expanding the city near the capital. More money is always welcome.

In the safety of my now more prosperous castle, I decide to look around at the world. Looking up at the island of Britain, I see a mess. England in particular, being invaded by the Normans and Vikings, was a war zone. Anarchy reigned: it seemed like the pope kind of failed to pick the right candidate for the King of England.

That gets me thinking. I mean, I’m a pretty efficient administrator, a more or less good ruler, etc. Maybe I should be king… I begin to write to the pope:

“Dear your holiness, Alexander the Second. The current King of England is unable to carry out the will of God, so I humbly ask for the right to –”

As soon as I sat down to write that, I get a carrier pigeon with a letter attached to it. It reads:

“Invade England? Sure, go nuts.” My jaw drops. My pulse quickens. But a smile starts creeping up on my face.

Mwuhahahahahahhahaha! I call my troops to marshal in the courtyard. I ask them what time it was.

Time for war.

Note after this was said, anyone who facepalmed was executed for treason.

End of Part 5

 

[mike the knight]

Navarra at the North ! What a twist .I must confessed tha I facepalmed

 

[animalguy]

Sieze Mike The Knight... get the traitor! In all seriousness this is an awesome AAR, so laid back and entertaining. A refreshig break from the often serious and formidable walls of text that sometimes pop up.

 

[UristMcMiner]

The Chronicles of NavAARa: part 6​

I begin the invasion by speaking with my marshal about who to execute.
‘tis an unfortunately long list, totalling 20 pikemen, 2 light horse, 3 sergants and a knight with a peculiar shortened Hebrew name.

Regardless of the traitors at home’s wishes, I am prepared. How prepared, you might ask?

So prepared I don’t have enough ships to ferry my army across the channel.

I guess we’re walking to Normandy.

I ask my Spanish brothers for help. They are all either busy, or just complete jerks and refuse. The King of France, however, is eager to get revenge on the Normans after they set up the Kingdom of England, and took Normandy along with them.

Financially, I can still keep the gold flowing in, even with paying my troops in more than IOU’s and vague promises!

My brother Ramiro asks for land. I tell him the church has plenty of land for him in hermitages up in the British Isles.

My son Xavier just turned six! This means I can start educating him how to be a super awesome ruler like me. I’ll encourage humility in him, however. Pride may goeth before a fall but I’ve conquered too much land to care.

My cousin asks me for help in a holy war or whatever. I decline: I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

In order to fry those fish, I need to spend some of my bargaining chips (i.e. gold) to buy some boats to cross the channel.

England proper is invaded. Their wooden wall is useless: our ships slip right past theirs due to ever favourable winds.

I begin liberating England from the rebels.

Just as I was about to behead the last defender of Winchester castle, my son’s head pops out the top tower. I’d yell at him to get down, but I encourage brave behaviour. But still, I wouldn’t want him to get killed as a result of it.

In order to discourage desertion and not have to pay my admirals, I scupper some galleys. This further encourages my brave troops in England.

Those same brave troops kick the proverbial butts of anyone standing in their path.

Meanwhile, my son is turning out well. He’s got a good mentor, what can I say?

My good sense of charity encourages me to accept donations in order to free prisoners. I net 25-70 gold pieces a pop with these Saxon nobles! In fact, all is going swimmingly when I get a note from my spymaster:

King Ansto IV of Navarra. That’s me. The only realistic and logical thing in this situation is to panic. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

End of Part 6

thanks for all the positive support everyone! 'tis a very fun AAR to do.

 

[Wilkey]

He he, good old Ramiro allways a jerk, its not like you ever did anything to him.

 

[mike the knight]

Despite my prediction it seems that even boats flourish at Navarra's chest Go ahead Iam intrigued to see an invasion liek this to succeed

 

[Concrete]

Enjoying it a lot so far, and we're still only on King número uno.
Didn't see the invasion of England coming at all, good luck over there.

 

[UristMcMiner]

The Chronicles of NavAARa: part 7​

Hmm… Well that solves that. Him plotting against me has a good side effect, however.

Stealing all his money and banishing him from the realm! Smashing success, I’d say. I treat the mercs and my brave soldiers with me overseas with care packages, informing them they will actually get their paychecks at the end of the month!

Well, after they complete the invasion, and stuff like that. I’m a charitable king, not a charity.

Meanwhile, the Doge of Genoa asks for my help in some of their wars. The shear gall they have, after refusing my call to arms! They will pay for that.

I send them a rudely worded message along the lines of “We can’t fight for you right now, too busy earning lots of money pillaging England. Wish you were here!”. I admit, it doesn’t make much sense, but it boosts my morale at least.

Moving on, my band of brothers finds the English countryside poorly defended and riddles with corpses of rebels and loyalists alike. The brave Basque men of my command swiftly liberate the remaining villages.

We sweep further inland, securing more and more land. Great fun is had by all.

Meanwhile, my son is growing up well. I’m so very proud of him! He’ll make a great ruler.

While I was being a good father and all, some random guy who I’ve never heard of, but I’m apparently responsible for asks me for permission to duel someone. I couldn’t care less, but I pretend to look official, and that eventually shuts him up.

Resistance in England is swiftly swept aside.

For all the lack of resistance at the front, there seems to be more resistance at home. The bloody peasants won’t pay their taxes! The shame!

After much fighting, I get an offer of peace form the pretender King of England. I refuse, if anything to spite those hippies back at home asking for me to stop the bloodshed. I send a memo home letting them know I’ll make love not war once I’ve rightfully taken the throne of England, and secured more land for myself.

Making the war significantly shorter, however, if that I’ve captured the largest rebel leader in combat. I hold onto him as a bargaining chip.

Eventually I decide, enough silliness. I present my ultimatum to the Saxon king. He accepts my rightful claim.

Operation codename: “Invade England Using A Fabricated Claim Made By the Pope” is a success.

I make my prisoner accept my claim as well. Of the three pretenders, only I am left standing. (Metaphorically I mean, it’d be too much hassle to kill them.)

I send off the news to other rebelling vassals. They accept as well.

I give various small basque nobles and soldiers land, and set up a trading republic around the mouth of the Thames. This will give me great wealth.

Now that all that noise is dealt with, I commission the cartographers to commission a map of my new glorious realm.

But it is not enough! Mwuhahahahahahahahahhaha


Ahem.

End of Part 7

 

[Remitonov]

Now that all that noise is dealt with, I commission the cartographers to commission a map of my new glorious realm.

*looks at Cornwall* You missed a spot.

 

[jonlucero]

now that escalated rather quickly.

 

[mike the knight]

You did it ! But brave Cornish men continue to defy you